Chapter 5- Sounds like something that I used to feel
Tastes so sweet, looks so real
Sounds like something that I used to feel
Two Ghosts, Harry Styles
The next morning, Lily wakes to sweaty sheets and a clammy forehead. She hopes it's just a common cold, but the healer in her knows it's something more severe. It's the flu and she's hoping she has some Pepper-up potion in close proximity.
Bracing her hands on either side of her, she tries to push herself up but her body shivers violently and bile rises up her throat.
"Fuck"
She lands back down on her bed with an agonizing thump and groans. She doesn't think she has the energy to conjure up a Patronus to send to Madam Pomfrey or even her friends, so instead she lies there and shuts her eyes.
Focusing on her breathing, she gets through a sickening bout of nausea, her headache still very much pounding at the back of her skull but not bad enough that she feels like she might actually throw up. She pushes her hand towards her side table and scrambles desperately for her wand. Finally, grasping the wooden stick, she tries to summon her healers bag but her words come out raspy. She can do non-verbal spells quite proficient but with her head foggy, she feels like maybe it wouldn't even be worth it.
After another few deep breaths, she points her wand at her door and opens it. She knows her pride will be hurt but she hopes James walks past and looks in. She really needs that pepper-up potion, to even think about getting out of bed today. She doesn't like people looking after, she feels like she always owes them afterwards, and she hates that nagging feeling of putting people out of their way just so she's happy.
She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she realises is a cold hand on her shoulder gently waking her up.
"Evans?"
Potter stands over her, his hair its usual mess, his school uniform on. He must have just gotten ready, because his shirt sleeves aren't bunched up at his biceps and his tie is still neat and knotted. She quickly realises that this is not a normal observation for someone you shouldn't care about.
She groans and tries to speak but a scratchy noise escapes her lips instead. So she points towards the door and tries to mouth the words 'healers bag'.
He nods quickly and rushes out of her room. He returns with her bag and places it gently beside her, his eyes gentle and looking between her and the bag.
She riffles through her potions and finally finds the last legs of a pepper-up potion. Downing in quickly, the cold liquid tastes herbal and not very pleasant. The potion quickly works by clearing her throat and nasal passages, relieving her headache and nearly soothing all her aches and pains. She still feels groggy and tired however, and she knows small puffs of steam are emitting from her ears, a side effect of the potion working its way through her system.
"Fuck, thanks Potter" her voice is still scratchy, which means the flu she has is quite intense and will probably require more than just a pepper up potion.
"Are you ill?" His voice is soothing and she has the sudden urge to pull him in for a hug and revel in the comfort of someone else's body heat.
"Just a cold" she lies, hoping the pepper-up potion has put some colour in her face.
But James looks at her with a keen eye.
"You still look rather ill, you should probably stay in bed today. I can take notes for you and I'll stop by the infirmary and get Madam Pomfrey to check on you" He says, this is a way that makes Lily bite her tongue. He's ordering her to stay in bed, something she wouldn't usually let happen, but its the way his eyes scan her face, their softness and their concern, are the reason that stops her from telling him no.
He grabs another blanket from the top of her trunk and he pulls it over her, nudging her shoulders down and tucking her in, like a baby being swaddled. This is where she draws the line.
"Stop" she groans, her voice raspy but loud enough for him to freeze. She pulls her arms free from the sweltering warmth of the blanket and wriggles herself so she's still lying down but not being suffocated.
"I can take care of myself"
James nods but he drags a hand through his hair.
"Can I still go grab Madam Pomfrey?" I asks, almost timidly.
Lily knows she should get Madam Pomfrey to record her vitals and maybe even cast a healing spell that can ease her body aches completely.
"Yes...please" She refuses to look at him, to feel vulnerable, to be vulnerable.
"OK, and I can give you my notes for today's classes. Do you have Runes today? I think that's the only class you do, that I don't." He's rambling but his voice is soft and it doesn't bother her as much as it usually does.
"How did you...never mind. Yes I do, Could you please ask Remus if I could borrow his notes?"
"Yeah of course" James answers.
"Do you need something to drink before I go?"
"No thanks" she can't imagine anything sliding down her throat, right now it feels like razor blades are cutting into her esophagus every time she swallows.
Before James turns and walks out of her room, she catches herself.
"Potter!"
He stops in his turn and swivels round to look at her.
"Thanks" she says softly, hoping he can tell how thankful she really is.
He gives her a wide grin, and she sighs. That's the James Potter she's come to know.
"Anytime, Evans. Get some rest, yeah?" he grins, giving her a sneaky wink before leaving her.
She wakes again to the smell of spiced chicken. Opening her eyes, she finds a bowl of chicken soup and a steaming hot mug of tea on her nightstand.
Madam Pomfrey had already seen her just an hour after Potter left. After checking her vitals and giving her a stronger potion to counteract the steaming side effects of the pepper-up potion, she had left Lily on strict bed rest for the rest of the day. Lily only relented when she made Madam Pomfrey promise to teach her the potion she had been given.
A small rough piece of parchment has been left leaning against her mug.
Hope you're feeling better - J
She instantly smiles. She finds herself liking that he signed it 'J' like a nickname. She hasn't heard anyone call him that before, so she thinks it's either how he signs off his letters or something just for her.
Then the realisation that she's smiling at a note left by James Potter, suddenly hits her. She feels quite ridiculous and quickly concludes it's just her body recovering from the high fever it had been battling all night.
Yes, that's what it is, she thinks. Just her flu making her giddy and off balance.
As she sips on her hot tea, she hears the familiar sounds of the door to the common room opening. Girlish whispers and clacking heels interrupt the silence and she smiles to herself.
Mary and Marlene come bounding into her room, not at all quietly and with rushed concern etched on their faces.
"Lil, are you ok?!" Mary rushes over to Lily's side, her hands coming to Lily's forehead and deeming her ok enough to smooth the wrinkles that were scrunching up her forehead.
"I'm fine Mary, really." she says, swatting off her hand.
Marlene sits on the end of her bed and watches Lily with a glare.
"What?" Lily presses, annoyed at Marlene's look.
"You told Potter of all people, why didn't you tell us first!?"
Lily groans.
"How could I tell you? I could barely pick up my wand and Potter was just walking by and saw that I wasn't out of bed yet. He got Madam Pomfrey to check me out"
Mary nodded approvingly, and took the empty mug from Lily's hand. Ever the mother-hen out of the group, she noticed the soup still sitting on the side and handed it to Lily.
"Eat" she pushes the spoon into her hand and watches as Lily dips the spoon into the hot soup.
"Potter! I had to hear from Potter that you were sick!" Marlene carries on.
"Mar, leave her alone. How else was she going to tell us?" Mary shot Marlene an evil look before grabbing a napkin from Lily's nightstand and handing it to Lily.
"What's this?" Mary asks, picking up the note from James.
Lily tries to ignore Marlene's furious stare as Mary reads his note out loud. Instead, she focuses on the hot liquid running down her throat and warming her stomach.
"Now he's leaving you notes?!" Marlene scoffs.
Mary smiles timidly and Lily doesn't miss the small eyeful that she gives Lily.
"It's sweet," Mary adds, before leaving it on Lily's nightstand. She pushes Marlene to one side so she can scoot onto her bed. Lily watches as Mary pinches Marlene's knee.
"Stop being a brat. You're just jealous because Potter's looking after our Lil here"
Marlene rolls her eyes.
"I mean, it's very James of him to do that but I'm just so annoyed he didn't tell me sooner!" Marlene cried out, all flailing arms and wide eyes.
"He told you first thing in class?" Mary retorts, giving Lily an amused glance.
Marlene shakes her head.
"Are you feeling better now?" Mary's finally asks.
"Yep, just a little tired"
"Potter said he was taking care of your notes, but I asked Remus if you could use his notes from this afternoon's Runes class" Mary says with a smile.
Marlene scoffs at this too.
"Let him look after her Mar!" Mary chides Marlene.
Lily scoffs this time around.
"Look after me? I don't need him or anyone to look after me, I'm fine!" Lily lies.
Mary looks amused at this and ignores her.
"Since when were you and James friends?!" Marlene cries.
Lily starts to realise she's getting a headache again.
"We're not!" She grunts.
"Why does it matter if they are friends Mar? He's your friend too!" Mary adds.
"But Lily's my friend first!"
Lily's had enough by now and shoves her bowl onto the nightstand rather heavily. The nose makes them both shut up.
"Thank you for looking out for me, but I think I just need some more sleep" Lily tries to smile but she really does feel tired.
Mary pushes Marlene out of bed and gives Lily a sincere smile.
"I'll come round later this evening to see how you are," She adds before saying goodbye and dragging Marlene with her.
As the silence settles around her again, she falls straight back to sleep.
James leaves Lily her notes on her nightstand. He notices the empty mug and bowl and smiles to himself. He doesn't let himself watch her sleep, he just glances and quickly leaves. Just seeing Lily so vulnerable and small makes his heart clench.
He's sitting in his common room, broomstick on his lap, polishing the handle for the third time that week. It's a bit of a ritual, to polish his broomstick after Quidditch training and he finds himself feeling slightly on edge with a sick Lily in the other room.
Mary and Marlene came by after dinner, fussing over Lily in her room. He listened as they giggled and preened and found himself smiling at Lily's laughter bellowing out from the open door.
He likes Lily's laugh, always has. It's light and soft, not loud like his, or arrogant. It always sounds the most natural out of everyone he knows, she's always the one he looks at when he makes a joke. Always searching and begging for that laugh to escape her mouth, a laugh just for him.
Just a year ago, he was always trying to find a way to make her laugh. He never could, not last year. It was deemed impossible once he told a rather smart joke at lunch one day, he looked over and saw those normally bright green eyes dazed and almost grey.
He was happy that she was back to her laughing, cheerful self. He missed this side of Lily, the vivacious, kind and sweet girl that he grew to be in awe of over the first few years of school. She had definitely come back to school for her last year with a bang. He noticed they still clashed when she was tired, but he also noticed that she was more receptive to him than ever before.
All he ever wanted was to make her smile.
He said goodbye to the girls as they made their way out, Marlene shoved his shoulder as she walked by, a normal gesture from his childhood friend. She was very boisterous with him, he had always seen her as one of the guys more than anything.
He was tempted to go see Lily know that the girls had left, but he knew it might be pushing the boundaries, something he always had trouble with when it came to Lily. He feels a shift between them though. They still clash every now and then, especially when she's tired but he's noticed her listening to him when he talks, smiling at him every now and then and he thinks they might be very well on their way to friendship.
So, being the Gryffindor he so very surely is, he stands up, leaves his broomstick on the coffee table and knocks on Lily's door.
"Yes?" she cries out.
He opens the door slightly and pokes his head in.
"How you feeling Evans?" he grins.
Lily's now sitting up, her bed covers practically on the floor. She's wearing pajama shorts and a tee shirt, and his head thumps erratically in his chest from seeing her bare legs. She looks better, more colour to her face, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her green eyes seem clearer.
"Much better. Thanks for the notes by the way." she nods to the parchment sitting in her lap.
He smiles in reply, not really sure what to say or do. He just hangs about in the doorway, the door slightly ajar.
"You can come in, you know" Lily teases.
He feels flustered and awkward. Something only saved for one, Lily Evans. He tries to switch on his bravado again.
"James Potter being invited into Lily Evans bedroom, what is going on with the world?" he teases, sending her a wink.
For just a brief second, he thinks he sees her blush.
"Shut up" she mumbles, before turning her attention back to his notes.
He steps in, and awkwardly leans against her desk.
"Who would have thought James Potter would actually write up decent notes?" she jabs.
This makes him grin. He likes impressing Lily, it's a rare occurrence, something he could could on one hand but Merlin, does he revel in the occurrences.
"I am quite clever, Evans. Did you like my little annotations?"
She chuckles.
"The fact that you're even bothered to write 'Minnie likes to impress us with this spell by transfiguring the pepper shaker into a cat shape' impresses me. Makes me feel like I'm right there."
He doesn't think he can grin any wider.
"Me? Impress you? Have you still got a fever?"
She rolls his eyes at him.
"The writing in red, is that what you think is going to be in the exam?" she asks, her finger pointing to a splodge of red on the page.
"Yeah" he nods.
"Thanks" she smiles at the page, and his heart does a mini flip.
"Don't you have Quidditch today?" she asks, looking up at him expectedly.
"Been keeping an eye on my schedule?" he can't help it, he loves teasing her like this.
She actually blushes this time. I faint pink spreads over her cheeks, making her freckles stand out.
"I'm just observant, don't flatter yourself" she quickly looks down at the notes again.
James hasn't felt this happy in a long time. The banter between him and Lily had always been great. Before she lost her mum, she was always teasing him, borderline flirting with him. But that had been years ago, and they had been young. Now, there was another layer to the flirting. He wasn't sure if it was just his hormones and the fact he hadn't relieved himself in a while, but he was rather tempted touch those long legs of hers and worship her body.
Just to cause James more pain, Lily chose that moment to stretch her legs out and groan.
She had no idea what she was doing to him. Her shorts were so tiny that the amount of thigh he saw made his mouth dry and the noise she made, made him sort of hiccup? He quickly closed his mouth and averted his eyes.
Then she laughed.
She did know what she was doing then.
When that bright, light laughter hit his ears he quickly looked at her. Her green eyes glittering with mischief and her lips pulled up in a smirk.
"You are so easy to rattle Potter," she says.
He opens his mouth to say something back, but he realises he has no idea what to say. James Potter, has no idea what to say! He has no idea how this came about but he was truly speechless. Was Lily flirting with him?
"What are you doing Evans?" He finally asks. He tries his classic smirk back, hoping that the flirting continues and she doesn't run away like she used to back when they were younger.
She feigns innocence, shrugging and smiling.
"Nothing"
Lily had a dream.
At first, she thought it was a nightmare or even just a memory but when she woke up that afternoon, right before Mary and Marlene came to see her again, she remembered parts of the dream that almost shocked her.
She knew she didn't have a fever anymore, she felt perfectly fine but this dream felt feverish, just in a different way.
She had a dream about James Potter.
She had been fourteen, flirting with James Potter in the corridor outside Charms. Her friends had been teasing her for flirting with him so blatantly. She had no idea what flirting was at that point, no idea she even felt that way towards James. Over the years, she told herself she didn't fancy James, it was just banter between friends, fun jokes, being silly.
Then, Ella appeared. Her round face shining with laughter as she flirted with James.
"You should give people more of a chance, Lily," Ella tells her.
"What do you mean?"
"You can be so cold towards people, open yourself up to others. You only let yourself love a few people, what's wrong with loving more?"
"Why do I need to love everyone?" Lily starts to get cross.
"What do you need to hate everyone?"
Lily hates this idea. She can see the irony there, yes.
"I don't hate anyone!"
"You hate James Potter"
"I've never hated James Potter"
"Really?" Ella tilts her head.
"Never," Lily assures.
"You don't trust him though"
"Why would I?" Lily is angry now.
"Why wouldn't you?"
Lily storms off after this and the dream contorts its way towards an odd environment full of blues and greens, it looks like grounds outside the castle but slightly distorted.
She remembers feeling guilty, confused and angry at herself.
When she wakes up, it takes a while for her to realise why she feels guilty.
She has no reason to not trust James Potter. Yes he's a toe rag and was inherently arrogant. But every time he was mean to Snape and the other Slytherin's it was because they acted first. She remembers being so mad at him when he hexed Snape and made him hang upside down while they taunted him but she realises she forgot to remember that Snape hexed James first, flinging him with a stinging hex that made James' leg numb, calling Remus' names and locking Sirius in a body bind, just because the three boys were laughing about something Sirius said in the hallway.
Just because she had history with James Potter, didn't mean she had to live up to that history. So after a day of lying in bed, aching and getting over her foolish flu, she made a decision.
Lily was going to give James a chance.