5. The opening ceremony
Pretty robe.
Madge frowns. She only recovered from the embarrassment that comment had provoked once Gale was out of her room, not fast enough to be able to roll her eyes at him. She does it anyway with the bathroom as the only witness, because of course Hawthorne had to humiliate her somehow, even after having some sort of heart-to-heart. Whatever.
She stands up from the bathtub and takes off the robe, leaving it in a puddle in the bathroom. Even though she is not sleepy at all anymore, going downstairs to see the other reapings is out of the question, and any other sort of entertainment feels frivolous, so she finds a nightgown to wear, wondering all the while why the world seems to be upside down. The whole evening had been, on her eyes, evidence that ever since Effie Trinket called out Primrose's name, the natural order of things was broken. How else could she explain the fact that Gale Hawthorne, from all people, had just been inquiring about her stupid thought about fighting the Capitol when they had never exchanged more than a few hostile words? Of course, Madge knew that the only thing that was actually broken were a few hearts. Mrs. Everdeen, Primrose, Gale, herself… they were the broken ones now.
Somehow, she saw herself like an intruder on that list. As if the interactions she had with Katniss in the past years weren't enough to grant her the grace of having feelings. Going back into the bathroom and staring at her reflection inside the mirror, she realizes that is exactly what the old Madge would think. Moreover, that is exactly what Hawthorne must be thinking right now: she is just a snobbish girl that has no idea about loss. But she is not going to agree with him secretly anymore. She is not going to agree with him at all. She has every right to feel empathy for a friend, and she has the right to consider Katniss her friend. She is going to prove to herself she is so much more than a well-fed, pretty, empty shell.
All these years, Gale and everyone else's mean remarks have resonated with her. They have mirrored her own vicious thoughts about how she had way more than what she deserved, which was nothing. According to all of them, she had everything and didn't even enjoy it, busy with whining and pining about being lonely. She used to believe it as well. She never allowed herself to break in front of them, but she had been breaking inside for too long. I even have some cracks, she thinks with a bitter laugh, caressing the scars in her thighs.
Madge turns off the lights and wraps herself up in the blankets of her bed. Avoiding thinking about what would Katniss be doing now; she is again stuck thinking about what had possessed Hawthorne. She had understood his brain needed some sort of distraction, but sneaking into her room was utterly crazy. He must be home by now. She envies him and pities him at the same time for that. She knew, from seeing them at school and from the occasional comment from Katniss, that he had several younger siblings. She also knew his father had died in the mining accident from all those years ago. She was there on the ceremony when her father gave the families of the victims a small medal and some cash. That was the first time she remembers Gale Hawthorne giving her a stern look.
How would it feel, to go home now with a broken heart? A house full of siblings and a mother aware of her surroundings sound like a luxury to her. At the same time, she has this huge space for herself where she can cry and curse and even hate herself in peace. No one, not even her father is expecting a lot of explanations, actually, no one is expecting anything from her. She is free to feel miserable whenever she wants, especially because she doesn't have the burden of a family to feed. Madge still cannot make up her mind about if it is better this way, lonely but with space or, how she thinks Gale must be feeling right now, lonely without any space at all.
Maybe if you had many people surrounding you at all times, you wouldn't find the space to hate yourself that much, a voice in her minds says. Madge smiles. She definitely would find it; she would only have to be more discrete about it. Shaking her head, she attempts to dissipate those thoughts. It doesn't matter, there are no people surrounding her and she will redirect her hate somewhere else anyway. Madge closes her eyes and pictures herself: in her mind, she is not wearing one of her usual dresses, but black clothes. She is fighting, way stronger than now. When she falls sleep, a dream replaces the fantasy, a dream where Effie Trinket calls her name. And she is ready for it.
When Madge wakes up, she doesn't remember her dream, but she doesn't get a second of rest before gloomy thoughts about the Games populate her mind anyway. It's the day of the opening ceremony and District 12 outfits are never flattering. She can only hope that Katniss and Peeta will get more than coal dust to wear. Is time for her to come up with a plan. If the goal is to fight, she will need strength, and to have strength she must eat. A grimace forms in her face. She is already eating better than anyone in the District, she certainly shouldn't be hoarding food. That's why she skips dinner most of the time, hoping the cook and the gardener will take her share home. However, she needs more food if she doesn't want to be a weakling, that she knows with certainty.
Grabbing her robe from the bathroom floor, she goes to the small room in between hers and his father's study that serves as a library. She hasn't read all of them, but she does remember reading something about nutrition and exercise. Soon enough, she finds what she is looking for. Looking through the shelves, she finds a couple more books about those topics and starts scanning them while she takes notes of useful information. At noon, she notices with a groan she skipped breakfast, which means she already has disobeyed one of the rules in the list she is crafting.
When Madge was younger, the cook would call her for every meal, but as the years went by, she started skipping the ones she had to eat alone. The cook eventually stopped calling her, and, like everyone else, seemed mostly to see right through her. Feeling another pity party forming in her mind, she decides going for lunch and afterwards she decides to continue her reading in the bedroom.
Her anxiety grows as the time of the opening ceremony approaches, and by the time the sun starts to set, she cannot make sense of what she is reading anymore. The mandatory viewings will start soon. Her father will be in the Justice Building, dealing with town issues, and both the cook and the housekeeper will go to their own homes to watch the opening ceremony. Her mother is as good as dead for the duration of the Games. Sedated with morphling, she lives in a different world where the Games can only be a mix of colors running around at high speed inside a box.
She can't watch alone, she decides. However, it's not like there are many options available.
The mandatory viewings air automatically in all televisions in Panem. No one is allowed to be on the streets, unless they are watching in one of the big screens. Most people watch home, only those who don't have enough time to make it after work go to the square. Well, them and now Madge.
She puts the books away with way more determination than what she is actually feeling. Don't think about it, just do it. You will go and you will watch and it won't be terrible because… it won't. And so, she grabs the first thing she can catch at her closet to wear and leaves the house without a second thought. She is so focused on reaching the square that she almost hits a white dressed figure at the turn of a corner.
"Miss Undersee" says Darius, with some strange attempt of reverence that, in other circumstances, would have made Madge feel uncomfortable. With the level of numbness she was anxiously building, however, she barely registered the gesture.
"Darius", is the only thing she says as a means of acknowledging his presence.
"May I escort you to the square? Assuming that's where you are headed for the mandatory viewings." This captures Madge's attention. Darius' tone seemed to hint at some hidden meaning, and she takes a second to take in her surroundings. The last beams of sunlight only reach the rooftops of the nearby buildings. The street is deserted, only a few peacekeepers silhouettes can be distinguished in the distance.
"That's where I'm headed indeed. Are you also watching from there?"
"I don't have many alternatives." Darius winks at her, which makes Madge frown. Even though the whole district new he was a flirt, she wasn't used to interacting with him.
"Oh, right. Sorry."
Without another word, they walk to the square, where around half a dozen people waited for the transmission to start. Darius stops at the edge of the square, nodding apologetically to the side, where the peacekeepers are standing in formation. To her own surprise, Madge's stomach drops a little. Somehow, she thought they would be standing together. She waves goodbye and walks towards the center of the square. It was almost time.
Madge shivers despite the warm breeze of the summer when the Capitol logo appears in every screen. Looking around her, she identifies a familiar face a few feet to her left. Taking a deep breath, she approaches him, because even the scorn of Gale Hawthorne was better than standing there alone. She had the strong feeling that he might not see it in the same way, but it was worth the try.
"Hawthorne", apparently that is her new way of greeting people.
"Undersee", Gale replies with a restrained voice.
"I didn't want to watch alone". Madge does not know why she felt the need to justify herself, but for some reason, she feels better when she says it out loud.
"I didn't want to watch at home", says Gale shrugging, and he is as surprised as her that they are having something close to a friendly interaction.
They don't say anything else, and it works for both of them. Madge doesn't have anything to say, while Gale cannot bring himself to resent her for existing at the moment. He is torn between wanting to scream, cry and throwing up, and he knows he can't do either in the middle of the square. He already got enough pity looks as it was.
The opening music resonates in an other-worldly fashion against the buildings surrounding the square. It is the first time for both of them watching the Games in the square. Madge sinks hegr nails into her palms as she feels her heart rate increase. Maybe this was not such a great idea. The huge screens where now the audience in the Capitol roar, the sound echoing in the empty square, it all looks way more real and intimidating than when she looks at the TV in the familiar comfort of her living room. Gale, on the other hand, seems oblivious to all of it. The only thought populating his mind is that Katniss would not –could not– die before the start of the Games. So, she is as safe as she could be at the moment.
In no time, the chirpy voice of Caesar Flickerman substitutes the ominous chords of the opening music to announce the beginning of the parade and Madge wishes it would be all over already. She only wants to run home and now she is pinned to the square for the whole thing. For Gale, the whole thing is going too fast, and when it's over he won't know anything about Katniss until the interview night.
A big number one appears on the screen and the tributes of District 1 go into the street and the crowd goes crazy, making a stark contrast with the silence of the square, where the only people who seem to be paying any attention are Madge and Gale and a couple of bettors close to the screen. With a few laughs, the bettors, two drunk middle-aged man, celebrate when the tributes of 2 ride into the street. Madge frowns, as she guesses those will be the deadliest threat in the arena. Caesar Flickerman is undone in flatteries for the tributes and their stylists, and with a stomach turn, Madge thinks they probably have hundreds of sponsors already, making them deadlier. The tributes smile and wave at the crowd and the cameras as if it is the biggest honor in their life to be about to kill some kids, and Gale hates them way more than any career tribute before.
The tributes from 3 don't get much camera time, being as they are in between of two favorite districts. Madge thinks it is probably good, given the terrible costume they are wearing, which involves a giant pipe as some sort of hat. Gale barely notices any tribute until the screen flashes a large eleven and a small girl, can't be more than twelve, is portrayed next to a boy that looks like a human wall, both covered in what seems to be mud and grass. He knew Katniss was fast, but could she ever beat a guy like that? He would have to trust the Careers to take him out. He didn't want to trust the Careers at all.
When she sees the girl, Madge is glad her last meal was hours ago, because she is quite sure she could throw up by now. Would Katniss have to kill a little girl? She wouldn't do that, but, what if she had to? There is no way that little girl will survive the Careers. The thought does nothing but worsening the feeling. She has seen many kids die in the Games, why does this time feel so personal?
The tributes from 11 are soon overshadowed by a large number 12 that interrupts any thought about the strength of the boy or the fragility of the girl. Madge and Gale hold their breaths, and then the carriage appears, a carriage on fire. Panic rushes through Madge's veins and her hand, of her own volition, grabs Gale's shirt for balance. He is too shocked to notice, cursing himself for thinking that Katniss would be safe. However, the cameras soon zoom in, as with every tribute, and they realize it is only the costumes that are on fire. Madge releases Gale's shirt, who now notices, but is too absorbed by the image to turn his head and frown at her even for a second.
Katniss and Peeta look otherworldly, forceful, gorgeous. All dressed in black, with the capes flaring behind them, their faces illuminated with the light of the fire. The audience roars and both realize the cheers and applauses at the Capitol had been diminishing in intensity since district 4, but were now returning at its best.
"And District 12 is definitely the surprise of the year!" Caesar Flickerman comments. "Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark are, quite literally, on fire!"
The camera follows them as they smile to the crowd. First, it focuses on Peeta, who greets and then points to someone in the audience. Then, it turns to scan the crowd, and stop in several girls that look like they are about to faint. Now the camera zooms in on Katniss as she picks up a rose and throws kisses, and then it shows the audience asking for more kisses and calling her name.
"Wow", says Madge as the camera focuses on Katniss again.
"She is…", Gale begins, unsure about how to end the sentence.
"Stunning", Madge offers, but there are not many words that could describe the scene.
"It seems that the tributes of District 12 have formed an alliance before even setting foot on the Training Center!" Caesar notes as the screen displays the intertwined hands of Katniss and Peeta.
Madge raises her eyebrows and a hint of smile populates her face. Peeta must have earned at least a little of Katniss trust, and their chances, she thinks, will be better together. They are already getting more screen time than any of the other tributes, and that must count towards something regarding sponsors. They exude confidence.
Gale's face, no different of his usual scowl whenever he is inside the fence, does not portray the battle of emotions he is experiencing. The person on the screen looks like Katniss, but does not behave like Katniss at all. He knows she is already playing the Games, and still, seeing her like that made the danger so real… He wants her to fight, but he just realizes now, and he knows he should have known from the moment she volunteered, that fighting was going to come at a high price. Gale is relieved and scared at the same time, and he cannot ignore the fact that she is holding the hand of the baker's son. He can now add confused and angry to the list. Why would she do that? He is the enemy.
By the time they reach the City Circle, there is no doubt they are way higher in the list of favorites than any tribute of an outside district in years. The only moment Caesar shuts up about their costumes and make-up, their hair and attitude, is when President Snow is about to speak. As President Snow gives the introductory speech to the Games and the light of twilight becomes darker, they appear more and more often in the screen, and looking more and more dashing. No one in the square can take off their eyes from the show.
As soon as the speech is over, the national anthem resonates in the loud speakers in the square. Once again, they focus mainly on Katniss and Peeta, but this time, they make some time for all the other districts. Madge can't avoid to think that the pair from District 2 looks more intimidating now. Finally, the anthem is over too, and Caesar closes the ceremony by making a quick recount of the evening, with a special mention to District 12.
The square goes back to its usual quietness, and Madge is grateful for the silence after all the fanfare in the screen. Before she can comment anything of what just happened or even say goodbye, Gale storms off. Madge, busy with her own thoughts, pays no mind to it as she stares into the growing darkness of the square.
Madge does not have a desire for rushing home anymore, as a matter of fact, she feels strangely fearless. Katniss is not giving up, not that she ever thought Katniss was going to leave without a fight, but it was much more than that. Katniss has hope, and Madge knows then she will do everything and anything to win.
Standing alone in the middle of the square where only a couple of days ago Katniss volunteered, Madge suddenly remembers the dream of the previous night, and a foreign feeling of peace erases the tension she has been holding from way before the reaping. There will be no more tears and no more running away. She will find a way to fight the Capitol, even stupidly small fights that will never matter in the big scheme of things like saying goodbye to Katniss or the mockingjay pin. She will train to be stronger; she will train for combat. And in the next reaping, when they pull out the name of yet another poor and scared Seam girl, she will volunteer.