It was Saturday. By now I was starting to get used to be in this place, even though I was still hoping to leave. The weirdest part of what was going on was that I had an identity for the first time ever and to be honest, it scared me a little. I had a name, an actual relationship, a father and it still didn't feel like mine. I didn't feel like I deserved this, only because I found a loophole in my existence. Part of me even felt like I was condemning Kelsea to the life that I had had.
At the same time, was there anything that I could do about it? I kind of felt like I was a philosopher of sorts. I mean I had lived more lives than anyone on Earth, unless there were more people like me.
Then there was the other thing that scared me: sex. Now that Rhiannon and I were officially a couple, we could in theory have sex. Kelsea was a virgin just like Xavier was (at least of the consensual variety), but as far as I knew, she wouldn't be getting her body back. I knew she knew what to do, but she also had only ever had sex with Justin. That was something that we needed to have a discussion about as soon as I got out of here.
Of course one thing that I really wanted to do was go outside. I never really felt claustrophobia before because even though I had been in rehab and literally prison before, I always had solace in the fact that it would be over the next door. I supposed that I could try asking someone if I could go outside, even though it was quite possible that they would be hesitant to allow me to do so.
"So I have something weird that I need to ask." I told Dr. Drake. "Is there anyway that I can go outside for a little while? I mean I know I wouldn't be able to go out unsupervised, but would I be able to get some form of supervision or something?"
"That's not really something that we do." She replied.
"Well maybe it could be a therapy exercise." I proposed. "If I'm going to get out of here, wouldn't seeing how I can handle the outside world be beneficial to determining if I should? I'm sorry if it sounds weird, but I've just never been inside for so long before."
"I'd have to talk it over with the hospital." She declared. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I could only hope for some good news.
I then went back to my room. Another thing that I wasn't used was having friends. I didn't know if Alexa and I could be considered friends. I didn't know if it would be weird to continue visiting her after I got out. It seemed like no one ever really came to visit her, other than her parents.
"So I have a question for you." I responded. "If I get out of here before you, would it be weird if I came and visited you?"
"Why would you want to do that?" She inquired.
"I don't know. I've never really been good at talking to or getting to know people." I admitted. That wasn't even lie mainly because it was something that I tried to avoid. I didn't like to get close to people that the person didn't already know because I knew that there was never any point to it. "As weird as it's been, I like talking to you."
"I guess I like talking to you too." She admitted. "So what does this make us?"
"I think makes us friends if you're okay with that." I told her.
"I think the only way that I can let you in is to know that you won't shut me out. When I first got here a few months, I had other people on the squad visit me, but eventually they just stopped coming. Would I be able to count on you not to give up on me like everyone else seems to have done?" She asked.
"First, I'm sorry that you feel abandoned by someone else. I've never had an eating disorder before and I can only imagine how you must feel." I declared. I realized that that might not have actually helped her and it actually sounded a bit cliché to be honest. "Yes, I promise."
I really hoped that it would be a promise that I could keep. I could say that I felt a lot more confident about it than when I arrived on Wednesday, though I still felt terrified that things were going to end and I would go back to the way things were before.
Later, I was taking a nap when I heard a knock on the door. I woke up and looked to see Dr. Drake standing in the doorway.
"So I've talked things over with the hospital and we've agreed to let you go out to dinner with your father tonight as long as you are back by 9:00." She explained. The way thar she had said it made it sound like I wouldn't be able to invite anyone else.
"Will I be able to take my phone with me?" I asked. I would think that I need it in case of emergency. Plus, it would give me a chance to text with Rhiannon, or at least tell her what I was doing.
"Yes, you will." She told me. I was a little bit excited. I could see any news that I missed out on. Granted, I doubted that anything important had happened since I probably would have been told about thought, but I also liked to follow pop culture because it made me feel normal. Part of me even wondered if I would ever be one of the young celebrities even though I was usually nowhere near them.
I kind of hoped that we wouldn't be going to a really fancy restaurant because I didn't really have clothes for that and I really wasn't someone who enjoyed expensive foods. I would honestly rather go to inexpensive non-chain restaurant. I even knew a few good ones if I got the chance to pick.
I stood in a dress in the lobby of the building as I waited for my dad to arrive. I was holding to the phone because it made it easier to stay in touch with him if he was running late…you know I just realized that I referred to him as my dad. It felt good to call him that. Maybe I was subconsciously starting to accept the fact that I was Kelsea. Maybe it would good if I started to say to myself that I was Kelsea Jane Cook and I was in love with Rhiannon Parker. I made sure to send a text to let her know that I was okay and I would be going out to dinner.
"So where do you want to go for dinner?" My dad asked me after we were in his car. On that subject, we hadn't talked about what we were going to do with my car. That was probably something that could be discussed later.
"There's actually this place that I wanted to go. It's called Pancake Palace." I declared. I wondered what he would think that I wanted to have pancakes for dinner.
"Okay." He responded. Maybe he just wanted to let me pick and would try anything in order to make me happy. We headed down to the restaurant and were able to get a table relatively quickly since most people weren't having pancakes for dinner on a Saturday night. "So how are you feeling?"
"I feel better." I declared. "I'm still kind of nervous about everything. Being outside of there feels good. I realize that I never thanked you for listening to me about all of this."
"I'm the one who should be thanking you. Mental health is one of the hardest things that to talk about and I'm so glad that you were able to find the courage to talk to me. I don't know what would I do if I lost you." He remarked. "I'm really glad that you're feeling better and I will do whatever I can to continue helping you."
"It's been a long time since we've done anything together like this." I commented.
"Yeah, I believe the last time was just after your mother died." He replied. He had put himself into his work after she died. I don't know if things would be different if he had been around more, but that was in the past now.
"Yeah." I agreed. It was all that I could think to say. I didn't have a lot to talk about.
"We should do this more often. Maybe next time we go out, Rhiannon can come with us." He proposed.
"I would like that. I'll have to ask her." I said. I just hoped that she had told her parents. Though, I couldn't help but wonder if they would be concerned not about the fact that I was a girl, but about the time that I had spent in the hospital. Maybe things would be easier if I got the chance to meet them. It would be weird meeting people that I had previously shared a house with.
The food was really good. I wasn't sure if it was because the food that I had been eating really wasn't the best quality, but I really liked it. They were the best pancakes that I had had in a long time. I wasn't sure if I thought the food was better because of the good time that I had had at the restaurant, but I really didn't care.
We got back a little bit early. I made sure to give him a hug before I went back into the building. I also managed to convince the hospital staff to let me make a phone call before I handled my phone back over to them. There was one person that I really wanted to talk to.
"Hi." She answered.
"Hi." I responded with a smile
"What are you doing right now?" She asked.
"I just got back from dinner. I convinced them to let me call you before I give my phone back." I explained.
"So how was dinner with your dad?" She inquired. "Is it weird that I called it that. It's just easier for me to remember.'
"It was nice. I felt like we really bonded and it's not weird because I'm starting to think that way myself. So have you talked to your parents about us yet?"
"I told my dad about us. I haven't told my mom yet. You know I can't believe that I actually had a serious conversation with him. I never thought that I would do that again after everything that happened." She admitted.
"Well I don't think that I can talk for very much longer, but I feel pretty good about being to get out tomorrow. I don't know how much we'll be able to see each other. I probably won't be at school until at least Tuesday." I explained.
"Well things are going to get better. They have gotten better. Hopefully all of our troubles are behind us and we can just be normal teenagers for some time." She declared. I really hoped that she was right about that. I was upset about all of the drama that I had caused her and being normal was probably my biggest dream. "I love you."
"I love you too." I declared before I hung up the phone and handed it over to the nurse. I could only hope that I had shown enough progress that I would be able to get out tomorrow. I wanted to begin the next chapter of my life.
So it's actually been a while since I wrote anything. I don't know why I chose this story to be the first one I updated. A lot has happened in the last 3 plus years. Someday came out and gave the story a much happier ending. So it's getting closer to Kelsea and Rhiannon being able to spend some time together. Please don't forget to review.