CHAPTER 4

Bemelman's at the Carlyle was dark and cozy, and surprisingly quiet for a Friday afternoon. They settled into a corner booth table and the waitress brought them each a martini (hers very dry, his very dirty). Angela hungrily began picking through the bowl of bar snacks. "I can't remember the last time I cut work early and was at the bars by four. Probably not since I was a copywriter," she mused.

"Ah, Angela, you gotta get out there more - live a little," he teased.

"Oh like you, Mr. Responsible? You haven't been on a date in ages. Not since Frankie."

His eyes twinkled, glad they'd resumed their usual playful banter. "Well, I admit it *has* been awhile since I've been out with someone worth cutting work for."

"I could probably say the same." She kept his gaze, her mouth twitching coyly.

There was that line, the one they were always carefully tiptoeing around. He averted his eyes and looked around at the illustrations on the walls, changing the subject to sidestep their flirtation. It felt far more charged, almost dangerous outside of the comfort of their home. "This place hasn't changed a bit."

"Oh, when was the last time you came here?"

"It was on my third date with Marie, before we were married," he said wistfully. "It was a truly magical night - probably one of our best dates. Bobby Governale's father was a pretty well-known sax player on the jazz circuit. He had a gig here every month and Bobby invited me and Marie to join him one time. I was so excited to take Marie out to a fancy place and impress her. I put on my best suit, tried to look real legit. Marie had on this gorgeous white silk dress - she looked like an angel. I loved her in white. Our table was comped for the night; I'd never gone anywhere like this before. We felt so important. They played standards all night long. We danced, and drank, and got swept away. We had the best time, Angela," he had been far away, but returned his gaze back to her as he said her name.

She gently touched his hand. "What a beautiful memory, Tony. You know, I feel like I know almost everything there is to know about you, but you don't talk very often about that part of your story with Marie. It's always been clear how much you loved her though, and how much she loved Sam. It seems like you were a very happy little family."

"Oh we were, we were. We didn't have much, but we were real happy. Until she got sick, of course. That was...that was a really hard time. She felt so bad and fought it so hard. I took the best care of her that I could, but money was tight and I had Sam to look after. I still wonder if we could have done more."

He fought back tears and willed himself to regain his composure. "But even then, she was only worried about Sam, and me. She was such a great mother; she loved that little girl so much," he stopped short, fighting to talk through stubborn tears. "I'm sorry Angela - I never get emotional about her anymore. I guess being here brought it to the surface a bit."

She squeezed his hand, her eyes glistening. "You don't ever have to apologize for being emotional with me, Tony. You were lucky to know that kind of love. It's a once in a lifetime kind of love. And it makes it all the more painful when it's taken away from us too soon."

His eyes met hers, surprised by the rush of warmth and gratitude he felt. His thoughts lingered on what she said - "once in a lifetime kind of love." Was Marie it for him? He hoped not. He had loved her dearly, but they had been so young when she died.

"Well anyway, I'm real glad to be back here again, and really glad to return here with you, Angela. It feels right."

Her heart skipped a beat as he continued, "And I'm happy to share more about Marie with you. I think it's just hard when we're home to fall into those more serious conversations - we always have the kids, all the day to day life stuff to talk about."

"Reminds me of when I was married to Michael. But we weren't talking about daily life stuff, we were fighting about it. It was only on the rare date night that we could have more serious conversations."

"Eh oh, oh eh, I certainly hope living with me does not remind you of being married to Michael!" he teased.

She laughed. "Far from it! Living with you is the complete opposite of being with Michael, in just about every fathomable way," she rolled her eyes for emphasis. "I just think it's hard to find time to really talk anytime kids are in the picture."

He bit the olive off of his toothpick and pensively stared into his drink. "What was it about Michael, Angela? What made you fall in love with him?"

She looked at him thoughtfully. "That's a good question, Tony. I'm sure ten years ago I could have told you. In the beginning, we had good chemistry. I was just really coming out of my shell, and he was exciting, different. And he found me beautiful, and valued what I had to say. He liked that I was smart. He lavished me with gifts and we took some amazing romantic getaways as a result of his work. We had great...well, you know…" she blushed, studying her drink, "At least we did in the beginning. We were just attracted to each other. Looking back I wonder if we were more in lust than truly in love - you know? Did I truly think Michael was my soulmate, the man I wanted to spend every day with for the rest of my life? It's hard to fathom now. But I suppose he also made life fun, when he was around, and that was something I needed. A lot like –" she stopped short, not wanting to compare Tony to Michael again.

"A lot like who? A lot like me?" he teased again.

Her eyes met his and his pulse quickened as her eyes bore a steady hole into his. "Nothing like you. And I mean that in the best - the very best - possible way. But you certainly do make me get out there and enjoy life more."

"Fancy seeing you here." A voice said. They looked up and Frankie was standing there, with a very tall, suave looking man in a suit.

"Frankie! What are...what are you doing here?" Tony was stunned to see his old flame, and had a feeling her appearance wasn't exactly a welcome surprise to Angela either.

"This is one of my Friday afternoon haunts. This is Rick. Rick, this is an old friend of mine, Tony Micelli, and his boss, Angela. Tony and I grew up in the old neighborhood together."

"Good to meet you, Tony, Angela," Rick waved politely.

"Likewise, Rick. How do you know Frankie?" Tony asked, still a little flustered.

"Oh, she and I knew each other at Harvard. I'm an investment banker though, not exactly saving the world like she is."

Frankie smiled at him. "We're both workaholics, but try to get together on Fridays after work at the very least. What are you two doing here?" Frankie asked. "Tony, you mentioned you don't get up to the city much. Date night?"

"I had a meeting earlier not far from here, a job interview actually for a position in D.C. Angela and I were just discussing it."

"Oh that's wonderful, Tony! I'm really happy for you. You'll do big things in Washington."

Angela, silent until now, piped in, "I agree. They'd be lucky to have him." She smiled warmly at Tony.

"Well, I hope it works out...for all of you." She added, "I had a feeling about you two," her eyes met Tony's briefly, confirming her suspicions.

Tony's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Ah, I guess you did."

"Well, I know it'll be hard to leave Connecticut, but it sounds like a wonderful opportunity, Tony." She took Rick's hand. "We're going to get out of here before the snow gets too bad. Have a good night."

"Thanks, Frankie. Good to see you." Rick waved a polite goodbye to them both and he and Frankie walked toward the door.

"Snow? I guess I've had this job on the brain - I didn't hear anything about snow," Tony said.

"Me either. Hope it's not going to get too bad - there's not any windows around us to see what's going on." She continued, "You didn't correct her, Tony."

"Ah, no. Because she's right. I chose us, I chose our family." He said simply. "It wasn't right with her. Not right enough to break up what we have," he said sheepishly.

They sat in a comfortable silence as she swirled the olives around her drink, gathering the courage to take the conversation in a more serious direction. "Tony, all those things you said - about us being a family - I hope you know that I feel exactly the same way. And truth be told, the offer from Mr. Winslow really took me by surprise. I was excited for you of course, but it scared me. I haven't felt so scared since - since I don't know when. Probably since Frankie," she admitted.

"And not because I'd be losing the help. Don't get me wrong, you are a tremendous support to me. But like you said, I haven't thought of you as my housekeeper for - for a long while. You're my best friend, you're my family." She quickly added, "You and Samantha mean so much to all of us. And I know I speak for Jonathan, and for Mother, when I say we don't want to lose that." His eyes were fixed on her, waiting for her to continue. The candlelight flickered on her face. They had never been this honest with each other before.

She covered his hand and continued carefully, "With all that said, what we've formed is - to the outside world at least, unconventional, as you put it. And you and Samantha live with us because of your job. If - if you go to work somewhere else, even just in New York, how do we go on living together as a family?"

He looked at her, his mind racing. Though she was right, it hadn't really dawned on him that their entire situation would still need to change. Angela's home was his home, and he didn't have any intention of leaving if he got the new job in New York. In fact, he hoped to maintain some of his current responsibilities around the house. But she was right - without the job, what was the pretense for him staying?

She continued, "I mean, people have always had the wrong idea about us, Tony. You know they have, and I know they have. I mean hell, sometimes even you and I have," she teased. She was trying to lighten the thick air between them, but when he smiled knowingly in reply she shyly turned her gaze downward.

She recovered, clearing her throat, "But once you have a new job, if you're still living with us, they won't have a choice but to think we're more than just platonic. And don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than for you and Samantha to stay. But I don't want the kids – and us – to face more scrutiny than we already do. So...where does that leave us?" She asked him earnestly. Her tone was gentle, and completely devoid of expectation. Truly, she didn't know where they would go from here.

His eyes locked with hers and he swallowed hard. Why had this not occurred to him before? He was so intent on keeping their family together he had neglected to see that their entire family unit hinged solely on his job. And he didn't have any idea what to say to her next. The only thing he was certain of was that he didn't want to lose Angela, or the family they had so carefully crafted together.