A/N: thank goodness for the GA discord's writing sprint or i never would've gotten this done lmao

v. i guess i can't blame you but i hate you all the same.

Jii-chan died when Mikan was nineteen.

He was an old man. That sort of thing happens.

Mikan had used some of his savings to pay for the funeral. Jii-chan hadn't left much behind, as he'd never been a wealthy man, but Mikan wasn't upset.

So she'd get a job, work hard, and make ends meet. It was fine.

She moved in with Hotaru and paid half the rent with a waitressing job. When Hotaru moved to Paris for college, Mikan said it was fine. She had a job after all, and she could survive.

She was let go a month after Hotaru left the country. The restaurant was shutting down and Mikan's job was just one casualty out of many. She had trouble finding work elsewhere and before she knew it she was couch-surfing at her different friends' places, feeling guilty for being a burden.

She ran out of friends to crash with and found herself wandering around outside looking for shelter in alleyways and on park benches. The worst was that she couldn't tell Hotaru, since that would just cause trouble. Hotaru would feel responsible and Mikan couldn't bear to do that to her best friend.

It was a hot summer day when he found her. She was eating a sandwich someone had compassionately given her on a bench in the park, watching people walk their dogs and yell at their kids to stop running.

"Hot day, isn't it?" a man said from beside her. Mikan turned and blinked at him: a middle aged man with messy black hair, his arm draped over the seat of the bench.

"Yep," Mikan answered with a polite smile, taking another bite of her sandwich.

"What are you doing here all alone?"

"Just eating."

"And after? Will you be alone when you finish eating?"

"I mean, I guess. Yeah."

"That's a shame," the man said. "Nobody should be alone. Why don't you tell me your name, sweetheart?"

"M… Mikan."

"Hi, Mikan," the man greeted with a grin. "Mikan, the girl with the smile. A smile anyone could fall in love with."

Mikan felt her face flush. "No way…" She was filthy. Having nowhere to live could do that to a person. Showers and brushing her teeth were scarcely on her mind when her biggest concern was finding shelter and food. And the dirty jeans and t-shirt she was wearing certainly weren't flattering either.

"Yes, way. You're beautiful. I caught one glance of you and just had to talk to you, see if you were just as much an angel as you look."

"What's your name?" Mikan asked.

"Kuonji," the man replied easily.

It was a pleasant conversation. Kuonji told her about his family, about the fact that they travelled around Japan together, how they focused on spreading love in a world tormented by poverty, prejudice, and hatred.

Mikan told him about Jii-chan, her mother, Hotaru.

"So you're homeless now, because you keep putting other people ahead of yourself?" he asked, eyes full of awe. Nobody had ever looked at her like that.

"I've never thought of it that way, but I guess so…"

"You have a big heart," he declared. "A big heart full of love, full of tenderness." Mikan blushed some more. "The world doesn't deserve you. It took your big heart and stomped all over it, left you here all alone on a park bench."

"Well, I'm not alone anymore, right?" Mikan said with a smile, her sandwich long forgotten.

Kuonji smiled back. "No," he said. "You're not."

Promises could be broken, but not if they were made to Kuonji.

He rarely got mad, but if someone were to break a promise, they were basically asking for him to rage on them, and that was pretty much all their own fault.

Mikan couldn't break her promise. She was one of the only people at the house Kuonji had never yelled at, and she didn't want that to change anytime soon. She also wouldn't be able to bear it if he was disappointed or upset with her and she didn't want to betray his trust, a precious commodity given to only those with special hearts.

She didn't break her promise. She didn't go to the store or say the word Rumplestiltskin.

And not since she last went to his apartment to check his mail boxes had she entered his apartment lobby.

Sometimes she'd go on a walk and feel compelled to walk around his building, but she always made it a point to walk right past and not to linger.

Seeing him would be catastrophic.

After all-he'd unfairly judged her whole family and then left her without sparing her a second glance. He'd made it perfectly clear how he felt about her and her life.

He was a jerk. Her whole family and Hotaru were so right about him.

But her feet still walked on their own to his building.

Well, no matter. She could miss him all she wanted but the truth was that her family and most importantly Kuonji, did not want her fixating on him.

When Tsubasa asked her if she was doing better, thinking less about Rumplestiltskin, Mikan answered affirmatively.

It was no big deal, and although it was something of a lie now, it wouldn't be for much longer, surely.

Curiosity and fascination all faded with time, right? This was no different.

Mikan came home from a grocery run, getting bread, an easy staple when running on a budget of zero dollars.

Her trips to the store were a lot more high-energy now, since she couldn't just walk in and grab something off the shelf with no repercussions anymore. She had to be careful, holding her breath and sweating with every step she took. She'd distract by wandering around the shelves and by precise sleight-of-hand sneak food items into her hoodie, only to wander into another aisle and fixate on something small, making a big show of deciding between types of candy bars.

"Oh no," she'd say to the cashier when they asked her if she needed assistance. "I'm just browsing."

And then she'd slowly and sadly leave, eyeing more candy and staring morosely at the chips bags on display near the front.

So sad.

And she'd walk home with food in her pockets.

Yes, she was quite good at stealing. After so much practice in stealth and caution, she could steal almost anything without ever even considering violence or some other cheap trick.

But it came at the price of her mental health when she was spooked all the time. She missed the Rumplestiltskin store, how easy it was to swipe stuff there, how sleepy the cashier was so late at night, how sad Rumplestiltskin looked with those bags under his eyes.

Go to sleep, she used to think when she looked at him.

Yes, used to. He was a memory now, a stranger.

She went straight to the kitchen, laying the bag of bread on the chipped counter.

"I got bread," she called out to her house. She heard some racket from the living room, taking that as a response. She was busy ripping open the plastic in the light of one single candle and grabbing two pre-sliced pieces of bread. She took big bites as she wandered into the living room.

And there she finally spotted what the commotion was all about.

It seemed like everyone was in the room: Tsubasa and Misaki shoved together on one cushion, giggling; Tono in the corner; Nobara tending to Hana, and Youichi sleeping on her arm; Megane standing against the wall; even Persona was there, when usually he was mysteriously off somewhere.

And then there was Kuonji in his usual spot, sitting with...

"Mikan!" Nobara exclaimed, sitting up in a rush, though thankfully Youichi didn't wake up. "It's amazing! She's back!"

Speaking of all the reasons why one should never break promises with Kuonji…

Luna was draped under his arm, grinning knowingly.

Mikan chewed on her bread.

"Luna," she greeted, trying to sound calm. "We haven't seen you in forever."

Luna shrugged, leaning further into Kuonji, ducking her head under his chin. "I'm back, Sunbeam. And now that everyone's here it's as good a time as any to announce that the reason for my return is that I found something amazing."

"Last time we heard that, Mikan brought back some loser," Tono joked from his perch on a pillow in the corner, dragging a blunt from his mouth.

Mikan turned to glare at him, surprised by how much that remark had actually hurt.

"Well, you'll all need to fill me in on that," Luna said. "But I have found a person, someone much more useful to us all."

Kuonji was smiling too, and Mikan would wager he had already been filled in on what-or who-exactly Luna had found.

"After all," Luna cooed, taking Kuonji's hand in her own. Mikan felt her stomach flip around like one of those sad whales at a theme park. She hadn't missed what Luna was like when she was with them, always clinging to Kuonji's side, hanging off his arm like a parasite. She always missed the point of their whole group, namely that they were a group, always neglecting the rest of them so that she could seem most important to Kuonji. "Someone important has to listen to Kuonji and make him important too. Someone's gotta spread his words somewhere. I decided to help speed the process along."

"What, so she's just back in?" Mikan asked, unable to keep the hurt from seeping out of her words, not interested at all in whatever Luna "found". "Like nothing happened?"

"There are more important things than our past dramas," Persona muttered bitterly.

"Something did happen, our girl with the smile," Kuonji replied, voice smooth and calming, always so affectionate and deliberate with his words. "Luna betrayed us. That is not easily forgiven and we all know it, Luna included. But she made up for her mistake. She's proved herself deserving of our forgiveness. All of our forgiveness."

Mikan's glare did not subside.

"I understand if you don't trust me right away, of course," Luna said, voice dripping sugary wet, like oozing syrup. "But we used to be so close, Sunbeam." For once, she removed herself from Kuonji's person and stood, slowly and purposefully approaching Mikan, who was frozen still. She placed a chilly hand on Mikan's cheek, her smile only widening the nearer she got. "I'd like to be that close again."

Well, of course she would.

Mikan shut her eyes and remembered those same hands closing all the way around her throat, the way her fingers pressed hard against her skin. How her skin had looked purple when she next looked in the mirror, her face and neck entirely soaked in tears.

They had been so close. Too close.

"I brought bread," Mikan mumbled. "Just in case anyone was hungry. It's in the kitchen." She quickly turned and walked away, trying to forget the feeling of those hands.

It was moments like these where she wanted to talk to someone who understood. Her whole family was so loving and forgiving, it was no wonder they took Luna back.

Hotaru wouldn't get it, and Mikan wasn't about to explain.

"I had a roommate I didn't tell you about before who tried to kill me and now my other roommates let her move back in without talking to me first." Yeah, sure, like Hotaru wouldn't completely freak if she heard that.

That only left Natsume.

And he was a stranger now. A nobody.

A memory.

But she knew better than to think she was all alone. She took a bus to the nearest cemetery, using some change she'd picked up over the past few weeks to pay for the travel fare.

She walked around, looking at the headstones, the incense still burning over some graves, the shrine at the far end of the lot.

There was one grave with an older man's picture set up right next to it, a bouquet of flowers placed delicately near it.

It wasn't Jii-chan's grave. His was far away, not somewhere she could visit on short notice and for cheap.

This gentleman would have to do.

"Jii-chan," she greeted, knowing he was listening anyway, even if it wasn't his grave. She sat down criss-cross applesauce on the path in front. "It's Mikan again. I wanted to talk to you because, well, as always I miss you. But also because I'm kinda freaked. She's back, Luna. Really, even after what she did, like nothing even happened. And I'm so scared."

Jii-chan didn't answer. He never did. But Mikan knew he was there, knew that the wind blowing the way it did was him speaking the only way he could.

"I should forgive her. I know everyone will tell me to forgive her. She said sorry before. I should have forgiven her then. Everybody forgave her but me this time. I don't know if I can do it. I should. It's the right thing to do, but I still can't forget…"

The wind was biting and Mikan drew her hoodie in closer around her body.

"I know. I knew you'd say that. But I can't tell Hotaru. She'd never understand. She's not the forgiving type and she won't be helpful. I have nobody to talk to but you. I was hoping that if we chatted, I could find the strength to forgive her, go back to the way we used to be."

Mikan.

"You're trying to help me, I can feel it, but I still don't know if I can." Mikan sighed, leaning back on her elbows. "Maybe I just need time?"

"Hey!" someone was shouting, and there was a piercing light suddenly poking in her direction, the clear sign of a groundskeeper pointing a flashlight at her.

Mikan jumped to her feet with a start. "I'm visiting my grandpa!" she explained, only half-lying.

"It's four in the morning," the man said, coming closer. "Visiting times are over. I'm gonna need you to leave."

"Okay," Mikan said. She turned back to the grave. "I'm sorry for sitting at your grave even though I don't know you. I wish you the best." She closed her eyes. "And I miss you, Jii-chan. It's always nice talking to you. You always understood me better than anyone."

"Go on, get moving," the groundskeeper said, sounding only mildly irritated.

"How long have you worked here, sir?" Mikan asked as she started walking, the groundskeeper trailing after her to escort her off the premises.

"Twenty two years."

"Wow!" Her hand flew over her heart and she grinned at him. "That's amazing. Almost my whole life!"

The man chuckled, slipping a hand in his pocket. Now that they were closer, Mikan could see that he looked a little like Jii-chan, but then again Mikan was always desperate to think someone looked like Jii-chan. "Next time you want to visit your grandpa, just come during our open hours. The dead are a 24/7 operation, of course, and they have lonely nights too, but there's only one of me and I gotta make sure nobody does anything weird out here."

"I understand, mister." Mikan stepped in line with him so they were walking side by side. "I'll visit during hours next time. Thank you for being patient with me."

"Thank you for not defiling any graves."

They had reached the gate, the one Mikan had jumped to get in.

"Well, there you are," the groundskeeper said. "You go to sleep now, child."

"Hey, I have a question," Mikan said before he could leave.

"Okay."

"If someone really hurt you, what would you do? Everyone else forgave her and moved on, but it's still hard for you. What would you do?"

The groundskeeper hesitated before he began speaking. "It depends on what they did. But there's nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance."

"Thank you," Mikan said.

He nodded once and then he left her on the sidewalk outside the cemetery, all alone.

"Good bye, friend," she whispered. "It would be nice to meet again."

Mikan was homeless. It was all very abrupt, very sudden, but getting the sudden and enticing offer of a roof over her head, a place to stay, a family, was not something she could easily turn down.

She'd blushed at his initial question, sitting on a park bench a mere hour after meeting this man. Only one hour and he was already asking her to stay by his side forever.

"You're a stranger. Maybe we should get to know each other better before-"

"There's nothing we don't know about each other," Kuonji rebuffed, smiling slightly. "We both know this. You and I know each other. Our souls are entwined. We both knew from the moment we saw each other. We knew each other and loved each other in a different life. In a hundred different lives."

Mikan bit her lip, unwilling to say much. She could hear Hotaru's voice in her head: Are you stupid? Get lost! Or Jii-chan's voice: That is a stranger, Mikan! A con-man!

"I know you. I know all of you. I've seen you in your entirety. Every shameful flaw, ever secret sin. Every good deed gone unnoticed. I've seen it. I know them all. And you know me. You said yourself: you're not alone anymore. You have me. And you'll have my family too, our family. You're special, just like us, Mikan: I can tell. You're gorgeous and determined and look at how you've survived on your own." He gestured to her person, eyes full of admiration. "But people aren't meant to be on their own, not people like us. Those of us with big hearts can't make it on our own. We need people, we need love. To give it and to receive it. I'm simply doing my part, giving you love. I can only hope you will receive it. That's your choice."

He stood up, and the offer was suddenly much more real.

"Well?" he asked, cocking his head to the side, extending a hand towards her. "Will you love me back?"

Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

But Kuonji didn't think she was stupid. He thought there was something beautiful and shiny inside of her, even if she was covered in filth and dirt and wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing for two weeks.

She took his hand.

She didn't want to go back into the house, the house she'd found all by herself because Kuonji had asked, because he'd trusted her with something so important.

Now they were all in there, with Luna, in her house.

That wasn't fair, though.

In their family, nothing "belonged" to anybody. They shared everything: food, clothes, beds, everything. Even Nobara never called Hana "my baby", instead always referring to her as "our daughter". This wasn't Mikan's house. It was their house.

But she couldn't go in, no matter whose house it was, so she sat on the stair in front of the door, picking at the dead grass in the lawn right by her shoes.

Light was starting to break over the horizon, and she'd soon have to go to bed.

During the winter the whole family liked to sleep during the day and stay up late at night, huddling in whatever living room they were staying in, telling jokes and laughing until the early hours of the morning, some of them choosing to warm themselves with the fire of weed.

It was spring now, and they were supposed to go to bed earlier and earlier, to savor the eventual sunny summer. Then they could maybe go dumpster diving, maybe sneak into some rich guy's house while he was on vacation and make extensive use of his backyard pool. Maybe they'd be able to gather enough money to have weekly ice cream outings. She loved going with Youichi to get an ice cold treat, holding hands the whole time despite the heat.

But Luna was there now. This summer likely wouldn't be so idyllic if Mikan was worried about getting choked in her sleep the whole time.

There was a sound behind her, on the other side of the door. Mikan scooted over, expecting maybe Tsubasa to step out and have a chat.

"Damn it," said Luna's voice instead, and Mikan stiffened.

Luna was struggling with the door, but she managed somehow, Mikan guessed. She refused to turn around, nervous and on her guard.

"Sunbeam," Luna greeted, sitting next to her on the stair. "I'm sorry I caused you to run off earlier."

More apologies. Luna deserved forgiveness, right? She said sorry and the least Mikan could do was say sorry back. She just couldn't. Not yet.

So she didn't say anything.

"That night, I don't know what I was thinking. I got jealous. You were new and I let my feelings get the best of me. But neither of us owns Kuonji. He belongs to all of us and we all belong to him. We're all his. I don't expect you to forget what happened, but you'll forgive me someday. Hopefully soon. So we can go back to loving each other. Because you're mine too. Not just his."

Luna used to say that a lot. Their relationship had a rocky start, but once they'd become a real family, Luna had been something special. Those words used to make Mikan blush, make her heart swell with the sensation of being so thoroughly loved.

Now the words sent a shiver down her spine.

"Isn't that right, Sunbeam?" Luna asked, her cold hands finding themselves in Mikan's hair. Slowly, slowly, she undid the braids, and then she was running her fingers through the hair. "Tell me."

"Yes," Mikan answered, feeling small and weak.

"You are all of ours. The whole family's. And since I'm your family, you're mine too, right?"

"Right."

Luna pulled her hands away from Mikan's hair so that she could clap with triumph. "See, I knew it! You could never stay angry for long. I love you." Then she pressed a kiss against Mikan's cheek. "You can tell me about Rumplestiltskin later. I'll see you inside, Sunbeam."

She wasn't supposed to say that word. Kuonji said so.

She didn't struggle with the door as much this time, always so skilled at getting the hang of things in no time, not like Mikan. Mikan chose this house and she couldn't handle the door any better now after weeks of practice than she could when she first gave it a shot.

Nobody owned anything in this house.

"Ownership is selfishness," Kuonji always said. "When you're keeping something to yourself, you're basically telling your family that you are first, when it should be them. Me, me, me. That's all people these days can think about. 'This is mine!' people say. That's not love. Love is not ownership. Love is not saying, 'This is mine!' Love is sharing. And here, in our family, we share everything. Because we love, we share, and because we share, we love."

Yes. Nobody owned anything.

Nobara gave birth to a baby a year ago and Kuonji named her Hana because a name was the only possession a person could have in that house. And even then, there were so many nicknames tossed around, having your own name wasn't a given either.

And why would you want one when Kuonji could glance at you once and open his mouth to baptize you with something new, something real, something you, that could belong to the both of you, to all of you?

They sometimes called Nobara "Yuki-onna" because Kuonji said she looked ephemeral, fantastic, unreal holding Hana for the first time. Or Tono was "Chimney", on account of his frequent smoking. Tsubasa was "Shadow", since he could creep up on someone without them even noticing, and Misaki was "Gemini", a name Tono gave her due to the fact that she could be very sweet or very bitter, with no in between. Since Youichi was quiet and could disappear for hours at a time, they called him "Ghost". Megane and Persona's names were their nicknames. The family all called them by those names so often that Mikan actually didn't know what their real names were.

Mikan was "the girl with the smile" according to everyone.

But "Sunbeam" was not everyone's. It wasn't even Mikan's. It did not belong to anybody else because it only belonged to Luna, who never fully understood that ownership was selfishness.

"Everyone, listen," Kuonji announced, stepping into a modestly furnished apartment. "This is Mikan, the girl with the smile. I found her at the park all by herself. I'm inviting her to join our family."

Mikan had been instantly overwhelmed with affection: welcoming hugs, ruffles in her hair, kind words.

Her smile stretched across her whole face and she felt like she could walk on air.

It took some getting used to, her new family.

Sharing clothes and personal items was really no big deal. She had nothing of value anyway that she'd want to keep to herself.

Sleeping all together in one room, with several mattresses scattered around on the floor, with absolutely no rules or guidelines was a little bit strange. She'd rarely sleep on the same mattress two nights in a row, and even rarer sleep beside the same person. That was just how things went in the family. But a mattress was a step up from Mikan's previous situation, so even though it was odd, she got the hang of it.

But the stealing… that took a lot of work to get used to.

She went with Luna the first time. Luna was somewhat intimidating, a little cold and harsh. But she liked going on the family errands, liked doing things for Kuonji.

He sent Mikan with her one time, to "show her the ropes", and although Luna seemed reluctant, she was unable to deny the command.

The first few times, Luna would teach Mikan tiny tricks. Swiping a can of soda. A candybar. Some onigiri.

Then, on the fifth outing, on their way to a store a little out of the way, Luna told Mikan, "Some things are too big to swipe. Bread, milk, cereal, that kind of thing. Real food. Stuff we could really use. That stuff gets caught on camera real easy. That stuff gets you in jail."

"So what do we do?" Mikan asked, picturing the begging and charity she'd relied on during her time of homelessness.

"We buy it," Luna said curtly. She slowed down when the convenience store was within sight. "Here." She pulled something woolen out of her jacket pocket and handed it to Mikan. "Put this on."

It was a ski mask.

Luna was putting one on too, rearranging the ends of it so she was entirely covered.

Mikan stared hard at the mask, almost half certain this was some sort of trick.

"Come on, quick," Luna spat. "We don't have all day!"

At the sudden and fierce pressure of Luna's words, Mikan pulled the mask over her face, letting Luna tuck all her hair away, letting them both stand there in anonymity.

"Let's go."

Once it was happening, it happened fast.

Mikan could barely pay attention to Luna or the gun that was suddenly pulled from her jacket. She just looked at the man behind the register, an old man whose hands flew up instantly. Luna was screaming at him, her voice purposefully lower than it usually was, to empty the register into a plastic grocery bag, give her all the money, and hand over some of those cigarette cartons on the wall behind him.

The man did as she said, moving as fast as he could, his hands always defaulting to palms-out, up-in-the-air whenever he wasn't handing her something.

"Please," he begged. "Just take whatever you want!"

He looked like Jii-chan.

"We won't hurt you," Mikan promised him, her voice breaking. "You're gonna be okay, alright?"

The man then looked at her for the first time and Mikan was taken aback by the look of fear and-even worse-hatred in his eyes.

Mikan's eyes were watering with tears when Luna grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the store, her gun pointed at the man until they were well out of his view.

"Run!" she shouted and Mikan listened.

Several blocks away, they were doubled over, their masks pulled off their faces, gasping for air.

Mikan wiped at her face. The last thing she wanted was for scary Luna to see her crying.

They stayed like that for only a moment, until Luna seemed to recover.

She straightened, then yanked Mikan upright by the hair and struck her soundly across the face.

"You absolutely useless bitch!" Luna screamed. "You don't promise his safety! The uncertainty of his safety is what lets us skedaddle with the cash!"

"He was so scared. I just… felt sorry for him." Mikan's hand was hovering over the cheek where she'd just been slapped.

"Don't feel sorry for him!" Luna snapped. "He's got a cushy life. A store, a family, a warm bed every night and a full belly every day. Why don't you feel sorry for us? For your family? If we don't do this, we die. We starve. We can't live off Snickers bars, you dumb cow."

"There has to be another way," Mikan muttered.

"Yeah, sure there is. Going out and working for those sleazy corporate douches to sell ownership. So go ahead. Betray your family. Go and be all 'mine mine mine'. But if you choose love and family, then you're going to have to do things our way." Luna shoved past her, ready to head home, the bag of cigarettes and cash dangling from her hand. "So, precious little Sunbeam, put up or shut up."

Luna had called her Sunbeam ever since, a sarcastic bite to her voice whenever she said it, even after they had gotten closer.

Mikan did find another way without Luna, a way that didn't cause Jii-chans all over to look at her with hatred. She was a better thief than Luna. Everyone said so, except for Luna. She could steal bread and milk and cereal and big packs of ramen and toilet paper and all sorts of things without ever pulling a gun.

But the nickname "Sunbeam" never went away. Mikan felt sick thinking it but it was true: that name would never go away, not as long as Luna was there.

Nobody owned anything in the house. Ownership is selfishness, after all.

Mikan's clothes, food, house, hard work, love. It all got shared with everyone else's, put in the communal pile with everyone else's. Her name was for everyone to decide. Her body was for everyone else to dictate, but never her.

Nobody owned anything and Mikan didn't even own herself.