To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Tuesday, June 15, 11:04pm
Subject: A cautionary tale
Tris,
Well, all I can say is that today could have gone better for me. After work I went to see my best friends, Zeke and Shauna, and their kids, Zoe and Oliver. Ollie is eighteen months old, and Zoe is three. They're amazing, and I got to play with them for a while.
Shauna fed me dinner, and everything was going well until the kids went to bed. After that we were in the kitchen together when Zeke asked why I needed to see them.
I didn't handle it right…
I looked right at my best friends and said, "Well… I'm going to be a father."
In hindsight, it was stupid. Shauna was Lauren's best friend, and when I said that, she burst into sobs. At the same time, Zeke threw a punch at me while yelling "How could you?!"
It turns out both of them thought I'd started dating - or at least hooking up - and having unprotected sex. They were furious. At first I was hurt that they thought that of me. Lauren is the only woman I ever loved. She was my first kiss, my first and only everything. I doubt I will ever find another woman like her, and if by some miracle I did date again many years from now, I wouldn't heartlessly throw it in the faces of my late wife's best friends like that.
One black eye later, with Shauna still sobbing, I explained. I told them about the embryos waiting in the lab, and that I had decided to go forward with the kids (at least one of them) that Lauren and I planned for. I told them about surrogacy, and how I had found a match through the agency, and that the match had agreed to carry our baby for me. I also apologized for not doing a better job explaining the situation.
Shauna cried some more, and Zeke apologized for giving me a black eye. I told him that I appreciated how he defended my wife, and that I should have done a better job making that announcement. We talked a bit about the process and my future as a single parent. They were cautiously supportive, but I'm sure they have concerns and will have a lot of follow-up questions.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you my story so you don't make the same mistake with your loved ones and just blurt out that you're having a baby. It doesn't always end well. Also, I thought you should know in case we bump into each other and you see me with a black eye.
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Wednesday, June 16, 7:09am
Subject: Re: A cautionary tale
Tobias,
Oh dear. I am so sorry that didn't go the way you planned, and I hope your eye is ok. Is it wrong to admit that I also laughed a little? You painted such a vivid picture, I just imagined you standing there with your arms spread wide, proudly announcing your impending fatherhood to a bewildered audience.
Make sure you ice your eye today, and keep your head elevated. Tomorrow switch to warm compresses. Take a pain reliever if needed, and be sure to see a doctor if your eye itself seems damaged.
I hope your future announcements are better received!
Tris
.
Tobias smiled at the email, then grabbed a fresh ice pack. He would certainly be more careful in the future when he shared his news with others who had loved Lauren.
.
To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Thursday, June 17, 8:23pm
Subject: Dinner
Tris,
I had dinner with Max and Veronica tonight. It was surprisingly nice to let Veronica mother me and my minor injury.
I took a page from your playbook when I told them about my eye and made it as comical as possible. I mean, it's not really funny, but the misunderstanding was kind of absurd, and laughing about that aspect was easier than getting bogged down in the loss and grief that led to it.
My eye has been sore today, but I don't think there's any damage. It definitely stands out, which led to a conversation with my boss and a couple coworkers, too. Amar knows about the baby. He and his partner have two adopted children, and I talked to him once about the challenges of raising kids without a mother. Amar and George are great parents to their kids, who are like 8 and 13 now. Amar was the one who suggested I see a therapist in preparation, and helped me find Jeffry.
Have you started therapy? I know it's part of the services you receive through FSS. I cannot recommend it enough. There is something powerful about talking with someone who can look at my situation objectively, from the outside, and who is a pro at guiding conversations and teaching coping mechanisms.
How is your new job going?
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Thursday, June 17, 10:49pm
Subject: Re: Dinner
Tobias,
Just got off work at Target. My new job is going well, but learning all the ins and outs is tiring.
My counseling through FSS doesn't start until after the implantation.
Tris
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Friday, June 18, 9:22pm
Subject: Sorry
Tobias,
Sorry my email was so brief yesterday. I wanted to answer your questions, but I was short on time and exhausted from the long day.
Today I worked at the church, then went to see a few apartments. I found a place I really like. It's a studio above a detached garage. The homeowner is a sweet older lady from the church where I work. She's disabled, so she doesn't drive. The apartment is small, but quaint and clean. Her son, Al, handles the maintenance and repairs. The rent is low, and comes with garage parking. In exchange for the low price, I would have to run errands now and then for Mrs. Connors, and check in when Al can't. It's a great deal, and helping Mrs. Connors sounds more like a bonus than a chore.
I told her about the baby because I wanted to be upfront and not surprise them when their unmarried tennant starts showing! She thought it was beautiful that I'm going to be a surrogate, and I think she was relieved that she won't have to worry about me throwing parties or anything.
The last tenant moved out a few months ago, but they didn't find anyone they liked, so it's been empty, and Al was working on updating the bathroom. He'll be done by the end of the month, and seemed excited to have someone there with his mother again.
A previous tenant left a kitchen table with four chairs, and a small loveseat in the apartment. I love that because it cuts down on the amount of stuff I need to buy. Once we're all for sure that it's a good fit, all I need is a bed, then I can start to buy stuff like dishes, cookware, and other necessities. I've never lived on my own before. It's exciting to think about all the possibilities!
Gotta go - Christina just came home, and she wants to hear about the places I toured today.
Tris
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To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Friday, June 18, 9:58pm
Subject: Re: Sorry
Tris,
Forgive me if this is none of my business, but I'm imagining a free-standing wooden garage with an apartment upstairs, and a rickety wood staircase on the side. Will that be safe for a pregnant woman in the winter? Those wood stairs can be slippery with snow and ice, or even rain, and pregnant women sometimes struggle with balance.
Again, I'm sure it's none of my business, and I'm glad you found a place you like. I'm just watching out for you and the baby.
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Saturday, June 20, 8:14am
Subject: No Worries
Tobias,
Never apologize for looking out for the safety of your child, or me for that matter. You'll be happy to know that the stairs in this apartment are interior. The garage is two-car sized, but half of it is storage and stairs while the other half is a single parking spot. So you don't need to worry about me falling, or about visitors coming up uninvited. It's really quite safe.
Tris
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To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Saturday, June 20, 11:17pm
Subject: Cubs
Tris,
Tonight was the night I took Max to the Cubs game - his Father's Day gift. We had a great time, and the Cubbies won!
I look forward to taking my child to a ballgame some day. I didn't get to go to a game in person until I was eighteen, but the little kids at the games are so excited and cute, and I always thought that I would bring my own kids someday. Of course, I imagined that Lauren would be with me.
You don't need to hear about my grief. That's not the point of us emailing. We're just supposed to be getting to know each other.
Thank you again for doing this and giving me back part of the future I imagined.
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Sunday, June 21, 1:27pm
Subject: Re: Cubs
Tobias,
Please do not apologize for talking about Lauren or your grief. She was a huge part of your life - still is. Plus, grief shapes you. I know that as well as you do. I may be going forward with my life, but being the only survivor of my family is part of who I am. I hate to say it, but not getting to know your grief would give me just a partial picture of who you are.
Tris
.
Tobias loved and hated Tris' response to his email. He loved that she was understanding and that she encouraged him to talk about his wife. He hated that his grief was part of him; he didn't to be the grieving widower for the rest of his life. But he knew that she was right.
For two days, Tobias stewed over Tris' words. He wasn't upset, and he knew she was right, but he just couldn't get his mind off the idea that his grief wasn't something he was going through, it was part of who he had become.
For her part, Tris was keeping busy. She picked up some extra hours at work, and used her employee discount to pick up some household basics.
.
To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Tuesday, June 23, 8:26pm
Subject: Transplant
Tris,
I hope you're having a good week.
Just three days until the transplant, and I'm wondering how you would like to handle this. Max and Veronica would like to have us both over for dinner on Thursday night - I'm sure they contacted you about that already. Then Friday is your appointment.
When Lauren and I went through this before, I was with her every step of the way. I attended every appointment, and was sitting by her side and holding her hand during the transplant.
I'm not sure how to handle this with a surrogate. Should I pick you up and drive you home? They do sometimes use mild sedatives, but maybe you would find that uncomfortable since we don't know each other well, and it's a rather personal procedure.
I want you to be comfortable. If your friends have you covered, that's great. If you need or want my help, just let me know. I'm more than willing to do whatever is useful, but I don't want to be in your face if that's uncomfortable.
Please advise.
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Wednesday, June 24, 8:08am
Subject: Re: Transplant
Tobias,
Thank you for your thoughtful ideas and questions. I have not experienced all these physicals and procedures before, so I appreciate your first-hand experience.
When it comes down to it, I am an incubator that YOU hired. I think it would be best if you tell me what you want to do, and I will make arrangements around that. In other words, I will go to every appointment as directed, and I will tell you about all of them. If you want to be there, you're welcome. If not, that's okay too. I'm sure a lot of them are routine and boring.
Friday is the same. You're welcome to be there, or I can just check in with you after to let you know how it went.
Tris
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To: Tris Prior
From: Tobias Eaton
Tuesday, June 24, 10:22pm
Subject: Re: Transplant
Tris,
Thank you for your flexibility and kindness. Please know that Max, Veronica, and I see you as so much more than a hired incubator. You are putting your life on hold and putting your body through a pregnancy to give us Lauren's child. No amount of financial compensation can make that sacrifice a purely business transaction. Promise that you will tell us if we get to be too much, or if you are uncomfortable with things that are of a more private nature. Otherwise I think one or more of us will probably tag along to everything up to the point that we make nuisances of ourselves.
Tobias
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To: Tobias Eaton
From: Tris Prior
Wednesday, June 25, 7:11am
Subject: Friday
Tobias,
I promise to communicate honestly with you throughout the process.
As for Friday, I was not warned of any anesthesia or driving restrictions. Maybe they forgot to mention it. In that case, I welcome your offer to drive me to and from the appointment.
I will see you tomorrow night at Max and Veronica's, and we can go over details then.
Tris
.
June 26
.
On Thursday evening, Tobias went straight from the office to his in-laws' townhouse. Max and Veronica were all eager smiles as they bustled around the kitchen.
"It smells good in here," Tobias said to Veronica as he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
"Dad's grilling some wild Alaskan salmon," she replied eagerly. "I have a grain blend on the stove, and a big salad with greens, avocado, sunflower seeds, cheese, and… oh, what else? Lots of good stuff. Did I mention avocado? But what you're smelling is angel food cake, just out of the oven. I got some great local berries and made vanilla bean whipped cream to go on it."
Tobias smiled at his mother-in-law's busy chatter. Veronica was always happiest in her kitchen. She could have been a professional baker or chef, but she always said that it would steal her joy to turn her hobby into a job.
Veronica was a nurse when she met Max, working full-time and living with three other girls in a rented house in the Boston area. Max was fresh out of college and working on his masters degree. He wanted to make Atari games, but was working on Erudite University's mainframe computers instead.
They dated for two years before Max scraped together the money for an engagement ring. After a year-long engagement, they were married in Veronica's hometown in Ohio.
Max grew up an "army brat." His father was a Colonel in the Army, so he had lived all over the country, and even in Germany for a while. Between that and his passion for the nascent tech industry, they had moved often during their marriage. Max started and sold two small tech/telecom companies over the years, and became known as an industry leader in tech security. Headhunters called regularly with job offers, and they'd moved all over the country.
At first, Veronica had found work in each new city. Nurses were always needed. But as Max's income increased, it became unnecessary. Once Lauren was born, she quit to stay home and raise their daughter.
Lauren was born in Portland Oregon. Max and Veronica were over thirty by then, and fairly well established. Their next move was to Virginia, when Lauren was a toddler. Veronica got pregnant again at that point, but it was ectopic, and burst. To save her life and repair the damage, she had to have surgery, but that left her fertility severely impaired. Since they were over thirty-five and Max was terrified of losing his wife, they decided that Lauren would remain an only child.
The family lived in the Chicago area when Lauren started kindergarten. They did a few years in Omaha, a few years in Indianapolis, then were back in the Chicago suburbs when Lauren went to high school. By then, Max was COO of a mid-sized firm. He promised his family that they would stay put so Lauren could go to high school in one place.
He was as good as his word, and by the time her parents moved again, Lauren was married to Tobias and living in the Chicago home that Max's parents bought when the Colonel retired, and which they willed to their granddaughter.
The doorbell rang, and Veronica clasped her hands under her chin. "Tris is here!" she sang out as she hurried to open the door.
Max came in from the patio and thumped Tobias on the back as he hurried past. Tobias watched in wonder as his in-laws enthusiastically greeted Tris with warm hugs. It was obvious that the three of them had been communicating as well. They seemed very familiar and comfortable with one another.
Tobias stepped forward. "Tris," he said, holding out his hand, "it's nice to see you again."
Tris grinned and reached past Tobias' hand to give him a hug. For a second, he was startled. She was so small pressed against his chest. The skin on her bare arms was soft and warm, and her hair smelled like flowers. He inhaled deeply, then stiffened and quickly dropped his arms.
"Sorry," she said, blushing. "I'm a hugger."
Tobias just nodded. He wasn't a big hugger. Sure, there were people he hugged, like Veronica and Hana. Zeke and his brother Uriah often greeted him with 'bro hugs,' and he was used to that. Lauren had frequently hugged him, too, and he had loved having her in his arms. She was taller, and when she hugged him, her head rested perfectly on his shoulder. Tris was small; her head had tucked perfectly under his chin.
"No worries," Max said, stepping in to break the uncomfortable silence of Tobias' lack of a response. "Like we've been saying, you're part of this family for at least the next nine months. Your hugs are welcome. Right Tobias?"
"Uh, sure. Yeah," he stammered. "That's not a problem. We're glad you're here."