Coup De Grace
Chapter 5
Word Count: 13,738
~Warning: This Chapter has some mentions of sexual assault, but doesn't go into too much detail. Viewer discretion is advised.
Irina dug her nails into the tender flesh of her palm that was hidden from view. She wasn't sure why his question caused her heart to race. As she was flooded with a need to run, to escape. Her nails bit down harder drawing blood along her palm and she took a breath and held it aware of the fact that both of Koro-Sensei and Karasuma were watching her too closely, even as the latter continued to carefully detangle her hair.
"Just the family," she muttered, but the curling sensation of dread that stole her breath told her something else. Her mind flashed back to the little boy she'd seen in the upstairs bathroom and she squeezed her eyes shut and something fluttered along her mind, a memory...but not. More as a sensation of words along her ear, a whisper of sound where she couldn't recall the words. The tone of the words was not Dimitri, it hadn't sounded like him. Why she had blocked out the actual words spoken she wasn't sure. It could be a memory lapse from the concussion.
She had her doubts that it was related to that. It reached far deeper than that. It was why her memory was fragmented missing pieces, her mind reacting to protect her from what she couldn't handle. If she tried to force open the memories, she couldn't; she was almost positive she could...but did she want to risk it?
Yes. As she tried to mentally go back to the lapses of memories, a sequence that seemed out of place filtered into the darkness.
"As lovely as I remember," A male voice filtered in her memory.
"I want you awake…"
The voice trailed off as a hand slapped across her face, jerking her to the side, she could taste copper in her mouth as she rocked by the chains around her wrists, suspended above the floor. She remembered swinging from the chain, both feet struggling to touch the ground. There was no pain, just the flare of heat across her cheek.
She was groggy, her body felt heavy from the drug still running through her veins. Her blue eyes opened slowly, struggling to stay open. To see who was talking with her. Her head lulled against her arm. Her eyes started to close again and rough fingers grabbed her chin and squeezed along her jaw in a bruising grip.
"That stupid boy gave you too much." He murmured in a low tone, his voice rich, a cascading accent hinted at his words. He was Italian. Even her hazy mind could catch that.
"Dimitri tells me you have a history. That you used to be lovers...now you give yourself to men before you kill them. How well did Olga train you?" He wondered, his fingers wrenching at her bound blonde hair forcing her gaze to clash with predatory gold eyes. She noticed a burn along his neck that stretched along part of his right cheek. He was handsome for an older man, his blonde hair streaked with silver.
"We don't have much time, that boy will be back soon. I'll make this quick. You'll enjoy it trust me…"
'What?'
"Daddy issues hmm? Lovro's always had a thing for strays. I told him you were too much trouble to keep, but look at you now, all grown up. I remember when you were little… too bad he interrupted us before. That won't happen now. I've waited a long time for this."
Rough, calloused hands roamed over her bare skin, going lower as she heard the click of a belt and swish of the heavy material hit the floor as it pulled down at his ankles. Her heart pounded inside her chest, her body wouldn't move no matter how hard she tried. The feeling of being powerless, unable to get her body to respond was unlike anything she'd felt before, the fear was nearly overwhelming. This wasn't her choice...she hadn't decided.
She was always in control. She always had a plan.
She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut, as she tried to think about anything else. She shivered in disgust as those rough fingers worked their way under the hem of her jogging pants as the soft material was pulled down her legs. Her heart pounded behind her ribcage. Slowly her fingers curled in her chains. The heat of his fingers burned her cold skin as he ran his fingers up the back of her legs as she could hear him shifting closer to her...she could feel his legs brush her own as he lifted her legs higher on his thighs and traveled higher still.
"Scream for me, Princess." He whispered into her ear as he pulled down her hips over his own.
Her eyes snapped open and she reached out shoving at Karasuma's arms smearing blood along his bare flesh and forcing him to let go of her, to get a little space. She took another breath, it was too fast, her lungs couldn't seem to get enough air, her breathing was too fast, too rapid. She felt like she was going to pass out. It was by will alone that she avoided being sick in front of them. To vomit up whatever was in her stomach over the last few hours, which was nothing, but it didn't stop her from the dry heaves as she buried her face in her hands for a moment as she struggled to get back her control.
To save any dignity she might have left.
"Irina…" Karasuma murmured softly, his eyes wide for a moment he wasn't sure what to do. He knew whose fault this was as his dark eyes narrowed at the yellow octopus as he watched her curl in on herself, the way her whole body trembled.
Irina curled her shaking fingers around her shoulders and clenched her teeth as she rode out the panic attack. She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see them or whatever look was on their faces. The concern or worse the pity in their eyes.
Lock it down! Don't let it take you under. No one has to know...
"No, " she lied, forcing the word past her lips.
The lie was unfortunately obvious to everyone in the room.
Karasuma had stood beside her bed; his hands clenched at his side. He wanted to trade places with her, wanted to take the pain away, wanted to rewind the clock of time and ensure this never happened to her. He couldn't do any of those things. He knew that and he wasn't sure what she was comfortable with, what she could handle. He knew she had remembered something; those reactions of violence as she came out of her silences were too much to be anything else. He was worried about what she had remembered...that reaction, her evasion had him worried that it had to do with what Koro Sensei was asking. He knew it had to relate. It was too obvious.
"I'm -" The yellow creature started.
"It's fine... I'm fine. Moving on-" she cut in her hands being raised to her face to inspect the damage. As a towel was pressed to the wound and the flash of tan skin and masculine hands told her who it was. She swallowed softly but didn't pull away.
"Finish your report Koro-sensei. You believe another person was there, why?" Irina wondered, her tone devoid of any emotion, her level of detachment a defense mechanism.
Straightening Koro-Sensei regarded her closely before he pressed forward, struggling to keep his voice calm. "There was evidence of a struggle. The blood type found didn't match anyone at the home and when run with the DNA found on various parts of your body it's a match to not just Dimitri but a secondary assailant."
She didn't say anything for a moment as she carefully pulled her hands away from his own, pressing the towel between her palms. It wasn't hard to read between the lines she had already suspected at least one of them knew. This was humiliating, the disgust, she felt so dirty...so raw and so horribly exposed. She knew deep down, she'd known. The memory spoke for itself, she swallowed testing to see if she was going to be sick or not. Not yet.
"It's all a blur I can't... remember, " her soft words caused the men to exchange a look but neither wanted to broach the subject. To press for more answers, to ask if that was true. At least not yet.
"Is there anything else?" Her hushed question was met with silence and tension in the room was heavy and she caught the flare of anger across Karasuma's features.
Koro-sensei muttered something about the time and fled the room. Leaving them alone. He didn't want to be involved in this conversation.
Karasuma looked at the young woman in the hospital bed, the bruises decorating her cheek and the swelling and dark color along her jaw. The stitches along her hairline that we're carefully covered with a bandage. He saw how fragile she looked, how tired and yet how strong. How despite everything she was still fighting.
"They want to do a pregnancy test at a later date, too see…" he trailed off the implications obvious as ran his hand through his hair and tugged at the ends for a moment.
"That isn't necessary," she said softly her gaze on her curled hands that were in her lap, she sank her teeth into her lower lip and tried to remember one of the detachment methods that Olga had taught her, what had happened to her wasn't an uncommon occurrence when dealing with someone of her profession. She had slept with men nearly her whole life, those were her choice, it wasn't the act that bothered her, but the fact the decision hadn't been hers to make.
For some reason she remembered the incident with the reaper and the rose Karasuma had given her after the fight, it wasn't something that should have made such a profound impact on her and yet it allowed her to drag her gaze from her own inner turmoil to look at him. The guilt settled heavily over her. What does he think of me now?
"I'm sorry, " her soft, hollow words reached his ears and his whole body jerked toward her. Taking a step toward the bed before he could stop himself. "This isn't what you signed up for."
His fingers brushed over her uninjured cheek, gently his fingers warmed part of her neck. "Hey now," he whispered as he pressed his forehead to her own. "I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together." The fingers of his free hand rested atop her clenched hands.
Carefully she scooted over in the bed and after a moment he sat carefully next to her, one leg hanging off the bed to touch the floor. As her cheek rested against his shoulder and her eyes fluttered closed. Her fingers wound through his own as her breathing evened out and sleep dragged her under once more. The exhaustion taking its toll.
Karasuma glanced toward the door as he ran his thumb gently over her knuckles as she slept. He didn't let go of her hand even as his own grew numb. He closed his eyes for a moment, his own exhaustion catching up with him as well. He'd never intended to fall asleep.
The silent click of the camera from the doorway and a wide smile along a large yellow head, the only give away to who was there. As Koro-Sensei sent the picture to the students of Class E along with a short summary that said Irina seemed to be out of the woods but had a long recovery left.
It was Monday morning by the time Irina was conscious enough to speak with her doctor and was given the news that he would like to keep her until Thursday, possibly Friday before she could be given his permission to go home. He did say that she could check herself out against medical advice, but he didn't recommend it with the chest tube as the possibility of infection was still something to consider. Karasuma had taken the beginning of the week off staying at the hospital with her, bringing her books, her laptop whatever she might need to keep herself preoccupied. Her time was spent scouring the deep web for any information she could get on the man she remembered. This was a very delicate matter, one that required her searches to be short and in some cases inconsistent, considering she still had not mentioned anything to Karasuma. One of the many secrets she was keeping from him.
She could have asked Lovro...but she wasn't ready to face that yet. She wanted to see what she could find on her own first. She blamed him for what happened to Dimitri - no, she blamed herself too. It wasn't something she was ready to let go of just yet. She made her choice years ago and now it haunted her.
It was Wednesday afternoon before she was able to have her chest tube removed.
She hadn't been sleeping very well, she'd dream of her captivity, she'd wake in a cold sweat and sometimes she'd be screaming when she woke, sometimes there were tears, other times it was to wake up with the inability to breathe. Her instances during the day that triggered her memories, or new ones she'd tried to ignore. There was little for her to do but to think and go over what happened, wondering if she should have done something differently. If she'd made the right choice at all.
She wasn't hungry and no one pushed the issue, not when there were other iv nutrients that could be given. It wasn't so bad really, she just wasn't hungry, she couldn't stomach the thought of food.
Irina had gone six days without a shower; sponge baths only went so far, she'd gotten help to wash her hair, but it wasn't the same. The constant hovering was beginning to become too much. She wanted to wash her hair, she wanted to go home. She wanted to be alone to not be bothered by a single soul for a few hours. She wanted to throw up without an audience, she wanted to cry without witnesses, she didn't want all the wires, the needles, the meds...all the questions. She wanted everything to stop. It had been six days and it was still too much.
Karasuma was leaving for work this morning and she was stuck here as alone as one could get inside a hospital in the critical care unit with a constant array of hospital staff checking up on you at various hours of the days, as long as her stats stayed in a normal range and her panic attacks or instances of disassociation were limited to certain windows she was left alone. Karasuma had been staying here with her as long as he could, but he'd felt out of place eating in front of her, so there were instances where he wasn't with her. Those moments of alone time, were a blessing and a curse as she was sure that she was hearing someone talk to her. She was pretty sure it was just her own sort of mental breakdown thanks to the stress of the last few days, and the dark thoughts settling over her.
Her thoughts were in a spiral of dark and depressing, but she'd been careful to hide it. She didn't want him to worry more than he already was. Maybe once she got out of this room and was able to do more than be confined as she was, maybe she'd feel better...feel like being alive was worth it.
Her gaze watched as Karasuma lingered in the doorway of her hospital room, his arms crossed over his chest and dressed in his normal dress slacks and white dress shirt and his black jacket hanging over his shoulder. "I can stay a little longer," he offered his gaze assessing everything about her. "I'll be fine, it's only for a few hours. If anything happens I'm sure you'll be notified, besides I doubt we'll have any more incidents...like the other day. Don't worry, besides Ritsu is babysitting," she managed a smile, but she could tell from the tension in his shoulders he could see that it was forced.
If she was honest with herself the fact he was leaving left her with a heavy sense of unease and yet she wanted the space at the same time. The hand she had hidden under the blanket curled tightly around the small switchblade Karasuma had left her only five days ago. She took comfort in the pain across her palm.
Karasuma was just as exhausted as she was, she could tell it in the way his shoulders drooped and the dark circles under his eyes. He was also being careful around her, his movements were slow, his hands almost always visible, but there was the anger that lurked in his eyes the more he saw her struggle and the more she hid from him.
How was one supposed to talk about what happened, talk about the fear she felt when she heard someone yelling in the hallway or another patient's family wailing in their grief? How was she supposed to explain where she was taken back when one of the nurses accidentally knocked over a glass vase with flowers from another family? How was she supposed to explain the confinement of her room at night, being unable to move because of the wires and her leg made her remember when her leg had been broken? Sometimes she'd be taken back to the rape, but she always came back to herself before the act as though she was blocking it out.
It left her wondering if she was missing something important, a crucial detail. She needed to remember.
How did she tell him, sometimes she saw Dimitri when she caught him at an angle where she couldn't see his face? How did she tell him that the man with the burn scar on his neck haunted her dreams at night, how did she admit to him that she had lied once again...it seemed to be all she could do lately was lie. All because she was too afraid, too proud, too weak...too embarrassed to admit what happened, too willing to act like it hadn't happened at all.
Hiding the letters, leaving a trail of clues was why she was in this mess in the first place...it was the only reason she was alive. He had cared enough to look for her. She shouldn't have made it out of there alive, she shouldn't have dragged them all into her mess to clean up...they were still cleaning up because she'd left so many problems still at their feet. She had to clean this up, she had to settle her debits.
He may be angry but that was nothing compared to the self-loathing that she felt. She was angry with her circumstances, the level of dependence she was forced to undergo. Angry at herself for the constant lies, everytime she was close to talking about something, something small in her capture...something to let him in, no words would come out and instead she would change the subject.
Her fingers curled tighter around the blade and the sharper the pain, the easier it was to breathe for the moment. The tension building let up just a little bit.
"One of the kids will be by after PE today."
"No."
He stilled in the doorway. "Irina…" Her name falling from his lips was filled with a level of agitation. He caught himself and sighed loudly releasing the anger in that moment, it wasn't her fault...he truly couldn't blame her and yet in some ways he was. "They want to see you, " he said softly, trying a different tactic, trying to place himself in her position and yet he didn't want her to be alone. The kids still had a deadline to keep, the clock was still ticking, still getting shorter.
Karasuma saw the way her eyes filled with tears and she looked away from him. "Another time Karasuma, not right now. Please." she pulled her knee to her chest and curled her arms around it. Why would she want anyone to see her like this? Weren't two adults enough? The knife lay hidden under the covers. If only he knew what she planned to use it for, he probably would have taken it a long time ago. She could hear his footfalls as he came closer.
She stiffened on reflex, but he didn't strike her, he would never do that. A wave of guilt filled her, she knew he wouldn't do that. No his fingers threaded gently through her hair. It had to feel disgusting. She didn't feel worthy of everything he was doing, of his support...of his affection.
Was that love? Is that what love was supposed to be feeling protected and wanted...sheltered from the harsh realities of life?
Who's going to love you now?
Dimitri's parting words during their fight were not lost to her.
The warmth along her hand brought her back to reality, back to the man in front of her. She would never admit that she was waiting for his return when he left, but also for him to never return. A rather vicious cycle as she was filled with awe and unadulterated rage depending on her mood at the time.
It was just one more thing to hate about herself.
So many pieces of normal were missing, she would never fully function like everyone else. She'd never been normal after the first time she'd taken someone's life...it changed something in you. Something was missing that others had. Now wasn't any different; it was just more pronounced that she didn't feel ok.
"We'll do another day. It's ok." He said softly his large hand covered her own for a moment. His thumbs gently wiped at her tears. His lips pressed to her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes closed.
Her chest tightened and she absently rubbed at it. As her blue eyes spotted the clock, she knew he'd be late. Her fingers pressed at his chin and along his cheek, she could feel the faint stubble indicating he'd been rushing this morning. "You're going to be late." His light chuckle caused her to smile a little. A flare of light in the darkness that had become her world in the last few days.
His fingers curled gently along her hand as he brushed a kiss along her fingers. Next, his thumb brushed gently over the bruising along her cheek, as though he had all the time in the world. "They'll understand."
Somehow he made her feel like the most important person in the world. It only made the guilt heavier, and her hate uglier. Knowing that she was shutting him out, he wanted to know what happened to her. He wanted to be able to help her and she wouldn't talk about it. She wasn't even sure where to begin, how to explain. Why would she ever wish to share out loud what she'd been through, how would she go about admitting to the second person admitting she remembered.
"Go on," she insisted, her fingers briefly brushed through his hair, finally giving into her own impulse just this once. Her cheeks heated with color and she looked toward the door at the knock. Her fingers curled to her chest.
He approached the door and opened it, seeing one of the six nurses who worked in this unit. "Mr. Karasuma, " the young woman bowed to him and let her attention drift to Irina. "Would you like to try some crutches today? A small walk could be good for you. Once we remove your catheter" she suggested.
"I'll see you in a few hours," Irina said quickly, her cheeks darkening further as that information was shared so publically. The small smile that he flashed to her was only for her as he disappeared down the hallway, he had the grace not to laugh or show that he was phased by this information at all.
Will he still love you when this is all over?
What happens when he finds out the truth...finds out all the lies…
The deceptions?
The half-truths?
Is going alone the right move?
Didn't this last tragedy teach you anything...you're vulnerable.
What happened with Dimitri and 'him'...still affects you.
How can you possibly function at the standard necessary to make it out alive?
He'd help you if you would let him…
Please...I don't want to be alone anymore.
Don't hate me when this is all over...
She gave the nurse a bright smile as she came closer, none the wiser to her inner turmoil. "Maybe getting outside would be a good idea and I think I can give it a try, how hard can it be?" she joked with a light laugh. No one ever saw through her facade, everyone fell for her charms...it was too easy. She needed easy, she needed to hide the darkness just a little longer.
Tadaomi Karasuma paused as he hit the elevator button for it to go down. He didn't glance in the direction of the young man lingering in the shadows. "Shouldn't you be at school?" he asked but it was clear he already knew the answer and really this turn of events didn't have surprised him, in fact he'd been banking on him.
"Nah, I'm not feeling well." Karma countered his hands stuffed in the pockets of his school uniform pants. "Besides, if anything interesting happens I can borrow Nagisa's notes or get the details from one of the others." This was said with a shrug of his shoulders as his golden eyes regarded Karasuma's haggard appearance, despite his best attempts to be in top form, it was no secret the man was exhausted and those signs of weariness gave way to the fact that there was a lot more going on with Professor B than anyone was willing to actually tell them.
Sure they knew a bit from what they had overheard, but they didn't know everything and if one were to read between the lines it was clear things were in motion on a ride no one could fully comprehend. "Do you want to leave her alone here?" He wondered his voice edged with judgement based on his answer. Karma was purposely pressing his buttons, his weaknesses being more apparent the longer she was here. The red head saw the way the older man's shoulders tensed, telling him something happened, something no one was talking about. "How safe do you believe this place is? A couple of kids got on this floor the day she was placed here." he continued.
"It's not."
The short, honest answer had Karma jerking his gaze upward to meet the older man's angry dark eyes, surprised to see that he was facing him fully no longer intending to ignore him as though he wasn't really there.
Karma clenched his teeth together and felt his nails bit along his palms. "Why are you leaving, if it's not safe?"
Karasuma gave him a heavy look and said nothing for a moment. "You don't follow the rules Mr. Akabane and you certainly won't honor the request of your teachers and you certainly won't listen to Irina when she attempts to kick you out."
The red head chuckled to himself and pulled his hands from his pocket and ran his fingers back through his hair. "That's a mighty expectation of me Mr. Karasuma, are you sure you don't have them too high?" he questioned, but it was clear that he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.
"Listen," Karasuma's serious tone caused Karma to still and it was clear in the eerie way he'd stilled that he was giving his PE teacher his full attention. "If anything feels off about anyone here you make sure to drop this word in the conversation. We will be listening." Karasuma had gotten in his personal space, and his tone had dropped to a low whisper along his ear as he showed him what was written on the inside of his palm, the angle not able to be seen by the cameras in the hallway. Any listening devices wouldn't be able to pick up what was said either.
The code word was Poseidon.
Karma glanced down at the word and grinned recognizing the connection pretty quickly. He gave an incline of his head and the two parted to give a better distance, watching as Karasuma pressed the elevator button again. "So what happened these last few days?" he questioned as Karasuma stepped onto the elevator.
"She handled it." Was the only response he got as the door closed separating them. For a moment Karma scratched at the back of his neck wondering about the details, but after a moment he shrugged to himself and headed down the hallway toward Professor Jelavic's hospital room, it was an unspoken rule to many of them that calling her Professor Bitch was no longer allowed, for those that really needed the reminder it was spelled out and if they screwed up it wouldn't be pretty for them.
He couldn't say for sure how well Karasuma would take it, he looked about one second away from losing his cool if pressed in the wrong direction. He'd never say it to the guy's face, but this was taking its toll. Frowning to himself he placed his ear pod in his ear and used Ritsu to place a call.
"He's on his way. Yeah, he's definitely gonna be late. Get ready." He considered for a moment and decided to pass along what he knew. "Something happened but no one's talking, why don't you see what you can find out?" he suggested as he ended the call and pressed open the door of her room.
Irina jerked her blue eyes to the door as the click signified someone was coming in. The nurses always knocked, everyone always knocked. Her heart pounded inside her chest, the rate increasing as her flight or fight response kicked in. Her fingers clutched around the knife she wanted to use, but she didn't, she wouldn't until she was sure it was safe to do so. Her breathing was too fast and she was struggling to fight the panic and keep the look off her face and gain some semi balance of control.
The flare of golden eyes from the doorway, had her popping the switch blade of the knife, and the blade cut along her other hand as they shook so violently she almost dropped it in her lap. Karma was quick and batted the blade away with the notebook in his hand sending it harmlessly to the floor where it hit with a clatter and skidded away. "Geez Professor I know you're happy to see me but c'mon now," he joked easily, but his gaze was assessing her with a critical eye.
He watched the fear slip from her face, her bright blue eyes cleared as she clutched her other hand over the wound as the blood began to seep through her fingers, leaving him wondering how bad she'd cut herself. He watched the fear slip from her face, her features hardened as she gathered herself under control, her emotions locked tight behind her bright blue eyes.
"I thought my babysitter was only Ritsu today," she muttered her irritation clear in her tone, but she seemed more like herself, not as jittery as she'd been a moment ago, the flare of pain having brought her out of the panic attack and dissociation.
Karma moved toward the knife and picked it up. He inspected it for a moment before he retracted the blade and pocketed it. He wasn't sure she needed it right now. "I wasn't feeling well so I figured I'd take the day off," he explained casually as he moved toward the bed with a spare white towel he'd found on his pass-through of the room. Holding it out, he watched as she pressed the towel to the cut. He didn't hover or offer to help as he sank into the chair beside the bed.
"I'm not here on any official business if that's what you're worried about. You know how Karasuma is, he never lets anything slip, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to see how you were Professor. You fought well the other night and-" he paused letting the silence settle over them for a moment. "Thanks for looking out for a bunch of brats," he told her as he folded his hands behind his head and leaned further back in his chair. His gaze skirting the room looking for anything that might be out of place.
Irina pressed the towel to the slice along the palm of her hand as she listened to arguably one of her best students in terms of intelligence, but he was the biggest rule breaker. Her gaze was thoughtful as she considered what he'd said. "Don't get the wrong idea, I didn't do it for you all, but It seems things worked in that direction either way. So don't go around throwing grace where it isn't warranted."
As the silence stretched between them, she spent a few moments regarding the cut along her palm. She wanted to be angry with the redhead, but he offered her some valuable insight, a way to cut into the panic attacks to wipe them out in a literal manner. A little primitive, but she couldn't deny the effectiveness. There was no way to know for sure if this would work on the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but she was hoping for any current quick fix that would allow her to better function. She needed to be on her feet as quickly as possible and these episodes weren't helping.
Her time of playing house with these kids wasn't something that she could continue to do. She still had a target on her back. The longer she stayed here, stayed in one place for long, even if it was to just heal, it was too dangerous. She'd been there only a few hours and someone had come to take her out. She wasn't naive enough to deny her saving grace had been Koro-Sensei and Ritsu yesterday. None of that made this any better, she was a sitting duck here and far too vulnerable for her liking.
She needed a little more time to make her next move. A little more time for her body to heal.
Karma laughed, the sound gradually building as he regarded the young woman in front of him. "Tell me Professor how long do you plan to keep everyone in the dark? Killing your childhood friend tends to take its toll. Especially considering all that he did to you. You're far from ok, yet you want to do this all alone...isn't that the same mentality that got you in this position in the first place?" His sharp eyes were cold, and calculating as their gazes clashed.
Irina removed the towel from her hand and regarded the wound, purposely ignoring him even as he waited for an answer. She flexed her fingers carefully, watching to see if the wound was going to bleed anymore. She didn't have the luxury of band-aides and it wasn't like she could explain this to the nurse.
There was no lie, no excuse to explain this away, ever her skills of persuasion had their limits.
"If you're just going to berate me for my choices, I don't believe I need an extra party for such an activity. If you've said all that you had to say, you can leave."
"I'm good thanks, I think I'll stay a while."
She resisted the urge to fist her hands. Instead, she tossed back her blanket and scooted to the edge of the bed, and began to slide from the bed.
"What are you doing?!" The redhead demanded swiftly rising to his feet, worry in his golden eyes. If anything happened to her, he knew exactly who would take the blame in Karasuma's eyes.
"Leaving obviously."
Her fingers curled around the first crutch, as her good leg began to buckle under her weight. Irina over-corrected and hadn't had the other crutch ready to catch herself. She felt herself falling as she hadn't been prepared for the weakening of her muscles. It wasn't a surprising phenomenon had she been less hasty, less angry she might have considered that option.
Hands pressed against her shoulders aware of the wound that stretched down the center of her chest. He carefully helped her sit back on the bed. Watched as she coughed into her hands her head tilted away from him. He shifted away from her and retrieved the fallen crutches from the floor.
"If you're that determined, catch your breath, and then we'll see about the courtyard. They have wheelchairs, you know, " he pointed out with a heavy sigh.
The frosty glare she sent him was telling. He watched the way her hand wiped at the sheet under the blanket once her coughing fit was under control. She hadn't said anything and he could hear the wheeze of air with every intake of breath.
He held up his hands. "Alright, alright." he joked easily, but he was watching the way she rubbed at her chest as though it hurt. "I can't say I'd want the wheelchair either," he continued to talk to fill the silence.
Karma watched as she ran her fingers through her hair and made a face. "I can't wait to get out of here," she muttered to herself, her blue eyes went to her leg and it was clear she was considering some options about how long it would take to heal, the leg was covered by a bandage that went half way down her leg and above the knee cap, the metal rods attached to the bone to keep it centered, straight and attached and allow it to heal. In reality she shouldn't be walking on her leg for a few more days, the brace her leg was in prevented her from moving. The risk of reopening the wound was too great, but she needed to get out even if it was for just five minutes.
"Then let's go."
Her gaze darted to the crutches he held out toward her. After a moment of deliberation, she rose once more to her feet, her fingers curling along the crutches as she settled them under her arms and she kept her injured leg off the ground.
Karma tapped the back of her hand injured palm twice and as she carefully lifted it from the crutch he placed the towel there to avoid the rubbing of her skin on the rubber to cause the cut to bleed. He was already going over some other avenues of getting some bandages and one thought made him shudder as the last thing he wanted to be on lately was Karasuma's bad side, but if she intended to hide it from the nurses well it seemed the only feasible option.
"Ready?" he questioned as he stepped back and to the side, giving her enough room to maneuver as she needed too. He watched her move forward toward the door watched as with every step she got a little more sure of herself and her own strength, but one thing he did notice was how tired she was even just going this bit of distance.
She pressed forward and he didn't get in her way even as they slipped out the door and headed down the hallway toward the elevator. As they were tucked away from prying eyes he asked the question that had been bothering him.
"How did you get them to limit their checks?"
She merely smirked and didn't answer him. Instead, she caught her breath, her anger flaring as her body failed to complete a simple walk down the hallway. This couldn't continue. She needed to be healing faster.
Irina watched the elevator as it opened and together they rode up instead of down. As Karma caught her look, he linked his hands behind his head. "They built a small courtyard on the building adjacent to this one a few years ago. It has its own walkway on the seventh floor."
Her ribs ached from the pressure of her arms being raised. Still, she pushed through it and they eventually made it to the courtyard.
She sat on the wooden bench under one of the small trees and for a moment just took it all in. Her fingers trailed over the wood absently as though she were familiarising herself with the outside world with the freedom she hadn't been sure she would see again.
It sounded ludicrous but it had felt as though she'd traded one prison for another. She knew it wasn't, she knew, and yet she still felt that way. Trapped, and unable to escape with her ever-present list of enemies bearing down on her.
Karma lingered against the tree out of sight but it still allowed him to watch her and give her the privacy she was so desperate for. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to the rest of those in his class to see how things were going.
Karasuma shoved his palm into the solar plexus of one of the 'assassins' who dropped at him from above in one of the trees as he started to make his way through the forest walkway toward the school.
What flashed through his mind was Irina struggling to stand on her own two feet, her body shaking against his own as blood seeped between her fingers. The sound of wheezing breaths as she struggled to clear her airway.
"Isn't that cute, you care for my sloppy seconds?" Dimitri's words echoed in his mind for that brief moment where reality faded into the form of a memory. Irina's wide eyes as her gaze skirted away from his own, the shame evident on her face before she could hide it.
He shoved the boy to his back, watched as his eyes got wide as his fingers curled for a moment around his neck. He blinked as the scene was gone and he withdrew his hand and leaped back away from him. His fingers curled into a fist. Shit. He thought his fingers pressed against his eyes for a moment as he took a breath. He needed to stop this before it got worse.
Karasuma watched as he rolled and scrambled to his feet before retreating from him. Narrowing his eyes, Karasuma glanced around as Sugaya left the path to disappear into the forest. He couldn't say he was surprised; he'd sort of expected such a thing. He needed to be careful, he needed to keep it together.
There were a couple different ways this could go but if he was honest with himself he knew he needed to end this as quickly as possible before someone got hurt. He was slipping in a mental direction that he'd not been in before.
The anger he'd been banking since Saturday was still looking for an outlet and no amount of working out or sleepless nights could erase the memories that haunted him. He'd seen the photos that the octopus had taken of the scene of the attack. He'd also seen the drug compound from her file that the lab at the hospital had finally been able to categorize. Irina's refusal to eat wasn't surprising, he'd been told, it was common among abuse victims as they struggled with some balance of control in their lives. He heard her talk in her sleep, he heard her scream and he heard her broken sobs in the middle of the night as the memories took her under. He'd seen her flinch when he came close to her when he moved in a way that she couldn't see his hands. The nights were the worst, when he'd wake her up and she'd look at him as with such fear held in her face as she wasn't sure who she was looking at or where she was.
He also knew she'd been lying about the second assailant, she remembered something, something she hadn't wanted to share. He wasn't surprised, but it still left him with a feeling of hopelessness, how was he supposed to help her? When she wouldn't let him in, she wouldn't talk about anything. She was handling all of this alone. He could see the brightness dimming from her eyes as the days wore on. It wasn't hard to see the depression settling in. He wasn't sure what to do.
The next two students who attempted to get him by surprise were met with a move he didn't use in PE ever as he curled his fingers around their wrists and twisted forcing the two girls to slam into the trees along the walkway. He crouched down next to them. "I really think we need to stop here before this gets out of hand," he told them seriously. They weren't seriously hurt, but he'd pulled his strength back at the last moment. He didn't want to hurt them.
"Yes, I believe this little ambush of sorts was a bad idea. Had I not been on my way back with fresh donuts this little exercise wouldn't have happened at all." Korosensei piped up as he watched the girls get helped to their feet and the rest of the students were coming out of the first out of various spots where they had been hiding.
"I'm sorry, today's not a good day. Consider PE canceled today...let's have a talk back at the school." Mr. Karasuma told those assembled. It wasn't hard to see why so many of them were putting such an effort into this, they were just as tired of being left in the dark as he was. In some ways he felt he owed them as much of the truth as he could give them without violating Irina's wishes and what she desperately wanted to keep a secret.
The walk back to the class was mostly quiet, but he did find Toka, Okano, and Sugaya to apologize. Neither were seriously hurt, but the damage had already been done. The kids were giving him a wider birth than normal. He knew it was probably for the best.
With a soft sigh, he slid his phone from his pocket, placed the small Bluetooth device into his ear, and asked Ritsu how things were going.
"Things are alright here, nothing out of the ordinary to report. There was a minor incident but it's been resolved, and Karma has been reminded to knock, " Ritsu explained. "They have gone for a walk. She seemed to have brightened at the prospect of getting out," She chimed in brightly.
Nagisa tapped the back of his hand twice as he walked next to him, having purposely gone out of his way. He slipped back as Karasuma tensed and his gaze darted to him.
"Keep me updated if anything changes."
"Yes, Sir."
Karasuma pocketed his phone and turned to regard Nagisa, he didn't bother with attempting to smooth out his emotions. He wasn't Irina and he had nothing to hide. "What's up Nagisa?" he questioned his hands stuffed in the pockets of his slacks as they walked forward.
Frowning the blue-haired boy gazed at him with sharp blue eyes, ones that reminded him of who he'd left behind today. The young boy didn't miss the tension along the other's jaw as he grimaced and tried to smooth out his features. "Mr. Karasuma...are you ok?" His question was low and didn't carry allowing the conversation to be as private as he could as they returned to the classroom.
The question was so outlandish, so out of his expected questions that for a moment Karasuma was unsure how to answer that question. It was a simple question and for a moment he was tempted to lie, placed in a very similar situation to what Irina had been in, but for different reasons and it seemed to drive home little deeper how the lies no matter how well placed caused problems and broke trust. He understood why she wasn't letting him in, but it did little to replace the feelings left behind.
He was too lost in his thoughts for a moment and had stopped walking and Nagisa had stopped with him, allowing him a moment to gather his thoughts. He ran his hand down his face, frown deepening as he felt the scruff on his face.
"It's been a rough few days," he said after a moment choosing his words carefully but he didn't lie. It wasn't something they deserved to have to be put through either. "I'm just tired…" he answered after a moment as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Nagisa gave a soft sound of sympathy and balled his gloved hands. "Is she not doing well? Koro-sensei sent a picture and she looked a little better," he asked, his fingers tapping against his thigh as he watched Karasuma's brows furrow at the information. Without being asked Nagisa pulled out his phone and showed the picture to their instructor.
For a moment Karasuma stared at the picture before he glanced away, the soft smile that graced his lips was hidden by his hand, but not before the young boy was able to see it. "Would you send that to me? I think Irina might enjoy it."
The blue-eyed boy merely inclined his head and didn't say anything else waiting for Karasuma to answer his other question as he sent the photo to him.
"Her injuries are healing as well as can be expected, but there are others that will take time to heal," he told him seriously, as he mentioned those it was easy to figure out that he meant the psychological aspect. Something neither could really help with.
Nagisa clenched his hands at his answer. "Sir, did something happen a few days ago? Karma mentioned something happened, but not anything else. I know he shouldn't be skipping class, but he ran into you this morning."
Karasuma stared ahead of them a moment watching the way a few of the students were lingering back, every one of them curious to know what had happened, there weren't many secrets among the students of class E and he couldn't say he was surprised.
"I'd rather discuss it once we get back to class, no use repeating the information. I can tell you we are looking at our options. It does not seem that things will get any easier in the coming weeks."
The dark-haired man was well aware that the more mobile Irina got, the harder it was going to be to keep her in one place. He was out of ideas, out of ways to tell her that he was here for her, that he wasn't going to abandon her. Being there only went so far if she wouldn't talk about what she went through. He'd been doing what research he could, but none of it was terribly helpful, she had to make the decision to trust him, to tell him and he didn't want to force the issue...but even knowing that, did little to control or bank the rage that coiled underneath the surface every time he saw how she flinched away from him, the way she cried in her sleep, the words she whispered when she did sleep, the way she woke up fighting for her life against an enemy that was no longer walking this earth and another she refused to admit still drew breath somewhere on this earth.
He would give anything to find who had hurt her and put them in the ground. He had already failed her these last few weeks. The guilt nearly consumed him in his weaker moments. Perhaps it was part of the hovering, he knew was getting to her.
If he knew who it was, he would have already tracked them down, but she refused to include him. It left him feeling utterly helpless, for all his skills and qualifications, he was still unable to do more than wait like everyone else. How long was he supposed to wait? He knew he would wait as long as necessary, but how did he explain the worry that lodged in his chest, when he woke from his own nightmares of her missing in her hospital bed, of the way his memories twisted in his nightmares and it was Dimitri who plunged the knife in her chest.
"She loves you," the words were softly spoken and caused his gaze to clash with the young boy's own. Somehow strong enough despite their volume to drag him back to reality.
The crisp smell of the forest surrounding them, the faint breeze, and the sun as it filtered through the tree line. His fingers clenched along his thigh and he let out a slow breath, he knew he needed to get it together. "I know," came his soft murmur.
The conversation lulled which was just as well, there was only so much that he could discuss. After a moment he decided on a better conversation. "How have things been the last few days?" he asked, his gaze traveling over the students he could still see as they hit the stairs that would lead them to the school.
"Uh well, it's been ok. No one has been motivated since we found her. I think everyone is taking it hard. The class has been pretty quiet the last few days...so Koro Sensei tried to keep things light-hearted, but everyone has been wondering how Professor Jelavic is doing. We've asked Ritsu, but she says she's not at liberty to discuss. Koro-sensei has been avoiding the subject for the last few days, only telling us she's healing or resting."
Karasuma rubbed a hand down his face a moment as they hit the top of the stairs. "I'll give you all an update once we get inside."
"Alright, " Nagisa agreed as he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Karma to see how things were going.
The rest of the walk was done mostly in silence. Only a few people spoke softly to each other as they all headed into the classroom. As Koro Sensei lingered at the back of the room, it was clear who would be taking point and as the kids found their seats, he found himself lingering in the doorway for a moment before he pushed himself to head into the room. His fingers curled along the back of the desk as he regarded every single one of the kids who were waiting for him to speak.
"I know things haven't been easy these past few days. We've left you kids in the dark and I know how much that sucks. Ms. Jelavic appreciates everything you all have done and the cards sent. She has recently had the chest tube removed yesterday, another x-ray showed her lung is healing well and she will likely be released from the hospital sometime tomorrow."
Tadaomi paused not wanting to go into the particulars of her health, considering it's something she wanted to keep private and he had to respect her wishes. He wasn't naive enough to believe she wouldn't bolt if the opportunity presented itself. He could see the signs, the restlessness. He was at a loss on how to truly help. Sometimes she was alright and others she wasn't.
"I bet Professor Irina is ready to get a real shower knowing her,'' one of the girls joked.
The tension in the room seemed to melt away and several of the students laughed, but a few of the students who really knew how bad things were didn't.
"Oh, Karasuma are you going to help Irina with a shower?" Taiga Okajima questioned loudly, his laughter was the only one filling the room.
Karasuma had almost felt the tension he'd been carrying around him ease and one misplaced joke and it all came crashing down. He tightened his grip on the desk, feeling it strain under the pressure he exerted, he tried to keep his features impassive, but he knew something must have given him away. The image of Irina curled in on herself, struggling to stifle the sobs that racked her as she tried to handle everything herself. Kept him in the dark, to keep him from worrying about her; he couldn't help her. The file from the hospital report, flashing behind his eyes, Koro Sensei telling her there had been someone else who had assaulted her. Her reaction afterward played on repeat, the way her features had contorted, her hands shoving him away, the way she'd shied away from him any time he got too close when she wasn't prepared for it.
His fist slammed on the desk and strength behind it caused the wood to dent inward and splinter upward around his fist. The startled eyes of many in the class sitting straighter, not sure what to expect, they had never seen him like this before, not even with the Reaper.
"Do you think this is funny? Do you think it's humorous to watch others struggle through a near-death experience, with no idea the trauma they endured while they were captured, how they had to struggle to survive?" He questioned his voice low, but there was denying the rage in every fiber of his being.
"Do you think it's easy to adjust back into society after something like that?" Karasuma continued. "Do you believe you would have fared better than her? That you somehow could have made a better decision?" he pressed further. "Let's not forget the Reaper situation, you kids were in way over your head against someone that you foolishly believed you could handle because of a little training. That should have taught you the importance of working together as a team, don't go making decisions you'll regret because you may find yourself in over your head."
He clenched his jaw as he realized a little too late that he'd said too much. He was sleep-deprived, angry, and at a loss. He knew that he shouldn't have said what he did, but there was nothing that could take the words back as they hung between them. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out a breath. He muttered an apology and left the room.
That hadn't gone at all like he'd been planning, but there had been no way to get the conversation back on track. He also knew that he was being too harsh on Okajima. The kid hadn't meant anything by it, not really...and yet he couldn't curb his reaction, the anger that swirled so close to the surface - too close.
You're being too sensitive. Projecting your issues on everyone else.
Your ball of rage needs to get handled. You need an outlet.
It's going to consume you...if you aren't careful.
He stood facing the field, his hand pressed against his forehead as he wracked his brain for a way to fix this.
"Have you considered therapy?"
The question caused his dark eyes to collide with who had, but he didn't move as Koro-Sensei stood several paces behind him giving him space but being there at the same time.
"Therapy?" Karasuma muttered as though the idea of such a thing was hard to grasp. "Why?" he asked with a sigh as he messaged the tension between his eyes, of course he would have a raging headache from what he'd been having to deal with lately.
It wasn't Irina; it was everything else stacking on top as he struggled to handle it. This was the first time, he was stuck with an enemy that he couldn't see, couldn't defeat. He felt so useless, so helpless like he wasn't doing enough. What could he do to help her get out of the darkness?
"It might be a good idea to have someone to talk to that's an outsider. You don't want to burden Irina...and she doesn't want to burden you. It might help you two connect."
Karasuma frowned and wanted to say he didn't need to talk to someone, but instead, he hesitated and that allowed the octopus to tack on a few other points.
"Maybe you feel that you don't need to talk to someone, but she does. She won't unless you go too, she may not discuss what happened to her with you there, but she needs to talk to someone. Things happened, horrible things that we can't begin to understand, but it will break her if she doesn't move past it. We've seen it in our line of work before."
As Koro Sensei was quiet, watching the gears turning, he breathed a small sound of relief. He hadn't been sure that he would listen to him.
"I'll make some calls...I think the Ministry has someone on staff for this sort of thing."
Karasuma would do whatever was necessary to help her and if seeing someone to talk about how he felt...well maybe it would show her that being vulnerable wasn't as dangerous when it was with someone you could trust.
As he held the phone to his ear he turned his back to him. "Thank you...I'm sorry about earlier I lost my temper in there with them."
"You wouldn't have hurt them, besides you only exposed them to a few hard truths. They'll be fine and once Irina accepts visitors, things will settle down a bit more."
"Mention to them what we discussed a few days ago; you can see who's interested. When Irina's discharged and home, I can't miss work. My superiors allowed a few days, but they've made it clear on their stance. Given her history and profession, they believe this something to be shrugged off."
Koro Sensei went still. He'd been going to leave, but this caused him to pause. He could only imagine the responsibility placed on his shoulders and the weight he bore with a quiet intensity. "Don't worry, we'll make it work. Whatever we have to do, whatever you need, he offered watching the way the agents' shoulders tensed.
"Anyway, I'll leave you to it, " he said gently as he left him in the hallway. The rest of it would have to be done by them as he returned to the classroom. All too aware of those who were waiting for his return.
Her exhaustion was showing even as they had begun their trek back to her room. It only worsened as the pain increased with her exercise. Irina was determined though to make it back on her own, she wasn't going to admit to the weakness that she could feel creeping through. She had to rest every so often, her hands were getting clammy on the crutches and the distance she was able to go only got shorter and shorter. She made it though, made it back to her room to fresh hospital sheets and a nurse meeting her in her room and hooking her back up to all her monitors.
Karma found ways to entertain himself, and that seemed to give her the chance to read a little, she wasn't interested in holding a conversation all that much and He picked up on that without any hints needing to be dropped. It was about an hour into her reading, that he glanced up from his school work, the lecture that Koro Sensei was going over was being played on his phone thanks to Ritsu, and he had one earbud in his ear and the volume on low, as his gaze tracked to Irina's sleeping form, the book having fell from her fingers and spread open across her chest.
On a whim, he sent the picture to Karasuma and went back to his lesson.
The soft murmured words and the restlessness in her movements as she slept drew his gaze to the bed about an hour later. His eyes narrowed as he caught a few foreign words, ones he wasn't sure of the meaning, but the name that fell from her lips had him stiffening. The heart rate increased as she suddenly jerked her broken leg upward, and she bolted upright screaming, the sound was a cross between sound and horrifying sob. He could do little more than leap to his feet, his phone falling to the ground as it skidded somewhere in his attempt to rise as fast as possible. He made the mistake of reaching for her. Watching as she flinched away from him and yet her right fist slammed against his unprotected side.
The IV pole slammed into the ground with a crash and there a spray of blood as her iv was ripped out. Things escalated from there as he dropped her other hand, coughing as he struggled to catch his breath and get some words out before things took a disastrous turn. Two nurses came rushing into the room, attempting to hold her arm still as a third came in holding a syringe full of a liquid of some kind.
"She's incoherent!" one of them called out.
Karma reached out, attempting to grab her other arm as her fist went sailing out toward one of the nurses as they tried to hold her left arm down without hurting her.
If Irina hit her, things would only spiral from there, charges would have to be filed. His fingers reached out but only brushed by, he wasn't going to be able to stop her in time. He hesitated not wanting to hurt her. "St-op" the word came out a low wheeze, as he coughed again, his fingers booking along her inner elbow, but her momentum was still moving her forward.
A yellow hand stopped her swing before it made contact, and Karma turned slightly to see Koro Sensei standing just to his right.
"Why don't we all stand back?" He suggested waiting as the nurses all stepped back and he released her sliding over to Karma, his gaze assessing the way her breathing was too rapid and her eyes were glossy and unfocused.
Lost in a place none could cross. Trapped between a memory and nightmare.
More words muttered, in Russian. The words were so low he could only catch the soft tone attached. He frowned at some of the words he did catch.
"Irina, it's okay." Korosensei tried to get her attention.
As the blonde looked toward him, in the split-second lapse that one of the nurses needed to inject the sedative into her arm. He held her arm when she'd made a move to ram her elbow back.
Her body went lax a few seconds later, her blue eyes grew heavy and darkness swallowed her under. Fear was the most prevalent emotion as her heart rate flared on the monitor before it too settled as she slept.
The nurses moved to check her iv lines, the monitors, and shooed both of them out as they inspected her chest wound looking for any tearing. Her leg was next.
As this went on Koro Sensei regarded Karma as they stood outside. "You ok?"
"Yeah, she's stronger than she looks." He muttered as he stood straighter, his lips twisted in a frown. "Thanks for showing up, things got a little hairy there."
"What are teachers for?" he teased, but there was no denying the tension there. "I can have someone relieve you if you want?" he suggested.
"Nah Teach, I'm good. I was going to remote learn today anyway. I'll stay till Karasuma gets here, then head home."
Irina's mood soured as she woke a few hours later close to 3:30 in the afternoon. Her anger heightened and she was taking it out on him. Her eyes were bright, her face was flushed, as she detoxed from the last few days of high doses of painkillers, and whatever seductive they had given her, which meant she wasn't a happy camper at all.
Everything hurt, her leg spasmed with every slight shift of her movements. She hadn't noticed earlier, as she'd still been riding the last dose of her morning meds. The staples holding her skin together allow the ugly line that nearly bisected her from the line just below her breasts to above them. She'd only seen it a few times, as the nurses changed her bandages and checked the healing wound for any signs of infection. It left her falling a little deeper into despair. She was well aware that scars on a woman were not attractive, on a man were fine, but on a woman...in her line of work, how would she possibly be able to seduce anyone? Who could possibly find her attractive now?
Her effectiveness as an assassin, her ability to get information, was why she had been hired at the Ministry...this changed everything. What good was she now? How useful could she be? Was she only damaged goods?
"You can't, but don't worry. I'll always love you, my little Irina. I don't want to hurt you...but it's for your own good. I can't have my girl giving other men the wrong idea. I have to protect you."
Dimitri's fingers brushed her sweat-covered cheek, smearing through the tears that had fallen from her eyes against her will. Her leg was a ball of fire, the pain almost making her faint.
"Don't cry sweetheart it will be over soon." came his soothing words as his lips grazed her ear. He raised the knife slicing at the fabric on her running top, his fingers brushed the scar on her right side, before he plunged the knife into her side above her hip and jerked upward through the tender flesh. She remembered screaming.
She blinked out of the memory, her body shaking from more than just the drugs. Her fingers fisted in the blanket, her breathing a little too fast, she closed her eyes forcing herself to calm down.
The blonde lifted the book and opened it, attempting to hide from her charge, but it wouldn't last long. She didn't go for her laptop, that wasn't something she would dare to open, not with any of them here. So far her search parameters weren't holding results. She almost felt guilty for doing this on her own...and yet her own desire for revenge was pushing forward even now. There was still so much she didn't know yet and he held the key to putting her demons to rest, but for Dimitri as well...she now wondered if his capture wasn't his doing as an elaborate plot to get back at their master.
"Isn't it time for you to go?" came her sharp question a few moments later from her place on the bed, her fingers curled around the book she had been trying to read. She couldn't rein in her temper, it felt like every nerve in her body was a live wire, and it only made her mood worse. She wanted to get up and walk around, but everything hurt.
The pain wasn't high enough to hinder her, but it was at a level she couldn't ignore. Her whole body felt hot like she needed a cold shower to stop the burn, stop the sensation of crawling under her skin. Something's wrong.
Those golden eyes raised from the textbook he'd been reading. "Someone's angry, " he teased, taking it all in stride as she railed on him. He watched the way her knuckles absently rubber at a tender spot along the middle of her sternum. Karma couldn't help but remember the cry she'd made, the first slip into the darkness he knew existed for many, but this was his first real taste of trauma. It had never happened on a personal level that he could remember.
"How's your pain, does your leg hurt?" he questioned when she didn't answer his remark. He set his book down and closed it, listening to the location of Karasuma from Ritsu as she told him that he was just now leaving the school. "Do you remember what happened after our walk this morning?" he wondered his tone low.
The frown that twisted her lips was expected as she drew her lips over her teeth for a moment as the fire in her eyes danced. "It always hurts, " she said finally with a roll of her eyes as she pressed her knuckles against the bed as though she intended to crack them to relieve some of the pressure.
Irina didn't answer his other question as she clenched jaw as her muscles contracted as she breathed through her nose a moment trying to ignore the ever-worsening of the sensation. She'd been awake for about fifteen to twenty minutes so far. Her finger pressed the call button she'd swore she never wanted to use, but there was only so much she could take.
As one of the nurses came into the room, Irina glanced toward Karma. "Wait outside a moment, please, " She asked, while it was phrased as a request it really wasn't. Her gaze assessed the color along the cheeks of her patient; it was clear something was wrong. With a shrug of his shoulders, he left the room and leaned against the wall. His gaze sliding down the hall as he watched Karasuma make his way over.
"How can I help you, Ms. Jelavich?"
Irina rubbed at her arms but the sensation, the skin-crawling only worsened. "It feels like my skin is on fire and is crawling underneath. It hasn't gotten any better in the last twenty minutes."
"It could be a reaction to the Midazolam or a combination of some mild withdrawal symptoms, I'll get you something to help. What's your current pain level?"
"A four," she lied but it was higher. She wanted to ask what happened but it seemed she was only going to get the runaround from Karma. "What happened earlier?"
The nurse hesitated a moment before she answered. "There was a small episode, you weren't yourself, and we had to sedate you for your safety."
Her lips twisted down into a frown at these words. Things weren't getting any better, but she couldn't say she was surprised. She was only worried that something would limit her discharge tomorrow.
"Sorry about that, " she said quickly and was sure to inject the necessary emotion needed to portray the correct response. "I'm sure it won't happen again, " she assured her with a bright smile.
How much longer? Another day...just one more day. Just a little more. Things will get easier.
The conversation eventually weaned, as she asked the right personal questions to divert the conversation away from her. People loved to talk about themselves, to feel important. All she had to do was exploit it. The only exception to this rule that she could find was Karasuma, he was a very private person, truth be told they were far more similar than people perceived.
Her gaze traveled to the door as the nurse checked her watch, before excusing herself to go get her medication.
As the door shut, her facial features fell and the lively energy faded. She hated the facade, the charisma needed to get people to believe every single word she spoon-fed them. It was exhausting. Her fingers rubbed at her eyes before sliding her palm down her face.
It was just another mark against her character. What was one more? She already had so many. As she leaned back against the pillows, she pulled the blanket up to her chin and closed her eyes, turning her face to face the window, she carefully slid her hands under the pillow. Pretending to be asleep was a low blow but she didn't want to deal with him...with anyone right now.
Irina had been making her own notes while she'd been out today. Her limitations were easy to note. What was more frustrating was her body's limits that she had surpassed when she needed to against Dimitri. She was sure it was something she could do again...but for now her mobility was limited, her energy level and her healing wasn't bad, but it could be better. She needed to try and eat something, but the thought left her nauseated just thinking about it. A lingering psychological effect of the rape, some meager way to still control something in her life at the moment.
She'd been very careful to avoid thinking about her capture. She was careful to put it in a box and shut the lid as tightly as possible. Things leaked through there was no denying that...but she could limit the amount of time she allowed herself to dwell on it. If Irina could keep her control, prevent herself from letting her mind wonder too much it was possible to function on a normal level, to be who everyone needed her to be. The dotting fiance, the dutiful Professor...she could be every one of those things, but the ugly creature lurking underneath that threatened to swallow her whole. That would have to stay hidden.
Everything was tightening inside, the emotions she held onto so tightly were going to break forth eventually, the rage was one she struggled with to hide because it centered on the ones who had come to rescue her, and also it was set in a vicious cycle of self-loathing...she was so angry with herself for the whole situation and yet she felt in some way that she deserved what happened to her...that it should have been worse, that she wasn't punished enough. Her sins were not washed away, blood still stained her and would never leave.
Her depression only worsened with her rage, every time she flinched away from the one who was doing so much for her. She couldn't understand why he was still here, staying by her side despite knowing so much. He deserved so much better. It left her nails biting into her palms as she sank deeper into despair.
The only way for him to understand to see the truth would be to forcibly open his eyes, make him see everything, make him realize his mistakes and how wrong in his choice he was. She would make him walk away and never look back.
Her plan was simply, full-proof really, and then she would disappear. Everything was already in place. The best thing she could do for him was to set him free. By this time tomorrow, nothing would be the same again.
A/N: My apologies for how long it took me to get this chapter out! I know this chapter was rather dark and I'm sorry about that. There will be more details of Irina's capture poking forth as the story moves forward. Recovery is not easy and Irina's struggling with a lot...it does get better but you have to want help, to want to be vulnerable, and talk things through. She's not ready for that step...she doesn't feel worthy of that. This will be something she struggles with as this story goes forward, but it will get better. Thanks for your patience and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Thanks for reading!
~AJ Aviary ( )
~Hallows_Eve (AO3)