Summary: Angela's conversation with Sam highlights the problem of not talking about things.
It was bound to happen. For five years, we've managed to avoid giving Samantha and Jonathan false impressions about our relationship, but I guess there are some things you just can't control forever.
We may not have said anything directly, but Sam has obviously noticed something between Tony and me, or at least has come to expect something after all these years. Maybe it was the absence of other people in our lives. Maybe it was our "date" last year. Or maybe it's just that we don't exactly go to so much trouble any more to pretend we always will be just friends. Whatever it is, Sam saw Howdy Doody – I mean Dwayne – kiss me, and reacted in a way she wouldn't have a few years ago. It worried her. She had, over time, come to see Tony and me as a pair, a duo, if not a couple, who would always be together. And maybe it was wrong of Tony and me to let so much go unsaid between us and the kids. We assumed they would interpret everything that happens the same way we do. We didn't stop to consider that they would see our exclusivity, our dinners out, our nights in, as evidence that things could be changing between us.
And haven't I said a hundred times since last summer that I've sensed a change? Isn't it true that we have talked about a less platonic future? How naive we were to think the kids, who share the same house we do, would not be tuned in to such subtle changes. And I'm sure the view they had of us on the bench in Jamaica didn't help, though I could hardly have done anything about it since I didn't know they saw anything until today.
And I can only hope my answer was sufficient for Samantha. I didn't want to lie or mislead her, but neither did I want to falsely raise her hopes. The fact is, my and Tony's relationship is very uncertain. I don't know that it will ever develop into more, though I hope it does. And I think it will. But I couldn't promise that to a seventeen-year-old girl. Especially one who is like a daughter to me. But if her decision to continue in the accelerated program is any indication, I'd say Tony put her fears to rest. I hope that one day he gets around to doing that for me.
But after what followed my acquisition of the Harper's old house, I'm still a bit surprised Tony is speaking to me. Though I still maintain that the actress had to go.
Still, there is no excuse for the way I treated Tony. I was jealous, I'll admit it. But I was also frustrated that she was consuming so much time, energy, and money. And it made me act out in ways I'm ashamed to remember. I was so angry, I just wanted her gone, and I was willing to stoop to any level to see it done.
The one positive side effect to the situations is that I got to see for the first time exactly how far Tony and I have come. I was reminded of the time he gave approval for my car to be painted red. I was so mad, and I lashed out, telling him he was just the maid. Well, I was wrong then, and I was wrong now. If there was ever a time when we were employer and employee, I can't remember anymore. Nor do I want to. What I do want to do is to have more opportunities to talk to Tony about where things stand between us. Maybe then we can arrive at a better explanation for our amorphous relationship. Even if Sam was satisfied with our explanations, I'm not.