JJ pores over the victims and the preliminary profile for the umpteenth time, running on less than four hours of sleep over two days. Her eyes droop until she blinks herself awake, over and over. Hotch watches her from outside the office she sits in, his eyebrows knit together. It's past midnight on the third day of the case, and they have no leads. JJ rubs her face, her mascara smudging slightly.
JJ jumps at a knock on the office door. "JJ? I'm going back to the hotel, I think you should come. We need sleep." Reid stands over her, the pitying look in his eyes bothering her. She hates it when people pity her; she'd rather them just leave her alone.
"I'm fine, Spence."
"No you're not, JJ. You haven't been fine for a while, and it's not healthy. You know that you can't solve this case without sleep, especially with all the stress you're going through right now."
JJ blinks, still reading the files, and gasps. "Wait, wait, Reid. Look at this." She shoves a picture of the victim's family in front of Reid's face. "Do you see it?" She pauses, but Reid doesn't answer. "The mother. See the way she's reaching upward, and her stomach shows? The scar, Spence. She has the same scar that the mother we visited had. I saw it in a picture of her at the beach. I think the mothers are the connection. A c-section or something. This is it. I know it."
Reid widens his eyes. "You're right, I saw that. We need to call Garcia right now and ask her to look into their medical records."
Garcia looks desperately into the medical records of the victim's mothers, unfortunately finding no signs of surgery in them. She insists she will keep looking, leaving them with terms of endearment and hopes that they're okay. She tells JJ to call her if needed, then hangs up. JJ sighs loudly and continues to look at the folders.
"JJ, come on." Reid puts a hand on her shoulder. "We'll ask the mothers in the morning. Please come back to the hotel with me. You need sleep."
JJ looks up at him. "Yeah, fine."
The pair walk to an SUV, and JJ drives them to the hotel. The lights all blur in her tiredness, the red lights brilliant and the green ones shocking. Despite her usual love for neon lights in dark streets, JJ feels a hatred for them. She hates that they are taunting her. She feels their uncomfortable warmth, hating that her favorite view could make her feel so awful. If she loses her comforts of life when she's stressed, then how will the struggles ever subside?
JJ wanders into her hotel room, the smell of dust covered by cleaning products making her cough. She throws her purse on the bed before realizing Reid still follows her, his expression wary and concerned. He puts his hand in his pockets and stands awkwardly, waiting for her to say something.
"What are you doing?" She asks casually, and crosses her arms.
"JJ, I just want you to talk to me. I want to know what's wrong. I can tell you're in pain, and I just want to help. You're my best friend."
JJ sits on the bed, defeated, and pats the comforter beside her. "Sit, Spence."
Spencer sinks into the bed next to her and puts his hand on her knee. JJ sighs and closes her eyes, her heart throbbing, huge, in her chest. She feels a lump in her throat and rubs her face nervously.
Say it, she thinks. You have to. It's now or never. Say it or you'll lose him forever.
"Spence, I think. . . I think I'm gay." It comes out as barely a whisper, and if they weren't sitting so closely, he wouldn't be able to hear her. He quickly wraps JJ into a hug, holding her close for several moments before speaking. He thinks about everything he remembers, realizing that JJ's confession made it all make sense. The secrets. The pain. Pushing people away. Spencer knows what it's like to keep that kind of secret. And he knows exactly what she needs to hear.
"Thank you for telling me, Jennifer," he says, using her full name in the seriousness of the moment.
JJ starts to cry into Reid's shoulder, taking gasping breaths. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Spence, I'm sorry," she sobs.
Reid breaks the hug and looks into her eyes. "Don't apologize. You waited until you were ready. I shouldn't have pushed you, I just didn't know that it was this." He takes her hands in his. "Does anyone else know?"
JJ shakes her head. "You're the first I've really told, but I think Penelope figured it out. Emily definitely knows. But you're the one I told first."
Reid smiles. "I'm honored, JJ. And it's going to be okay. We'll all support you." He darts his eyes away for a second, then returns her gaze. "Is- is this why you and Will. . ."
JJ shakes her head and tucks her hair behind her ears. "No. Yes. Sort of." She takes a shuddering breath. "I think he cheated because I couldn't reciprocate how he felt. It was his fault, but I was still living a lie."
Reid nods. "I understand, JJ. It's okay." He doesn't have much to say, as he's never been one to know comforting words, but his effort is all his best friend needs.
JJ wipes the tears from her face, the lump in her throat subsiding. She feels the relaxation of release and the calmness of support. She wonders why she didn't tell her best friend earlier. Everything would be okay. Sure, she could only come out when practically hallucinating from sleep deprivation, but still. She told someone. That means it's real. That means it's okay. That means that for the first time in a long time, JJ can know who she is.