I was walking down the hallway after school the next day when someone suddenly slid open the classroom door beside me, yanked me inside, pushed me against the wall, and pressed their hand against my mouth as I tried to yelp in surprise. That was when I realised it was Miura standing in front of me, and she had an intense look in her eyes that said she might've killed me then and there if I tried to make a sound. It was quiet for a moment, until I heard the sound of footsteps making their way down the stairs from the opposite end of the hallway.

"Yoo, Yu-mi-ko! Where you goin'?! We just wanted to see your performance, man!"

"Hehehe! You had some nice acting, Miura-san! I liked the way you played the dinosaur! You really fit the character! Hehehe!"

"Y-You did a great dinosaur impression, M-M-Miura. N-No surprise, when you're already k-kind of a d-d-d-dinosaur yourself."

I quickly realised what she had in mind. We waited for them to pass, and we didn't move an inch until we could hear them walking down the staircase next to the classroom we were in to the ground floor below. It was only then that Miura released her grip on me and breathed a sigh of relief. I would've done the same, but I was too busy trying to get air into my lungs after she'd almost suffocated me by pinning me against the wall like that.

"You could've… *gasp*… given me… *gasp*… a warning..." I said through desperate breaths.

"Sorry. I didn't have much time to explain."

"So, what? They wanted to see your rehearsal?"

"Over my dead body! You have no idea how annoying they were, you know. I was just practicing by myself and then, like, BAM, all of a sudden they're barging into the room asking to get front row seats to my play. I told them to get lost because I wanted to practice in peace, and they were distracting me, but they were all like 'C'mon, Yu-mi-ko! Don't be a downer! You make some great dinosaur sounds, man!' and all that. Like, yeah, I'm not buying it. I know the only reason you walked in was to make fun of me, just like last time. You don't have to try to hide it."

"...You were making dinosaur sounds?"

"S-Shut up! It's in the script, okay?!"

I tried to hide a smirk and promptly dodged a swift kick to the shin, which irritated her even more. I was finally getting used to dealing with Miura by now.

"So? What are you going to do now?" I asked.

"Go home, probably. I don't have the energy to practice anymore after that."

"You're really committed to this performance, aren't you?"

"Of course, idiot. It's really important to me."

"I don't get it. It's just a play, isn't it? Why did you even volunteer for it in the first place?"

"Look, I told you. it's… a long story."

"That you're not going to tell me?"

"...That I might tell you some other time. Besides, we've got more important things to worry about. Those three could be coming back any moment now when they realise I'm not on the bottom floor."

"I hope you have a plan then."

"Let's go around the back exit. They won't be expecting us there. After that, I better see you at the assembly hall tomorrow for the festival setup!"

"More work? Give me a break..."

"No complaints!"

We went home right after, and I steeled myself for yet another busy day.

We headed to the assembly hall the next morning to get started on our last round of work. It was the same assembly hall we used for last year's cultural festival, and the same one Minami Sagami had humiliated herself with by forgetting her lines in front of the whole school. Miura's performance was going to take place on the stage. Most of the festival setup had already been finished, and they had us hold a small meeting on the stage with all of the committee members to discuss which of the remaining tasks should be prioritised first. All of the classroom stalls had been prepared by then, which were most of the booths that had been planned to go up on the day, but the opening and closing ceremonies still needed some work, and none of the outdoor booths had started construction yet. Miura's performance was one of the least finished, as some of the props and costumes were still yet to be made, but she was forgiven for that because we joined the committee so late. I learned that day that Yukinoshita had even planned an outdoor bonfire dance, a live concert, a fireworks display, exhibitions from various clubs, almost twice as many stalls as last year, and more. I took it as a sign that she wanted to make her last cultural festival a night to remember. She was more sentimental than I thought.

The entire planning committee had shown up to help prepare the assembly hall for the opening ceremony on the big day. Several teachers were there too. This was probably the most important event of the entire festival, since it was the one everyone would see first, so we had to make sure it looked as good as it possibly could. Or at least, Yukinoshita and the rest of them who did any of the real work had to, because I was sitting in a backstage dressing room feeling proud that my being a loner had helped me remain unnoticed when they were assigning roles for helping with the opening ceremony preparations. The only good work was no work, and loners who were always picked last for PE sports teams were the ones who always did the best work of all.

I was about to fall asleep because I had so little to do when I heard a sharp knock on the door. I figured it was another male student looking to take a break from their work that day, in which case I was just going to tell them I wasn't feeling well if they ever asked what I was still doing there. But to my surprise, and to my horror, it wasn't another male student on the other side of the door. What I found instead was a very stern-looking Yukinoshita eyeing me with her arms crossed in the doorway as if she was ready to have me fed to the wolves.

"..."

"W-Well, you see, Yukinoshita, work is a relative concept, and what counts as not working for one person may just as well constitute tireless labour for someone else. F-For example, in ancient Egypt, the work of the slaves was obvious, but no one acknowledges the labour of the slave drivers, who had to whip the slaves to keep working for the same hours as the slaves worked and under the same blistering sun..."

"...You're pathetic, Hikigaya-kun."

She sighed, as if resigning herself to the inevitability of my worthlessness.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. Just hurry up and get out there to help with the preparations. I think that Miura woman has been looking for you for some time."

"Miura? Looking for me?"

"I didn't bother with the details. I already figured that if anyone was looking for you then you were doubtlessly up to no good. Just get moving already."

I did as I was told and quickly headed out the door towards the stage where everyone was helping out just so I could get out of Yukinoshita's field of view as soon as possible. I found Miura in one of the backstage rooms we'd repurposed as a rehearsal room because I could hear through the cheap walls all of her dinosaur roaring and growling and saying lines from a script any teenager would've been embarrassed to say. I opened the door just in time to see her trip in her giant pink dinosaur costume and plant herself face-first onto the floor in front of about a dozen kids around her. I watched as her oversized dinosaur head fell off and rolled to the wall on the other side. Then my eyes met with hers when she looked up from the floor as she heard the door open, and that was when I knew I was screwed.

"You're late! You're so, totally, super late! You idiot! You forgot, didn't you?!"

"Ah..."

Out of the frying pan, into the Fire of Sobu High.

"Don't just 'ah' me! Help me get up so I can hit you!"

"It seems I got the wrong room, sorry. I'll leave you to it now..."

"Hey, wait! Fine, I won't hit you! Just come back here! I can't move!"

I did as I was told and walked over to straighten Miura in her dinosaur costume off the ground. The children started to crowd around me as I did so, and I could feel a sense of deja vu as I felt all control over my personal space disappearing in an instant. The kids were back, and they had a vengeance.

"Hey, mister! I remember you! You're the garbage can Miss Miura talked about!" yelled one of the boys.

"Eww, he smells!" yelled one of the girls.

"Garbage can! Garbage can!"

"I knew you all looked familiar. You're the same insufferable brats as last time..."

"Eww, the garbage can is talking! We'll get his garbage cooties!"

"Garbage cooties! Garbage cooties!"

This time it was Miura's turn to laugh. I was hoping during that moment that those kids would've all already gone to hell since the last time I saw them, but it seemed I had hoped too soon. Not only were they all alive and well, they had even found their way to watch Miura's performance rehearsal somehow. These kids were the embodiment of luck. If I had it my way, I would've sealed some of their mouths shut while I still had the chance. Permanently.

"Wait, guys! Wait! Calm down! He's not a garbage can. He's Hikio, and he's my friend. You should all call him that from now on, okay?"

"Okay!" they all yelled in unison.

"I don't recall anyone named 'Hikio' here either, Miura..."

"I probably don't need to introduce these children to you, right?" she said, completely ignoring my response. "They're the same kids you met at the park last time. Turns out the local daycare they were talking about was the one I work for. They're going to be part of the performance!"

"Oh, great. My heart is jumping for joy."

"Lighten up, Hikio! These kids mean well, even if they can be a bit annoying at times. Kids, do you remember what I told you to do when the scary dead-fish-eyed man comes here?"

"Yes, ma'am!" they all yelled in unison again.

Each of the kids pulled out what looked to be a small piece of candy out of their pockets and stretched out their hands in front of me. I eyed Miura for answers, but she only smiled and shrugged at me in response.

"It's their way of showing their gratitude for spending time with them last time. Bribery is the fastest way to someone's heart, isn't it?"

I sighed in resignation, feeling like I had lost that battle somehow. I took all of their candy and stepped away from the circle to get my personal space back. I even popped one of the candy pieces into my mouth. I was going to complain that real bribery involved a lot more than just giving someone candy like that, but I ended up changing my mind. These kids knew how to get some seriously good sweets.

The rest of the rehearsals went smoothly after that. I watched Miura and the kids practice until the preparations outside for the day were over, and they seemed to have a good grasp of their roles and lines by the end of it. Miura had already remembered all of hers, so she spent most of her time helping the children remember theirs and teaching them how to play their roles properly. I ended up getting dragged in to show the kids what they were supposed to do during certain parts of the script and how to pronounce words they were unfamiliar with. They were surprisingly compliant with my teaching. I was still convinced Miura had brainwashed those brats into being obedient whenever she wanted them to be somehow. I didn't know how else it was possible for them to be so docile during those rehearsals, but it was definitely a skill I had to have her teach me sometime.

We took a break after some time and sat to the side while we left the kids to rehearse by themselves. That was when she lightly hit me on my shoulder, crossed her arms, and turned her head the other way.

"...What was that for?" I asked.

"That's for being late, idiot."

"I forgot. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Hmph. I wanted you to see our rehearsal earlier."

"So… how was it? It didn't look like it was going too well when I walked in on you falling face-first like that."

"It was going well until you came along!"

"So it's my fault now…?"

"I mean, it went fine, I guess. I haven't had much time to practice with the children at school, but I live by myself so I can rehearse my lines any time I'm home."

"You don't live with your parents?"

"Hah, no. They're not even in the country. They're probably overseas somewhere, flying to Hawaii or spending the night in India. I don't keep track anymore."

"You don't even know where your own parents are…?"

"They dumped me here as soon as it was legal to leave your kid to live by themselves. They don't care. They just want to travel around the world, not babysit some highschool teenager."

"That sounds pretty messed up, honestly. I would almost be sympathetic if you weren't such a pain in the ass."

"I didn't ask for your sympathy, idiot!"

"So, what? You don't care if your parents just left you like that?"

"I mean, like, sort of, but... I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I can take care of myself. I know how to pay the bills, how to shop for groceries, how to clean the carpet, how to wash my clothes, stuff like that. I'm used to living like this now."

"Don't you ever get lonely?"

"Since when did you care about that…?"

"Since now, dummy."

"Well... yeah. I guess I do. I mean, sometimes! Just sometimes, okay?! Don't compare me to you!"

"Heh. How naive. I'm a loner by choice. You're a loner because your parents don't care about you, and that hardly even counts as real loneliness. You're a thousand years too early to be comparing yourself to me, Miura."

"Ugh, that's notsomething to be proud of, you know. I mean, well, it's… it's not, but..."

"But?"

"But I guess that's why... I go see these kids every now and then."

"You mean, these kids..."

"...Yeah. To tell you the truth, I think I enjoy spending time with them more than the time I spend with my own friends. They're just so innocent, you know? They don't care about how popular you are, or how many friends you have, or whether you're into the latest cool trends or not. They just want you to play with them because that's all they know."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"I know, right? I'm a highschool teenager who spends her free time playing with school children. How lame is that?"

"Pfft, you think that's lame? Don't make me laugh. How about the time in middle school on April Fool's when I asked everyone in my class for their numbers so I could play a prank on them, only for none of them to give it to me?"

"That's not just lame, that's really pathetic and sad..."

"Shut up! You were asking for lame stories!"

Miura laughed. There was a bit of a gloomy look on her face when she was talking about her parents earlier, but that was totally gone by then. That seemed to cheer her up.

"You're such a weird guy, you know that? You don't care about whether someone else has lame hobbies or not. You don't care if they know all the coolest fashion trends or all the latest gossip. You're not like everyone else. All the friends I know would've laughed when I told them that story. But you don't. It's really strange."

"I'm a loner, so don't take my word for it, but it sounds like you need to get some new friends."

"I… well, um, I mean… I wouldn't—I wouldn't go that far…"

"What, you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with these people?"

"...It's, like, a bit early to tell, isn't it? I mean, probably not, but, I don't know, maybe… it's not impossible, I guess..."

"Listen, Miura. I live by my own rules. Not by anyone else's. I've always been alone, and I'm going to stay that way. And do you know what I've learned from being alone all this time? It's that I don't need to care what other people think. They can hate me all they want. They can think I'm as much of a loser as they want to make me out to be. But none of that matters to me, because I don't care about any of them. Because the only one who matters in my world is me."

"But… but that's just you being you, right? Because for someone like me, that would just be the same as, like, social suicide or something..."

"So? Who says you can't do it too, just because you have so many friends or whatever? In fact, that's even more of a reason to leave them. Because you know what I think? I think your friends are a waste of time. I think if you want to be a teacher, you should be a teacher. Who cares what they tell you? Who cares what they want you to be? It's your own life, Miura. Not theirs. And you shouldn't have to listen to anyone telling you how to live it if they're not going to listen to you."

"I… that's… I mean, I… well..."

"Well?"

"You… really… think that…?"

"Of course. I'm Hikigaya Hachiman, Sobu High's resident loner number one. If there's anyone who should be embarrassed about where they are, it's me. But I'm not. Because I don't care about what people think of me. I just care about doing what I want to do."

"When you put it that way it sounds really cool, but it also sounds really sad at the same time..."

"Whatever, that's not important! Just… here, stand up straight. I'll show you something I used to practice as a loner in middle school all the time."

"...Like this…?"

"Good, like that. Now, repeat after me. Screw the world!"

"Huh? S-Screw the world…?"

"Do what you want to do! Be who you want to be!"

"Do what you want to do… be who you want to be…?"

"I don't take shit from anyone!"

"Hikio, that's rude! There are children here!"

"Just say it!"

"I don't… take shit from anyone…?"

"Louder!"

"I don't take shit from anyone."

"LOUDER!"

"I DON'T TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE!"

"Screw the world!"

"SCREW THE WORLD!"

"Do what you want to do! Be who you want to be!"

"DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!"

"I'm going to be a teacher, whether you like it or not!"

"I'M GOING TO BE A TEACHER, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

"Good. Feel better?"

"...Yeah. Much better. But, like, that was so embarrassing!"

"I know. To be honest, I made up that part about practicing it all the time in middle school. I just wanted the kids to see you yelling randomly."

"Hey! You little—"

She jumped at me to pinch my cheeks, and I pinched hers in response. She was smiling, and I couldn't help but smile myself too. The air felt different then. It was as if a weight had been lifted off our shoulders and we could finally speak our minds without anything holding us back. It really was strange thinking Miura and I had more in common than I thought. At the rate we were going, I wouldn't have been surprised if I even ended up recommending her some light novels for her to read at some point. Not to mention our shared dislike of the kind of people she called her friends and their empty, flaccid lives, including all the fake friends they'd convinced to join them because they didn't have anywhere else to go. Although I'm sure she wouldn't have phrased it that way.

It was by then we noticed the children had stopped rehearsing and were staring at us with blank looks on their faces. While we were messing around with each other we'd totally forgotten that they were still there, and that they'd also probably heard us randomly shouting earlier for some strange reason.

"Oops. I'd better sort the kids out before they think I'm going crazy..." said Miura.

"I'm pretty sure if you're hanging out with me then the world has already gone crazy enough."

"Hey, um, by the way, if you're free next week… how about we head to the amusement park some time? It'll be my treat! It's, um, thanks for all the help you've given me."

"Hikigaya Hachiman doesn't take charity from anyone."

"Ugh, fine. Then it'll be your treat."

"On second thought, Hikigaya Hachiman is okay with charity on special occasions."

"Knew it. You are so predictable, dummy."

She quickly turned around to stick her tongue out at me before returning to the children in the middle. I sat there, satisfied, watching them as rehearsals would continue once more.

Once rehearsals were over I went to help carry some of the extra props we didn't need back to the Planning Committee meeting room, which was now being used for storage. Or rather, since that was something I would've never done out of my own volition, Yukinoshita had made me do it as punishment for slacking off in the dressing room earlier that afternoon. It wasn't a long trip, but there were all sorts of leftover items that they didn't want to disturb the morning assembly the next day, so I had to stay behind for a considerable amount of time as a result. Almost everyone else had already left by then, including Miura and the children she was looking after, so it was just me, Hayama, Yukinoshita, and a few others who'd been unlucky enough to be chosen to help out as well.

The sun was dipping well beyond the horizon by the time we were all finished. My frail loner body was so out of shape that I needed to sit down for a while in the Planning Committee meeting room to gain my breath back afterwards. I figured I would get started on some of the paperwork I still had to do for the next day while I tried to recuperate. Hayama, Yukinoshita, and a few others who'd helped out had stayed behind to finish up on some paperwork as well, but as the sun disappeared further and further down the horizon most of them proceeded to quietly leave the room to go home. By the time I started to leave only Hayama and Yukinoshita were still in the room, scribbling away at even more paperwork than was on their desks before. I had to hand it to them. They took it on themselves to do more work so people like me could do less. It was thanks to the sacrifice of people like them in society that I could keep being the lazy bum I was. Hayama may have been my enemy, but his unparalleled ability to take on the work of other people almost brought a tear to my eye.

"I'll be heading off now," I said to them quietly as I nodded them goodbye.

"Thanks for your hard work today, Hikitani-kun!" beamed Hayama as he looked up from his desk.

"I must confess my gratitude as well. Though you may have tried to weasel your way out of it, we would not have finished packing up for today on time without your help. You may still be of use to society yet," said Yukinoshita, flashing me her usual quick, sly smile.

"You're assuming I'd want to work in a society with people like you in it..."

I made my way out the door to the hallway outside, finally free from the day's work at last. I was beyond tired, and my whole body ached in desperate pain from all of the walking and lifting I had to do just earlier. I was ready to go home and get Komachi to give me a foot massage, to which she'd probably tell me to drop dead, but I figured if I looked like I was in serious pain enough times I might've actually ended up convincing her one day. That was when I noticed I'd forgotten to hand over the paperwork I'd finished for Hayama and Yukinoshita to review. I could've waited for them to pick it up on their own, but I figured they wouldn't be able to tell which of the paperwork was finished or not since they were all jumbled together across my desk, and it was better to submit them early so they could be reviewed as soon as possible. So I turned around to head back to the meeting room, thinking I would quickly hand over the papers and call it a day.

And that was when I saw it.

Something I wish I could never have seen—

As I walked back to the meeting room and was about to head inside again, I peered through one of the round glass panes on the door to see if Hayama and Yukinoshita were still scribbling away at their paperwork even after I'd already left.

—Because that was when I saw their faces pressed up against each other, locked together in a kiss.