They sat around the dinner table which was unusual as Jane and Lucy ate at the breakfast counter when being alone. But the counter was too small for three people. Jane glanced to the girls who were sitting next to each other across from her. She wasn't stupid to know that whenever a hand went under the table it was to touch the other. She acted though as if she didn't notice. Instead, she was working on a plan to make this relationship possible for them. But she was sure that this included telling Clementine her secret.
They were good for now though and Jane found it easy to have the girl in her home. She was very polite and respectful towards Jane. "You can have my bed and I sleep on the couch." Jane teased the girls speaking to clementine. Lucy shot her a glare. "Or you can stay in your bed and Clementine can sleep with me. My bed is big enough." Her daughter pointed out.
Jane chuckled and Clementine blushed when realizing that the decision was on her now. "I uhm.. I don't mind either option." She stated slowly and now earned the glare from Lucy. Clementine shrugged slightly as if to say we don't want to annoy your ma.
"Or that yes. If you're both okay with it." She said to help the girl who looked relieved. "Fine, that's settled then." Jane stated, getting a thankful look from both. She rolled her eyes inwardly and smiled. Teenagers she thought.
Lucy walked into the living room while Clementine was getting a shower. At least they are not showering together yet Jane thought as she patted the spot next to her on the couch. "I'm sorry for saying that I hate you." Lucy silently said and Jane lifted her arm to pull her daughter into a hug. "I said we would find a way and I meant it." She replied.
"But what way without giving up your secret? I assume that I never can meet her parents, but I don't know how to explain that to her."
"Do you think we can trust her?" Jane asked slowly. After meeting Clementine, she thought they could. "I don't want to put you into danger." Lucy said, her eyes sad. "I made arrangements that you go to our family if anything ever happens to me." Jane softly spoke, striking over her daughter's head.
Lucy glanced at her, tears filling her eyes. "I don't want to. I want you." She stated and Jane nodded. "I made them a long time ago. Because I wanted to make sure that you're okay if something should ever happen to me." She said and bit her lip. She wanted Lucy to be happy, but her girl was in a turmoil. Telling Clementine was a risk. But not telling her was a risk either. They were just risking on different levels.
Their conversation got interrupted when the blonde appeared on the threshold. Jane glanced at Lucy. "I'm sorry. I couldn't find …" she stopped sensing that there was a tense feeling between mother and daughter again.
"Its fine. What do you need?" Jane asked and Clementine looked lost. "It's okay. I just couldn't find the light switch to Lucy's bedroom. I didn't mean to interrupt you." She sounded shy now.
"Come and sit with us." Jane said. Her voice calm, her heart hammering though. Lucy glanced at her in No! But Jane trusted her gut that it would be okay if she told the girl what she needed to know. There was no other way than this if she wanted Lucy to be happy. And she wanted nothing more than her daughter to be happy.
Clementine sat down into the armchair facing them and Jane turned to her. "There is something you should know." She began slowly, hoping that her voice would transmit the gravity of the matter. Clementine's eyes widened as had done Lucy's. The brunette gave her a reassuring smile.
"It's absolutely vital that you keep the secret I'm going to tell you know. Okay?" Clementine fidgeted nervously with her hands and looked for Lucy who bit her lips. "Okay." Clementine said and glanced back at Jane who took a deep breath before telling the blonde that she was in witness protection and that Lucy could never meet her parents.
Clementine shifted in her seat and kept looking between them. "Why my parents?" she finally asked, and Jane nodded thoughtfully. "Because I am the one who got shot on the line of duty." Her voice was cracking with tears. "Because your mother would recognize Lucy like I recognize you as her child. And she can't know." Jane's voice broke. Why was she doing this to the girls? Suddenly it all felt like a huge mistake.
The blonde swallowed and Jane continued. "Maura can't know." She repeated and Clementine looked highly insecure, clearly asking herself what she had gotten into and if this was a joke. Jane felt the need to proof her statements by asking about Bass the African spurred tortoise and watched Clementine's eyes grow even wider.
"You are Jane!?" she whispered, and Lucy glanced at her mother when hearing her real name. "Jane Rizzoli yes." Jane confirmed, hoping that the girls wouldn't get any bad ideas now. Clementine wiped a tear of her cheek and lifted from her chair. She sat down next to Jane and hugged her. "Ma talked so much about you that I feel like I have known you forever." She whispered and Jane held her tight, rubbing the blondes back.
"She talked about me?" she held back the tears, learning that despite their fight, Maura had never forgotten her or cursed her. Or well, maybe she had, but she was still thinking about her.
"Yes, a lot. She misses you every day. Sometimes she says things like: Jane would not have liked that, or I wish I could ask Jane or I would need Jane to kick my ass." The blonde chuckled.
"I never kicked her ass!" Jane exclaimed indignant and they all laughed. The laughter seemed to take away some of the tension which was lingering in the room.
"Jane?" Clementine asked and the brunette nodded.
"I'm not going to tell anyone. I promise." She was very serious. "Mum will never meet Lucy." Her voice was determined and firm.
"Good." Jane replied and hugged the blonde one last time. Silence dragged over them, and they sat still for a while. "She loved you." Clementine spoke up and immediately attracted the mothers and daughter's attention. Especially Lucy seemed to listen up. "Dad once said: I know that I will never be Jane. He was mad at mum. I don't know why. But I remember her saying that no one will be you to her."
Jane tried to stay realistic. Of course, Maura had loved her. As a friend that was. That saying meant nothing and nothing at all. "Why didn't she come and pick you up?" Jane asked the question that had been bothering all day. "The Maura I knew would be there unless something important is holding her back."
Clementine sighed. "You are right. She's always there for me. Sometimes maybe a little bit too much." Jane felt her and thought of Angela. "She had to go to Boston to …" her voice got silent when something hit her. "What is it?" Jane asked, feeling goosebumps raise while finishing the sentence to herself "to help my family? What is it?" There was no other reason Maura would go to Boston.
"Uncle Frankie got shot." Clementine whispered, gauging Jane's reaction. Uncle Frankie, Jane thought, realizing how crazy this world was in which Clementine got to meet her brother and her family while her own daughter couldn't.
Lucy was silent for a long time as was Jane. "But she said that he's going to be fine. Grandma Angela is being dramatic though and Mum needs to help her." Her voice was thin and apologetically. Hell, this was really a mess Jane thought, resisting the urge to call her mother who thought that Jane had died of a gunshot wound. Having Frankie shot must freak her out she mused. No wonder Maura moved the earth to be there and help her. She felt grateful for the doc to take such good care about her family, which of course had become hers and obviously Clementine's.
"I have an uncle." Lucy stated flabbergasted. Jane took her hand. "You have two. Frankie and Tommy." Lucy tried to process. She turned to Clementine asking how they were. The blonde scratched her head. "A lot like Jane but also very different. They tease each other all the time and fight a lot. Family dinners are always very loud and tumultuous." She almost smiled at sweet memories.
Lucy grinned. "They also mention Jane from time to time. Everybody is on Frankie's back to be careful because he can't end up like Jane." A sad smile crossed Jane's face, recalling how Frankie always had looked up to her.
"That's what my family is like?" she asked Jane, her tone neutral, curious.
"Yes. That's what they are like." She silently said, missing them terribly. Lucy's hand touched hers and squeezed it. "Thank you. Now I know what to imagine when I think about them."
Jane suddenly understood the need of Lucy to know her roots. "Well, we are a typical Italian-American family. You know, loud, speaking our minds, getting on each other's nerves, but at the end of the day we stick together and love each other. Always!"
Lucy smiled. "Jane Rizzoli is a strong name. It suits you better than Amanda Luca." She mumbled.
"Could you please ask your mum how ma and Frankie are doing?" Jane turned to Clementine who nodded. "Oh yes. Good idea."
"You know that mum saw you when you dropped Lucy off at college?" the blonde asked after hitting the sent button. "She mentioned something like going nuts because hallucinating you there. And she couldn't find a reasonable explanation for how her brain could play such a stupid trick on her."
Jane swallowed. "She'd drop dead if she knew the secret and that you are alive." Clementine mused. They were all overwhelmed by the situation and let a new wave of silence wash over them. It got interrupted by the ringing of Clementine's phone.
The blonde glanced around and put Maura on loudspeakers. "Hey mum. How are you?" Clementine asked and Jane couldn't help to think that this was all so unreal when Maura's voice flooded the room. "I'm fine." She sounded not fine at all. Exhausted, depressed, and desperate. Jane reminded herself how Maura had lost her to a gun shot. "But uncle Frankie is going to be fine, isn't he?" Clementine tried to console her mother.
"Yes honey. He is going to be released from hospital tomorrow. It just reminds us all of… " her voice got lost in a silent sob that tore Janes heart apart. "I know mum. I'm sorry. But I'm sure that Jane wouldn't want you to cry." Her voice was gentle, and the sobs got stronger, her eyes lingering on Janes who mouthed a thank you.
"Mum. How can I help you?" Clementine asked and waited. Jane resisted the urge to yell towards the phone that she was okay. She bit her lip so hard that it bled.
"You're sweet honey. But you can't help me. It's just that… Sometimes it drives me crazy. The last words I said to her were that I never wanted to see her again. And now…" Jane cringed.
Clementine cringed as well. "How are you? Did you get home safely?" the doc asked, and Clementine nodded until she realized that Maura couldn't hear her. "Yeah, the mother of a friend gave me a ride. I'm actually staying with them."
"That's sweet of her. Is it the girl you have told me about so much? What's her name? Lucy?"
"Yes mum. Her mother is really nice. I'm sure you'd like her."
"Maybe I can meet her one day? Seeing as you girls get along so well, we could have dinner together. What would you say?"
"Maybe yes. I can ask them."
Jane watched her and hoped that she was a much better liar than her mother. But she thought that she was because she had lied and shown no hives.
"Be your best. I'm glad that you're not alone. What's the woman's name?"
Clementine shot Jane a helpless glance. Jane nodded. Her identity was safe. "Amanda Luca." She replied and Maura smiled. "What a nice name."
They heard some voices in the background and Maura excused herself. "I have to run baby. But I try to call you later, okay?"
"I'm fine. I just wanted to know about Uncle Frankie and how you're holding up. Don't stress yourself." Clementine replied and they said their goodbyes. Jane imagined what it would have been like to be with Maura and how they would have raised these two girls. She smiled sadly and swallowed another lump in her throat. "Thank you." She spoke. Clementine nodded and hugged her again. A hug which Jane desperately needed in this situation.