Why should we continue to pursue something that we may never reach? We cling to the things that we hate and we hate the things we cling to. Such thing is the human heart. How confusing... I often think to myself. Why were Aragami put on this earth? Is it a form of gods wrath? Or maybe it's just a mercy... something to appease the sinful gods that watch over us? Till this day I struggle to find an answer. I struggle to find an answer for myself.
-Back at camp-
The sun begins to rise as the warm moist air of the morning sets In. Quinn being the early bird he is, he exits his tent to wake up the others. But after taking only a few steps out of his tent. He realizes the thrown around luggage and the two empty tents.
"Hmm... Well, CLEARLY something isn't right here... CAPTAAIIIN!" He calls out.
But no one answers...
"Tsk... CAPTAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNN!" He yells once again.
Quinn storms angrily towards Kaitana's tent. Ready to scold the captain for her untimely behavior. He opens the tent with the back of his hand to reveal a sleeping captain Kaitana. Sleeping on the floor in disorderly fashion.
He face palms in disappointment. "Ugh... She's such a damn baby."
Grabbing her by the shoulder, he drags her out of the tent with her god arch tied around her.
-at the canyon-
The eyes of the aragami pan from side to side as it gazes at the duo. They clench their god arch's as their legs tremble at the sheer size of the monster.
"Wh- What the he- hell is that!" Nana says through chattering teeth.
"I-…" -he steadies his stance and clenches his god arch- "I don't know... But we can't give up!"
DO NOT DESPAIR
I DO NOT WISH FOR VIOLENCE
I AM KNOWLEDGE
I SEEK KNOWLEDGE
Unsurprisingly the words shock the two
"I'm... not still tripping from last night, am I?" Messiah says to himself
A pair of footsteps can be heard off in the distance.
"Messiah! Nana! You gu- Holy shit... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" Kaitana says.
Quinn pushes his glasses up. "Yeah... Adequate response."
The Aragami slowly moves its mouth to speak. *cough* "I... am one of the several Arch-Aragami... The God of knowledge. I do not wish for violence... I seek knowledge of the human mind."
Messiah's jaw drops. "O- Oh, so not only can it talk, it's also god?"
Quinn shrugs "Apparently... So uhm, God? What's this deal you got goin on?"
"If you give me information. I will answer ANY questions you have." it says in a deep voice.
Quinn gives the Aragami a record of all the science he and his father have achieved so far. The Aragami takes it.
"Very well, what is your wish?"
The group of four huddle together as they discuss their game plan. Slight whispers can be heard fading into the wind. Quinn, the first to exit the huddle. Slowly walks towards the large Aragami. First, he asks about the origins of the Aragami. It responds with a side-to-side nod. Signaling its inability to respond.
"I am not allowed to give that information." It speaks
Quinn scratches his head, slightly discouraged. "Who created you?"
The beast shakes his head once again.
"Tsk... WELL WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU TELL US!?" Messiah yells in anger.
"I cannot give out information about my origin! Next question!" it says once again.
The group huddles up once again to discuss their next game plan.
"Ok, so it can't give out information about its origin. Does that mean that it doesn't know its origin?" Nana asks.
Quinn pushes his glasses up once again. "I doubt that... It said it can't give out the information. Not because it doesn't have it. It's more like it can't because it's not allowed to."
Everyone nods in agreement. Quinn once again is the first one to exit the huddle. He asks for a sample of his oracle cells. Which the Aragami provides in a small vial. A sinister smirk appears on his face signaling his victory. Quinn retreats as Kaitana steps up to the Aragami.
"And what do you wish for little one?"
"I... I want the ability to change the future!"
"She's not serious... Is she?" Nana asks with slight disappointment in her voice.
The Aragami laughs. "Hahaha! You wish for the power to change the future? You cannot change what you don't know. I will provide you knowledge of the future. That will suffice."
The towering monster slowly reaches out to Kaitana
Knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. To want knowledge is to seek the truth. And the truth is something that many humans cannot handle. So, we live in blissful ignorance. Mind blowing, isn't it?
*FLASH*
A pitch-black room filled with the sound of emptiness. Void of sound. Void of color. Void of sustenance. I never thought that I'd yearn to hear a voice. A sound, something to fill me. Something to give me a reason to stay. Something to belong to me. Something to heal me. That thing was never found... no matter how much I search for something inside of myself. I appear to be empty... nothing about me is fit to lead. Nothing about me belongs in this world. What's so wrong about running away? I run away from the world... because it doesn't want me.
A voice beckons Kaitana. A soft voice, similar to Kaitana's but... younger.
"You ran away." The voice says.
Kaitana begins to shake in slight fear. "Oh no... I really hope that this is a bad trip."
"You ran away." The voice says again.
A singular lamp light begins to flicker. Giving off a feint, yet powerful luminescence. It continues to flicker, not having enough power to sustain itself. With the room slightly lit, a figure appears across the plain and dark room. A child with dark pink hair. Styled in a similar fashion to the captains.
"You ran away"
She walks up to the kid and sits eye level. "It's not nice to say stuff like that to people you don't know sweetie."
"But I know you. I'm you. And you ran away. You ran away from your problems. You ran away from people. You're selfish. You're a narcissist. You ran away. And now you're alone. You ran away. You left everything behind."
The room begins to distort within the darkness. Twisting and turning into the ugly. Becoming what we hate most. Transforming into ourselves. Transforming into me. Transforming into you.
BANG
BANG
There is someone knocking on the door to your subconscious. Will you let them in? I don't think you will. Because you want to hate them, don't you?
"Shut... Up."
You wish they didn't have to depend on you
You're a failure and you know that
You know I'm right
You hate them because you don't want to like them
You hate them so you don't cry when you lose them
"SHUT UP!"
You ran away
You ran away from your friends
"Please... Shut up. I'm scared."
You ran away from yourself
You're alone just like they are
Because you left them
Because you hate them.
"Tsk... What the hell do you know about me you bitch! I'll... I'LL KILL YOU BITCH!" Kaitana slowly wraps her hand around the child's neck.
"I know you. I'm you. You ran away. You're running away again. Do you know that? You gather the courage to face yourself. And you run away."
DIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
"You can't kill me. I'm..." *COUGH* "you..." The girl says while struggling to breath.
She struggles and struggles but to no avail. Her muscles and grip loosen as her eyes roll back. The flickering of the lamp ceases as darkness creeps throughout the room. Sounds echo and echo throughout the empty, cacophonous room. The walls slowly begin to shrink as Kaitana's sanity begins to waver.
I... ran away.
Everything is scary
Everything hurts me
I want to be alone
I'm tired of leading
Tired of being relied on
Tired of being wanted
Tired of being needed
Maybe I don't want to be alone
Maybe I want to be wanted
I... know why I ran away
I ran away because I was scared of failing. Scared of taking that first step. Scared of facing myself.
I was tired of being hurt... so I ran away from it all. I ran away from my past
I ran away from the people I loved. I ran away from Hildreck, I ran away from Quinn, I ran away from. Nana, everyone at home.,I ran away... from myself
I closed myself off.
I did it so that when they leave me.
I won't feel anything.
I see... that that was wrong of me. I was wrong for running away from my trauma. I was wrong for being selfish. But now I see what I must do...
I must face myself and my sins. I must stand by my bonds.
For my bonds are what make me...
Me
The walls stop closing in as the lamp shines a solid white. The girl who was thought to be dead rises from the ground with her own two feet.
"Well done, Kaitana. You were able to face your past. And with that you can now look towards the future." the girl says with a bright smile.
She tugs on Kaitana as she starts to act like the kid she is. The kid points at a door that is now open. Emanating a bright light.
"Wait! Wait! Who... are you?" Kaitana asks.
The kid pouts. "I... thought you would've understood by now! I'm you! Ya dumbass!" -she pulls Kaitana through the door- "Now let's go!"
Kaitana smiles as she finally understands what it means to let go... and smile.
As humans we often focus too much on the past and blind ourselves to future possibilities. Instead... we let our trauma define us and close ourselves off. We can't find ambition while only looking at the past. But we can find hope and a will with the bonds we share. Memories are important for us humans. They make us who we are. But you can't change the past... so look to the future and make it yours. For that is what it means to be human.