Fandom: Gravitation / グラビテーション
Title: Creating Infinity.
Pairing: Ryuichi x Tatsuha
Rating: PG-13
Description: (sequel to "Things don't last forever.") Tatsuha receives a surprise on White Day that he never expected to get.

Disclaimer: Murakami Maki-sensei and Sony are the owners of Gravitation.

Creating Infinity.
by Miyamoto Yui

Chapter 5 – The answer's right there in front of you.

"Something good happen today, Tatsuha-san?" Mr. Itoh questions as I'm about to step out the front gate.
"Nothing really," I reply with a smile.
"Well, thank you again for coming. I appreciate you doing this prayer with us every year."
I gesture to say it's no problem. "It's part of my duties so you don't have to thank me. Your grandmother was really kind to me. She used to give me stamps when I was little."

It's one of the few gifts I received without any strings attached. Your grandmother was very caring to everyone.

He brings out a bag of fruit. "It's not much, but please take them."
"Oh no, really. You don't have to-"
"You love strawberries, don't you?"
"Yes, but-"
He insists, placing the handle of the bag into my hand. "Please."
"Thank you so much." I humbly hold up the plastic bag with both of my hands and bow my head as he and his toddler wave at me when I get into my car.

It's times like these that I remember why I accepted this lifestyle.

I smile quietly to myself and head on home to get ready for a lecture, Mr. Itoh's family being the last of my house calls for the day.
A few minutes later, I pat the bag as it crinkles under my palm but the midi for "Re-communicate" by Asakura Daisuke goes off.
Puzzled, I pick up my flip phone from the cup holder and open it while watching the road. "Tohma-san?"
"Hello, Tatsuha-kun~." His tone is suspiciously mischievous. I already know it has to do with Ryuichi at my house.
"I can already hear the laughing on your end."
"I practically bring him alllll the way to your doorstep and you leave him alone in your house?"
"I'm still doing my temple duties. Remember I'm a monk?"
He pushes my comment aside.

"The only phone numbers on his phone are mine, Noriko's, and Shuichi's. You forgot to give him yours so he called me." He sighs. "You have absolutely no idea how he is when you leave him alone."
"Like…?"
"Either he gets very quiet and self-destructive or the little brat will find something to do. You know how pets scratch through things while their owner is gone?"
I start to laugh. "You're calling him a pet?"
"You're his owner now so you take care of him and don't tell me I didn't warn you when you made that promise to me."
"This and that are different. And what do you mean he's my responsibility now?"
"Good day, Tatsuha-kun!" I can feel him tipping his hat off to me. "I've got a meeting."
"Wait!"
"Yes?"
"Why'd you never tell him about how much I've fanboyed over him?"
"He can judge for himself. Okay, bye for real now."
"Thank-"
"No, thank you." I hear the smile in his voice.
Dial tone.

I speed home to find Ryuichi still sitting on the futon with a book open next to a notebook he's currently writing inside of. And that's next to several music sheets aligned side-by-side to one another. With closed eyes, he's nodding to himself with earbuds in his ears, concentrating and writing along.

He doesn't notice that I've arrived back home, but I fold my arms to watch him from the threshold. Sitting with his legs folded and chewing the end of his pencil, he hunches over to draw some music notes. Putting the pencil down, his fingers firmly press down on the tatami like weighted piano keys.

After five minutes, when I turn around so that I make sure not to interrupt him, I hear his raw voice without Tohma's and Nuriko's keyboards.

"This thirsty love,
Lasting forever.
It flows without end,
Greedily wanting more,

Creating its own infinity.

If that's so,
Then give it to me,
Without knowing the side effects
Or the consequences.

I'll take it freely.

No matter how many times,
Take me,
Rob me of my senses
Until I feel only you.

Feed my appetite,
Or starve my love to death,
It doesn't matter as long
As you'll always be with me."

I immediately put my hand over my mouth and before I know it, tears are on my eyelids. Walking quickly to the kitchen, I only realize I've been holding my breath when I cough.

I have no idea what you've just said because it's in English, but it slowly burns my heart into a crisp.

Even though I want to beg for a translation, the next question will definitely tumble into, "Who are you thinking of while singing that?" Irrationally and all the more stupidly, some part of me dies, suffocating in this useless recycled set of unanswered queries.
It isn't the first time I've tormented myself over this.

I can't think like this. You aren't mine.
I've got to remember that today's an exception.

Once in a while, as I cut the vegetables, I hear his voice clearly resonating throughout the house. And at one point, lost in his reverie, I cut my index finger. Sucking on it, I shake my head at my idiocy.
Again, I've lost myself inside my dream.

When you leave tomorrow, how can I ever go back to my normal life?

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

/"Sometimes, I don't understand you and Shuichi."

"Where's that coming from?" Nii-chan lit up his cigarette at the balcony.
"Once you commit to paper and someone reads it, it'll linger in their consciousness. Even if you tear it up, you can't erase it from their minds. The more you'll be giving yourself away without knowing. This is a brutal business."
"You don't have to worry about me, Nii-chan." I put my head down on my folded arms at his work desk. I still couldn't believe he let me sit here. "If I don't write it out, I'll be dying anyway. Besides, what are the chances that Ryuichi-sama will read this anyway? I know you know why I need to do it."
Lifting my head, he turned to me and the glare of the light stung my eyes.
"Why do you keep stubbornly pounding at everything with your optimism? It's troublesome." He sighed.

His phone suddenly went off, singing an acapella. "Doko ni mo, tomaranai~!"
Nii-chan read his text and took a puff of his cigarette before smirking. "That baka."

I looked at the blinking cursor of the computer screen, envying them.

Spaced out, I didn't know he'd finished smoking and came back inside the room. Nii-chan held onto my shoulder, but didn't look at my face. "Just so you know, nothing is impermeable."
Turning the swivel chair, I hugged him though he didn't lift his arms to do the same./

In a haze, I push my hands on the table, but I can't seem to get up.

I'm enjoying hearing him in the background, but I also don't want to stop his flow, if he's feeling inspired to do his art.

"…suha? Tatsuha?" Ryuichi places his hand on my shoulder.
I turn my head and look up into his face. "Oh! Perfect. I was just going to call you for dinner."
"Is something wrong? I was calling your name, but you never responded."
"Oh, sorry. I…was practicing what I was going to say for today's discussion. I'll be stepping out to another part of the house after dinner."
"Ah," he replies, unconvinced.

Outside through the sliding doors and beyond the veranda, the sun dips into several shades of bright plum and apricot in between puffy clouds when I sit down for dinner. Even though there are three other sides to this table, he sits right next to me. We both bow our heads saying, "Itadakimasu~!"
Picking up his rice bowl, he looks around his tray. "You made all this? I could've called something in. You didn't have to do all this for me. Aren't you already tired from all the stuff we did?" He takes a mouthful of kinpira gobo and nods to himself.

Just watching you enjoying my cooking lightens up my mood.

"Naw, you're here." I swallow some seaweed salad. "I've stayed awake longer waiting for pre-sale tickets. Man…the last time Nittle Grasper came through Osaka, I was there at the ticket office for 3 days."
"Why'd you do that? You could've asked Tohma for one." He puts his chopsticks on his lips while looking at me.
"Tohma's already generous with all the special limited goods." I hold the back of my neck and then take another mouthful of my salad. "But there are some things even I can't ask him, as much as my siblings want to make fun of me for."
"Why? It's just a ticket." This time he reaches out for some of the yudofu. "He gives those out all the time. Nori always reserves at least five for herself."

Noticing that he's sampling everything all at once, I want to laugh at his eagerness.
"Because I should earn it myself." I shift my gaze to look elsewhere before joking (and getting more cute-d out), "There was that one time I begged Tohma to give me…Yeah."
I shut my mouth solid.

"Give you what?" He devours the yudofu with impish pleasure.
Clearing my throat, I cover my mouth to hide my smirk. "Nothing."
"Now I want to know." He gives me a Look as if I've challenged him, putting his chopsticks down on the table. Plack.

That expression kills all feeling to my legs and feet. Why are you even sexier to get your way? Oh…right.

"Really, it's no big deal." I futilely try to brush it off.
"Hmm…Trying so hard to hide it too…" He takes his chopsticks back up. "I can't exactly tickle the info out of you in this case."
"It's nothing. I mean, you shouldn't care about it. Ahahahahaha…" I drink all of my miso in one gulp.
He raises his eyebrows. "Now, I'm really curious about it."

And before I know it, he takes a piece of his sakura dai and gently grips my jaw, placing it on my tongue. Caught by surprise, I'm sucking on his chopsticks when he pulls them away. Holding his hand in mid-air with his fingers still pressing on my jaw, he gives me a sadistic squint. "You know how this will end, so just give in."
"You act like this is a punishment, Ryuichi," I counter.
"Ah!" His smile grows wider, but I see his ears turning red. "You finally said my name!"
Holding my jaw a bit tighter in his palm, I wince. "Mmph."
He gives me the Look again, and feeds me another piece of sakura dai while pressing the tips of his chopsticks onto my tongue. Then, he puts them into his mouth, closing his eyes briefly, savoring the taste.

I can't do anything but watch him relishing my taste with those scrunched up eyes and that grin. As if he's eating candy!

How can someone be this cheerfully provocative?! Is that even possible?

When he opens his eyes, he quietly feeds me my whole meal and never lets go of my jaw, following the food's pathway down my throat whenever I swallow. Once in a while, he'll eat some of his meal, licking his lips from the complete rapture and then comes back to feeding me.
I don't know what he's thinking, but his fingertips sear right through my jawbone and somehow, I want them in my mouth instead.

Still holding onto me, he takes one last bite before placing his chopsticks down onto the table to analyze my face. "Yup, I was right."
"About what?"
"That you'd taste as cute as I thought."
"You didn't end up asking about what I begged Tohma-san for."
"It doesn't matter." He licks his lips and bites on his lower one. "I'll eventually find that out. Besides, I was really enjoying that face…"
"What face?"
"This one."
He squeezes my jaw again and in response, I give another mild moan.
"The adorably tortured one."

Finally, he releases my chin and I drink several cups of tea and water to cool myself down. All the while, we're observing one another, but he breaks our mutual gaze to clasp his hands together. "Gochisousama desu."

Looking at me, the shade of sensuality brightens into modesty as he wholeheartedly tells me, "Besides Tohma and Nori, this is the first time that anyone's ever cooked for me. And I could taste your whole heart in it. Thank you, Tatsuha."

The glass of water I'm pouring overflows and I scramble to get a rag to clean it up. But when I come back, Ryuichi is already wiping the table with his own Kumagorou towel and cleaning up at the same time. And I have to wonder about how far his humility extends.

For now, above all the concerts, magazine articles, or tv appearances, this moment endears my heart the most. It even surpasses the one I just told him about earlier.

"You didn't have to."
But all he does is roll up his imaginary sleeves. "It's the least I can do for giving me the best meal of my life."

How much more do you want me to fall in love with you?

Is it really possible that you're single? That you have no one waiting for you back in America even though you asked about what I thought if you came for me? But I'm afraid to ask, wanting to lengthen every second of our ever-shortening day together.

My mouth still craves your fingers to push against my tongue and my jaw already misses the fire…
Yes, there's really no room for anyone else inside me.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Somehow, with all these muddled thoughts, I'm able to clear them enough to give an evening discussion. When I return, I stand in the hallway between the veranda and the den.

"Ryuichi…"
He looks up from reading. "Yeah?"
"I know it's already past eight, but…come with me."
"Okay." He closes his book and positions Kumagorou to sit on the top of his futon, instructing, "You take care of the house."
"You're not going to even ask what we're doing?"
He gets up and walks up next to me. "No, because anywhere with you will be fun."
I take in a long drawn out breath, nod my head slowly and bite my lips from the inside trying very hard not to outwardly rejoice at the adorableness that is Him, but there's a chibi in my head so ready to pounce him and tear his clothes off. The other nine chibis restrain him with rope.

"Hmm?" Ryuichi blinks at me.
"Yeah, let's go." I clasp onto his hand.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

We're currently driving past Kiyomizu-dera and into Yamashina.

"You can sleep on the way there."
"No way!" He excitedly holds his hands on the side of the car and looks out, taking pictures with his camera and phone even if they'll come out blurry.
"If I could, I'd walk there, but most of the time, I watching things. You'll never come back the way you came. It's never the same."
I glance over at him, reaching out for his hand but then pull it back.

I begin to understand why I fell in love with this singer, but even more, the person behind that. The longer I'm next to him, I also see why I shouldn't bind him in any way.

His freedom…that's the core of his charm. That's why he values sincerity.
Things have to be given openly and he can plainly see all that. No wonder he can act innocently without constraints.
Once he gives his trust, it's unconditional.

Is that why the price at the guarded gate is so heavy?

It makes sense why everyone's attracted to him. Why, until now, he's still singer everyone turns to and Nittle Grasper is the standard for every musical platform in this country.

He knows, and yet he doesn't.

"This reminds me of the time that Tohma and I drove to Mt. Koya. I would have walked up the mountain, but there was ice so they advised us not to. I'm not exactly sure why he brought me, but there's one thing that I'll never forget.

Walking there with him, I felt like I was reaching out for eternity.

It's a place to seek refuge or meditate, but even with all the people, I felt very comfortable. No one bothered me and I felt serene, a peace I'd never had in my entire life. I always want to explore while listening to music, but there, I just enjoyed staying put. Just being there.
And the closer I came to the temple, Tohma nodded his head and brought out his handkerchief. I didn't know I was already crying when he was patting my tears away.

On the way back, I saw a line. It's one of those quandaries. You know, those Buddhist puzzles for thought?"

"Of course." I nod, watching the road ahead within the glinting twilight blue.

"Well, on a whim, I stood there in the back of the line waiting for my turn.
'You want to try this out?'
'Yes. It's…calling out to me.'
He chuckled at my answer. 'But it'll be so easy for you.'
'Why do you say that?'

I didn't know exactly what was going on, but from the murmurs, I'd figured out that you were supposed to move a rock with a stick. The rock was in an enclosed box with wire fencing so the stick was poking out from the side.
'How do you even move that thing?' I thought to myself.
As we got closer, people kept on saying that the rock was too heavy or messing around with their friends for being 'impure'. None of the things the crowd said made any sense to me.
When I read the description, it was something like 'Whomever moves the rock is pure of heart.' I just shook my head since I was already there.
At my turn, without any strategy, I easily overturned the rock. To tell the truth, it was very light. While walking away, I was even more confused, but someone behind me blurted out, 'Hey, he moved it!'
Tohma just touched the back of my head.

There was a part of me that was very proud, but was that supposed to prove something? I mean even if it was a holy place, that was there as a teaching tool. It was a tangible way of understanding the question.
Until now, I can't understand why people made such a big deal about it.

The answer's right there in front of you."

Ah…now I understand why Tohma-san answered the way he did when he sent me to LA.

"I didn't think any more about it and on the way back, I never asked him why he brought me there." He turned to me. "But you know what?"
"What?"
"For some reason, it reminds me of the moment before I open my mouth. When everyone is holding their breath to hear me. Or when I stand in the ocean waiting for the wave to roll towards me. I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but you get what I mean, right?"
"When you feel like you're exactly where you should be?"
"Yeah."
Taking a quick glimpse of him, I see his hand on the dashboard already pressing the notes for a song.

"But I also feel that way when I'm with you~" he sings while closing his eyes.

Quickly, he opens his eyes and unzips his bag to scribble something down.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you," he apologizes.
"No, not at all."
Yawning, he curls up in his seat. "I know I said I'd stay awake, but I think I'll take another nap on the way there. To be honest, when I arrived at the airport, Tohma brought me straight to your meeting."
"What?!"

Tohma wasn't kidding when he said he'd dropped you literally at my doorstep?! Wasn't he supposed to be in Tokyo?

"I know I slept earlier, but I'd been working on your soundtrack for two weeks straight. And I couldn't wait to give it to you. Today was my deadline, but…" He starts to laugh to himself. "I think I'll add one more and make that the main track for the music video instead. Eh, Tohma'll figure it out somehow."

Once again, my jaw drops, but I keep staring at the road.

"Why?"

Why work that hard for me?

"To give you back everything you gave me."
"That makes no sense. I didn't do anything."
He shakes his head and reaches out for my hand. "Since Kuma is guarding your house, you'll have to be his replacement for now."
I grip onto it. "Sure."
Finally, he closes his eyes, and from delayed exhaustion, he quickly falls asleep. But I'm still wondering about what he's just told me.

What could I have ever done for you?

Tsuzuku… / To be continued…
-
Author's note: The interesting thing of doing this piece is that we the audience know about Tatsuha's obsessiveness (like Shuichi's) over Ryuichi but while Ryuichi is good at discerning things, I wondered if he actually understood and still let it slide? And why would he, someone who is mentally well-guarded, allow Tatsuha to seamlessly pass through his defenses?

That rock 'puzzle' was the one thing I remembered from Mt. Koya. I usually do not like waiting in line for things, especially not knowing what's at the front, but I did it anyway to see what people were whispering about.
There's something very special about that place though. I've been around, but the atmosphere is unique, unlike any other place I've been to on our globe.

Love,
Yui

4/18/2021 7:31:50 PM – Los Angeles
4/19/2021 11:31:50 AM – Tokyo