Hailey doesn't sleep through the night, but she considers it a tiny victory when she opens her eyes because of her alarm and not because of thrashing awake from some nightmare.
It's half past six and she realizes she was able to sleep a total of five hours. She knows it isn't much by any normal means, but it's something at least and she'll take it.
It's Saturday and she knows neither Avery or Vanessa will be up for a while so she turns off her alarm and pulls herself out of bed, completing her usual routine while creeping through the house quietly. She doesn't make coffee or rummage through the kitchen like her stomach is growling at her to do, not wanting to wake her daughter or friend. It's early enough though that she figures she has time to stop somewhere on her way to the district.
She heads out of the house and stops off at a local coffee shop, grabs a latte and a scone for herself and thinks to get the same for her partner.
She's not sure what to expect now that Jay knows about Avery, but as she drives into work she starts second guessing everything, working herself into a panic as she replays the events of the previous night over and over in her mind. Analyzing every word and tilt of his head and each look he gave her.
She wonders if after going home he became angry with her. Angry like she thought he should have been, should still be. He told her they were good, that she was still his partner, assured her again and again before he left, but she can't help thinking about what she could walk into today.
She realizes she could handle anger, frustration, a cold shoulder, but what she couldn't deal with is him telling her he'd thought things through and wants to take her up on her offer of asking Voight for a new partner. Lying by omission is still lying and she knows she can't exactly blame him if he's decided he wants someone else to work with on the job.
By the time she pulls into a parking spot at the district nearly an hour after leaving her house, she is beyond the brink of anxiety and worry and prepares herself for what could come.
She takes a deep breath, then another, trying to calm her nerves that have taken over her entire body and gets out of her car. She tucks the brown paper bag with their pastries in the crook of her arm as she holds the lattes in now trembling hands. She has to actively focus on carrying the steaming cups of caffeine as she walks up the stairs so she doesn't spill them all over herself and the floor.
When she enters the bullpen from the back hall by the break room, she's not entirely surprised to find Jay already hunched over at his desk, glancing between his computer screen and a memo pad in one of his hands.
He spots her out of the corner of his eye and turns his head, offering her a familiar kind smile in greeting that sends an ache through her and makes her brace herself for the conversation that is about to happen.
"Good morning," Jay says as she walks towards him.
"Morning," Hailey says back. She deposits one of the lattes in front of him on his desk and places the other one down by her keyboard before passing him the paper bag.
"You got me breakfast?" Jay asks her as he peeks inside the bag and she gives a shrug of her shoulders.
"You got me coffee yesterday. And don't get too excited, it's just a blueberry scone, but I figured I'd return the favor."
"Thank you," he says, pulling out one of the scones for himself before placing the bag with the other on Hailey's desk.
She nods in reply and sits down in her chair before powering up her computer and getting ready for the day ahead. They settle in at their respective desks, each of them digging into their scones and finishing their coffees.
His eyes are on her minutes into the silence that surrounds them in the bullpen, glancing back and forth between his computer screen and her face as she looks down at a case file in front of her.
She looks up, feeling him staring into her, and gives a tight lipped smile when she catches his eye.
"What's up?" She asks.
"How did the rest of last night go? Successful movie night?"
"Not really." Hailey tells him scrunching her nose. "She didn't even make it through the whole thing. Conked out about a half hour after you left."
"Too much pizza?" He says with a grin.
"Nah, that kid can eat. It was almost bedtime for her though when you left."
He nods in reply, but his eyes stay on her. She tilts her head at him, knowing by the look on his face that he has more to say and her stomach flips, that familiar ache rushing through her again and she swallows back a lump that begins to rise in the back of her throat.
"That's not what you really wanted to ask is it?" She questions, ready to get the conversation over with. If she's lucky, maybe Voight will let her switch desks when they change up partners.
"No, it's not. I just didn't know how to ask. I didn't wanna upset you," Jay says, a tone of quiet in his voice as he looks at her with concern in his eyes now.
'Leave it to him to try and be nice about it,' she thinks to herself.
Hailey shakes her head at him and waves a hand off, trying to play nonchalant when all she wants to do is kick herself for being so stupid, for waiting too long. She'd pushed him to seek therapy and get his own things figured out, but she hadn't been able to do the same and let him in when she should have.
"It's okay, Jay. I haven't exactly made things easy. It's awkward now and I get it, but I'll take care of it. I'll talk to Voight when he gets in," she assures him, forcing another tight lipped smile and looking back at her computer. She doesn't wanna see the look of concern on his face turn to one of pity.
Jay scrunches his face, eyebrows raising at her words, and leans forward with his elbows on his desk. "Take care of what?"
She breathes out a long sigh as she turns her head to look back at him. "The current situation."
"What does Voight have to do with the current situation? Are we talking about the same thing here?"
Hailey quirks a brow at him as if it's not obvious. "Well, you want a different partner and Voight is our Sergeant. He kind of has a lot to do with it."
Jay shakes his head at her, running a hand over the back of it, as he stares at her. "Hailey, I don't want a different partner. That's what you thought I meant?"
"You're telling me, it's not?"
He shakes his head again and lets out an awkward laugh. "No, not at all. You heard me last night right?"
"I thought you might've changed your mind," Hailey tells him with a shrug of her shoulders. "I sort of thought you were just being nice last night. I didn't wanna make you feel guilty or put you in a weird spot."
"Hailey," he breathes out, eyes still on her and a warm smile taking over his face. "I didn't change my mind. Trust me, there will never come a day where I won't want you as my partner."
Her stomach flips again, from his words and his smile and the fond look in his eyes. It's almost overwhelming and she lets out a deep breath, staring back at him and trying to spot a lie, but she doesn't and she feels stupid again.
"I think I might think too much," she says, a small timid smile peeking out from the corners of her mouth.
"Ya think?" He teases with a smirk, leaning back in his chair.
"How is it possible you can be sweet as pie one second and then a jerk the next?" She huffs out and he laughs, shaking his head.
He tilts his chin at her, eyes soft now and his smirk fading. "Seriously though, Hailey. We really are good, okay?"
She gives a short nod, sighing in relief as the weight of things lifts from her shoulders again. "Okay."
"You know, you said the same thing last night, yet here we are. What do I have to do to convince you?"
"Nothing, you just did. I'm sorry for not believing you," she tells him with another small smile. "What did you really wanna ask me?"
Jay stares back at her with a curious gaze, hesitating for a second before asking, "Did you get any sleep last night?"
Hailey gives a slight shrug of her shoulders, leaning back in her chair as she looks at him across their desks. "Yeah, a few good hours. I didn't sleep through the night, but I didn't have another nightmare so I guess that's something."
"That's good," he says, but she can tell there's something else.
"Jay, just say what you wanna say."
"I don't wanna overstep and you can tell me to shut up and mind my own business," he prefaces.
"You should know by now I have no problem doing that," she teases and he smiles at her before taking a breath.
"Have you considered talking to someone again? I mean, you said you tried therapy before and that was a while ago. I know hashing out your past with a shrink sucks, but it does help. It helped me at least and I'm not exactly an open book."
"You're not the first person to suggest that actually," she says quietly.
"I just think if it could help, then why not? Ya know?"
She shakes her head. "No, I get it. I've been thinking about it. It's just hard to go back to that place. Talking about things with you and Vanessa is hard enough. It takes a lot out of me."
"I understand," he tells her with a slow nod.
She nods back, unsure of what more to say and knowing he's just looking out for her, but she just wants to end this particular topic of conversation.
"Just remember that I'm always around if you need to talk," he tells her.
"I know. Thanks," she tells him, a smile of appreciation ghosting her lips.
He smiles back at her before returning his focus to his computer screen, somehow knowing once again what she needs without her having to say it as he drops the conversation.
They get back to work and within minutes both of their phones go off. They reach for their devices, eyes scanning quickly over a text message that came through to a group chat for the team.
Got pulled into a last minute conference. Take the weekend. See you on Monday.
"Since when does Voight text?" Jay wonders aloud as he looks back up at his partner.
"Since now apparently," Hailey says, lifting her eyes to meet his.
"Well damn," Jay mutters. "Came in early for nothing."
"It wasn't for nothing. You got a free latte and a scone. And you got to see me, thank you very much," Hailey reminds him, a teasing smile on her face now.
"This is true," he tells her.
He powers down his computer and she does the same, neither needing to be told twice to take a weekend off, and then they stand from their desks and slip on their coats.
"I guess I'll see you on Monday," Hailey tells him.
"See you," he says, his eyes following her as she heads for the hallway she entered from earlier.
"Hey Hailey!" He calls after her, making her stop just short of the doorway and then she turns around to face him. "Wanna grab breakfast? We can hit up that diner down the block that you like."
"The scone wasn't enough for you?" She teases.
"Scones are good, but waffles are better," he says with a grin and she shakes her head at him, but she's smiling and he can see she's trying to hold back a laugh.
He can tell she's thinking it over, probably trying to come up with some sort of excuse so he walks towards her so he stands in front of her.
"We just got the weekend off and I know for a fact that you love waffles. Come on, my treat."
She grins at him because she really does love them and breakfast is her favorite meal of the day even though she doesn't eat it every morning like she knows she should.
"Okay," she agrees a moment later and she's not sure why, but the smile he gives her as they leave the bullpen together sends a familiar flip through her stomach.
They drive separately to the diner down the street and meet each other out front. They get a booth against the windows in back, and an older woman approaches their table with a friendly smile and a pot of steaming coffee in one hand.
"Good morning folks. Coffee?"
The pair of partners nod their heads with grateful smiles and the woman pours them two mugs and takes their order. They both ask for waffles and bacon, thanking the waitress before she disappears.
"Looks like we got here just in time before the Saturday morning rush," Jay comments as he glances around them at the nearly empty restaurant.
"Thank goodness for that. Now we don't have to wait too long. You got me excited for waffles and this place has the best," she says with a grin as she makes up her mug of coffee with a splash of cream and some sugar.
He smiles back at her and takes the creamer from her when she hands it to him.
"Don't think they have your precious almond milk here, so I guess you'll just have to make do with half and half like the rest of us."
He raises his eyebrows at her, a smirk playing on his lips, as he mixes in the creamer and stirs his coffee. "Don't think I don't know you use the almond milk in the break room."
"No, I don't," She says, shaking her head at him. "That was one time and only because we were out of regular half and half and I was desperate."
He hums out a response, smirking at her fully from his side of the booth before taking a sip of his coffee.
"I honestly don't know how you drink that stuff," she tells him, scrunching her face in near disgust.
"It's good! And it's good for you," he argues back.
Hailey rolls her eyes at him, but Jay doesn't miss the smile that teases him from the corners of her mouth as she brings her own mug to her lips.
"I still can't believe you're a mom. You have a toddler," he says then and he's pretty sure his chest nearly bursts at the sight of her face splitting into a wide grin at just the mention of her little girl.
"I am and I do," Hailey says. "She's gonna be in preschool soon."
"She's three, right?" He asks and she nods in confirmation.
"She'll be four in a few months," Hailey tells him, taking another sip of her coffee before looking back at her partner. "The entire pregnancy was a struggle though. I tried to distract myself with work until I couldn't anymore and then the doctor put me on bedrest my last trimester because of the stress. My blood pressure was through the roof and she was almost three weeks early, scared the hell out of me."
"I'm really sorry you had to go through that alone," Jay tells her.
She knows he means it sincerely and she tries to smile, but it only comes out halfway as she looks at him across the table.
"She looks exactly like you, Hailey," he says then, trying to keep the conversation moving so she doesn't linger on the memories of her past for too long. "Literally a mini you. It's kinda scary."
"Yeah, that's what Vanessa says too," Hailey says, her smile widening although the melancholy look remains in her eyes. "There's a little of her dad in there too, though."
Jay nods, sipping from his coffee, and fiddling with the spoon inside of the mug when he places it back down in front of him. "Can I ask you a pretty personal question?"
Hailey nods slowly, preparing herself for whatever he might throw at her as he stares at her with concerned, but curious eyes.
"Why'd you go through with it? Keep her I mean. After everything that happened."
She leans back against the booth, her eyes falling to the tabletop, and Jay wonders if he overstepped again.
"You don't have to answer that," he quickly tells her. "It's not really my business."
Hailey looks back up at him and shakes her head, waving off his concern. "No, it's okay."
He watches her take a deep breath, her eyes glancing between his face and the coffee mug in between her hands.
"She's the only thing I have left of Garrett," Hailey tells him then, the words spilling out simply even though she can't bring herself to look directly at him. "Regardless of having to do it alone and everything that happened back then, I wouldn't change any of it because then I wouldn't have her. She's the best part of me, the best thing that has ever happened to me."
He nods slowly and a soft smile comes over his face as an immense lump of pride and respect build inside of him for the woman in front of him.
She's told him the things she's gone through and the hurt she's faced, but he knows it's only a tiny glimpse of what she's really had to endure. He's respected her and appreciated her as a cop, as his partner, as a woman, but this is the first time he's feeling it for her as a mother. It's almost overwhelming, but in a good and unexpected way.
Hailey lifts her eyes from her coffee to finally look at him, not quite sure what she's expecting to see, but the look in his eyes and the smile he gives her makes her breathe a little easier and she smiles back at him.
They hold one another's gaze for another moment until the waitress appears with their breakfast.
"So sorry about the delay folks. Starting to get a bit busy around here," the woman tells them with rushed words and another smile.
"It's all good," Jay tells her, waving her off as the woman sets their plates down in front of them.
"You let me know if you need anything else," she says before leaving them again.
Jay doesn't miss the way Hailey breathes out again from across the table. He can tell she's grateful for the distraction of food so they dig in, him eyeing her when she drizzles extra syrup over her waffles before shoving a forkful into her mouth.
She catches his stare as she eats and after she swallows, asks, "What?"
"You really have a sweet tooth huh?"
"Don't say something you can't take back, Halstead," she warns playfully.
"Just an observation."
"Mmhmm, sure it is," she says before stuffing another forkful into her mouth.
He laughs then, shaking his head in amusement at her. A comfortable silence settles between them as they eat their breakfast while clinking dishes and nearby chatter echo around them from the now bustling restaurant.
"Will you tell me about her?" Jay asks after he swallows the last of his meal.
He watches her finish off the last of the bacon on her plate and she nods at him, taking a sip from her coffee and leaning back into her seat.
"Hmmmm...she's...she is the sweetest kid," Hailey starts off, another grin coming over her face as she speaks. He's quickly surmised that nothing else will ever come quite as close to making her smile the way just taking about her daughter does.
"She's funny and so freakishly smart already," Hailey continues. "She loves animals and painting and she's really into space right now. She keeps telling me and Vanessa she's gonna be an astronaut when she's big like us, but a month ago she wanted to be a magician so who knows."
Jay snickers and Hailey beams back at him, but points a finger in his direction again.
"Don't let the cute face and sweet voice fool you though. She can be a brat when she wants to be. You remember the story I told you? About the cake on her second birthday?"
Jay nods and she goes on. "Well, that's just one instance of many. I swear that kid's favorite word was 'no' for a solid year. She said no to everything. Bath time, naps, eating her dinner, putting on shoes. Drove me and Vanessa absolutely crazy."
"So she doesn't like someone telling her what to do, huh? Sounds like someone else I know," Jay says.
He's smirking at her now and she rolls her eyes at him again. "Shut up."
"Am I wrong?" He counters, raising a single brow at her.
"Not entirely," she tells him. "Although the bratty behavior is a rare occurrence these days thankfully. I always thought the terrible two's was a joke until I had Avery."
He's still grinning at her and then tilts his chin towards her, a sudden thought filling his head. "A whole weekend off is a rare occurrence too. What are your plans for tomorrow?"
"Well, it's supposed to actually feel like spring so I might take the kid to the park for a bit. Let her run around and get some energy out, hopefully avoid a tantrum. How about you?"
He hums out a response, nodding slowly, and she looks at him curiously as he smiles almost shyly at her. "Maybe I can join you guys."
"What?" She asks, eyes widening at him. Of all the things he could say, she surely wasn't expecting it to be that.
"That is, if you don't mind my tagging along of course. I know you said Sundays are usually your day with her," he says.
"You want to voluntarily spend your day off with a toddler?"
"Well you see, I have an advantage here," he says.
"Oh jeeze. Advantage for what?"
"The more time I spend with her the better chance I have of winning her over. I know the rest of the team doesn't know about her, but they will eventually and I can't let Ruzek be her favorite uncle or I'll never hear the end of it."
"You have a point there," she says with a laugh that quickly falters as she remembers she still has yet to tell her team about her daughter. She doesn't have time to dwell on it though as Jay stares back at her waiting for an answer.
"So?" He drawls out, a smirk playing on his lips again.
He looks at her with hopeful eyes and she thinks she should be more hesitant than she feels, but she doesn't and she gives a shrug of her shoulders.
"Alright," she says quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not," she breathes out. "There's a park a couple blocks from my house that I take her to. I can never remember the name, but you can't miss it. There's a playground and big trees."
"I'm sure I can find it," he says as the waitress appears to take their empty plates.
"How are we doing over here? Do you need anything else?" She asks, still as polite as ever.
Jay glances over at Hailey, but she just smiles and shakes her head.
"Just the check please," Jay says.
"That's already been taken care of honey," the woman tells him.
Jay quirks an eyebrow, Hailey's face mirroring his own, as they glance at one another and then she looks back at the waitress.
"Uh, who – "
"Nice gentleman on a stool at the counter. Handsome fella. Said he was covering your bill and left some cash. That's him leaving now," the woman tells them. She tilts her head towards the door, and Hailey and Jay both turn their heads to see who it was that had been so kind to them.
"You know him?" The waitress asks.
"I don't recognize anyone," Jay says. "Hailey?"
Hailey cranes her neck, trying to see past the faces that crowd the small diner now, but no one stands out. All she sees is the back of some man leaving through the door. She can tell he's tall with greying hair peeking out from a baseball cap on his head, but it's too crowded and from where they're sat in the back she can't see his face so she turns back around in her seat.
"I'm not sure. I couldn't see him too well," Hailey says.
"Well, breakfast is on him. He was such a nice guy. You folks enjoy the rest of your day," the waitress tells them with another smile and then she's gone.
"I guess breakfast is not on me," Jay jokes.
"Yeah, act of kindness I guess," Hailey says, turning her head to glance at the door again as an unsettling feeling settles over her.
"You okay?" Jay asks.
"Yeah, that was kinda weird though right?"
"Not extremely. I've seen you do that for strangers before. Hell, you did it this morning for me."
"Yeah, but that's different. Usually it's me paying for the person behind me at a coffee shop, not entire meals at a restaurant," she tells him. "It's nice, don't get me wrong. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking again."
"Maybe?" He presses with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay, definitely. Happy now?"
He shakes his head at her, a snicker of amusement rumbling through him. "You wanna get out of here?"
She nods and they make their way out of the diner towards the parking lot behind it.
"I'll see you tomorrow then?" Jay asks as they stand at the back of her Jeep.
"You're sure that's how wanna spend your day off?"
"I'm sure," he tells her, looking at her with sincere eyes and an excited grin.
"Then I'll see you tomorrow," Hailey says smiling back at him.
"If I bring you coffee tomorrow morning will you think it's weird or overthink it?" He teases.
"Goodbye Jay," she says with an eye roll.
He smiles after her and waits for her to get into her car before he makes his way towards his truck, the same grin still plastered on his face.