DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. If you'd like to suggest anything, please just let me know!

Thinking

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Sakumo Hatake was beginning to really worry about his son's... quirkiness.

The four-year-old was still persistently holding on to his mask 24/7 and was even experimenting with stealth techniques to keep what his cute little chubby-cheeked puppy face looks like under wraps during times like eating when he couldn't keep the mask up. God forbid the kid's decent with genjutsu; I'll probably never see his cutie-patootie little face again...

His son had long been even wearing the mask at home which is something he's always frowned upon and just realized last night that Kakashi has even been wearing it when he bathes alone. Kakashi-chan lost the ruse that he was simply putting on a new mask when Sakumo bent down to give his son a kiss and found that the mask was wet and smelled like sandalwood.

And now there's this again: the poking.

"Son, what have I told you about poking things with sticks?"

"Not to?" Kakashi asks as he continues to poke a dead frog.

Dear Lord, if Jiraiya was here he'd lose his shit over my son poking an amphibian, summon or not, Sakumo thought to himself. Orochimaru would be alright with it, but that guy's a little... different. Great shinobi, though.

"Maa, he chose to infiltrate our property, so I have the right to examine him," Kakashi says like a seasoned but disturbed chibi interrogator.

"Kakashi, poking something with a two-meter long stick is not what I'd call examining."

"Maa, tou-san, I'm examining its reaction to stimuli," Kakashi says as he uses his stick to give the frog a more persistent poke.

"It's dead, Kakashi," Sakumo deadpans.

Kakashi makes a little sound that Sakumo recognizes as disappointment. His boy still pokes the frog once more before Kei, one of his wolf summons, bounds over and begins to tear the poor former croaker apart. Kei's never been his smartest, but he's a good boy; he's been blessed with the attitude of a puppy and the brains of a...well, a frog. Like the one he's eating.

Sakumo groans because now Kakashi's poking his summons. He knows that his wolves have gotten so used to his son's actions with sticks that they seldom react to it anymore. Kakashi's been nipped enough that he knows not to poke them too hard, nor near vital areas. This is not normal. Maybe he should enroll his boy in the Academy this year after all. Being with him, Jiraiya, or his former-Genin team of little deviants is not doing his pup's social skills any good, and the boy needs to make some friends his own age.

"Kakashi-chan," Sakumo begins, seeing his son bristle at the honorific which is just adorable, "poking things is wrong! I know we've discussed what happens when you poke a bear, both literally and figuratively, many times before, son."

Kakashi is silent for a few moments, and Sakumo can see the wheels turning in his son's shaggy silver-topped head. "Maa, what if it's a seal placed by an enemy? 'A shinobi must always remain vigilant,''' he recites, tapping his masked chin. "Approaching said seal with a stick or other object with sufficient reach would protect the shinobi." Turning toward his father, he continued. "'A shinobi must always be prepared.' Training to approach and tag a target with efficiency and precision is vital." He then wielded his stick as if it was a sword and tagged the far end of it precisely in the center of a small knot in the tree they're under.

Sakumo sees Kakashi nod to himself at that, as if he's the goddamn sage of sticks. Maybe he is. He snorts at the thought. And damn Jiraiya for teaching my boy about seals! "Maa, maa! A seal couldn't be activated with a stick, Kakashi. A trap, yes; a seal: no." He turned over the idea in his mind more. "Maa, not unless it's a crap seal and then it would probably explode or something." Trying to appeal to Kakashi's stubborn logic, the pony-tailed father continued. "'A shinobi must complete his mission,' remember? A shinobi can't complete his mission if he's dead or badly wounded, son."

Kami-sama: did I just say that?! The thought of his son being even slightly injured scares the hell out of Sakumo, and I just implied blowing a limb off?

Maybe I should go get some "advice" from the Yamanakas again...

Then again, seeing the contemplative look now in his son's gray eyes gives him some hope. Seeing Kakashi pick the stick up and look at it so seriously, maybe he has gotten through to him at last!

Naturally, though, his genius chibi channels lightning chakra through his long stick. He's totally fried the stick, but he sees Kakashi's eyes gleam with satisfaction. He looks up at his father, grinning so hard that his eyes look shut. Sakumo pats his son's head, knowing that the pup's just too darn cute for him to scold anymore, especially when he's so proud of him.

Gaara wonders if somehow having Shukaku stuck inside of him again is making him more aggravated and tired than usual, or if it's just Naruto's snoring while she continues to sleep and mutter about ramen. Good thing her chakra's somewhat obstructed. He's lost count of how many times he's heard her mutter "Rasengan" in her sleep as she pushed her hands toward the cell wall.

He worries about his little sister. Powerful or not, Naruto's exotically beautiful and completely oblivious to romantic (or worse) intentions, something he's seen her objected to constantly for years now. Yes, she had a longtime boyfriend who broke her heart - asshole - but he knew they never slept together and is grateful. What would happen, though, if she does find someone who wins her heart? Not that anyone's good enough for her. She'd have to fall in love with someone exceptionally powerful, and even then, he can easily imagine her unleashing a powerful jutsu on a potential husband in her sleep. That or beating them senselessly as she did to those ANBU.

"What am I going to do with you, Naru-chan?"

"I still can't get through to them!" Shukaku bemoaned in his mindscape.

"Thank you for the update, Shukaku," Gaara replied dryly, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He appreciated not being asked to call the Bijuu "mother" again - something he's only realized since being here that the tanuki calls his cellmate.

Speaking of which, these tree-huggers really needed to up their game! Putting two of the world's most powerful shinobi in a cell together? Hmph!

Did I just use the word "tree-huggers," even if it was only in my mind? That is obviously Shukaku's influence and fault. The Godaime Kazekage would most definitely not belittle an allied village of perverts in such a manner. He's reminded of the last time he heard someone call a Konoha citizen a tree-hugger: the Iwa shinobi wilted at seeing young Sarutobi wrap his arms around a tree with a huge smile on his face in response. Giving the tree a big kiss was the topper, though.

"...kick your ass, Teme," Naruto says quite clearly in her sleep.

Teme, indeed.

The last Uchiha's just another example of a (traitorous evil) man that his sister-figure has unknowingly ensnared and has wrapped around her little finger. Gaara's fist closed at the mere thought of the man that so often tried to kill and finally did dismember his best friend. At least he has been sent off by the Rokudaime to meet his fate. Telling Kakashi about the ring with an orange stone in the center that the Uchiha purchased upon getting out of jail had certainly hastened Hatake's decision. Perhaps it was the remaining twisted part of Gaara that was responsible for letting the Raikage know when Sasuke left his home village. As long as Naruto doesn't find out... The only ones aware of their plans for the last Uchiha were the three Kage, themselves.

He trusted Ai to not inform his brother, Lord Bee, although he recalled that Bee really wanted to take out the last Uchiha, himself, after what the Uchiha had done to him. I can't imagine how much the fires of Amaterasu must have hurt him. Not only that, but Bee was a fairly prideful man, and had nearly been captured and killed by the much younger and psychotic avenger. He'd also hurt his Bijuu, and Gyūki was incredibly precious to Killer B.

Knowing how much the multi-sword wielder admired his blonde fellow-jinchuuriki, however, he feared the Raikage's brother wouldn't go through with ending the traitor's life. You killed too many people, Uchiha.

Considering that once more, he remembered that he yet again owed his little sister his life. He'd recently heard from Kakashi that before what history will forever call "The Final Battle," Uchiha had especially wanted to end his and the other Kage's lives, and forever enslave the Bijuu and all mankind.

What a dick.

Gaara made a third eye and closed his own, getting more comfortable and stretching on the futon mattress that was placed on the concrete floor. They didn't offer prisoners this comfort in the cells of Suna, so he was grateful for the small luxury. His third eye observed his cellmate.

Wanting to kick the Uchiha's ass or not, how can she be so forgiving?

Gaara reminded himself that if she hadn't always been this way, he wouldn't have her in his life, and perhaps wouldn't have a life at all. He knew that she could have killed him when they were mere children, but she never wanted to, she'd told him. Then she helped bring me back to life after the first Akatsuki attack. His chakra had been warmer ever since she helped Lady Chiyo revive him all those years ago.

Gaara had long ago admitted to himself that he would not decline a relationship with Naruto if she weren't... well, Naruto. Naruto was his first friend, the one who understood his pain, and that pixie-cut little disguised girl who brought him out of his murderous darkness. She's the reason he began to have his now close relationship with his siblings and was his original role model which allowed him to eventually become the beloved leader of Suna.

He would never jeopardize the relationship he has with the Hokage-in-training. Their village responsibilities would never allow them to be together, anyway. Oh, and there's the fact that she's a pain in the butt: just look at the situation she's placed us in now.

"It might not have been Mother's fault, Gaara."

"Stop reading my mind, Shukaku. Someone's coming."

Gaara observed two ANBU enter the hallway outside his cell through the third eye he'd placed behind a camera in the corner of the cell. One was obviously a younger Kakashi and the other... Lee-san? Had Lee perhaps won the Sandaime's trust already? He was wearing the appropriate ANBU mask, after all. And why are they carrying sticks?

The two ANBU nodded at one another before giving each other a thumbs up. The masked Kakashi - an ANBU mask over his multiple clothed masks - pointed his stick into the cell toward Naruto.

Gaara really wanted to sandblast him right then and there, but refrained, reminding himself that they were thought to be enemies of the Leaf. He observed as Lee-san - or perhaps that's Gai-san? - also pointed his stick through the cage, although his target seemed to be him. Not an intelligent decision, Gaara thought.

Just as Kakashi's stick poked Naruto in the breast, the blonde was up and had grabbed the incredibly offending stick. Without hesitation, she jabbed the idiot who'd tried something on her while sleeping and nailed him in the nads with the other end of it. "Bam, bam, bam!" Yes! Three shots directly to the balls!

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," the Hound-masked ANBU moaned while clutching his privates on the floor. Gaara burst out laughing, something normally unlike him.

The other ANBU dropped his stick and roughly pulled his partner away, mumbling soothing phrases to the man Gaara heard him call "Rival."

"What the hell was that about?" Naruto asked, genuinely confused. "Was that Kakashi doing cosplay again? Damn pervert."