Chapter 5: Extra Heresy
Gasping for breath, Kittenus slumped up against the closet wall. Shaserra leaned up against him, her flesh somewhat cool on his, as t'au ran a bit colder than humans did.
"Thank you for making our appointment. I can tell my Human is improving already," Shasserra giggled, then began putting her clothes back on.
"What can I say, I'm glad to learn the ways of the Kauyon," Kittenus managed, grinning up at Shasserra. It was quite the excellent view, and she paused, posing for him before slipping her clothes back on. T'au physiology was different from humans, but they were similar enough to be compatible in all the right ways. Up to and including needing prophylactic to prevent any transmission of diseases, or the possibility of Shaserra coming down with a rather egregious and obvious case of Extra Heresy.
"Mmm, I am glad you are still able to see me as a person, as a woman. Even with those two blond baka here now," Shasserra said, her tone disgusted as she pulled on her skirt.
Kitten stood, taking Shasserra by her shoulders. "Please, don't insult the princesses. You know I love you, Shasserra. But I'm loyal to the Imperium."
"Yes." Now Shasserra sounded bitter, but she did kiss Kittenus tenderly. He had to bend down even as she lifted herself up onto the tips of her hooves, as even though she was tall for a t'au she was still far shorter than human average. She sighed, lowering back down. "We must work to change things for the better for my people. The Ethereals have spoken: We cannot defy the Imperium, so we must become a part of it."
"There will be a place for all in the Imperium. Human, t'au, eldar, why, even some of the ork clans have recognized the divine right of the Empress to rule the world as the Ethereal caste did," Kitten pointed out as he bent to retrieve his own garments.
"A place for all, but humans at the top." Shasserra suddenly grinned, poking Kittenus playfully. "Well, perhaps not always on top."
Blushing, Kittenus hastily pulled on his trousers. "You know I would have your people recognized as equal citizens, just with a different role. That's how it is for the t'au castes, isn't it? The Earth caste to build, the Air Caste to travel, the Water caste to speak, the Fire caste to hunt, and the Ethereal caste to guilde."
"Yes, yes," Shaserra agreed. "I just...I am Fire Caste. I should be a warrior, like you. Instead, I must act as a Water Caste and have all these words, words, words!"
"You'll have a chance. I'll speak to Professor Cain; he fought beside your older brother against the tyranids at Quadravidia. He respects the t'au, and the Fire Caste," Kittenus promised.
Just as Kittenus pulled on his shirt, his phone buzzed. He let out a squeak, pulling it out of his pocket as Shaserra froze and looked at him with too wide red eyes.
"It's Principal Malchador," Kittenus hissed. "Don't panic!"
"You're the one panicking," Shaserra muttered, but quickly put on her tie.
"Yes sir?" Kittenus said, forcing his voice to calm as he answered the phone.
"Ah, Kittenus, good. It seems that two more of the Princesses are ready for delivery," Malchador said absently.
Mentally, Kittenus groaned. He was glad to serve the Empress, and always delighted to see his Glorious Overlord, but it was so much work to prepare a greeting. "Yes, sir. Um, when shall they and the Empress arrive?"
"Oh, the Empress isn't coming. I'm going to pick them up from the palace now. Should be back some time this afternoon. Where are you, right now?"
"I, am, um, participating in a cultural exchange with Shas'O'Shaserra," Kittenus said, which made his companion let out an involuntary giggle. So interesting that the t'au were so like humans in so many ways, and shockingly different in others.
"Good, good. Have her come to the greeting, she's a high ranking dignitary and it would be good to show our new princesses that the Academy is a cosmopolitan place," Malchador ordered. "Make sure Russ and Horus are there as well. Good work on Russ, by the way. Professor Cain gave a good report on Russ, said she was most insightful in the tactical discussion."
"I live to serve," Kittenus said, closing his eyes in relief. He'd been worried about that. Cain had a reputation.
Once he and Shaserra had inspected one another to make sure they were both adequately dressed, they snuck out of the janitorial closet in the South Annex building. They had to switch their meeting place for their trysts to avoid wary eyes, but to Shaserra that was part of the game. For Kittenus he was wondering if he was too young to have high blood pressure.
Parting ways with Shaserra, Kittenus hurried along until he found a student. It was a girl he recognized from some of his classes, even on the student council, but for the life of him he couldn't remember her name. "Ah yes, glad I found you, I need you to do something for me."
The girl looked up, startled from the book she had been reading, but shyly nodded her head.
"Assemble the student council. I'm going to get the Imperial Princesses. Apparently, the Emperess has found two more of her lost daughters and is bringing them to the school."
Kittenus made to hurry off, but the unremarkable girl whispered, "Which ones?"
"I'm...not sure. I know there were supposedly twenty of the Empress's children according to rumor, but I don't know their names. I don't think anyone but Principal Malchador does.
"Ok. I'll be there." The girl scurried off, and Kittenus put her out of his mind. He'd make sure the Imperial Princess's would be there. There wasn't time to assemble a band, but at least the Student Council and their sisters would be there. Maybe he could put up the banner again.
A short time later, Kittenus was hastily stringing up the welcome banner at the school entrance when an all too familiar voice called up to him.
"What are you doing, Little Kitten? The Princesses are already here," Custodisi called.
"I, um, know that, I er, just like the banner!" Kittenus replied, looking down to find all three lunkheads there, and- oh no.
"DON'T TELL ME THAT OUR GLORIOUS OVERLORD HAS FOUND YET MORE OF HER DAUGHTERS?" Coach Santodes bellowed, striking a pose and flipping his long, golden locks over his shoulder so that it streamed out in a sudden breeze. The man was over two meters tall, and his body was just as much a temple to his Empress as it had been during his decades long career in her personal guard.
"Oh, more Princesses? How exciting!" Wamuudes laughed. "Do you think they'll be as...interesting...as Princess Russ?"
"Oh, don't tell me you have a crush on her!' Custodisi snorted. "She's a girl you know."
"Well, I mean...she's just so strong, and muscular...almost like a man," Karstodes said plaintively.
"A'm na weakling jimmy! A'm a wifie richt 'n' proper!"
Kittenus had just enough time to jump off the ladder before it collapsed as Russ slammed Karstodes to the ground.
"Princess, please, your sisters-"
Kittenus saw Russ rise from the groaning Karstodes, murder in her eyes, and could only flinch back. Unfortunately, three massive shapes interposed themselves between the She-Wolf and Kittenus.
"Do you suggest that women are not naturally weaker than men?" Waamudes asked incredulously.
"Well, except for our Glorious Overlord, she's an exception," Custodisi hastily added.
Sandodes flexed, and his uniform jacket, then his undershirt, exploded into strips of fabric. "COULD A MERE WOMAN SCULPT A BODY SUCH AS THIS?"
All three morons flexed and posed, both Custodisi and Waamudes managing to burst their jackets as well, though not as spectacularly as Coach Santodes.
Russ spat to the side, glaring. "Logan, dae ye hear whit thae three pea brained galloping cunts said?"
"Och ah did. Ah hae tae say, a've heard some glaikit hings fae thae lowlanders, bit thae four hae tae be th' stupidest excuses fur a human a've ever seen," Logan agreed, coming to stand beside Russ. She was a full head shorter than the Princess, but was still rather tall for a woman, just over 1.8 meters herself.
"Oh, does the wee little lassie have something to say?" Custodisi taunted. The idiot trio were all well over two meters themselves and taller than Russ, with Coach Santodes towering over them all.
"A'm feeling generous. Yi'll waant th' biggest eejit, or th' twa wee'er ones?" Russ said, cracking her knuckles.
Logan snorted and shook her head. "If tis a' th' identical tae ye ah will juist hae a wee yin. Nae a' o' us ur as grippie as yer."
"Braw by me."
"Wait, no, Lady Russ, the principal and your sis-" Kittenus tried to grab the three flexing idiots before they committed a grievous case of lese majeste, but they were already all oiled up, and slipped right through his fingers. All five were soon rolling on the ground, biting, kicking, and hitting.
Swearing under his breath, Kittenus gave up on sweet reason and settled for breaking up the brawl by force. He was not going to fail in his task now.
The first one Kittenus managed to managed to grab was Custodisi. He didn't argue or pled, just put the larger boy in a sleeper hold.
"Oh, Kitten, didn't...think...you...oooo...harder...I…"
Once Custodisi was out, he dropped the moron and changed in, tackling someone to the ground.
"Twa oan yin noo is it? weel, ah will deal wi'-"
For a frozen moment, Kittenus nearly panicked that he was assaulting Princess Russ. However, he decided that was going to be a risk he had to take, and besides the girl had red hair. He dropped Logan with a sharp blow to her temple, then turned around. Thankfully, the fight was now over. Unfortunately, it was still a big mess.
"Noo, who's a bawherr lassie noo, eh?" Russ crooned, having pinned both Santodes and Waamudes.
"C-coach, I think I feel something," Wamuudes gasped.
"THAT'S PROBABLY A CRACKED RIB. SHE, ERK, DID ONE OF MINE TOO," Santodes rumbled.
"No, Coach, I think...I think I find her attractive," Wamuudes admitted.
"SHE'S THE EMPRESS'S DAUGHTER ALRIGHT. ONLY WOMAN I EVER COULD HAVE LOVED," Santodes sighed. "HARDER, PRINCESS, I-"
There was a loud snap, and Santodes let out a sigh, then passed out.
Standing, Russ dusted off her hands in satisfaction. "Cuid a frilly wee princess break yer arm? ah dinnae think sae."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Kittenus raged, striding forward. "You just assaulted a professor, three students, and you're an absolute mess! The Principal will have our heads for this!"
Russ regarded Kittenus with a blank expression. "Yer heid mibbie. He's fàilte tae huv a go wi' me."
"You! You! Argh! Shaserra! There you are! I need your help!" Kittenus pleaded as his lover ran over, her hooves clip clopping on the stone pavement.
"Etherials protect us, what happened?" Shaserra demanded, the rest of the student council not far behind her.
"Noothin'," Russ answered, going over to help a groaning Logan back to her feet.
"A disaster! You have to help me fix up Russ, just look at her!" Kittenus pleaded. Russ's uniform was now ripped and stained with blood, dust, and Empress only knew what else, her hair was once more a tangled mess, and she had a black eye to boot.
"Oh, I am," Karstodes slurred, picking himself up off the ground. "I'm sorry, Little Kitten. I think you're going to have to drop in the School Hotness Rankings. You held on to the top slot for a long time, but I have a new favorite."
"We're letting women into the list now?" Waamudes whined as he stood. "That doesn't seem right.
"No, I'm putting her on the list. It's different. She is the Empress's daughter, you know," Karstodes grunted as he tried to revive Custodisi.
Shaserra and the quiet girl went over to try to fuss over Russ, but they were batted away. "Och pick a windae, yer leavin'. Ah keeked a gliff whin th' Golden Harridan fun me 'n' ah kin keek a gliff fur whoever th' hell it's comin' noo."
"But it's the other Princesses!" Kitten wailed. Unfortunately, this seemed to be the trigger word for Russ, who snarled and launched herself at Kitten.
That was enough. Rage filled Kitten, and he sidestepped, then slapped his hand into the back of Russ's neck, dropping her like a sack of potatoes. "ENOUGH! I am not having the reputation of this school or yourself tarnished with these idiotic antics!"
"Who is besmirching the reputation of my sister?" Horus demanded, striding up with Abaddon in tow.
"She's doing it herself! Look, I'm sorry, but I had to. Someone had to take charge of this mess!" Kittenus ranted, turning to Horus. "Now, Waamudes, you and Coach Santodes get Custodisi and Karstodes out of here, now!"
"But, Little Kitten, it's-"
"I don't care!" Kittenus ranted. "I'm the Student Council President, I was put in charge, and we will get this place ready!"
"You betcha! How can I help?" a cheery voice inquired.
"Just get these musclebrained morons cleared out," Kittenus groaned, not bothering to look at who was speaking.
"Can do! Come on, y'all, let's get ya patched up," the new comer ordered.
"She's out cold." Kittenus turned to look at a dark haired girl who was squatting over Russ, frowning. She looked up at him and shrugged. "I could try to wake her up."
"Yes, yes, just do that before the Princesses and- PRINCIPAL MALCADOR!?" Kittenus gasped, turning to find his mentor standing behind him, an amused smile on his face.
"Well, not the welcome I had planned," Malcador admitted.
Cold sweat ran down Kittenus' back as he fixed a smile on his face. "Oh. And the Princess?"
"Hiya!" Kittenus spun to find a grinning girl of astonishing beauty expertly splinting Santode's arm. While Horus and Russ were both attractive women in their own way, this girl was was the Platonic idea of beauty. She was on the tall side, but not extraordinarily so, just shy of 180 centimeters. She had not only a generous bust and hourglass figure, but a bright smile, freckles, and hair the color of sunshine. "Nice to meetcha! I'm Phoebe Fulgrim! I guess I'm a princess now, ain't that somethin'? There's here's mah new sister and mah new best friend, Ferri!"
The other girl in question grunted as she took two sparking wires in gloved hands and pointed them at Russ. "Stand clear.
Kittenus didn't even manage to spring forward before Russ sat bolt upright, hair standing on end. "A'richt, a dinnae ken if a'm aff tae winch or murdurr th' bas that leid me oot bit na yin jimmy handle's Leman Fuckin' Russ 'n' it's aboot time fur round twa!"
"No it is not," Horus said firmly, reaching down to bodily hau the twitching princess to her feet. Then she smiled sweetly. "Why, I didn't even hear that mother had located more of my long lost sisters! I'm so pleased to meet you!"
Horus stepped forward, embracing Fulgrim, who smiled and returned the hug. "Aww, ain't you just the sweetest. Ma said you were her favorite, and I can see why?"
"I don't like hugs," Ferri said stiffly when Horus turned to her. She stuck her hands in her pockets and grimaced. "I'm Ferri Manus, from Medusa. Um, some people call me the Gorgon, which is fine, I-"
"Oh no it isn't!" Fulgrim huffed. She grinned and suddenly pulled both Ferri and Horus into a hug. "Oh come on, we're sisters! It's OK to hug! Lighten up a little and have some fun, Ferri!"
Ferri didn't respond, blushing and looking down until the embrace was broken.
"Ye titch me 'n' ah dae th' identical tae yer arm that ah did tae him" Russ snapped, jerking a thumb towards Waamudes. "'N' dinnae think juist fur we cam fae th' identical boot that ah ca' ye mah kin."
"Well bless your heart," Fulgrim said, giving Russ a strained smile. "I'm sure we'll still be friends!"
"Russ just takes some getting used to. I'm sure you'll get along famously soon," Horus assured them. "Please, come this way. My dorm has enough room for a small party. You must be tired, we can have tea together and catch up."
"I can get some snacks for you, your highness!" Abaddon offered eagerly.
"That would be lovely, Ezekyle. I'm sure my sisters would love to get to know you later, but I fear our first meeting must be private."
With that, Horus swept the two new princesses away, leaving a dazed Kittenus standing next to Russ.
Gazing at him, Russ' eyes narrowed. "'Twas ye."
"I...beg pardon?" Kittenus managed.
"Ye pat me oan mah bahookie," Russ said with a nodd. "Sae pick."
"Pick what?" Kittenus asked, right as his brain flashed deadly warning signs.
"We fightin' or pumpin'?" Russ demanded.
"Neither," Malcador said firmly, his hand falling on Russ's shoulder, turning to glare at Coach Santodes and his three acolytes. "I will deal with you four latter. Ms. Logan?"
"Aye?" the redhead said, looking warry.
"You and Miss Russ will be attending a private session with myself. I had thought you had learned proper etiquette, Ms. Logan. It seems you need retraining."
Logan winced, but fixed a smile on her face. "Yes, sir."
"Ah'ament dane wi' ye yit, laddie," Russ hissed at Kittenus as she was led away.
"Oh, that's too bad. I wonder where she is? Oh well. Should I go too, Mr. President?"
Kittenus turned weary eyes to that Student Council member who'd rounded up everyone. He sighed. "Yes, you can go."
She gave him a quick smile, then scurried off.
Kittenus groaned and rubbed his face. More. There were more now. Empress help him, at least none of them could be as bad as Russ.
He hoped.
Author's Note
We're running on Anime Rules, so that means Illiyan Nastase and Lofn are 100% canon and 50% human. And in Lofn's case, 200% adorable.