There is a trigger warning for biphobia in this chapter. I don't want to surprise anyone with it. It happens, and it is wrong.
Rachel watched herself curl the ends of her hair in the mirror. It had been a while since the Glee Club had a party, and she wasn't sure what to expect. Usually, she would expect fun. She would expect drunken duets and giggly make-out sessions. But this time, she was afraid of how she and Quinn would act around each other.
It wasn't that Rachel cared what people thought. Being outspoken about who she was had always been a strong suit of hers. But Quinn wasn't ready, and Rachel would never force her into anything. Everyone knew how hard it was for Kurt to come out, and he wasn't popular, or a cheer captain, or a formerly pregnant teenager. Quinn had already been through enough trouble in high school, and Rachel didn't want her to cause any more.
Rachel swiped lip gloss over her lips and sneaked downstairs. She had made a fancy dinner for her dads that included wine, so they were already knocked out. She smiled at her ingenuity and drove to Mercedes' house. Puck had goaded her into having a party, the same way as he did to Rachel before. Though Mercedes seemed more excited about it.
Cars lined the road outside her house, and Rachel cringed. She hoped no one would call the cops on them. That was the last thing anyone needed.
Rachel walked up to the house and was about to knock, but saw that the door was slightly open. She pushed her way in and took in the room. Stairs separated the kitchen and living room, and vintage frames held paintings of flowers and other pieces of nature. The walls were a dark green, the couches deep blue. The glow of the dim lights did nothing to lighten the room.
Music wasn't playing yet, and only two people were there. Rachel was too early, as always. She'd never understood the whole "show up late to parties" thing. She thought that if it starts at 9, it starts at 9. No questions asked.
Quinn stood next to Mercedes, bowls of chips in her hands. Rachel had forgotten that Quinn used to live with Mercedes. Maybe she asked her to help out.
"Hey," Rachel said, and put up her hand.
"Rachel!" Mercedes wrapped Rachel in a hug, more friendly than usual. She wanted to be a good hostess. "Here, why don't you grab a drink? I have all kinds of good stuff: tequila, wine, anything you want. And I am going to need to sing something with you tonight, Rachel Berry."
Rachel smiled and took a bottle of beer. She planned on nursing it for a long time, not wanting to be drunk around Quinn. She wasn't sure if she could keep her romantic feelings secret when drunk. But when she saw Quinn, smiling in her beautiful dress that hugged her figure so closely, she downed the beer and grabbed another. Surviving the night without being able to look at Quinn? She needed alcohol.
The next people to enter were Kurt and Finn. Rachel greeted Kurt with a huge hug, and he laughed. People continued to trickle in, and Mercedes sang the first song. Rachel watched Kurt and Blaine dance together. They held each other close, smiling warmly at each other. In front of everyone. They could show their friends that they were in love.
Rachel felt tears coming to her eyes out of jealousy and longing. Typically, she'd practically beg someone for attention by crying in front of them, but she couldn't. She couldn't talk about her feelings. She had no choice. She walked until she found the bathroom.
She looked at herself in the mirror as she cried, sobbing softly, dabbing her face with tissue. "God, I'm ruining my makeup," she said to herself, and sniffled.
Without her knowing, Kurt had followed Rachel. He leaned against the doorway, a concerned look plastered on his face. He crossed his arms.
"What's wrong, Rachel?"
Rachel gasped and turned to Kurt. "Noth-nothing," she stammered. "The usual stuff. Mercedes got the first song." Her lie was see-through.
"No one cares about solos at a party, Rachel. Not even you. Just tell me."
Rachel gulped. The two beers she drank earlier were warm in her belly, and her decision-making skills bubbled up and out through her nose. She took a deep breath and looked at Kurt, her eyes still filled with tears, and water lines staining her cheeks.
"I'm bi, Kurt." She turned around and started gesturing with her arms as she spoke. "I'm bisexual, I like girls, and I can't tell anyone who I'm in love with because they can't know that she's not straight, either." She slapped a hand over her mouth. That last part was too much. Guilt sliced through her heart.
"You're bi? Come on, Rachel. Remember when Blaine said he was bi?" He ignored what Rachel had blurted about Quinn. He knew better than anyone to not push about someone in the closet.
"It's not like that, Kurt!" Rachel cried. "This isn't me being confused. I loved Finn, and I love- a girl. I love a girl now."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Enjoy your stepping stone to lesbianism, Rachel. I think it's great. Santana's too much of a bitch to be our lesbian rep. You're at least slightly better."
Rachel scoffed and turned her back to him again. She continued sobbing.
Kurt sighed and put his arm around her. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm proud of you. Thank you for telling me you like girls. You know I always support you."
Rachel laughed sadly. "Yeah, whatever."
"Come on, let's fix you up and get you back out there. You can't be the girl who cries through the party in the bathroom."
Rachel held her head up high as she walked back in. She had unbuttoned the top of her shirt, revealing her chest to all who dared to look. She had pulled her skirt up over her top, accentuating her waist and showing off her legs. She walked up to the makeshift stage in the living room, making brief eye contact with everyone on the way there. The stage was just flat boxes stacked onto each other, but it was a stage. And Rachel took it with the confidence she always had when she was about to sing.
Rachel sang with a full belt as always, but she kept out her performance tears. She wanted everyone to know that she wasn't sad. She was confident. She was proud. But when she let herself glance at Quinn, she almost choked. She was dancing with Sam. Her arms around him.
Rachel finished the song wonderfully, and everyone applauded. Even Quinn. Rachel cringed when she heard Quinn cheer for her. It was almost like it was out of spite.
Rachel decided instantly that the solo would be a perfect dramatic exit. She glared at Quinn, not bothering to worry about what everyone thought, and left. Still responsible even when fuming at her girlfriend, Rachel walked all the way home, the beer burning away, and her anger never doing the same.