Note: It's been a while, but I finally got back to editing the chapters that were already done! Part of the reason why it took me so long to start this at all: editing is sooooooooo boring. Blarg! But it's worth it. Anyway, happy birthday to me! Have a chapter.
An hour and fifteen minutes. That's how much longer Undyne hung around listening to Sans go on about how cool and vicious his younger brother was. A full hour. And then fifteen more minutes. Just the two of them loudly rattling off all the worst fights either of them and Sans's brother had ever been in, how they'd gotten various scars, and how much Sans thought of his younger brother. You'd think he was the boy's mother with just how much he went on and on and on about him.
Gaster was beyond done, but there wasn't much he could do about it when it was the queen herself jabbering away like a fishwife. He may sass her, but Gaster actually had a lot of respect for Undyne. He also liked his cushy life living protected in her city, so he kept his head down and diligently went about mixing together various medicines and tucking them away into just as varied containers. That didn't mean he didn't listen, even if the two of them were loud and coarse Gaster was actually learning a lot about the kind of life Sans led before Gaster found him.
He had been very active, always moving from one place to another on a whim or to follow their prey, hunting with his brother, fighting off any competition, and occasionally hanging out with any monsters that didn't chase them off. In short: ill suited to the sedentary life of an apothecary's assistant. Not to mention active monsters were prone to elevated levels of restlessness while recovering from injuries and were far more likely to worry at their injuries, re-injure themselves, or otherwise make their injuries worse rather than better. Just thinking about what that was going to be like was giving Gaster a headache. Or maybe it was working the pestle and mortar for over an hour and a quarter.
He finished up the last of the paste he'd been making before scraping it into an empty clam shell and sealing it closed. Then he set his tools and supplies aside, glancing over to where Undyne and Sans were both chuckling as he went over his mental list of what else needed to be done. Perhaps he should attempt to "air" out the sickbay, usually he did the actuall mixing of medicines in the storeroom so he didn't have to worry about this very thing, the curtain of seaweed growing over the opening was bespelled to keep the tainted water from crossing its boundary.
"… so then I just suplexed him, that shut him up real fast!"
"yeah, i'll bet!" They both burst into more raucous laughter.
Gaster sighed. Honestly he was surprised Sans hadn't dozed off again. Perhaps he was while Undyne was telling some of her longer tales, she certainly droned on long enough for it.
"Oh shit! How long have we been talking?"
"i dunno."
"OVER AN HOUR."
"doc said for over an hour."
"Okay, so we've been talking for just a little too long and I got some other shit I gotta do. But hey, good times! Before I go, any idea which direction you came from?"
Sans shrugged. "wherever the doc found me? though i'm not even sure what direction i fell either."
"Ugh, that's not even a little helpful! Well whatever, I'll send some people to at least attempt to find your brother, he sounds AWESOME as hell and I wanna meet him!"
"fuck yeah!" Sans laughed, then subsided into a gentler smile. "thanks."
"Thank me after we find him." Undyne gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder, it only nearly knocked Sans clean off his seat. Then with a final wave to Gaster, she was gone.
Gaster swam to Sans's side. "ARE YOU IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE, MEDICAL OR OTHERWISE?"
"i dunno, maybe? she packs quite the punch."
"SHE SEEMED TO LIKE YOU, THAT WAS THE FRIENDLIEST SLAP I'VE EVER SEEN HER GIVE."
"i can feel it, i've got the friendship tingles all up and down my arm."
Gaster helped settle Sans back into the bench, then inspected his arm. He seemed fine, but was due for a change in wraps and fresh salve soon anyway. "YOU WERE BOTH TALKING FOR QUITE A WHILE, I EXPECTED YOU TO HAVE PASSED OUT BY NOW. OR DEMAND LUNCH AT THE VERY LEAST."
"eh, i could eat."
It seemed Sans's definition of "could eat" was twenty six clams, two hard boiled eggplants, and a whole herring. Predictably Sans fell asleep the moment his appetite gave out and he stopped eating, too busy processing the sheer amount of food he'd absorbed. And that included Gaster's own lunch! He grumbled to himself the entire time he changed out Sans's wraps. He continued to grumble as he went all the way to the mess for a quick lunch, even as he popped into the galley to explain why he needed even more food despite how much he'd been given just that morning.
"AT LEAST THE HEALTHY APPETITE MEANS HE'S HEALING," Gaster grumbled to himself while he waited for the cooks to put something else together for him. And it wasn't snails or clams this time, Sans had better appreciate it!
By the time he'd returned to sickbay, grumbling the whole way, Sans hadn't woken yet and two patients had arrived. with a sigh Gaster gestured to the table and had the first sit while the second waited out in the corridor.
The first patient had actually been very easy, a simple case of food poisoning. As in eating something poisonous as if it were actual food. A few questions to ascertain just what she had eaten, how severe the stomach ache was, a quick trip into the storeroom to pick out the correct remedy, then off he sent her.
The second patient was less simple, he'd been feeling sore and achy for a few days and couldn't figure out why. Gaster started examining the patient while he rambled on about how yesterday it was worse when he woke up but this morning it wasn't as bad but it still wasn't good. Gaster found what appeared to be a small puncture wound on his pack, poking it didn't cause a pain response at all. Gaster poked the area again, "CAN YOU FEEL THIS?"
"What?"
Gaster sighed to himself, this would be difficult. He would have to swim in front of the patient, sign everything, and hope he had been paying attention. Possibly have to repeat it and hope the patient doesn't trick himself into believing he can feel something.
"he asked if ya can feel that…" Sans slurred from his seat, seemingly only half awake at best.
"Oh. Uh… kinda? Do it again I guess?"
Gaster poked him again.
"It felt really faint, like you were barely touching me, except it wasn't ticklish."
Gaster grunted, numbness around a puncture wound was never a good sign. He inspected the rest of the patient's back and sides, finding two more wounds that did elicit a response and one more wound that was tender to the touch.
Gaster made a displeased noise as he moved back around the patient. "HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD THE SAME SYMPTOMS? DO YOU LIVE ALONE?"
"this happen to anyone else?" Sans asked. Despite yawning he sounded far more awake.
The patient looked at Sans skeptically, "Uh… yeah. My roommate, he woke up feeling a bit achy this morning."
"HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING LETHARGIC LATELY? HAVING A HARDER TIME WAKING UP? GOING TO BED EARLY? TAKING UNUSUAL NAPS?"
"ya been tired lately?"
Sans's succinctness was definitely something he would have to talk to Sans about, there were limits.
"A bit I guess?"
Gaster moved over to the wall and picked up one of the clam shells in an alcove, hesitated, then picked up another. He held both out to the patient, "ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR YOUR ROOMMATE."
The patient reluctantly took them.
"one's fer ya and one's fer yer roommate."
"Okay, what? Who are you? The patient glared angrily at Sans, then whipped his head back to facing Gaster. "I thought he was just another patient, like he was knocked out or something. Aren't you the doctor?"
"i'm his translator, genius. and also a patient, i don't look like this 'cause i got lost in a kelp forest."
"You can understand him?"
"it's a skeleton thing," Sans quickly answered.
"CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND?" Gaster asked and signed curtly.
"yeah, let's focus on yer issues, buddy."
"RANDOM PUNCTURE WOUNDS, NUMBNESS AROUND SAID WOUNDS, AND GENERAL ACHES ARE A SIGN OF PARASITES," Gaster started. With Sans's help (and a lot of sarcasm thrown in for flavor), he laid out a treatment plan for the patient and his roommate, orders to have their living quarters inspected and the parasites removed, and also for any neighbors to be informed of what's going on and likewise have their living quarters inspected.
And then the sickbay was blessedly quiet again, just Gaster and Sans. For now. Gaster had a feeling he'd have an influx of patients worried about parasites shortly. He grumbled to himself as he went into the storeroom to grab more of that particular healing salve… including the ones he'd made just that morning. He'd have to make more. Again.
"yeesh, and ya had to deal with all that all while signin' at the same time before ya met me?"
At least someone understood his struggles. "ASKING ANY QUESTIONS WHILE BEHIND A PATIENT OR WITH MY HANDS FULL WAS ALWAYS A STRUGGLE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO FINALLY HAVE A TRANSLATOR."
"i think i got some idea. but why in the ocean wouldja wanna do something like become a doctor if things're like that."
"I'M NOT A DOCTOR, I'M AN APOTHECARY. MIXING MEDICINES IS EASY, STUDYING THE MEDICINAL QUALITIES OF VARIOUS LIFEFORMS IS FASCINATING! IT'S ONLY BECAUSE UNDYNE HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO REPLACE THE PREVIOUS DOCTOR YET THAT I'M FORCED TO ACT AS A GENERAL PRACTITIONER."
"maybe i can't understand ya as well as i thought, ya keep sayin' words that i have no idea what they mean."
"PERHAPS THAT IS WHY YOUR TRANSLATIONS HAVE BEEN SO… SUCCINCT."
Sans shrugged one shoulder.
"NO MATTER, THAT IS JUST ONE OF THE MANY THINGS TO WORK WITH YOU ON. I CAN TEACH YOU WHAT THE WORDS MEAN, I DARE SAY I WILL HAVE TO."
"yeah, but if the patients don't understand them what good are they?"
Gaster stopped in the middle of gathering together all the ingredients he'd need for more salve. "THAT IS… AN EXCELLENT POINT."
"i'm, heh, fulla points." Sans gnashed his teeth, fully illustrating his pun.
Gaster snorted, "AREN'T WE ALL?"
Sans barked a laugh and grinned at him. It was a tired grin, so likely he wouldn't be fully awake much longer, but still he was already doing better than the day before. Gaster finished gathering his ingredients and set about pounding them into his usual generic healing salve.
"makin' more medicine?"
Gaster flinched, he wasn't used to others trying to talk conversationally with him. He almost glared, but quickly smoothed his face out. He started reluctantly holding his hands up to sign, then remembered he didn't need to for Sans. He coughed, an attempt to keep himself from giggling nervously.
He must have taken too long to respond because Sans started talking again, "i know, pretty obvious question, but i'm not sure what else to talk 'bout."
"YES, MORE OF THE SALVE I GAVE TO THE LAST PATIENT. IT'S A COMBINATION ANTI-SEPTIC, MILD PAIN RELIEVER, AND LOW STRENGTH HEALING INTENT ALL ROLLED INTO AN EASY TO APPLY PASTE."
"yeah? pretty useful to have on hand."
"QUITE. BUT TOO GENERIC TO BE MORE THAN A STOP GAP MEASURE FOR ANYTHING MORE SEVERE THAN THE USUAL SCRAPES AND BUMPS. IF HE BRINGS BACK WHATEVER WAS EATING HIM ALIVE I CAN MAKE A MORE TARGETED MEDICINE THAT IS STRONGER AND MORE EFFECTIVE."
"eh, unless it was pumpin' poison into him he'll be fine to heal on his own. serves him right for not payin' better attention."
"WHAT DO YOU THINK WAS MAKING HIM NUMB AROUND THE PUNCTURE WOUNDS?"
"oh... right... good point." Sans grinned at Gaster.
"I HAVE QUITE A FEW OF THOSE," Gaster replied with a grin of his own and a snap of his teeth.