Chapter 5: A Window to the past

Astrid Hofferson was angry.

No, scratch that. She was furious.

It had been a watertight plan. She knew she could beat up any boy who dared to challenge her, but the one boy she wouldn't have even dreamt of having a candle's chance in a thunderstorm against her, had managed to outwit her?

Stupid, she thought. I should have seen it coming.

She cursed under her breath as she chucked her axe again and again in a futile attempt to vent her frustration.

That no good, half troll- rat eating munch bucket- Gah! Idiot.

Hiccup had fooled her into helping him train and defeat her. He had humiliated her in front of the entire village. He had hurt her in a way that surpassed physical pain, he had hurt her pride. And pride was something that was very important to her.

And then- then what? Astrid was still unsure if she'd hallucinated what had happened next.

Hiccup had gone unarmed against the one of the most ferocious of all dragons, and the sight might have almost been comical had she not been hyper aware of the fact that Hiccup was about to die right there, and she was about to be the reason. The scrawny fool's life would forever burden her conscience.

And then Hiccup had NOT died, but rather stroked the snout of the dragon as if it were an overgrown housecat, and then suddenly, way too soon, the three minutes were up and Hiccup had passed and Astrid will have to-

No.

There was no way she was gonna marry anyone, let alone that fishbone.

Astrid's mother had been unsurprisingly delighted that her daughter was finally gonna get hitched, whereas her father clearly had mixed feelings about the day's events.

He apparently didn't think the scrawny boy was worthy of his warrior daughter, which was something Astrid wholeheartedly agreed with. But on the other hand, he too was happy Astrid wasn't going to stay a maiden forever, and he was, albeit reluctantly, gonna go along with this. As far as her dad was concerned, the fact that Hiccup was the chief's son didn't exactly hurt either. Astrid's family got by okay but it definitely wasn't the most well-to-do on Berk, and an alliance with the Haddocks was gonna be immensely beneficial to their status and honor.

Astrid didn't give a damn about Hiccup or his family or his status or his anything. He could go jump of a cliff for all she cared.

Astrid had bickered, argued, pleaded with them until her throat was sore, before leaving in a huff yet again. She wondered how their front door was still attached to its hinges, given how much she slammed it these days.

Finally running out of adrenaline, she sat down against a tree trunk and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to surface. Astrid Hofferson did not cry.

She was brave, and courageous, and strong, and-

The tears came anyway, and she brought her knees up and buried her face in her hands, letting the pain go in quiet sobs.

Even Astrid Hofferson could cry.

She sat for a while until her breathing calmed down, and then tried to clear her mind of all the clutter jammed up in there when a rustle of leaves made her look up. And there he was. It was him.

In this huge sprawling forest, why on earth did they keep running into each other?

Their eyes locked instantly and Hiccup froze like a frightened deer, before hastily backing up a couple of steps and turning away to make a quick getaway.

"You!" Astrid hissed, and was on her feet in a flash, almost tackling him and pinning him against a tree, her elbow at his throat. Much as he had done to her, a few hours ago.

"Astrid! I-"

"Shut it" she threatened, and he promptly complied.

Astrid pondered how he looked absolutely terrified in her grasp right now, a stark contrast to how he'd been in the face of the monstrous nightmare. He looked like regular old Hiccup, and not like the Hiccup that had miraculously appeared in the arena this morning.

"You cheated! There is no way you didn't!"

"I didn't che-"

"Yes you did! How dare you trick me into helping you beat me!"

Hiccup's expression turned indignant before he replied, "I didn't! You were the one who offered to help! I told you I what I was training for. I never lied about anything!"

Astrid hesitated. When he said it like that, he made it seem like it explained how he had beat her.

"And- and that monstrous nightmare! What on earth happened there?"

Guilt flashed across his face before he composed himself. "You saw what happened. I don't think I need to say anything more."

He clearly wasn't spilling his secrets, even at the threat of bodily harm. Who knew Hiccup could be this fearless?

"And that trick shield! That's not allowed! There is no way any of this counts-"

"It does" Hiccup interrupted. "You're not the only one who went through the laws Astrid. I didn't break any rules"

Astrid didn't know what to say to that, and although beating him up now was tempting, it wasn't really her style. She wasn't a bully, and It wouldn't make her feel any better. So she released her grip on him, then looked up and noted his eyes scan her face and his look change into one full of concern.

"Have you- have you been crying?" He asked carefully, as if afraid of the answer.

"As if you'd care"

"I do Astrid, believe me I do"

Astrid wiped away a fresh tear before she snapped, "save it" and saw how he flinched at her tone. "You don't need to pretend to be nice to me anymore. You won." She spat the last word venomously, relishing his crestfallen expression. He looked like she had smacked him in the face. And she had been tempted to do just that.

"You know Hiccup, I used to think you were simply bad at being a Viking. I didn't think- didn't know that you were a horrible person too"

Looking completely ashamed, he opened his mouth to reply but Astrid picked up her axe and left before he had a chance, wanting to get as far away from him as she could.

Wiping at her eyes again, she had already left long before she had a chance to see the first drops escape his.

As he stared at her retreating form through wet eyes, Hiccup wasn't sure what to do. He didn't remember having ever felt this sad and hopeless before.

Or maybe he did, just once, on a fateful night, three years ago.

...

It was raining, heavily. Dragons hardly raided in this weather but it seemed tonight was an exception.

Hiccup stared in awe at the flashes of fire visible amongst the pressing darkness of the night. Shouts of vikings were inter-dispersed with roars and shrieks, and this was all weirdly exciting to Hiccup as he carefully peered out of his door.

He spotted a greenish looking Nadder land near the bridge. It wasn't too far away. Maybe twenty paces. Acting impulsively, Hiccup grabbed a sword and tip toed out the door, thinking that under the cover of rain, it won't see him coming.

This'll be it, Hiccup thought. No more bullying, no more making fun of me. I'll be 'Hiccup, the dragon slayer'.

Venturing out alone in the middle of the raid despite his father's numerous warnings was obviously a terrible decision in hindsight, but to his thirteen year old brain, it made perfect sense.

He slowly stalked up to the unassuming dragon, blinking rain out of his eyes. Lifting the small sword high above his head, he steeled himself to strike when suddenly a fiery explosion was heard a distance behind him.

The Nadder's head snapped around at the sound, locking its beady eyes on him instantly. Hiccup panicked and tried to swing, but the Nadder was too quick, whipping its tail around and striking him squarely on the chest.

The wind was knocked out of him as he landed hard on the wooden floor, and continued laying there. He opened his eyes and gasped as he saw a small swarm of dragons descended from above him, aiming for the sheep pen nearby.

A few nearby vikings let out a battle cry and tried to attack, provoking one of the dragons to breath a blistering stream of fire at them. The vikings stumbled back to avoid getting burnt, but a huge wooden pillar nearby had caught on fire.

Still in a daze, Hiccup tried to push himself off the ground but his body felt so heavy, and he was about to try again when a loud CREAK made him look up just in time to see a flaming pillar of fire, falling, falling, straight towards him.

Hiccup woke up two days later. He was in a bed, in his house.

His father had first been tremendously relieved, than he had expressed his tremendous anger and disappointment in Hiccup for the foolish and reckless behavior. It was a turning point in his relationship with his father, and from then on, his father seemed more distant, less hopeful of him, and treating him more like a burden than a son.

Hiccup had merely been thankful to be alive as the memory slowly came back to him, but the reality of what happened still stung more than the actual pain.

His left foot was... gone. Crushed under the pillar, it had been far too badly damaged. To Hiccup, the whole thing felt the like a bad dream that he hadn't woken up from. One day, all was usual, and the other, he suddenly had a peg leg like Gobber.

As if he wasn't clumsy and slow enough, the gods had found it fit to hinder him further. It had been a struggle, had felt like learning to walk again.

But Hiccup had pushed through. Eventually. And it had put him off any more attempts at slaying dragons. Until it hadn't, until he had gone out again and shot down toothless. And this time, it was the dragon that had lost a tailfin.

And now he felt that sadness again, that loss. He had lost so much. His foot, the love of his father, his mother.

He didn't want to lose Astrid too. It was unrequited love, but it was love nevertheless. But neither could he bear seeing her like this. Such a strong girl, reduced to tears by his foolhardy and blind optimism.

What was I thinking? of course she'd never love me. I don't deserve her.

A saying popped up in his mind. Something he'd read once, a long time ago.

If you love someone... let them go.

Hiccup wiped away the last of his tears and stood up, dusting off himself before heading in the direction of the Hofferson house.

It was over.

He had decided to let her go.

Sorry about the shorter chapter, but I wanted to end it at this spot. And don't worry, this is the most angsty this story gets. Things can only go up from here ;)