Jellal POV :
It's cold and gloomy outside, it's the perfect time not to leave the house
"Yes, I'm an introvert. I only leave my seat when I need something."
Erza recently made a delicious pumpkin soup with croutons when she was there
"I swear nothing tasted so good to me like this."
It's late in the evening, in the light of the lamp, I look at my hands, they are massive but also a bit pale.
They've turned transparent, I can see every vein on them. When I was a child, I didn't think about what I would look like in the future, it was strange and indifferent.I look further, fingers are longer, so thin, nails a bit bitten
"I can't control my nerves yet."
Below them are pink and red marks of skin torn off by teeth
"I also do not know why I am looking so hard at the penultimate finger from the right hand? I feel this strange pressure as if I am wearing something ...What?! Am I visualizing a wedding ring? No no no no! Take that thought , I think about it more and more and my heart is running wild! Shh ... Take it easy, Jellal. Take a deep breath and breathe out, you don't need so much emotion right now."
...
I got up from the floor, opened the drawer, there I keep the syringes with the anti-anxiety medicine. There is no alcohol in the cupboard anymore because the doctor told me not to drink "It's not bad, I won't destroy my liver."
I take disposable protective gloves, lightly shake the green liquid inside the glass container with the pump at the end,then I press down to make sure there is a drop coming from the needle
"Okay. Now, calm down and a gentle puncture in the neck, like a mosquito bite."
The worst thing is when I get scared and my hands must not final part of this controversial ritual is to put on an almost invisible plaster that is resistant to water and tie one layer of bandage around.
Ten minutes after taking the dose, I get very hungry, in my opinion this is one of the downsides of what I take for my problem
"And you're stupid again, you haven't shopped to eat. You have an empty fridge. It's 9:30 p.m. so everything is closed. You'll have to hold on until the next day ...Although I can eat the half of the bread that I have left. It's a good idea. "
I was bullying over this bakery product. First, I peeled off the middle by taking large bites, and then the eating as if I were a wolf in the forest hunting its prey
"I just hope I don't gain too much. Yes, I'm afraid of my weight gaining."
...
After washing myself, I began to observe my body in the mirror "I've never done that."
My hair is wavy when wet and it looks a bit funny
"All in all, I am wondering whether to grow a beard, this face would be more mature. I wonder if Erza would like it? No, stop! Blood back up, not down! I said up! I cannot, once again, lose control of my body."
These scars on my back don't bother me anymore. Those years will not go back
"I have to live on and try to forget about it."
As I stood sideways, my eyes almost popped out
"Okay, another reason why I wear looser and size larger pants. Now there are two: Big dick and big ass...What, cracked the skin on my thigh? Cool, I like being imperfect. "
There are no ideals, have to mark it in the diary of life.I never said I was ugly, but the term God of Sex or King doesn't suit me either
"I'm normal and ordinary. Damn! Probably not, because no ordinary person has a mark on face."
I didn't love myself completely, I think it's shallow, narcissistic but I can accept what I am.
- "There is nothing more destructive than self-hatred." I felt myself shaking, I found a good way to do this, which is to stroke my shoulders with my eyes closed. Meredy told me it was best to stabilize myself a bit.
...
I turn off the heating at home, because it makes no sense when I feel terribly hot anyway, I don't even change into anything
"Sleeping naked is supposed to be healthy"
Another day has come and I stretch all over my bed, refreshed and I can see white specks of dust
"It's a sign that need to clean up here."
I reach for comfortable clothes,I was bursting with energy. The rooms are small so each was clean for thirty minutes
"I'm done. I'm satisfied."
There was noise coming from the hallway, on the stairs in front of the floor where I live. Three neighbors were arguing: two pensioners and the girl who lives above me, actually, I hear screams in her direction
"That's too far!"
She fell, I left quickly, without looking or closing the door, I helped her up.
"Did you lose your mind by throwing people off ?!"
"Oh look what a Prince on a white horse!" This one mocked.
"It was due, that bitch!" The second one too, he struck with the text
Now they both pissed me off.
"And who gave you the right to judge others?"
"Get those hands off me, you recidivist!"
"I'm not doing anything to you. I just want to know why you tried to kill her?"
"This is a murderer, she killed her own child!"
"I didn't kill! I had a miscarriage!" She began to excuse herself in crying
Without a word, I took her hand and led her to the sixth floor. She sat down on one of the steps, wiping off the smudged dark makeup from under the lower eyelid.
"They always call me a whore."
"Disgusting" I crossed my arms with nerves
"You didn't have to get involved in this, but I appreciate your help. Thank you."
"Hmph, otherwise I couldn't react."
"You are a really good man, Mr. Fernandes. I wish you the best. Goodbye." She closed the door behind her
...
"Strange day"
I thought so when I went to Fairy Tail on a mission. It is lively and cheerful here, such is their atmosphere. Everyone greeted me
"It embarrasses me, but it's nice."
Laxus said there is nothing for me when it comes to serious tasks, Erza is also gone, she's out with Lucy, Natsu and Wendy "Well, I'll just sit in the corner."
No news from Sorano or Erik, so I really don't have anything to do.
...
"This is a disaster!" Mirajane suddenly panicked
"Why are you screaming like that?" Gray wanted to know
"Elfman broke his leg and can't cook and Max has a fever, so he can't clean up the guild either. What am I going to do now ?!"
"Okay, but you don't have to pay attention to everyone."
"You're not helping me Gray with these words!"
"Sorry, Mira! Please don't cry."
"Ummm, excuse me?" I interrupted their discussion
"What do you want, Jellal?"
"I think ... I can help you Mirajane."
"Really, would you be so good to us?"
"I'm bored today anyway, at least I'll be of some use."
"Can you cook?"
"My dear buddy, save your teasing."
"You think, Star Boy, this moves me?"
"I suppose not."
"Exactly!" We started laughing until tears fell and we had to hold our stomachs as well
"Would you like to cooperate, Gray?"
"Sure, why not."
"Guys, you have my gratitude."
"Oh come on, no trouble." I announced
"Friends do that."
She was the next one to cry in front of me
"Fascinating, instead of making a woman orgasm, I make her tears fall. Apparently, I have a gift to touch women's hearts ... And what the fuck do I have in my head ?! "
Mirajane told me what the case was. Gray and I both wore aprons. We looked closely at the specials card and searched the shelves for Elfman's recipe notes and Gray nearly curled up laughing as he read the writing on the notebook's cover: Elfman Strauss's Men's Kitchen.
It was more than certain that it would be described this way, that is, in his style. Our work was going very dynamically. Once we only burned an omelette, Gray, hiding this mistake from Mira, took it upon himself and ate it
"And apparently I am atone for my sins."
In the afternoon, when we finished making the last dessert, we had to do the washing of dishes, pots and cutlery. Due to my sudden hand vibrations, I was unable to make half of the glass cups or plates, The Ice Mage saw it, gripping my wrist tightly.
"Leave it."
"... No, I can do it."
"Don't lie, we're swapping."
"How?"
"I will wash the dishes and for now I will give you forks and spoons"
"Okay" There was a cemetery-like silence between us for a moment
"Attack of disease?"
"...What?! "
"I asked if your fears got you."
"... Rather, the medicine has stopped working."
"Do you have to take it often?"
"Daily."
"Fucked."
"Mhm."
"You overheated."
"Very possible, I can barely stand now."
"Do not move!" He used his magic to cool my forehead, even though I didn't ask for anything
"I'm better now, thanks."
"Don't be ashamed that someone from Fairy Tail will try to support you in life. We are basically like that. "
"Heh, stubborn but with feelings."
...
The guild kitchen is over. We could take a two-hour break, during this time, Gray slept by the sink, I drank apple juice, nibbling on chocolate cake with sour cherries
"It's getting dark, we'll be closing soon."
Only Laxus and Mirajane were in the building, and I never heard Erza's voice
"I'm a bit worried, but maybe she just went after the mission, right to her dormitory?"
My thinking was interrupted by the creaking of un-oiled, heavy wooden doors: Laxus proudly came.
"Am I not interrupting?"
"No." I swallowed a piece of cake
"What about him?"
"He's tired."
"You did a good job today."
"I think so too."
"I am leaving you the keys, you have my trust."
"Rest assured we won't fail."
"I brought you food. Mirajane made it for you as a gratitude."
"There's no need to." I feel stupid.
"She does, you can't stop her. I'm going, Take care, Jellal."
"Well, not Mystogan at last. You too, Lax"
...
In an hour, we got the rest of our work done. We said goodbye with a hug and went our way. I get to my apartment
"What, is someone here?"
I check if there has been a break-in by running into the room "It's Erza!"
She was sitting with her knees to her nose, she grew sad.
"... Hi, I'm sorry to drop by this way without warning."
"Erza, you can be here whenever you like." I smiled at her
"...I was left alone."
"What?"
"I was left alone, no one is in the dormitory anymore. All the girls moved to their boyfriends, on top of that, it didn't work out on my mission! I feel hopeless, this state comes back to me again. "
"What are you talking about?"
"... I have some kind of depression, it usually comes in autumn."
"Do you want to die ?!"
"Fuck no! I'm just getting mentally weak and wanting nothing, but I'm not going to take my own life."
"God, what happiness."
"I did something ..."
"Okay, I'm taking it back. I'm scared again."
"... Nothing wrong! I ... I cut my hair, hide it under the hood."
"Will you show them to me?"
"I'd rather not."
"I want to see them."
"You loved them. I don't want to hurt you!"
"Erza, I love all of you, not just your hair! Yes, they were the first thing I fell in love with, but when we're together now, they're part of the artwork that is you. "
She stood up, unbuttoning her sweatshirt, pulled down her hood, avoiding my eyesight.
"... One of the Celestial Spirits from Lucy fixed my hair because I did it crookedly."
"I like this."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it looks nice ... Oh and that strand from under the part. How cute."
"Can you stop playing with my fringe?"
"It's stronger than me."
"Umm ... I'll stay overnight, I'll be back tomorrow."
"Erza ..."
"Are you asking me something?"
"... Actually, I have a proposition for you. Of course, you don't have to agree right away lest you think I'm too fast in our relationship."
"Go ahead, Jellal."
"Would you live with me?"
" O..." She blinked in surprise.
"I know we're together too short, but I don't want you to feel lonely either."
"You know, I'll think it tomorrow."
"Yeah ... Ok."
She came up to me, with a sensual cat's step, she took my temples in her fingers, bringing her lips to mine
"I'd drink nectar from them."
We've gone so far as to the bolder part of the kiss: Biting our lower lips combined with a dance of tongues
"It's getting more and more intimate, one day I may not stand it.I have to get to know her in every way, learn her by heart what she likes and doesn't like. All slowly, no pressure. "
Regaining our breath, we were flushed.
"... Erza, let's go on a date tomorrow."
"Oh, you are so sweet." She licked my neck where the needle bruise is.
"This is already a provocation! Siegrain help ..."
... The End.
Author's Note: First of all, I will explain why I put a parenthesis on Jellal's inner thoughts and emotions ... Wattpad deletes my selections :(
Second: In this story, I wanted to show what the beginnings of "mental regeneration" look like in a person with problems
Third: Any person, no matter what gender they are, has body imperfections ... Yes, everyone can fucking have stretch marks
Love yourself, it is important
Fourth: Everyone in Fairy Tail knows about Jellal's disease, treats him like family, has accepted him long before that.
Fun fact: Nobody says he is a call him, rather, "Angel with broken wings"
Speaking of the Crime Sorciere ... Only Macbeth and Meredy know Jellal's situation so far. The rest only guesses.
Finally, if you are waiting for Erza and Jellal to have sex, you must be patient, because he is only learning about the human need for closeness.
He loves her so much that he doesn't want to hurt her
As for Jellal's interactions with Gray and Laxus: Hehehehe ... Bi Vibes;)
I hope that you liked it