A/N:

Ashley Barbosa: I'm glad you like the inner voice, it was a new concept I wanted to try out and so far people really enjoy it, whether its for its sarcasm, fourthwall breaking or constructive critiscm, eitherway, its working so far. Yeah, Jin's story in this is a bit tragic, but so is Aang's and Katara's so it aint that bad. Everyones' suffering in their own way. The good feelings will come back in the next few chapters :)

one sad kataang writer: Thanks, I'm glad you're liking the story so far :)

Dinobotrex: I'm glad you l like me, I enjoy writing them and others like them as well :)

jonners2314: I'm glad you're enjoying the fourth wall breaks, and yes you're right; I didn't want the story to be as angsty as SYTFAD so I tried using humor in that sense. Though, it may lessen a bit as the story continues and becomes less serious. Though, I won't abandon it completely. Yeah, in order for Aang's character arc to work, I needed to make it clear that he could block out his inner voice if he wanted it to. At first he followed the advice, but now, not so much. That I do have to agree with, Jin and Aang's relationship is quite complicated. Kataang will always one up it, but I reckon it could have worked if Katara hadn't already met Aang. Yet, even then its sorta weak - like their cute and all, but there's no push and pull like there is with Katara and Aang. It seems more platonic than romantic, but I tried to convey why it didn't work in these circumstances here so yeh, I hope it made sense. I'm pleased you liked the Katara and Aang argument, there'll be many more later on, some less devastating others way more! MaixAang is going to be mildly different to yours, but I think you'll like it. It won't be toxic, but it won't be as fluffy as yours, but I like yours :)

TheQuietReader23: Long Review, but I enjoyed it lol :) Yes, you're correct in that regard; when Jin and Aang both thought she was helping him heal, she was merely a distraction. Though, he realised that a little too late and fucked things up somewhat. I won't say much else as it'll spoil this chapter, but yes, they do breakup. Yes, I like Sukaang a lot but I like her being his older sister more so if I'm honest. The waterbending scene I wrote correlates to SYTFAD, when Katara asks Suki in the Fire Nation if Aang's doing okay, and Suki says she seems him waterbending when he misses her. I try too contrast and correlate with SYTFAD a lot as it ties the two stories together, like how I used the search for Zuko's mother in SYTFAD here as well, though here, I changed their exchange; Aang still opened up to Katara about his mother, but he was much more hostile to her later on. There will be more correlations later on, but they won't be the exact same, obviously. Yeah, Katara is just confusing at this point but her POV will be explained. It was already explored in SYTFAD so I won't delve too deep into it as it is Aang's story, but I will allow her to explain her actions when she does try to win Aang back. The whole 'bro code' thing is a modern day thing, but i still think it rings true. You don't go after a girl you're boy's already familiar with and has a crush on. Now, if she's interested in you and shows no signs of returning his feelings then its different, its wrong, but acceptable. Here though, its not. The past will be explained as chapters continue but for now, yeh, it was wrong of both Katara and Zuko. MaixAang here will be mildly different to Crawling Out, but it'll make sense. The ending: I'm not so sure of. I probs wont do a harem, it'll be a Kataang ending, though I still have to figure out how I'll do it. Eitherway, I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I'm looking forward to your review.

Real Quick, go and check out Crawling out by jonners2314. Its similar to mine but way more fluffy and has better vibes whereas mine is mostly angst and dark humor. Its an amazing read and you also get multiple persepctives whereas in mine you'll only get Aang's. He just released a new chapter and it is fire, the story is really picking up traction and it gets better after every chapter. Check it out!

Chapter 5: So In Love, So In Pain

I surveyed the marketplace, aside from the occasional citizen making their gratification known or desperate and overconfident fathers offering their daughter's hand in marriage, it was just another day in Ba Sing Se.

It had been six months since I had last seen Jin, six months since I saw that sweet endearing smile, six months since I kissed those moisturised lips, six months since I was enveloped in the warmth of her olive-toned flesh. Yeah, I guess you could say I greatly missed her. The search for Zuko's mother was a long and mediocre one; I was relieved we were able to find Ursa, but the trip itself was… I don't know… neutral? It wasn't particularly pleasant nor was it unpleasant; aside from the occasional argument between the Fire Lord and his girlfriend, and Katara and I's little 'moment' – if you could even call my becoming an asshole due to a loss of control a 'moment' – then the entire trip itself wasn't particularly pleasing or disappointing. If anything, it only made me realise exactly how much I leaned on my girlfriend; Jin often kept me sane and grounded, not allowing me to delve too deep into my own sadness and bitterness. I reckon I would've been fine if I had brought her along, but due to her lack of presence, and Katara's overbearing presence… well, I indulged my sardonic side more so than I should have. And for a while there, until I came to my senses at least, I recognised that I somewhat enjoyed it.

I don't like inflicting pain, whether that be through words or actions, but when the walls of uncertainty are closing around you while you're already drowning in your own self-inflicted sadness… well, let's just say becoming an asshole and lashing out at those around you is a desperate attempt at self-preservation and protection – for me at least.

'While that's understandable, it isn't acceptable. You need to be better, you need to do better.'

Why? Why are such high expectations placed upon my shoulders? I am only fifteen years old – can't I catch a break?

'Isn't it obvious? You're the Avatar, the bridge between the two worlds, the one who defeated the Fire Lord and ushered in a new era of peace and transparency. It may not be fair since you are only a teenager, but you just need to be better.'

It is what it is.

'Precisely.'

Well, I'll try following your advice this one last time; I won't run from my duties, but I will not make any promises, know that.

I had returned to Ba Sing Se four hours ago. After briefing the Earth King and his councils regarding the Fire Lord's mission and the general state of the world, I set out to find my girlfriend.

I have to be honest; I was fucking terrified. I hadn't written to her the entire time I was away, I didn't even reply to her letters, and I don't even know why. I basically ignored her for six entire months after I had already told her I wouldn't, and I was terrified of how she would react. But I needed her, and I was willing to do anything to get back into her good graces – not that it'd be too hard for me.

'Someone's full of himself.'

No, I am just mildly aware of my capabilities and how my girlfriend would respond to them – or just women in general.

'Are you gonna do what we talked about?'

You mean what you demanded I do?!

'I didn't, but yes.'

…

'You there?'

…

'Oh, don't you dare! I'm in your head so you can't even use the excuse of having bad internet connection for not responding!'

…

'Great, he's ignoring me again…'

Normally I'd just fly around Ba Sing Se until I spotted her, or I'd wait by her house, but Jin had a timetable that she followed rigorously, and due to the day and time of day, I knew she'd be out shopping for groceries. She frequented different markets, but this one was her favourite, and I had a feeling I'd find her here. Surely enough, I stood corrected.

There she was, green and cream toned robes tugging at her curvy sides, a few strands of hair prodding her forehead while the rest stood still in a bun, a basket hanging in tow with her elbow, and a pleasant smile tugging at her lips. To others she must've seemed like any regular Earth Kingdom girl, but to me, she was anything but. I sat still while she came into my eyesight, and I hers. I was seated on short steps, me elbows resting on my knees as I leaned forward and smiled at my girlfriend. When my figure registered within her brain, her eyes widened and the smile on her face grew wider. I grinned at her when she slowly began walking over to me, manoeuvring around the many strangers, her eyes never diverting away from mine. When she drew closer, I grinned and winked at her, thus causing her to blush and look away in a useless attempt to hide it while I chuckled to myself. Soon however, when she was only an arm's length away from me, she probably reminded herself that she needed to be mad at me. Thus, she donned an angry frown while she folded her arms and raised an eyebrow, tapping her foot intimidatingly, causing me, the Avatar of all people to gulp and cower in fear.

Though Jin didn't have a temper akin to Katara's, she does get immensely scary when she's upset or angry – which is rare, therefore, on the off chance it does happen, I know better than to poke the bear – or my girlfriend in this case. Actually, I guess I used to know better; in reality, I didn't – or in that moment I didn't. See, when I should've been wearing a guilty expression and frowning, I was instead smiling sadly and chuckling somewhat, acting nonchalantly except it wasn't at all an act; I was so relaxed that I was terrified that something had snapped in me since I was ushering my own demise by now apologising immediately to my irate girlfriend.

"I know, I know," I held my hands up in mock surrender, my smile never fading, "I'm a jerk."

Jin just stood there, her shoes creating a steady tempo as they tapped against the hard stone beneath us.

"And a dumbass…" I added, raising my eyebrows in a charming way, hoping to dissolve some of her anger towards me.

"And…?" Jin asked, raising her eyebrow again as she continued glaring at me.

"And a jackass…" I answered, hoping she would give up, but she didn't.

"And…?" She asked more firmly.

"And an asshole…"

"And…?" She stated, sounding as serious and sombre as ever.

"And I'm sorry," I sighed, dipping my head in shame while she paused, probably wondering whether I was being genuine or not. Part of me felt offended that she seemed so unsure of my intentions, yet if she had left and ignored me for six months only to suddenly return acting as smug as ever, I'd probably feel the same way.

"You left… for six months, and you didn't even write…"

"I know," my head was still dipped, yet I could see that she still hadn't moved, though her demeanour was much more relaxed than before.

"You didn't tell me how long you'd be gone for, you didn't tell me how things were going… you didn't even tell me if you were alright! While I was waiting here worried sick about you, you didn't even think to write to me to at the very least tell me if you were okay!" Jin yelled, noticeably attracting the unwanted attention of the public towards us – thus, she calmed herself down somewhat before asking, "Why?"

"I don't know," I stated, tilting upwards to look into her eyes, "I guess I was afraid; I needed to be there for my friends… I missed you so much… each letter of yours that I read just made me feel more guilty for leaving and…" I sighed, smiling sadly at her when I noticed she seemed more concerned now than angry and hurt. "I was afraid that if I allowed myself to acknowledge just how much I missed you, how much I relied on you, I'd drown. I was afraid that, if I wrote back, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from hopping on Appa and leaving immediately to come see you because I –" I halted.

Everything I was saying was coming from the heart, yet, when I neared the end of my explanation, I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes that reminded me of the love I hadn't given her. So, I deferred from finishing my statement, but Jin didn't allow me to stay silent for long.

"You… what?"

I sighed, dipping my head again, "I… I'm sorry."

I didn't say what for, cause I myself didn't know what I was apologising for. Was I apologising for leaving her? For not writing back? For ignoring her? For selfishly coming back to her even though I knew she'd be better off without me? For not… for not being able to offer her my love… because it would be nowhere near the amount she deserved? Or for not being able to fall in love with her even after eight months of dating and six months of separation?

'You know what you're apologising for, you just need to admit it to yourself and to her. Be honest, to yourself, for her. She wants to forgive you, to love you, to move on – but she can't if you don't tell her how you really fear.'

I don't want to hurt her. If I admit everything, she'll be devastated.

'She's more understanding than you give her credit for, she won't abandon you like Katara did. Jin isn't Katara, and it's about time you realise that.'

I don't know, I still don't want to hurt her.

'Don't you see, you're being a hypocrite; you're keeping Jin on the edge of uncertainty and causing her to question your feelings and intentions simply because you're too afraid that you'll lose her if you tell her the truth – you're choosing your comfort over hers, you're doing exactly what Katara did to you.'

Fuck you! That's not true!

'Oh, fuck you! I'm sick of your shit; your denial will only cause her and yourself pain. You need to see how wrong this is.'

No! I don't need this right now! Fuck off!

"I need some time, Aang," Jin sighed, glancing away while she spoke softly. "I want to forgive you, but I need time to think…"

"Haven't we spent too much time apart already?" I questioned, subconsciously shooting her a smirk that affected her more than I thought it would.

I could tell that she agreed with me somewhat; that little flicker of lust in her eyes as they darkened wasn't foreign to me, she craved my body, my touch just as much I did hers. And she was trying to control her hormonal inner demon, though, I didn't allow it to continue much longer.

"I – I…" She didn't know what to think, and as I rose to my feet, she couldn't control her eyes as they raked over my now muscular and toned frame. While I slowly travelled down the steps to stand with her on equal level, she soon also realised that during our time apart I had skyrocketed above her height; now standing six foot while she stood five foot nine'. I could see her eyes diverting down my knife-sharp jawline, gliding down my broad shoulders and firm chest. During the six months I was away, when I wasn't with my friends or searching for Ursa or dealing with Spirits, then I was mostly training, honing my proficiency in all four forms of bending. Six months of that, led a scrawny 14-year-old to become a tall, muscular yet lean 15-year-old… and my girlfriend was just now comprehending what she was denying herself as I drew closer.

"You – y-you've g-grown – Mmph," I didn't allow her to continue rambling as grabbed her arm, pulled her towards me, leaned down and took her lips with my own, both of us moaning at the sensation of our familiar tongues meeting once again.

"No one ever tell you that you talk too much?" I teased, uttering the same words she had teased me with on our first date. Jin recognised this as she giggled, wrapping her arms around my neck as we both leaned in for another chaste kiss.

I have no idea where it came from, and considering we were still in public, I was unsure as to what made me do it, but when she settled into the kiss and leaned into my body, my hands trailed downwards, cupping her bottom and squeezing firmly. Her gasp turned into a moan as she raked her hand over the firm muscle of my naked right peck while her other hand locked me in place by grasping onto the back of my neck. I could tell that though she was initially surprised, she greatly enjoyed the roughness I was displaying as she only kissed me harder and whimpered when my lips trailed down her neck.

I was usually always gentle with her, never being too rough as I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but something in me snapped at that moment. I don't know if it was due to our separation, or if I was just frustrated both physically and mentally, but I just couldn't take even on second of our bodies not being firmly pressed together. While my hands trailed upwards, mapping out her delicate curves with a roughness I hadn't presented before, my kisses moved to her collarbone, where I unbuttoned the first few buttons of her green robe so I could suck and tease the sensitive skin there.

Jin probably felt the heat travelling down to her core as she lightly moaned, "Aang."

"I've missed making you moan my name," I whispered huskily into her ear, my hot breath causing her to shiver, thus causing me to grin as I returned to tease the nape of her neck.

Soon enough, the whispers of the crowd around us must've gotten louder as both Jin and I pulled apart and glanced around, noting that almost everyone had stopped whatever it was they were doing to openly either stare, glare, or admire us – the glaring and admiring coming mostly from teenage girls who were grateful to witness such power, yet seethe at what they desired desperately but could not attain.

"Let's take this someplace else," I suggested, or more like demanded as I wrapped my arms around my girlfriend, snapped open my glider and shot us into the sky, gracefully gliding to the house Sokka, Suki, Toph and I shared during our stay at Ba Sing Se. Suki and Sokka had returned to Kyoshi Island after the search for Zuko's mother met its conclusion and Toph was currently still in Gaoling.

The flight to house was a short one as I was Airbending with such urgency that someone would've assumed that Azula was chasing after us when in reality I just wanted to do something about the ache in my groin – as well as take care of my girlfriends of course, I'm not that selfish. When we landed, I kicked open the door and flung the basket containing Jin's groceries onto the table using some subtle Airbending. Both her hands were cupping my cheeks while she panted heavily in between our chaste kisses. My own hands were working to undo her green robes, which I handled with much efficiency.

"I… missed you… so much… Mmph-", Jin uttered while I tried to satisfy my hunger by drinking in her taste.

While she moaned loudly when my calloused hand groped her round breast over her wrappings, I trailed my other hand downwards, eye widening when I noticed her arousal had already drenched her lower bindings.

"You're so wet," I whispered as I undid her lower bindings by ripping them open using some subtle Firebending. "And how do you taste?" I have no idea where this was coming from, but I was not complaining one bit as my teasing, rough, eagerness was only causing her to moan and groan louder while her arousal conveyed to me exactly how she was feeling in that moment. Sticking my tongue out, I licked from bottom to top, my nose slightly rubbing against her little bud, thus causing her to gasp and moan in delight.

"Oh Aang… you're… you're amazing…"

"I know," I cooed, smirking as leaned in and parted her lips, thus allowing my tongue to delve in and taste her. I moaned as I lapped up the juices she was so gracefully providing, she simply responded by gripping onto the back of my head and leaning on the wall behind her, her knees probably grew weak due to the amount of attention and pleasure I was providing her with. As I pulled back, I stared up into her eyes which were just as clouded with lust as mine. "Mmmm… delicious," I cooed, smirking at her panting figure.

Groaning at the loss of contact, Jin hastily pulled me back up and drank in my lips and tongue, moaning as she tasted her own arousal. Cupping my hands around her firm, round breasts, I squeezed and raked my thumbs over her protruding nipples, thus causing her to shiver and whimper as I denied her the skin on skin contact I knew she craved. Trailing my lips downwards, I began kissing the sensitive spots on my girlfriend's neck, biting occasionally, thus causing her to moan at my newfound roughness.

"How badly do you want me to suck on your hard, petite nipples?"

Yeah, I still have no idea where that came from, but I don't care anymore – this felt way too good and natural for me to continue questioning.

"So bad… I need you so b-bad," Jin answered, moaning when I began paying homage to her collarbone, sucking on the sensitive spot tenderly. When I grew rougher and bit down her collarbone, Kin gasped before she began stroking me dick through my pants. "Oh Aang… I – I love you…"

Wait… what?

"I love you s-so much…"

Oh, fuck.

I halted for a moment before I decided to ignore it, hoping that the attention I was now paying to her breasts would cause her to forget.

"Aang? I love you…"

"I know…" I answered simply, leaning back up to capture her lips in a searing kiss to distract her, but she was more aware of the situation than I originally thought.

"Aang… please… I – I need to hear you say it…" Jin begged as she pulled away, her green orbs staring into my grey, stormy depths.

I sighed and leaned back in to kiss her neck, wishing that she wouldn't push the issue and just enjoy our time together.

"Aang… d-don't you l-love me?" Though, she wasn't giving up this time.

"I…" I hesitated. "Of course, I do," I stated reluctantly.

"Then why won't you say it?"

A single tear rolled down her cheek when I paused and gave her no answer. She knew. She knew exactly why… and my denial of the truth was only prolonging her pain. Sighing deeply, we both disengaged from each other's arms as I took a step back, unwilling to meet her eyes as she also glanced away from mine.

"You don't love me, do you?" She asked, sounding as heartbroken as I was the night I wrote the poem.

Why does she have to do this? Why does she have to keep on asking me these questions? Doesn't she know how much I care about her? Doesn't she know how afraid I am?

'No, because you never told her. You sold her half-truths, and now, this is the end result.'

I thought I told you to fuck off. I don't need your help.

"Aang?' Jin hesitantly looked towards me, trying to reach for my hand when instead I took another step back.

Why did she have to do this? We were having such a great time. Did she need to ruin the whole mood and end what could've been an amazing moment? Was it really that necessary?

"I – I do…" I whispered, still unwilling to meet her eyes – she took notice.

"Then why won't you look me in the eyes and say it?!"

'This is the moment, you can't escape her anymore, you need to tell her.'

Shut the fuck up.

"Shut the fuck up," I spoke my thoughts, and Jin seemed alarmed her eyes grew wide in shock.

"Wha – What did you just say to me?!"

Sighing deeply as I realised there was no avoiding this fight, I turned back around and slipped on my tunic which Jin had ripped off previously. However, I couldn't because as soon as I picked it up, she swung me around and forced me to meet her burning gaze.

"How could you talk to me like that?!"

"Uhh… using my tongue…" I shrugged nonchalantly, though this only angered her further.

'And rightfully so.'

Be quiet.

"What – What has gotten into you?! Why are you acting like this?" Jin pleaded, grasping my hands as she stared into my eyes, eyes that I willed to remain emotionless.

"I'm an asshole, remember? I told you earlier."

"No! You're not!" she yelled, cupping my cheeks in her hands as she tried to reason with me – a mistake since all rationality had left my mind at that point. "You're sweet, you're kind, you help people and you love your friends. You're gentle and calm, you're funny and adorable… you're Aang. The Aang I've grown to know and love."

As I stared into her eyes, I saw nothing but genuine feelings of longing and love staring at me right back – it was not what I expected. After all this, I expected her to simply push me away, to simply declare our relationship over as she rushed out of the house crying. I mean, it was what you wanted, right?

…

Well, where are you now?

…

Oh, so when to going gets tough you bail. You're a coward.

Anyways, as I stated before, I expected her to just leave… I probably would if I were in her position – then again, she's a much better person than I am. And her persistence to fight for me, to beg me to see the light, to pull me back ashore and stop me from drowning myself, to help heal old wounds – well, it only made me admire and care for her more. That's why all this hurt more than it really should have; she was trying to heal wounds she was incapable of healing, not because her love wasn't strong enough, but because she wasn't the one who had caused the damage, and she wasn't the one I was in love with.

"You… you're –" I hesitated, stuck between wanting to tell her I loved her if I meant she would stop crying and wanting to tell her the truth to end her suffering. "You're madly in love, you idiot."

Jin's sobs only continued as she clung onto my arm, "Yes. She cried and whimpered, "Yes, Aang… I am."

"But with someone else." I responded sadly.

I pulled my arm away and stepped outside, making my way to the gardens and the pond where I used to Waterbend to remember Katara while I slipped on my tunic – unwilling to look back to a trembling and wailing Jin as my resolve would break and I most likely would turn around to offer her false assurances.

This was the right thing to do, right? I mean… I couldn't lie to her and tell her that I loved her when in fact I didn't, it wouldn't be fair to her. And, what I said was true; she had fallen in love with someone else. The Aang she fell in love with was not the person I am now. She fell in love with the Aang that was still coming to terms with his loss. He was still trying to determine how he was to move on from Katara… and he met Jin at the most opportune and convenient time. She found him, he was hurting but he was hiding it, she helped sooth the pain. She fell in love with an Aang who felt nothing but love for Katara even after all she did to him, that Aang was still filled with nothing but concern and love for others. The Aang she fell in love with was still trying to findthe broken pieces of his heart he had to piece back together to become whole again… until he realised that no amount of denial, or affection, or love that wasn't the original could ever fix it. That Aang became me… and now, I am not the Aang she fell in love with.

'She could grow to love this Aang too, you know.'

But I don't think I can grow to love her.

'You could've handled that a lot better than you did, you know.'

All you do is criticise me, don't you have anything better to do other than tell me how much of an asshole I am?"

'Maybe if you'd stop making so many mistakes, I wouldn't have to point them out for you to try and fix them.'

No, you don't get to play the hero now.

'I told you this would happen, yet you didn't listen to me.'

It was because I listened to you that all this happened in the first place.

'What the fuck are you on about?'

You told me to move on. You told me to forget about Katara and to date Jin. You kept me from revealing my true feelings to Katara. You stopped me from showing her just how much she hurt me. You told me to fake everything, and that if I did, eventually it would all go away. You told me to 'play nice and keep the bitterness inside'… well, that bitterness reproduced inside of me and corrupted me. By keeping it all in, it ate me up… and its all your fault.

I don't know for how long I was out there. I don't know when Jin came out – now fully clothed – and sat beside me while I was leaning against a tree facing the small pond.

"What happened to us, Aang?" She asked, glancing at me while my vision remained focused on the pond before us.

"You didn't know me, then you fell in love with me…" I sighed, finally finding the courage to meet her red, tear stained eyes, 'and now you know me."

"But this isn't the real you," she prodded further, "I've seen the real you, I fell in love with him –"

"But I'm not him," I cut her off. "I don't know if I ever will be."

"I can help you."

I smiled at her, "You already have." Smiling back sadly, Jin leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine softly. Although I recognised that I couldn't let it go any further, I still understood that she needed it, so it let it continue for a while until she eventually pulled away.

"You have to let me go," I sighed. "I can't give you the love you deserve, I can't love you the way you deserved to be loved, I can't give you my heart when I don't even own it in the first place."

Jin sighed softly, nodding her head, "I understand."

"I'm sorry it had to happen like this, or that it even had to happen in the first place," leaning forward, I tucked a few loose strands of her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. "I wish… I wish I could have… I wish I hadn't –"

She cut me off by placing her finger on my lips, "It's okay. I don't regret ever meeting you… you were the best thing that happened to me and I'll cherish the time I spent with you, even though you were a pain in the ass." She smiled teasingly, and I chuckled sadly in response.

I wish… I wish so badly that I could have fallen in love with her. I wish so badly that it didn't' have to be this way. I wish I had thought about the consequences before stupidly offering my heart to someone who didn't want it – it was stupid, but souls in love do stupid things – it's a lame excuse but it works for me.

"Before I go," Jin spoke softly, looking into my eyes as I gazed into hers. "Do you reckon I could hear that poem one more time…"

"Why?" I asked softly, somewhat surprised as to why she would want to hear such depressing words a second time – though, when I thought about it, I concluded that maybe she could relate to it now.

"I just… I want to," she sighed. "I think it will help, please?"

I nodded and turned my gaze back onto the pond, she did the same except she wrapped her arm around mine and leaned on me, placing her head on my shoulder as I eased up and laid my head against hers. Our hands found each other and intertwined; my thumb gently stroked the back of her hand as I began speaking softly:

"I asked you a question on a warm fleeting night,

Even the sunset could see my desperation for your love seeking life,

I needed you to understand, you wouldn't hear me out,

Now I'll cut you outta' my mind, until I bleed you out.

I worried if you were okay, the moon as my witness,

You were getting busy with someone else, while I drowned in my sickness,

Your love was a poison, I hadn't figured it out,

But now I'll cut you outta' my veins, until I bleed you out.

I said I was happy for you, Spirits know I meant it,

Didn't tell you that I loved you, didn't know if you would resent it,

My acceptance made you happy, for that I was proud,

I'll just cut you outta' my heart, until I bleed you out.

Your small velvet smile, your curly chocolate strands,

Your chiming little giggles, and your cute, warm hands,

They haunt me in my sleep, and taunt me when you're around,

Now, I'll have to cut them outta' my dreams, until I bleed you out.

Your persistent, comforting nature, your radiating, honest spirit,

Your childlike mischief, your outspoken, angered lyrics,

You're insecure about your flaws, I'd rather you wear em' like a crown,

You don't need to bleed for me, but I'll have to bleed you out…"

I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether I should utter the next flew lines I wrote on the way back to Ba Sing Se…

'You owe it to her – you should.'

You're right.

I continued speaking – hurt and pain dripping out of every syllable, and Jin glanced at me surprised, probably wondering where all this was coming since when I left her six months ago, I never seemed even remotely this miserable.

"I wonder if I can, is it already too late,

Like the waves you command, am I lost in your fate?

This blood that I have spilt, in it I'll probably drown,

For how can I cut you out, when you're the only love I've ever found?"

There was a short silence that followed, neither Jin nor I knew how to feel at that moment I presume. I don't know what compelled me to write again, but after my argument with Katara, I just had to vent, and training the elements wasn't helping for once. If Jin was there I probably would've talked to her, though, I don't think I would've told her the main issue that was bothering me – an issue I had knowingly conveyed to her by offering the next phrase of the poem just now.

"You added another stanza…' she acknowledged.

I nodded my head gently against hers, "I did."

"I understand," she simply stated, mirroring my movements as she rubbed her thumb soothingly against the back of my hand. For a while, a short, comfortable silence befell upon us once again. Though I couldn't prod into her mind, I could tell that she had registered what I was trying to say; how I didn't think I could ever give her up. It was a contradiction, a paradox; while I acknowledged that my scars hadn't yet healed at all, at the same time, I knew that if the only person who could help me offered themself up to me… I probably would reject them. Probably.

I did tell her that I wouldn't take her back, but I recognised I was only lying to myself back then. Now, however, after dating Jin… I don't know if I need to be with Katara to be happy. I mean, I was extremely happy while I was with Jin, nothing regarding our relationship deterred me away from her – the only problem was that I didn't love her and was being an asshole about it; denying the obvious fact so I could prolong the comfort I had found in her arms. I don't know exactly when I grew to be so selfish, but I was right; the selfless, kind boy who was freed from the iceberg was no more – at least, not completely.

Deciding to end the silence, Jin sighed softly against my neck as she murmured, "It's still beautiful… sad, depressing – but beautiful."

I hummed in agreement, my eyes were watering, but no tears fell. Jin sat up and gave me one final kiss goodbye, my eyes watered some more, but I didn't cry. She told me that I'd always hold a place in her heart, and that she didn't regret a single moment we spent together – the moisture in my eyes begged for a release, yet they didn't break through the floodgates. She stood up and left….

Then I allowed the tears to flow.