The Greatest Seamus

The Gryffindor dormitory was uncharacteristically empty this evening. At least it used to be an unusual occurrence. Seamus Finnigan sat alone on his bed. He had been to so many funerals this past week, that he had felt drained. However, there was something that hadn't been drained. His balls. As he drummed onto his belly to fight the boredom that came with being a child in a school of literal magic, he felt something stir.

In spite of the sadness that had overcum him in recent memory with the loss of so many of his friends, he couldn't wait to release some knuckle children tonight. He knew no one would be here tonight because of Dumbledore's candlelight vigil, and the other Gryffindors flocked to him like some pathetic cult. Seamus was no sheep though. He was his own person. His own person who was about to jerk the fuck off.

Seamus started off slow. He began by gently caressing his balls. He took one of his fingers and began lightly tickling the tip of his wand from over his trousers. He cooed and squinted in pleasure as he looked off to the distance. Soon enough, his pants had entered a turgid era. He knew it was time, but something wasn't right. Jerking off in bed, and finishing on random roommate's pillows just wasn't as appealing as it used to be. He had decided then and there that instead of perpetuating the mystery of the glazed pillows, he would instead slay his basildick in the dormitory's common room.

As if he were in a classic 90's sitcom where characters slid down the railing of the stairs, he slid down the railing of the stairs, and slowly tilted to one side as he inched ever closer to the bottom. By the time he had reached journey's end, he was hanging completely off the side, and unable to pull himself up without compromising his erection. Thankfully, he was a masochist and derived great pleasure from his own physical pain. He allowed himself to plop on the hardwood floor with a loud thud. He felt a great pain on his left side, and had landed on some car keys that jabbed into where he thought one of his kidneys was located. He didn't know because biology wasn't part of Hogwarts curriculum. He was more torqued than ever.

Seamus brushed himself off quickly, and made his way to the couch, remembering to bring Harry's invisibility cloak with him in case of any walkers in. Before he sat down, he unbuckled his 2 belt that weighed 2 stone, and allowed it to drop to the floor with a loud crash. He looked down proudly at his average sized wand that was curved heavily to the left. It was time to go to town.

He squirted about 15 handfuls of Unicorn JergensTM, and began to generously coat it all along his staff. He called it a staff instead of a wand because he was so impressed by it. Of course he made sure to allow his balls and taint to soak it in as well. He began to stroke furiously. He could feel the lotion seeping into his skin as he aggressively yanked back and forth. It was amazing. His balls felt so full, but he knew deep down that he wouldn't be able to shoot off immediately. He figured there must have been some old spunk that had gotten thick and crusted, and it was clogging the pipes.

"All the better reason to spank it." He thought to himself.

All of a sudden he heard the doorknob turn. If it wasn't for his exhibitionist nature, he would have dropped to a chub, but still he persisted. He threw the cloak over his body, and saw two girls enter the room. One of them took a seat next to them. It was Lavender Brown and one of her friends not important enough to have a name. Lavender took a seat next to the invisible boy who was trying to concentrate on jerking off.

"It's just been so hard lately." Lavender choked back tears.

Seamus knew the feeling.

"Everyone we know is dying, and there's nothing we can do about it!" Lavender continued.

"It's been an unfortunate few weeks, but we have to keep going on. It's the only way to honor their memories." The nameless friend comforted her.

"I just hope Seamus is alright. He's been so distant lately. He hasn't spoken to me in days!" Lavender exclaimed, while sobbing.

Seamus continued to observe while carefully beating it. He knew he had to be careful otherwise they'd be able to see the cloak move up and down with his forceful wand work.

"He's just coping right now, Lav-Lav." Her friend said. "We've all got our different ways of coping. He'll come around."

Lavender smiled and wiped the tears off her face. She set down the cup she was holding, and hugged her friend.

"You're right. Thank you."

Her friend then jumped up.

"I almost forgot! If we don't hurry up, we're going to miss the vigil for Dumbledore's suicide!" Her unknown friend shouted.

The two quickly got up and left the room. Seamus had noticed that Lavender had forgotten her drink. He could feel the heat from it emanating even from where he was sitting. The masochistic cogs in his young, Irish bred mind began turning. It called to him like it was on the phone.

"The lotion is wearing off on my globes." He said laughing at his misrepresentation of his testicles. "It's probably time to hydrate them some more!"

He then stood up on the coffee table, his weight causing a creak on the polished wood. He let out yoga breaths in preparation of a squat. Once he positioned himself properly, he proceeded to dunk his balls in the hot beverage. He could feel the liquid sear his scrotal flesh, and an intense burn coated his sack. A scream of pain involuntarily escaped his juicy lips. However, he was not satisfied.

"Incendio!" He shouted, casting a spell under the glass.

Soon the liquid began to bubble and boil. He screamed in the wake of this intense pain, but his staff only grew even more stiff. He was getting so aroused that the curvature of his member began to straighten out. It made sense in the wizarding world. He stroked so hard, and his grip tightened so much that his penis would open up more and more as he pulled back from the head. After getting his fill of hot liquid, he shot up into a standing position, and jumped backwards onto the couch. As he continued jerking, he noticed that his balls were still in intense pain. The very air itself burned his scrote almost as intensely as the drink. He looked down to notice that the heat from the drink had eaten away at his flesh. All that was left were his testicles, loosely hanging by the epididymus. Seamus should have been alarmed by this, but he remained focused on his mission to spurt. In fact, he knew how to make the best of this situation. He swish and flicked his cock, and cast wingardium leviosa on something else he had brought down, a Rowena Ravenclaw Pocket PussyTM.

Using his advanced wizarding skills, he had the silicone hole slide up and down his wand with great speed and force. He then grabbed the flesh tubes loosely holding on to his nuts, and began to spin them. The pain was great, but the pleasure was even greater. Seamus screamed at the top of his longs as he continued twirling his sperm carriers. He knew he was close. It was soon time to open the tap, and let loose some butterbeer. He began to spray out what was sealed within him as quickly as life changing events happened during Harry Potter's tenure at Hogwarts.

"Wicked!" He gritted his teeth.

However something was wrong. The tap wouldn't close.

For the first minute Seamus shot out a pure stream of semen, but he soon noticed the opaque, off white liquid was turning red. His body was reacting to his intense arousal, and supplying whatever it could to make up for the spunk deficiency. The intense blood loss unfortunately only served to make the young Gryffindor even more aroused. After he pushed out more blood, his organs began to convert into a strange paste that shot out as well. As time progressed, he realized he was deflating. His body was giving everything it had to this one busted nut.

Existential horror should have set in, but it only made things better as if he were a pig fucking another pig surrounded by buckets of slop. His life started flashing before his eyes. His regrets popped in the back of his mind like all the times he refused to donate to charity after shopping at Whole Foods, but they kept getting washed away by pleasure. Rather, the emotional pain just made it feel that much better. He realized then his fetishes were the ultimate weapon of his own self destruction. He didn't take the revelation to heart. He was too busy blasting off to the O-zone.

Soon he stopped thinking of anything at all. His stomach caved in on itself as its contents were completely sucked away. He felt the top of his head cave in as if you were to suck the air out of a balloon. His thoughts became lesser and lesser as part of his gray matter got shot out of his staff in a patronus charm.

A few minutes passed, and the last of Seamus' body had been sucked into his dick. Like a portal collapsing on itself, Seamus almost completely vanished. All that had been shot out of him had made it into the fireplace. He went blind in the final seconds as the last of his brain vanished. For a second he saw the ceiling, and thought he could see Ron and friends welcoming him. He'd laugh if his lungs remained, knowing that he could never touch those who died on accident. He had always felt this was how it would end. What was left was a wish that his remains of goo would burn up before anyone would find him.

Thankfully his wishes were granted as Harry Potter returned to the dormitory, and lit the fire without hesitation. He sat there to relax after a long day of grieving. He noticed the cup of warm liquid on the coffee table. He took a sip. It was the perfect temperature.

"Mmm. Salty." He said with a look of satisfaction.

No one would know what happened to Seamus. Lavender succumbed to a great sadness upon hearing of his disappearance. The mystery of what happened to him alongside the great reverence held by his peers is what would earn him the moniker of the Greatest Seamus.