Chapter 5 – Riling Puppies
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"Guys," Doug crooned from his position between them on the bed, Evie nipping at Doug's chest while Chad pumped a hand between his legs. "Please."
"We'll get there, we promise," Chad murmured against Doug's skin, licking at the pale flesh of his neck. "Evie, you see this?" He angled Doug's length so the princess could catch the way it leaked fresh trails of clear slick. "Isn't this the prettiest damn dick you have ever seen?"
"It's a real beauty, is what it is," Evie teased, her fingers caressing the tip of Doug's member while he shuddered in their hold. "So pink and wet."
"Love touching his dick," Chad breathed. "He feels so good."
"Pulsing in your hand," Evie continued. "So responsive."
"And the sounds he makes," Chad said just as Doug mewled, writhing between them. "And then he wonders why we're so hot for him."
"Have you fucked him?" Evie asked, her eyes half-lidded in want and challenge.
Chad shook his head. "He fucked me," he admitted, watching Evie's gaze go wide with delight. "And it was fucking good."
"N-No it wasn't," Doug gasped, his back arching into Evie's attentions. "I b-barely did anything."
"We're gonna practice so much," Chad whispered, making Evie giggle.
"We should invite Jay," she declared, making Doug whine. "So he can show us how it's done. Doug had a crush on him too."
"Evie," Doug whimpered, so sweet and pretty how could Chad not lean forward and kiss those pouting lips, swallowing those whines with a desperate greediness.
"Good taste," Chad breathed when he pulled away. "Of course you have good taste, you're so good."
"Our good boy," Evie breathed, combing a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna ride you now, okay sweetie?"
"E-Evie," Doug gasped. "I won't- I won't last."
"You'll do your best," Chad urged, pressing kisses to his shoulder. "And that will be lovely in itself."
"My boys," Evie declared as she guided Doug onto his back, moving to straddle him with a victorious look. "My sweet boys."
Yes. Yes, this was it.
Somehow, someway, Chad had done it.
-:-:-:-:-:-
The great thing about finally working together with Evie was that Chad no longer had to sneak around behind her back to spend time with Doug. Now he could do it when she was around, and while he always made a point to give them scheduled alone time, that meant he was able to crash their movie nights and take them on museum dates and hold Doug's hand as they walked through the gardens, and Evie would smile at him with a look of fondness instead of imminent threat.
It also meant that Chad and Evie could be friends now, which meant that they could actually discuss their shared love of fashion together, Chad complimenting Evie's unique creations and Evie waxing poetic about the minimalistic elegance of Chad's line. Chad finally had a date to fashion shows who was not Audrey – who would attend them for the sake of her image but never really enjoyed them all that much, unlike Evie who loved them to pieces. It meant Audrey could schedule different publicity opportunities for herself at the same time as Chad's shows – perhaps with Gil or Mal in-tow – and Chad had a willing date for events that were pretty much a necessity for him.
One day, they could maybe collaborate on something, but Chad wasn't going to push his luck. He'd settle for befriending Evie for the sake of sharing Doug. It was really all he ever wanted.
Eventually they did invite Jay into one of their sessions, and Doug must really like Chad because he watched with unwavering interest as Jay prepped the prince, as Jay stretched him wide while Chad crooned against the sheets until at last Jay fucked him, showing off the blond's flexibility by pushing his legs up towards his chest and rutting into his tight heat.
It was weird, having an audience that wasn't Audrey or Gil, but Doug was obviously into it and Evie wasn't much better, alternating between toying with Doug and toying with herself, though her gaze was mostly on Jay.
"Fuck," Jay gasped when it was finally over, the Agraben teen collapsing next to Chad's side, chest heaving with exertion. He pet a hand down Chad's trembling abdomen. "You did so good, baby."
Chad knew his expression was blissed out, his body settling with a pleasant, bone deep ache. "Back at ya, stud."
"Sweet evil," Evie breathed, fanning herself. "Don't think you're getting off that easy, Jadir. Hands and knees."
"Evie," Jay whined but he still moved to follow her order, willingly submitting himself to her attentions.
"Think I don't know what you want?" Evie hummed as she crawled into position behind him, reverently cupping the globe of his rear. "I'm gonna fuck you until you're writhing, sweetheart."
"Fuck," Jay and Chad huffed about the same time, Jay trembling with anticipation as the princess lubricated her fingers.
Oh, okay then. That was a thing Chad hadn't known Jay needed. He was learning a lot today.
He switched his focus to Doug, breath catching when he realized the dwarf kin's attention hadn't left him, his focus roaming Chad's body, seeming to dwell on the release smearing his stomach before dropping between his legs.
Chad twitched his legs wide in an invitation, giving his best come hither look. "Fuck me, please?"
"Chad," Doug gasped, but he was already moving, stripping what remained of his clothes until he was crawling between his legs. "I- I won't-"
"Please," Chad whined, running a hand down his own chest and catching the way Doug's gaze watched the descent. "I wanna feel you inside me."
Doug didn't say anything, too focused on pushing Chad's legs up like Jay had done earlier, breath catching when he saw the slick leaking from Chad's entrance. Seeming unable to help himself, he thumbed at it, making Chad shiver.
"P-Please, Doug," he gasped, scrambling for the musician's hand. "Please."
"Okay," Doug said, and then he was easing into Chad – the stretch more manageable compared to Jay's girthier member.
Chad moaned all the while, set off by the feel of Doug sliding through Jay's slick, clutching onto him tightly in an effort to really feel him.
"Chad," Doug choked, leaning into the prince's space as he pushed the rest of the way inside. "Please, I'm gonna-"
"Feel so good," Chad gasped, tangling his hands in Doug's long hair and pulling him into a kiss. He could do that; he could kiss Doug while Jay was getting fingered by Evie and Audrey was okay and everything was good for once. "Please, please fill me, big boy, please."
"Fuck, you're so tight," Doug gasped against his lips. "Chad-"
"It's okay," Chad assured him, peppering his face with kisses. "It's okay. I just wanna feel you."
"Light, I don't know why," Doug breathed, burying his face in Chad's neck. "You have so many choices."
"And one of them's you," Chad said, taken off guard by Doug's confusion, even if intellectually he knew it was warranted. "Doug, you're so s-sweet and funny and good looking-"
"I'm not," Doug insisted with a flush, twitching inside Chad. "Not enough for you."
"Fuck yes, enough for me," Chad said, cradling Doug's face between his hands so Doug would have to look at him. "And if anyone tells you differently I will break their damn legs. I will make their lives miserable. And if I can't, I'll hire people who can, because no one gets to say that about you, okay?"
Doug let out an overwhelmed sound, a distinct moisture building in his eyes. "Fuck."
"Come here," Chad said, and he cradled him close, just like he always wanted to while Doug weakly rutted into him. "It's okay, you're okay. I care about you a lot, alright?"
"Hated it," Doug said, his voice sounding so very small. "All those girls you slept with at Auradon Prep. I hated them."
"Doug," Chad felt breathless, because he'd never even slept with that many girls, just gave the illusion of it because he needed to stay off the market – save his peers from the poisoned well of Sardinia.
"I wanted to be the one crawling into your bed," Doug admitted, making and breaking Chad's heart all in one. "I thought about doing it so many times. Every time you'd come back with a Tourney injury, I wanted to cross those five feet and kiss it better, kiss you better-"
Chad was trembling now, helpless as happy tears rolled down his face, because all this time- even though he'd been an asshole-
"D-Doug." Chad knew distantly that Jay and Evie could hear all of this, that they weren't that far, but it was a difficult thing to hold onto when Doug was essentially professing a sort of attraction to Chad when Chad himself had loved Doug for a very long time.
"I know you're not used to people taking care of you," Doug continued. "Because it doesn't happen often, but I want to, Chad. I want to take care of you, like Audrey does."
The words caught Chad off guard – though they were so brilliantly Doug-like. He found himself pressing a hand against his mouth, trying to stifle sobs that were in no way charming, turning his head so the others wouldn't see him completely break down.
He wasn't surprised when Doug pulled out of him, when the dwarf kin rushed to comfort him with soft words, following Chad as he curled onto his side. He heard Jay curse, and then the Agraben teen was wrapped around Chad's back, Doug stubbornly curled in front of the blond while Evie reached over Jay.
"You-" Chad blubbered, trying to get a hold of himself. "You don't h-have to do that."
"I want to," Doug insisted, cupping Chad's cheek carefully. "Chad, I was your roommate for six years, I noticed… I know you try to hide some stuff. Like how you're always injured any time you come back from Sardinia." That made Jay tense, but Chad was too overwhelmed to react, so Doug kept going. "You concealed it well, but sometimes- sometimes you'd limp. Or there'd be blood in the shower, and you'd pretend to go all out in Tourney like you usually did but you'd really be playing smarter, making hits that would be less painful for you."
Chad didn't say anything, couldn't, because they were brushing against lines they could not dare to cross.
"I noticed that Audrey's different when she comes back from her spa trips," Doug murmured. "At Parents' Day, she's afraid of her grandmothers. You wouldn't know unless you really looked for it, but she's afraid of them."
"Doug…" Chad said, his voice rough, quiet. "There's some things you can't do anything for."
"I can take care of you," Doug didn't necessarily agree. "You and Audrey have been watching each other's backs for years – we can do that for you too."
"Here," Chad said, because that was important. "Not out there, Doug. Only here."
"Why?" Jay asked, his voice sounding tight.
"Because there's some shit that's bigger than you, Jay," Chad didn't snap. He wanted to, but he didn't. "Audrey and I have mastered what we needed to do in order to get by, we don't have time to catch the rest of you up." He turned his head so he could better face the other teen. "And you can't bring this shit up to Mal and Ben."
It was Evie who spoke next. "You don't want us to mention that you're being abused-"
"It's hardly abuse," Chad lied with a roll of his eyes. "It's conditioning, or training. Look – Ulstead, Auroria, Sardinia, Hanover, and Corona – these are the most powerful kingdoms in Auradon due to their relative closeness to Central Auradon and their economic prosperity. They hold a lot of sway with the governing council, the financial council, and the economic council, and as such, its heirs need to be properly trained to deal with that. Corona has always leaned more towards the method of flying by the seat of their pants, which is why Ruby seems so blissfully naïve, and you have been on the Isle for the majority of your life, thus out of reach of whatever methods the Hanover governing council might have wanted to use to teach you. Audrey and I, however, are heirs to two long established, powerful monarchies. Of course our training's hard, we are expected to lead our kingdoms into greatness, and if we cannot survive the training to do that, our kingdoms will find someone who can."
He felt exhausted by the time he was finished the conversation, because this was about as far out of Dumb Chad territory as he'd ever wandered in the company of someone other than Audrey, and it was, frankly, a tiring thing to experience.
For a long time no one said anything, and then Doug reached up, wiping away some of Chad's spilled tears.
"We'll take care of you here," he said in a small voice, making Chad shiver. "If that's what you want."
"We do," Chad said, and he took comfort in Doug's soft kiss because it was that or focus on Jay's quiet fury and Evie's impassiveness, and neither of those would help him.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Audrey was silent when he recounted the exchange to her later, her face apathetic for all that her mind was likely racing.
"We'll have to keep an eye on them for suspicious activity," she declared eventually. "Though I suppose this was inevitable with us hanging around so many people."
"I'm sorry," Chad repeated for maybe the dozenth time.
"Don't be sorry, just be wary," Audrey said, their longtime adage, and Chad held onto that familiarity, knowing they'd need it to keep their wits about them.
It was tempting to lower their guard, but realistically it was a terrible idea and they both knew it.
They were finally getting something worth fighting for. They couldn't lose it now.
-:-:-:-:-:-
From necessity, Chad forced himself to spend less time with Doug, Evie, and Jay, even though that was the last thing he wanted. Still, there were enough individuals that he'd neglected bonding with, so he tried to focus on them instead. He spent time doting on Gil or helping Uma organize paperwork or running errands with Mal. He hung out with Ben because Audrey couldn't without things being weird, and kept a wide berth around Carlos and Jane by extension, because the young De Ville was still giving Chad the stink eye for having the audacity to exist near him.
For all that they seemed unhappy with it, Evie and Jay must have held their silence because no one else was acting strangely, and while Chad wasn't entirely sure what to do with Doug now that they'd achieved a level of honesty with each other that Chad had with few others, Doug seemed content to exchange snarky texts and cuddle Chad while they were watching tv, and that was more than enough for him.
It still left Chad waiting for the other figurative shoe to drop, but until they reached that point, he decided to surrender to the groove of Dumb Chad. He was a shield, and a useful one, one that made it easy to bustle around Ben's office and sneak him snacks or coffee or sweettalk his secretary into diverting some of his less important tasks to other people, because even now Ben struggled with the idea of delegating.
Great minds had a tendency to think alike, though, so sometimes he would run into Evie when he was organizing Ben's desk into something less of a nightmare or running down to Mrs. Potts to get the king a tray of tea (and cookies, because the man did not treat himself).
Because they were friends now, they'd work together, focusing on Ben instead of possible past abuse, which made the efforts all well and good and fun instead of awkward.
"It got to the point where Carlos was forced to install a remote switch in Ben's phone that would turn it off silent so we could activate these like- horribly annoying alarms that forced Ben to stop working," Evie explained as they made their way down the hall, Evie holding the tea service tray while Chad had a plate of very tantalizing brownies in his hand. "We always try to keep one of us on-hand to pull him away manually just in case, but it wasn't always possible. Or Jane, our go-to Ben wrangler, would also be neck deep in paperwork, so we'd have to divide and conquer so our book nerds actually took care of themselves."
"That is both underhanded and adorable," Chad noted as they climbed a set of stairs. "As such, I approve wholeheartedly. Not that you need my approval-"
"I get it," Evie soothed, her voice coming in a beautiful laugh. "And thanks. We were worried it was a violation of privacy at first, but after like, the third time Ben passed out on his paperwork, Mal decided enough was enough."
"As well she should," Chad hummed. "Because it isn't like there are any other say… princesses among you that have a tendency to get lost in the world of fashion design-"
"That's different," Evie giggled. "And I have Doug to pull me from that."
"Yeah," Chad trailed off with a grin, his heart beating steadily faster at the mention of the dwarf kin. "Good guy, that Doug."
"Best guy," Evie hummed, her smile broadening when Chad nodded in agreement. "And he isn't perfect, either. Sometimes, when he has these reports-"
She cut herself off, pulling to a sudden stop as she blinked at something ahead of them. Chad had been so focused on their conversation that he hadn't noticed any company, and when he did, he wasn't prepared for who it would be.
Because of course it was Carlos. The young De Ville was just standing there, gazing between the two of them with a numb look of disbelief. "Are you guys friends now?"
For a moment, Chad thought Evie was going to shift into a look of guilt, because she and Carlos had been friends for far longer than Chad had managed to gain her favor, and yet instead Evie straightened her back, shifting into an expression of steady composure.
"Yes," she said, without shame. "Now that Chad and I talked things out-"
"He's just using you," Carlos interrupted, but he seemed so sure. "Or, he's using Doug to get to you and Doug fell for it."
"Carlos," Evie admonished with a sigh. "I know this is hard, but I'm not stupid. And Doug isn't either."
"The one thing he's good at is talking to people," Carlos pressed, seeming to ignore Chad's presence altogether. "He is literally called Chad Charming. You don't think he's capable of lying through his teeth?"
"I'm not here to hurt anyone, Carlos," Chad said, trying to keep his tone carefully neutral. "I don't have any nefarious plans."
"Of course you do," Carlos snapped. "You're just here so Audrey can get to Ben. But she couldn't do it on her own so she had to use you, and you let her, just like you always let her."
"That isn't true," Chad snapped, unable to keep his temper in check. "I'm here for the same reason you are."
"Don't compare us," Carlos spat. "I've been friends with Jay, Mal, and Evie for years. We stayed alive together and we share our spoils together, and you had to go and ruin it by bewitching Jay, but I'm on to you."
"Carlos," Evie said, her tone disappointed and hurt, which did nothing to alleviate Carlos' defensive nature. "You have to trust us."
"I do trust you," Carlos urged, his shoulders hunched protectively. "It's Chad and Audrey I don't trust. And if you took a step back and looked at who they were, you'd remember why you shouldn't trust them either."
With that, he turned on his heel and fled, leaving the two of them floundering stupidly in the hallway, their cheerful disposition totally gone.
Evie let out a low sigh. "He'll come around," she assured Chad. "Carlos and Jay… they were each other's firsts in many things. Love, kissing, sex. It's hard for him to share, but hey-" She offered Chad a soft grin. "I came around. That means he can too."
"I hope so," Chad said, thinking back on the day he and Audrey had redecorated the lounge, how easily it had been for Carlos to brush them aside.
Chad could only maintain his course, take things one at a time.
The rest would fall into place as fate threw them, and he could only hope they would not block his path to greatness.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Jane meandered into the room Chad had claimed as an office late one afternoon, after Chad had finished a video conference that included a healthy slew of threats that basically came down to 'take care of your shit or I will do it for you'.
"Hey, Chad," she offered shyly, twirling a curl around her finger in a nervous tell. "I was thinking about having some tea. Would you like to join me?"
"That sounds lovely," Chad sighed, knowing if he stayed in here he would actually commit to a trip back to Sardinia to check on things himself, and he hadn't finished restocking his weapons cache from last time. "How have you been, Jane?"
"Busy," Jane grinned, an earnest, cheerful thing as she waited for Chad to get up. "Between school and helping Mal and Evie with the magic legislature, I've been pretty occupied."
"But you're doing a great job with both," Chad said with a wink, and while Jane was normally amused by his charm at best, this time she seemed to blush, taking his hand as she tugged him into the kitchen area of the suite he shared with Audrey.
Okay, this was new. This was a very new thing.
"Thanks," Jane said, somewhat shyly. "That um- means a lot to me, and…" She pulled up short, turning abruptly so that she and Chad were chest-to-chest, and instead of seeming embarrassed by this, she was determined. "I was thinking," she began, walking a finger up his chest. "I'd um- like to kiss you now."
Chad took her hand carefully, keeping his expression schooled because this was also different. "I'm honored," he replied honestly. "But um- is Carlos okay with that?"
Jane tensed, then immediately shrugged it off with a smile. "He will be," she decided. "And you didn't worry about Evie when you started up with Doug."
That was different, entirely different, but also-
Chad wasted no time spinning Jane, twisting her arm behind her back and slamming her down into the counter.
"Chad!" The person who looked like Jane cried. "What are you doing?"
"You're not Jane," Chad said simply, scanning for the discrepancy. If they were using cloaking tech, the image would have phased through the counter at least slightly, but the physical makeup underneath the illusion matched Jane, which meant it was likely magic.
'Jane' struggled, lashing out with a kick that Chad sidestepped just as he recognized an error in the makeup of Jane's favorite necklace – a small disarrangement of links, but a big enough tell for Chad.
He ripped the necklace off her in a vicious movement, and watched as Jane's appearance faded away to reveal a frantic Carlos.
Which was not what Chad had expected either.
He forced himself to step back, looking at his hand to realize it was Uma's shell necklace Carlos had been wearing, though how he'd gotten her to illusion him to be Jane was a different story.
"What the hell, Carlos?" Chad said, completely boggled as to how they had gotten to this point.
Carlos had the audacity to look offended. "How did you know I wasn't Jane?"
"Because Jane would have never said that," Chad pressed. "You know that. Why the fuck wouldn'tI know that?"
"Because you're vapid," Carlos snapped, his fingers twitching in frustration. "Why the fuck would you care about my feelings and not Evie's?"
Because Chad had loved Doug for so long that it was difficult to put it into words, and he hadn't been able to think strategically in the wake of getting something he'd actually wanted.
"Because I am capable of learning," Chad countered. "I fucked up with Evie. I don't need to keep making the same mistakes. That isn't personal growth." He made a show of looking at the necklace. "Was this some kind of test to see if I'd make out with your girlfriend behind your back?"
Carlos didn't say anything, but the look on his face strongly suggested the answer to that question was yes.
"I get it," Chad snapped, suddenly done with this. "You don't like me. You think I'm stupid and shallow and here to- I don't know, wreck everything, but I'm not. Audrey isn't. We just want to love Jay and Gil." Carlos flinched at the mention of his best friend's name, but Chad was undeterred. "We didn't know about your thing. But if we- if we're involved in it, it shouldn't be a damn crime to try and take a part of things."
"We don't need you," Carlos hissed, releasing his fury. "Things were fine without you – Jay was supposed to be bonding with Gil and suddenly you guys tag along and you're all Jay could fucking talk about. And there was not a single damn thing the rest of us could do about it. He just kept going on about how you're 'nicer' than you seem and smart and funny and Audrey was smart and funny too and how she wanted to do some good in the world. Well, if you guys really wanted to do some good, you'd get lost!"
For a moment, Chad could say nothing, because as much as he understood that Carlos didn't like him, it was harder when he was confronted with the weight of it head on. Of all of them, Carlos was fighting Chad and Audrey the most, and it seemed like there was nothing they could do to ever appease him.
"…I'm sorry you feel that way, Carlos," Chad said, his hands trembling against his sides. "I- we're not leaving, but we'll try to stay out of your way, alright?"
"Don't play the victim, you shit," Carlos spat. "I know you. They might not, but I do."
Carlos didn't know shit, or he would have remembered it was Chad that had him trapped against the counter five minutes ago. That it was Chad and Audrey that had decorated his stupid lounge.
"Then I hope you take comfort in your wisdom," Chad said, keeping his voice quiet. "Because that's all I can offer you."
They didn't say anything for a long time, but Chad sure as shit wasn't leaving his own suite. Carlos seemed determined to make him try, and when that failed, he shouldered his way past Chad, attempting to steal back Uma's neckless with quick, seamless movements.
Chad tripped him for his trouble, then waved him out of the room. Another furious look, and Carlos was gone.
So.
Looked like it was time to update his private security again.
-:-:-:-:-:-
"This has gone on for too long," Audrey declared when Chad recounted the conflict to her later. He'd already won bonus points with Uma by returning the necklace she'd 'misplaced' (meaning Carlos had nicked it and somehow gotten someone to illusion him – Chad's bet was Jane). "We need to deal with this shit once and for all."
"How?" Chad asked somewhat plaintively. "We've tried playing nice – he isn't buying it. He keeps waiting for us to be evil or something."
Audrey pressed both hands to her mouth, her eyes narrowed in thought as she considered the problem. "We've been going at this the wrong way," she declared suddenly. "We've been acting like the bigger person – ignoring all these slights – but we're not the bigger person. We are mean, petty, calculating people, and we should react accordingly."
"We can't fight fire with fire," Chad sighed. "That would just give him the ammunition he needs."
"No," Audrey agreed, a wicked grin spreading across her face. "Because in order to fight a fire, you don't add to the flames, you take away its fuel until it putters out with a pathetic whimper."
"The fuel in this instance is our participation in their relationship," Chad pointed out.
"It's not a perfect metaphor," Audrey dismissed with a wave. "My point is, we can't fight him by being equally nasty, so we have to do the next best thing. We," she began, her grin triumphant. "Are going to irritate the shit out of him."
Chad paused, thought about this.
"I'm listening," he prompted, setting Audrey off on a new tangent.
"We don't need to attack him," Audrey said. "We don't even really need to do anything – we just need to fill his life with enough minor inconveniences that he won't have time to harass us. And the greatest part is, he won't even think we're smart enough to pull it off!"
"I love it," Chad declared. "I love this plan. This is a great plan. Why woo him if he's never going to accept it?"
"So, you're onboard?"
Chad gave her his biggest grin. "You had me at 'mean, petty, calculating people'."
"Knew I would," Audrey giggled. "Now let's get to work."
-:-:-:-:-:-
After a couple of sessions of spitballing with Audrey, Chad started off small. The most important part of this plan, aside from distracting Carlos, was ensuring that none of these things could be traced back to Chad and Audrey.
"Guess what I just spent entirely too much time doing?" Chad prompted Audrey, practically bouncing with excitement. "Guess, guess, guess."
"Tell, tell, tell," the other teen countered, wielding a pink highlighter the way one might a sword as she attacked her chemistry homework.
"I introduced Gil to feng shui."
Audrey looked up from her flashcards. "You mean that thing they do in Imperial City?"
"Yes," Chad gushed. "And do you know what thing he completely misinterpreted from the pamphlet I got him?"
"Chad," Audrey warned, not in the mood for his dramatic buildup.
"It-" Chad began, pressing his hands together. "It is Gil's understanding that it is remarkably good luck to move the furniture in a person's room two inches to the right. And Gil, our Gilly, our sweetheart, our pumpkin pie – he knows I have a test coming up so he put in an order with the castle staff to rearrange my furniture, only-" And this was the part that really made Chad smile. "Only Ben has requests for his 'special guests' segregated to a certain list, and guess whose name comes before mine, alphabetically? Guess whose name Gil saw first, registered the 'C' without bothering to read the rest of the name, and then put the order in for?" He let out a delighted laugh. "You do not have to guess because the answer is Carlos. Carlos, who likes his things just so, who will eventually be able to backtrack the order but he won't have the patience to wait for the staff to undo it, so he'll just push everything back himself after a few days of wondering what is wrong with him." Chad flopped down onto the couch beside Audrey with a grin. "How's that for being irritating?"
Audrey hummed. "I suppose that's not bad," she allowed. "But guess who negotiated a contract with Carlos' school that goes into action effective immediately, that includes the schools' computer lab to be updated to the brand of computer Carloshates the most?"
"You wicked, wicked woman," Chad laughed.
"I arranged for them to use his least favorite software, too. And that place he likes to sit in the coffee lounge on campus? Perpetually broken. They're working on ordering new tables and chairs to go there but they're going to be on backorder for six months."
"Guess he'll have to take his coffee elsewhere," Chad giggled. "Hey, guess who talked Carlos' professors who don't have tenure into adding an additional project for their mid-semester grade check because of some fluff piece article about the school's standards dropping and how teachers with high standards will likely have a better chance of getting tenure? Hint-hint, it was not me – just a guy that knows a guy that has absolutely nothing to do with me no matter how far you looked into it."
"Guess whose website got hit by hackers?" Audrey cooed. "Poor Radcliffes. They reached out to Carlos to get it fixed so people can look at their rescue dogs, but new issues just keep popping up." At Chad's look, she added. "Don't worry, I've still been sending people their way to adopt their pets."
"So long as the doggos do not suffer," Chad said solemnly.
"This is a good start," Audrey said. "I feel like we can do better, though."
"Oh." Chad grinned. "We are gonna do better."
-:-:-:-:-:-
"Audrey, Audrey, Audrey," Chad chanted, torn between annoyance and amusement. "Guess who just tried to bug my computer?"
"He did not," Audrey said, putting the latest economic reports from Auroria down.
"He didn't, actually," Chad said, holding up the referenced bug. "He tried to send Jane to do it. Jane. As in Jane – who cannot stealth." He flopped into the chair next to Audrey. "I am almost offended."
"You know," Audrey began with that clever look of hers. "We could use this to our advantage."
"Oh?" Chad prompted, eager to see where this was going.
"Put that thing on a clean computer," Audrey ordered. "Use it to look up harmless, boring things Carlos would think you'd like, and then… we're going to plan the perfect birthday party for him."
Chad blinked, processing this. "That did not take the turn I was expecting."
"Think about it," Audrey said. "We help with this grand ordeal, something that's absolutely perfect, and then we take absolutely no credit for it. None. None whatsoever, but Carlos will know we did all the work."
"We make him feel guilty," Chad declared. "Like he should have, because he's been a super shit to us." He paused. "You realize this means we'll have to actually plan a great party for him."
"We are royals," Audrey waved off with a dismissive hand. "Planning events is what we do, especially planning them for people who don't like us."
"That's like, a talent in of itself," Chad declared. "Alright, I'll go get a new laptop and start looking up- I dunno, Tourney statistics and shit."
"And pictures of Jay's butt," Audrey giggled. "That will really piss him off."
"Audrey Rose, you are too good for this world," Chad pledged, pressing a hand against his chest.
"I fucking know it," Audrey sniffed. "Now go get that laptop, we've got work to do."
-:-:-:-:-:-
Planning Carlos' birthday party was entirely too much fun. They ended up holding it at the Radcliffe's rescue dog facility, the dogs having a great time running around the open pastures playing with the guests, and beyond that was a variety of entertainment options, including a photobooth, drone races, dance floor with Carlos' favorite electronica DJ, and every snack Carlos had ever expressed an interest in. The Radcliffes allowed them to transform the old open barn into a video gamer's dream, complete with VR, DDR, and good old fashioned PVP game stations.
Audrey and Chad took great delight in having an extended messenger conversation where they discussed the best options for Carlos' cake – which bakery in Central Auradon had the best chocolate one – mouse vs ganache, dark chocolate vs white chocolate vs milk chocolate and how to quickly distribute ice cream with it because of course there should be ice cream, Carlos loves ice cream. They ultimately decided to turn the options in to Jane (duh, who else would know best? They were so dumb sometimes) and set off to argue about other vendors.
Chad raised his concern that Carlos would view this as sucking up. Audrey assured him that the young De Ville would never even know they helped. None of them would – as far as they were concerned, this was all Jane's doing, and they could take comfort in doing a nice thing for the joy of it, because contrary to Carlos' belief, they could do that.
Chad pondered if doing things out of spite mitigated any of the good intent behind them. Audrey told him to shut up and help her rearrange the DJ's schedule, because even if they couldn't get the credit, the people they cared about could. That mattered. What was the point of being a super party planner if you did not super party plan?
The day of the big event was wonderful, all of them managing to be in the same place to celebrate Carlos' birthday and Jane's hard work. Audrey and Chad did their best to stay out of the way, watching Gil play with the dogs or dancing together to Carlos' techno music. They watched Harry get creamed by Mal at video games, Uma smush cake into Ben's face, and Jane light up like a Yule tree when she was doted with praise, because for all that they'd made the outline, Jane was the one to actually put it into effect.
"Nice party," Doug hummed while they watched Audrey and Evie giggle their way through a round of Dance Dance Revolution. "Kind of perfect, actually."
"Yep," Chad agreed with a grin, pretending to take a sip of the virgin cocktail he had been carefully pouring out onto the grass over the course of the night. Strict diets were strict diets. "Jane really is a miracle worker."
Doug gave him a careful look. "She mentioned having help," he offered surreptitiously. "Didn't say who, though."
"I assume it was a really good party planner," Chad offered, undeterred. "That portable dance floor is no joke."
Doug hummed again, smiling like he wasn't buying it, but seriously, Chad and Audrey had no reason to help with this so it wasn't like he could actually suspect them.
"Heeyyyyy," Mal would drawl later, pressing a sweaty kiss to Chad's forehead. "Nice party, stud."
"Yes," Chad said, not getting defensive. "Jane did a great job."
"Yep," Mal agreed. "And that's why Carlos has been pulling his hair out."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Chad sniffed, and he was rewarded with the future queen of Auradon pulling him out onto the dancefloor, taking him for a literal spin.
So helping Carlos out wasn't that bad after all.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Endnotes:
Thanks for the feedback, guys! We're really trucking along :) Yes, we're finally seeing the sharper side of what happens when you cross Chad and Audrey. You don't get away unscathed ;)
Story notes:
I haven't been able to find an official map of Auradon, so I've been using an accumulation of fan maps to get a general idea of how it's laid out. That's how I came up with the kingdoms closest to Central Auradon.
Ruby is also the daughter of Rapunzel and Eugene, according to the Descendants Wiki – she has a sister with a name that is hard to remember, but in my canon, she is an only child.
Until next time :)