The beginning has a fairly dark, descriptive text, so I am just forewarning you now. If you don't like that, skip ahead.

I rummaged through the bag I carried, making sure I had the gift for my little sisters birthday. Dad was picking her up from school whilst Mom put the finishing touches to the party, and I was on gift duty. I was meeting up with them when it happened.

The sun was gorgeous; this was the only time I was envious of the Amity faction. They had the best views. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky, and I turned as I heard Rosie's light giggle. I smiled as I noticed from afar Dad holding her hand and Posie swinging their arms. She was five. I furrowed my eyebrows as they came across some Factionless who stood abruptly in front of them; I didn't make much of it at first.

I started running when I saw the Factionless woman hold a gun to my fathers head. Everything from that moment went in slow motion.

"Dad!" I screamed.

Dad's head quickly faced my direction, and his eyes widened as the woman pointed the gun at me; and I gasped and came to an abrupt halt, my bag dropping from my shoulder. The gift long forgotten. Rosie sprinted towards me; Dad was too slow to catch her. I started to run to Rosie, but the Factionless woman aimed the gun at me, but she missed as Rosie jumped into my arms.

Someone had ripped my heart out as I clung onto Rosie's tiny body, my blood-stained hands tangled in her hair. I dropped to the ground with her in my arms. Dad tackled the woman to the ground, wrestling the gun out of her hands, but the Factionless woman took another shot, and he laid lifeless on the cold, rugged terrain. The woman turned to me, and I sobbed with Rosie's body still clasped in my arms. I pleaded and begged with her, but her eyes were full of madness. She raised the gun one last time to me, and I closed my eyes, waiting. I jumped out of my skin as I felt small, chunky pieces of flesh, and I opened my eyes to see her dead body on the ground, a huge gaping hole at the back of her head.

The silence was too loud, and I couldn't breathe. I kept replaying the scene in my head, my eyes focused and unfocused. I hadn't changed my clothes, and Rosie's blood-stained my white blouse. I sat in the chair, staring at the banner that read:

Happy 5th Birthday Posie

"This is all your fault."

It was a heartbroken whisper, but I heard it.

I turned to the crumbled woman in front of me. Her hands trembled as she held a glass to her lips. Makeup ran down her young, porcelain face.

"It should've been you, Emily."

My youthful, detached eyes stared up into frozen blue ones.

A laugh bubbled from her, and my heart began to race, my palms sweating.

"It's all YOUR FAULT!" She wailed, and the glass in her hand landed with a smash on the wall behind me.

My whisky eyes shot open, and my body wretched to the side as my breakfast decided to make an appearance. My entire body tremored, my eyes watering at the force of the bile rising up my throat. I felt someone shake my shoulders, but it was useless. I clutched my throat as breathing became difficult; my eyes came in and out of focus. I could hear a familiar voice, but I couldn't bring myself back to reality.

I think I got up but tumbled down a few times, and hands tried to grab me. Things around me came crashing down on the frigid white floor, and glass picked at my hands.

"Emily!"

My hands splayed across someone's face as I was forced to the ground. Something pricked my skin, and I felt an ease slip over me, and my eyes closed.

….

My throat felt scratchy and painful as my eyes adjusted to the room I was in. I jolted up and panicked as I couldn't remember what had happened.

I felt gentle hands on my shoulders, and a warm voice coaxed me out of my panicked state, and I hugged Tris tightly.

"What happened, Tris?" I pulled back and felt guilty at her worried eyes. Tris didn't get a chance to speak as one beat her to it.

"You were in your fear simulation, do you remember?" Four spoke. His arms folded, and he was leaning against the frame of the door, eyes glancing at Tris and me worriedly.

I licked my lips and ran my hands over my head. "No, I do. I do remember." I glanced up at Four and noticed a nasty looking cut on his cheek. "Oh, God! Did I do that to you?" My voice quivered.

Four gave me a reassuring smile. "It looks worse than it is."

"God Four. I am so sorry."

"It's no big deal. Tris patched me up." I observed Four and Tris share a look.

"I'm glad to see you're ok. I'll leave you two to it." We watched as Four left, and I sighed into my hands.

"God, Tris, what am I gonna do?"

Tris gave me a face but squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"What happened?"

I paused before I answered. "When I was sixteen, my Dad and my little sister were murdered by some Factionless woman in front of me." Tris' mouth opened in shock. "I mean, it was a little worse than that, but…" I trailed off, playing with my hands.

"I'm sorry. That must be hard for you." She squeezed my hands again. "So your fear landscape?"

I sighed again. "It replayed how it did that day, only, my Mom blamed me for it and said it was my fault."

"You know it's not your fault, though, don't you?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and diverted my eyes from hers.

"Emily?"

"I know, I know. Of course, I do, but I just wish or feel that I could've done something to prevent it. And my Mom…" I leaned my head back on the pillow behind me and exhaled. "There's always been...tension around us since that day. I don't want there to be but, I can't help but feel she does blame me for what happened."

"I'm sure she doesn't. Maybe she feels the same. Maybe she feels like she let you down."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe, look, I don't really wanna talk about this anymore."

Tris hopped up from her position on the hospital bed. "Of course! You get some rest, ok? I'll see you for breakfast tomorrow?"

I nodded and gave her a slight smile as she left the room. I closed my eyes and clutched the bed sheets to my frame as I cried for the first time in a long time.

…

"There she is!"

I smiled at my group as I sat down in the cafeteria with them.

"You're not eating?" Christina asked.

I glanced down at my mug of hot black coffee. "Honestly, I don't wanna throw up my breakfast again. Just in case."

The group gave me a grim smile, but Will steered the conversation from me, and I was grateful.

My thoughts came back to me, and I turned to Tris and whispered.

"What's going on with you and Four?"

Tris' eyes widened, and her mouth opened. "What? Nothing!"

I hummed and smirked in reply. "Come on. I saw that look that you two gave each other yesterday. Something you wanna tell me?"

"Nothing has happened." She replied adamantly.

I raised a dark eyebrow at her, and she pursed her lips in annoyance.

"Ok fine. Nothing has happened, but there is something there."

I let a small laugh escape me. "I knew it!"

She grabbed my forearm. "You can't tell anyone!"

I made a zipping motion over my lips and smirked at her, but she just rolled her eyes in response.

…..

I bit my bottom lip and shook my leg as I waited impatiently for my name to be called. I watched as the door opened, and I grimaced as Chris' skin turned pale. She toppled over her feet, but Will grabbed her before she could fall, and she was helped back to the dorms.

"Emily." My head turned as Four called my name, and I went into the room. I was in slight shock as I noticed Eric leaning against the far end of the wall, tablet in hand. He glanced up as he saw me and put it down as Four, and he addressed me.

Four cleared his throat. "Eric is here just in case."

I tried to figure out if I was irritated or not. "You mean just in case I attack you again?"

Neither replied; Four just motioned for me to sit in the chair, and I sighed but complied anyway.

Four entered something into the computer and turned to me again. " Try and breathe during this one. Try and slow your heart rate and find a way out of it."

I nodded at his advice and watched as Eric picked up the needle filled with the serum. He pulled my hair to the side and tilted my head. I bit the inside of my cheek as I tensed at the intrusion; I moved my head back and glanced into beautiful blue ones before the serum began making its way through my system.

I breathed in deeply as I was shifted into a dimly lit room with only a large mirror standing at the centre. It was incredibly intricate, gold renaissance type decor wrapped around it. I walked timidly up to it and stared at my reflection. Nothing seemed different, my eyes ran down my form, and I was in the classic Dauntless uniform, my hair hanging in dark waves. I turned my head to the left and right; I gave up trying to understand it and faced away from it and took in the room's surroundings to see if anything else could give me a clue as to what I was doing here.

Something wrapped their hands around my waist, and something pulled me viciously into the mirror. My breath escaped me for a brief second, and an unknown force had yanked my body away from where I was initially standing.

It was too quick to register what had happened, and my eyes widened in what was now in front of me. I recognised the room I was just in; the reflection was clear, but I didn't remember the person standing in front of me. Everything about her was darker, her hair, the expression in her eyes, even her clothes. I watched fearfully as this darker Emily observed her reflection.

"This is who you're supposed to be, Emily."

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to understand.

"Do you feel that?" She got closer, her voice barely a whisper. "The blood boiling beneath your skin?"

I suddenly began to become overwhelmed with a rage I have never felt before.

"That's it. Every time you feel this way, you practically beg for me to take over, so this time I will."

I smacked my hands against the glass. "Emily, no! Don't do this!"

Darker Emily smirked in reply. "Why? What are you so afraid of?"

I gripped my abdomen as the boiling started to become painful, and she laughed at me.

"This is the person you're meant to become."

My eyes began to tear up through the pain. "I don't want to be a monster." I cried through gritted teeth.

"You already are a monster."

"No! I won't be, you'll see."

She chuckled lowly. "Nobody cares about you, Emily. Just give up already."

I cried in pain again. One hand clenched into a fist, leaning against the mirror which she was reflecting and one arm clenching against the pain.

"My friends care about me."

Emily grinned. "They won't want you when they see what you're truly capable of. Then you'll have nothing left."

I slammed my fist against the mirror, and Emily rolled her eyes. "You're wrong! I'm left. I care about myself! And I will do everything I can to make sure I don't become you!"

"You're pathetic." Emily sneered as she reached her hands out to me, wringing my neck and pulling me through again.

I gripped her arms and reeled my head back as I headbutted her, and she yelled out in pain. I grabbed her hair and threw her across the room. She didn't get up, but she snickered, blood dripping from her nose.

"You'll never get rid of me."

I glared down at her. "We'll see." I brought my foot up and smashed it against her head, and just as she lost consciousness, I came back around.

I breathed in deeply and sat up straight, eyes ahead of me. Once I gathered my bearings, I found the worried glances of both Eric and Four.

"I'm fine."

Eric raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything.

Four spoke. "You sure?"

I nodded tensely. "Yeah, I'm fine. How'd I do?"

Four nodded. "Pretty good. Took you about seven minutes."

"Great." There was an awkward silence. "Can I leave now?"

"Sure." Four gestured towards the door, and I refused the glance at Eric's judging eyes, and I breezed past him.

I made it to a secluded area and leaned against the wall as I breathed in deeply.

I've only had two fears, and they're both the fucking worst things. Why couldn't I be afraid of heights, or confinement or something? Why did it have to be so profound? I only hope I had some more normal ones coming my way.

…..