A/N:

I just wanted to give each and everyone of you who are following and reviewing this little fic a BIG THANK YOU!

Amber is very happy with all the love you guys are showing her for this story. :)))

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Chapter 5: Three Commercials

"OH, C'MON! Will someone please help me?" Uncle Em calls to everyone and no one from the living room. "I really need the TV remote. I need to change the channel and can't get up."

With my blood lollipop in my mouth I giggle, looking down the staircase. I thought about what's the next thing I would do.

"Ness," Daddy calls out, loud and clear, he heard my thoughts. He's behind the closed door of Grandpa's office. It sounds like he's next to me but he's not. "Take that sucker out of your mouth before you go down the stairs. You don't want to choke."

I take my lollipop out of my mouth. "Alight, Daddy." I call back sweetly.

Daddy gets worried that I will choke when I have candy or lollipops in my mouth and I run around or walk down the stairs. Well, come to think of it, everyone seems to worry about that. I wish I was a full vampire so none of my family would be worried about me.

Holding my lollipop in my hand I hop down the first step like a bunny.

"Hop, hop, hop, hop." I say as I hop down each stair and wiggle my nose. Just like a bunny.

When I reach the fourth to the last stair I do a big bunny hop down the rest of the stairs. I hear Uncle Em call out again that he needs help getting the TV remote. Giggling, I get down on my hands and knees, keeping my lollipop away from the floor. I've had enough of hopping like a Bunny. Now I'm going to crawl like a kitty.

As quiet as a mouse I crawl on the floor, all the way to the living room. When I reach the back of the couch I stop. I look up. I can see the back of Uncle Em's head but he can't see me. He doesn't know I'm here.

"Is anyone going to help me?" Uncle Em shouts. His voice echoes throughout the house.

That's my cue. It's time for the sneak attack. I wait until Uncle Em gets quiet.

"BOO!" I shout in my best scary voice as I jump up like a kangaroo.

"Ahhh!" Uncle Em jumps, putting his hands over his unbeating heart.

"I scared you!" I say happily. I put my lollipop back in my mouth and placed my hands on the back of the couch.

He smiles "You sure did. You are very, very scary."

His words are teasing. I know he's only pretending, I didn't really scare him. He heard me even though I was being quiet. It's not easy to sneak up on a vampire.

"I'm so happy to see you." Uncle Em says.

"Because you need help getting the remote?" I guess.

"That's one reason." He says. "The other other is that I like to hang out with you." He touches his index finger on my nose. I giggle and he smiles.

Taking out my lollipop, I return his smile with a toothy grin.

"You can get up ya know." I remind him in case he forgot.

Uncle Em shakes his head. "Nope. It's Sunday, Small Fry. There's no getting up for me today."

I look at him. I think he might be crazy. I don't understand how a day of the week can make him not want to sit and do nothing but watch TV. I couldn't do that, it would be so boring.

"You're cuckoo crazy." I say in a silly voice.

Uncle Em laughs his booming laugh.

In a move too fast for human eyes. Uncle Em places his arms on the back of the couch, his big strong hands slide under my arms. In a blink of an eye he lifts me up and sets me on the couch next to him as the commercials on the TV go back to football.

"There you go." He puts his arm around my shoulders.

I scoot closer to him and pop my lollipop in my mouth.

Since the commercial for adult diapers is no longer playing, he doesn't ask me to get the remote. We just sit and watch TV together. I put my head on his shoulder. Though his body is made of stone just like the rest of my family, I think he is fluffy like a giant Maine Coon kitty. Nice, fluffy and comfy.

With my head on his shoulder and his arm around me my eyes dart around the large TV screen. I don't know which of the four football games to watch. None of them are really interesting to me, though I do know a lot about football. But I would much rather watch a superhero movie or even a cartoon. Football and sports are kinda boring, but I always watch sports with my Uncles and sometimes Daddy and Grandpa too.

There's shouting on two of the football games and Uncle Em begins to get excited and loud, yelling at the TV screen. He's yelling at one football team to not score a touchdown, another team because he wants them to make a touchdown to win the game. The third football game he's yelling at is because the referee said something he didn't like. And the fourth. Because that team is losing so badly and doesn't have a prayer in the world to save them, as he says so.

He continues to get upset and shout, then get happy as the football games go on. I sit here, enjoying my lollipop, not saying a word. He continues on his crazy roller coaster of getting excited, then mad and yelling at the football games. I don't understand what all the fuss is about. I don't get excited or upset. It's just football.

Suddenly Uncle Em's arms stretch up to the ceiling. "Touchdown! Yes! They won! That's how it's done, son!" He shouts, very loud. I cover my ears. "Woohoo!"

I look at him, uncovering my ears. "Why are you so happy?"

Most people would think that Uncle Em is very happy because his favorite football team won. However, I know him better than that to think that's the only reason why he's so happy.

"Uncle Jazz has to pay up when he gets home." He says, still speaking in a very loud and happy voice.

I shake my head. He and Uncle Jazz like to bet each other for real money. They will bet on anything. Last week they actually placed a fifty dollar bet on who would do better on a Geometry quiz they had to take at school. The funny thing is that Auntie Alice can "see" who will win, but still they have their fun and bet. I don't get it.

I began to crunch my lollipop as one of the football games cuts to a commercial.

"So, Small Fry," Uncle Em pokes me in the ribs. "Can you tell me how many licks it takes to get to a Tootsie Pop?"

Staring at him, I remove the stick from my mouth. I finish chewing my blood lollipop and swallow it as I think about what he asked.

"Umm…" I say, "What's a Tootsie Pop?"

He raises one eyebrow and looks at me in disbelief. I shrug.

"How do you not know what a Tootsie Pop is?" Uncle Em wonders.

"I don't know. Maybe because I never had one." I explain.

He lets out a loud gasp. I roll my eyes. I can tell he's starting to get dramatic, just like the time I asked him who Luke Skywalker was when we were watching Lego Star Wars. I heard the name before when we watched the real Star Wars movies together but I never really paid attention. When I asked that question he looked so sad and confused, it was kind of funny.

Well, it was funny until he went into a ten hundred hour long speech about the history of Star Wars. He brought out all of his Star Wars books from his Collection to show me. Let's just say it was a very long speech and Uncle Jazz ended up getting in on the speech too. There was even a test I had to complete afterward. I now know so much about Star Wars, more than anyone really needs to know. I wonder if the same thing will happen with Tootsie Pops.

Uncle Em shakes his head. "Where am I going wrong with you?" He mumbles, sounding more like he's asking himself more than me. "How is it that you know the capitals of Sweden and Romania as well as what water is made out of? But you don't know the importance of American pop culture? Like what Tootsie Pops are? Come on, Small Fry! You're killing me."

Uncle Em said the last part as a joke. He's a vampire. He can't really be killed.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "Am I supposed to know what a Tootsie Pop is?" I can't figure out why he's making a big deal about it.

So what if I know that the Capital of Sweden is Stockholm and the Capital of Romania is Bucharest? As well as that water is made out of three atoms, two hydrogen and one oxygen? I mean, is it really that important that I have never heard of a Tootsie Pop? I seriously don't think so. Yet my uncle does.

Very sadly, he shakes his head. "We gotta set the record straight on this."

I don't say anything.

I stare at him as he shifts on the couch, pulling out his phone from his pocket. He unlocks the screen, which I know the password for. With the screen open he puts his phone in front of both of us so he and I can see the screen as he presses the app for Google.

"Google, show me old commercials for Tootsie Pops." Uncle Em speaks into his phone.

"Okay. Showing old commercials for Tootsie Pops." The robotic voice for Google on his phone says.

The screen on his phone fills up with videos of funny looking pictures. All of them are of cartoon owls and lollipops.

I'm quite as Uncle Em scrolls through the selection of the old commercials. He's taking a long time to pick one, I don't know why. Aren't they all the same?

"Ah! Here's a good one." He says happily, pressing a video that has a blueish-greenish background with a funny looking cartoon owl. The owl is all white and is wearing eye glasses and a Graduation cap on his head.

The video starts. It looks really strange. There is a funny looking cartoon boy that's asking a cow if he knows about how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop. The cow didn't know, so the boy then goes to ask a fox, a turtle and then the owl. The owl takes the lollipop from the boy, just like Daddy took my lollipop from me when I was in Grandpa's office. Finally the wacky commercial comes to an end, once the owl licks the lollipop three times then crunches it.

"So, Small Fry," Uncle Em begins, leaning forward and setting his phone on the coffee table. "What did we learn from that very educational video?"

Very slowly I turn my head to look at him. He has very strange logic when it comes to what's educational. I mean, he once educated me on how long to cook a potato in the microwave without it exploding. Not because we were going to eat it. Yuck, of course not. But because he said I needed to know so I can better pretend to be human in case someone asks me how to bake a potato in the microwave. I still don't know why I needed to know that bit of information. No one has ever asked me that.

From upstairs I hear Daddy laughing. Since Grandpa isn't laughing along with him, I'm sure he was listening to my thoughts.

"Well?" Uncle prompted.

I stared blankly at him. What exactly did he want me to say?

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" He questions.

I roll my eyes. We just watched that video. Wasn't he paying attention? He should know this but he asks me again.

"Three." I shrug my shoulders. That seems like a great answer since that's what the strange looking cartoon owl said.

"Very good, young Jedi. Great answer since no one knows the exact answer to that question." He says pretending to be a Jedi Master. "You are on the right path with learning how to be a human."

I slap my forehead with the palm of my hand. If there's no right answer to the lollipop question then why did he ask me?

"Aww. Don't beat yourself up, Small Fry. Can't learn how to be human in one day." He puts his phone on the coffee table.

"I am half human." I roll my eyes.

I'm not sure why, but he always seems to forget that I'm half human.

"Of course. But you still gotta pretend to be a full human." He puts his hands on either side of my face and pinches my cheeks.

I do an irritated huff. He used to pinch my cheeks when I was a baby. I'm not a baby anymore. I'm seven and in the first grade, too old to have my cheeks pinched.

His hands drop from my face as he rapidly turns to face the TV.

"Not this again." He loudly complains.

I quickly turn to the TV to see what he sees. Up until this point I wasn't paying attention to what was on the screen. But now I am. On the TV screen that's divided into four sections, there's not one, but two commercials for adult diapers. Uncle Em is having a fit, complaining about how he doesn't want to see these gross commercials.

I hear Daddy laughing from upstairs again. This time I know he's laughing at Uncle Em's thoughts.

"Do you want me to get the remote?" I offer sweetly.

"Oh please do." He says, sounding very relieved. "Your Dad put it over there." He points to the other side of the living room where the shelf with all the DVD's are.

Looking over where he pointed I see the remote on the very top of the shelf. If I were a human kid it would be too high for me to reach, but I'm half vampire and it'll be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

The commercial ends on one channel and starts on another channel as I scramble off the couch. As quick as I can be I run to the shelf, jump up and grab the remote before I gently float back down to the floor. Before the commercial ends I'm standing with the remote right in front of Uncle Em who is smiling.

"You are a lifesaver." Uncle Em says as I hand him the remote.

"I know." I climb back up on the couch next to him.

The channels on the TV change but a funny thing happens. The commercial that he's trying not to see appears on all four channels at the same time.

"Is there no escaping this ad?" He groans, quickly flipping through the channels.

"Why don't you like that commercial?" I wonder.

"Because I've seen it so many times today." He explains, finally finding different sport channels that are free of that commercial for adult diapers. "When I'm watching football I don't want to see ads that are for senior citizens." He shakes his head.

I get that. It's like when I'm watching cartoons I don't want to see commercials of macaroni and cheese or any other human food that's on the planet. Since I have no need for that type of stuff I don't like to see it.

"Oh." I say looking at him. "I thought it was because you didn't want to wear diapers for old people."

"I'm a vampire. Besides, I'm in high school. Forever teenager, remember?" Uncle Em laughs. "Do I look old to you?"

I shake my head 'no'. "Well, that's just what I thought." I shrug.

"Nope." He chuckles.

Suddenly a noise on the TV catches my attention. I look at the screen, on the top right hand corner where there is a lady that looks scared in a bathroom holding a white plastic stick. I don't understand why anyone would need to stand in the bathroom and hold a stick that has a little window in the middle of it.

"What's happening there?" I point to the commercial with the lady holding the stick. Now, the stick shows two pink lines and she's happy.

"Well," Uncle Em looks at where I'm pointing. "She's taking a pregnancy test to find out if she has a baby in her tummy."

I think about what he said for a little bit. I know that I lived in my Mommy's tummy before my Daddy got me out, but I don't know how I got there in the first place. I don't remember that.

I tap Uncle Em on the shoulder, he turns and looks at me.

"Yes?" He wonders.

"How do babies get in their mommy's tummy?" I ask, very seriously. "Where do babies come from?"

"Wait. What?" His golden eyes get very big.

Even though he's a vampire and has very good hearing I don't think he heard me. I repeat my question again, this time slower and louder so he understands it.

"W….Wh...Why are you asking me?" Uncle Em stutters. He looks very nervous. Like a cat that's about to have a bath.

I shrug. "I don't know. You look like you know where babies come from. Don't you?"

"Oh my God." Uncle Em mumbles. "This can't be happening to me." He rubs his face with his hands. "First the diaper commercial now this." He's voice sounds scared. "Why me?"

From upstairs I hear Daddy and Grandpa laughing.

Grandpa laughs again. "You better go downstairs. Never know what he might say."

"It's fine. I'm using my extra hearing. He won't say anything bad." Daddy says.

Even though Daddy and Grandpa are upstairs I can hear them just fine. That's why no one can have a secret in our family; we can hear everything.

Daddy and Grandpa keep talking but I stop listening to them.

"Well," I look at my uncle. "Where do babies come from?"

There's more laughter from upstairs and Uncle Em looks like he's going to be sick.

I wait very patiently for Uncle Em to answer my question. I watch as he rubs his face with his hands once more, then his hands drop down, he doesn't look scared anymore. He doesn't say a word as he looks over at the staircase. I glance over my shoulder, but there's no one there. I don't understand why he keeps looking at the staircase.

"Not a chance, Emmett!" Daddy calls from upstairs.

"Oh come on!" Uncle Em grumbles. "She's my niece but she's your child."

Daddy laughs. "She asked you. Besides, I don't know the answer and I can't wait to hear what you'll say." He laughs. "Just keep it G rated."

Ah! Now I get it. Uncle Em was looking over at the staircase because he was telling Daddy something from his mind.

"You are pure elive, brother mine." Unce Em grumbles.

I hear Daddy laugh again. This time it's a mock elive laugh.

Uncle Em's eyes look at me as he takes a deep breath. "This is a question your Mommy and Daddy should answer. Not me."

"So do you or don't you know where babies come from?" I guess.

I think if he knew the answer he would just tell me. After all, he tells me all the important information he thinks I need to know about being human. Like how Snoop Dogg met Martha Stewart and they became friends. I really know a lot of strange stuff thanks to Uncle Em.

"No clue." He answers, shaking his head. I sadly hang my head. "Now let's watch cartoons." He points the remote to the TV and quickly puts on four kid channels.

It's unbelievable. Uncle Em doesn't know where babies come from and Daddy said he didn't know either. I guess no one knows. What a shame.

Uncle Em starts talking about the cartoons. I don't know why but he's talking fast. I don't say anything as I begin to watch TV with him.

On the bottom corner of the TV screen my favorite cartoon The Loud House starts to play. I sing the theme song inside my head as I begin to notice something. In the cartoon the family has eleven kids and one of them is a baby. Well, someone somewhere must know the mystery of where babies come from.

Still singing the theme song in my mind, I began to get an idea. Before Uncle Em can stop me, because he's not getting up today. I get up, grab his phone from the coffee table, press in the password, go to the Google app as I rush out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"Google," I say into his phone as I hop up on the kitchen counter. "Show me where babies come from."

"NOOO!" Uncle Em shouts.

From upstairs I hear Grandpa say something but I'm not listening to what he says. Suddenly a door from upstairs opens, hits a wall with a thump. A second later there's a loud crash and Grandpa says something. But I'm not sure what.

"Small Fry! No! Don't ask Google that!" Uncle Em is still shouting. His scared voice sounds closer now.

He sounds scared again. I wonder what's wrong with him. I try not to pay attention to that, or the sound of two pairs of footsteps that sound like they are in a hurry and headed my way.

Something happened with the Google app. It didn't hear me so I have to repeat my question again.

"Okay." The robotic voice of Google on his phone says. "Showing where babies…"

"I'll take that." A very familiar voice says.

Before Google can even finish the sentence and show me where babies come from, the phone gets snatched out of my hands.

I look up to see Daddy, with the phone in his hand and Uncle Em standing next to him. Daddy is rapidly pressing buttons on the phone and Uncle Em is looking at me. Both of them look a little scared and embarrassed. I don't know why.

"Hey!" I look at Daddy as he hands Uncle Em his phone back. "Why did you take the phone away from me?"

"Someone needed to." Uncle Em says, putting his phone in his pocket.

I frown. I want an answer to my question and I was very sure Google would give it to me.

Hearing my thoughts Daddy shakes his head. "You don't need to know about such things until you're fifty years old."

"That's a very good age." Uncle Em agrees.

Daddy nods his head.

Crossing my arms over my chest I make a mad face. I think both of them know the answer to this question and they just don't want to tell me. I don't like mysteries, I want to find out.

"No. Absolutely not." Daddy answers my thoughts.

All of a sudden Uncle Em and Daddy look at each other. Daddy nods his head to whatever Uncle Em asked him. At the same time both of them turn to me.

"Well, I'm done with TV and sitting down all day." Uncle Em announces. "Why don't the three of us go upstairs to the playroom and have some fun?"

"I'm in." Daddy says. "How about you, Princess? Would you like to go upstairs with us and play?"

I think about what I want to play with them and my mad face turns into a happy face.

"Lets go!" I jump off of the countertop. I reach out my hands and grab Daddy's hand in my left hand and Uncle Em's hand in my right hand. I start pulling them out of the kitchen.

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Thank you for reading. :)))

Amber hopes you enjoyed this chapter and found it funny.

We would be delighted if you could leave a quick review, letting her know what you thought about this chapter. She looks forward to reading your thoughts on this chapter. :))