Crying is all I am doing today. After a long nap of about an hour I wake up with my saliva all around my mouth and on the floor. I preferred the floor over the wooden bed.
"Juniper you have to come with me to get your lunch," the female guard said
"Yeah," I replied, not believing it is afternoon, it already feels like a day has passed.
During the walk from my cell to the lunch room I see empty Chambers. I have no idea what they are for. The darkness inside them makes me shiver. I don't ask the female guard anything. I don't feel safe with anyone. I never did feel safe . Except in my house with my family. Everything and everyone always feels like a threat to me. Don't know why. I have always been confused whether people are different or is it me. I have spent most of the time of my life thinking about how different I am from all those around me. This reminds me of my sister Celestine. She was ,and I must say ,is the perfect daughter to my parents, the perfect bee. She's good at studies, looks better than me, and has a better fashion sense than me. I feel dumb in front of her. People have always been questioning whether we are really sisters. To their astonishment ,we are. We enter the lunch room, it has a sort of corporate feel to it. Nothing feels normal. Everyone around me is in a hurry, either to attend a hearing or just busy doing their own work. This makes me go numb from head to toe. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why did I have to help that old man? These why's and how's keep rushing through me until the female guard brings an apple pie for me to eat. I eat in bits. Lost in my own world. All I think about is how life would have been if I hadn't helped him.
"She is a face for us!," Someone screams. It's the TV. I see my picture with the guards from this morning when I was being taken to the cell. What? I am the face? For whom? After reading the headlines, I realized these were the people who never supported the flawed court. How am I the face for them? I don't even know them. " You're famous," the female guard says with a brittle smile as I watch her and the TV in astonishment. What is happening to my life?
" I don't want to be famous," I whisper as if I am about to die from a heart attack. My mind is all numb. I don't know what is waiting for me. Whatever it is, I am sure it is something big and dirty.
"Let's get back to your cell," the female guard says, opening the door of the lunchroom for me. I follow her back to the cell.
I enter the cell a little afraid of what I have been seeing throughout the day. All of the incidents fill my head. It feels as if my head is going to explode and nothing of me will be left. The cell feels extremely cold, even without the air conditioners that we have at our home. I have never enjoyed the fake cold chills of air that came through that machine. I like it natural here. From the inside my body is boiling up, but on the outside I am as cold as ice. I try to cover my ears with my palms which feel numb in the movement. My whole body is numb.