Fields in Wakanda - 2017

Red Hair.

Everything has been wiped clean, the programming, my commands, all of it.

The training remains, the memories and the atrocious acts I've committed linger and haunt my every moment. I relive their dying moments every night. I see their faces as I try to fall asleep.

Still, red hair shines bright in my mind's eye. As she's walking across the field towards me, it's as if she's a stranger, but once I get a scent of her shampoo, I'm hit in the gut with the vivid memory of an intimate lover all at once.

Red hair tangled in my fingers, whispered caress's across skin, carrying her in my arms away from danger.

Her tears feel fresh on my skin, even now as the wind swirls the memories around me and attempts to carry them away from me.

I feel those memories within my bones, in my gut, where they've been all along. Waiting for me to see them, waiting for me to listen.

"I like the red hair," I blurt out as she is within distance. I immediately feel heat flush my cheeks. Come on Barnes, 9 years and that's the best you can do?

I see her smile lift the edges of her lips, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Well, now that I know you have your memories back, there's no need for the red anymore-" she glances towards the ground, hesitant- "I was thinking it may be time for something new."

I let the silence settle around us. She has waited this long to come see me, so I expect there's a reason for her sudden appearance, and I feel too fortunate to question my luck. So I wait, not wanting to press and get it wrong.

"Steve tells me you've gained some of your memories back, how much do you remember?" She is looking over my shoulder now, avoiding eye contact. To anyone who didn't know her, they would assume her body posture suggests indifference. She is a trained spy and assassin after all, but to someone like me, her tells are a red flag of her true interest. She has her left hand tucked into her pocket, and her body is angled into a fighting stance. Whether she realizes it or not, she is prepared both to run, or for a fight, but she hasn't decided which yet.

Instead of answering her question, I sit down on the grassy hill and pat the spot next to me. Her accusatory glare wounds me, but I still shrug and lay back on the ground to stare at the clouds.

After some time, she realizes I won't talk until she's in a non-threatening position. This is a remnant to how we were. Both unwilling to engage in a hard talk until we were both in a vulnerable position.

I take a deep breath to steady myself. "Even when I was under, I would get glimpses of red hair and the scent of pungent peaches. Every time I smelled peaches, or saw flashes of bright red hair, something inside of me would twist and clench. It was unsettling and uncomfortable.-" I feel the ghost memory of my finger hesitating on the trigger- "Distracting."

My eyes are resolutely on the sky, I can't bear to see her face until I get it all out. "Here I was, this indestructible machine, and the smell of peaches and red hair would bring me to my knees. Every time it happened, I would lose focus of my mission, the objective. Until recently, I couldn't understand what was impeding my success on recent missions."

In my periphery, I see her lips lift into the ghost of a smile again. She has gathered a blade of grass into her hands and she is meticulously pulling it apart. At my silent observation of her, without looking my way she slowly reaches over to pat the back of my hand with four fingers. My heart clenches at the simple touch we created for an intel request.

It's a motion that requests honesty, as well as demonstrates active listening.

I choke down my emotion as I continue forward. "Over the last couple years, I began getting flashes more and more frequently. Hearing Steve use my nickname helped, but every time I saw red hair and the smell of peaches, I would be able to momentarily shake the winter soldier haze. Every Time." Tears begin to gather in my eyes, thinking of the momentary reprieve I was granted in my haze, each time I was granted the smell of peaches and red hair.

"James…" She whispers as her fingers interlace with mine. She is looking at me with such longing. What could have been, what should have been, is written all over her face in a split second.

"You were - are - everything that has kept me alive in the winter soldier shell for so long, Natalia. I'm so sorry it took me so long to find my way back to you." I'm gripping her hand tightly within my own, terrified if I loosen my grip she will slip away again. "I know you said it was time for something new, and I couldn't ask you to give up whatever progress you've made for me, but I need you to know I remember everything. All of it." I'm staring into her eyes as I'm gripped with emotions, and I see all our memories and love reflected back at me in the depths of her own.

She is fingering her marquis necklace, our engagement ring of sorts, when she speaks softly, "I never gave up on you. I've been searching, all of these years. I would usually catch you at the tail end of a mission, or be able to thwart you at the last second. Every time, I would catch the glimpse of you beneath the shell and I couldn't resist coming back for you. I promised you forever, but in searching for you and saving the world, I lost myself. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to make my way back to you since the airport and your recovery, but I needed time. I couldn't face finding you for good, only to watch you forget me - forget us - again."

I'm grabbed by the realization that all these years, whether I've been frozen, on missions, or in training, she has been trapped with my ghost and the memory of the love we shared. How many times has she had to see me remember? What cuts most though, is how many times she's had to watch me forget.

"My little ballerina, you've spent all these years successfully keeping me alive within an assassins shell. Please don't apologize for doing me the great honor of loving me in the best way you knew how all of these years," I grip both her hands within my own and gently tap over her pulse line three times.

"James - Bucky - I - I've waited so long to have you back!" She crashes into my chest as her arms wrap around my neck and her lips find mine. I'm immediately drowning in that peaches shampoo scent, and my grip on her tightens. I feel whole, as if a part of me I didn't realize was missing has come home.

She pulls away from me slightly so our foreheads are touching and lips are grazing, "What do you think about blonde?" I can hear the laughter in her voice and the mirth shines bright in her eyes.

I can't help myself, the chuckle tumbles out at her weak attempt at a joke. I tighten my arms around her waist, "Well, you've lived with red hair for so long now, maybe you're right and it is time for something new. As long as we build something new together, I'm all for it."

She smirks at my false bravado as I'm hoping she will allow me back into her life.

"Well I don't know, the man who gave me this necklace might have something to say about that…" She is barely restraining her laughter, and I pounce on her the moment she winks at me. I find her lips with my own and through rushed kisses I manage to force out, "I think he'll be elated."

The End

So I know the timeline seems odd, but I followed the timeline set by the Marvel Cinematic Universe that seemed the most believable and likely. Although it's unclear if Bucky was frozen again after 1991, I decided to throw it in there for dramatic effect ;) I also think Natasha's hair is a huge sign throughout the movies. Why else would you keep the same hair color if you're an international spy, unless you WANTED someone to recognize you? That's why in my mind, if they connected after Civil War, but before infinity wars, it would explain her blonde color. It would also explain why after infinity wars, she lets it go red again because in some deleted scenes of AIW, she watches Bucky disintegrate :'( so in this sense, she is hoping by some miracle he will find his way back to her again. Also, to explain away the weird hulk/widow interlude, at this point in both the MCU and my timeline, Age of Ultron happens in 2015 which is also when hulk goes missing. So, at the conclusion of both timelines the hulk has been missing since 2015, so I think it's ok for Black Widow to rekindle a very old flame when the guy finally remembers her :)

Ok, that's all. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I loved writing it!