Chapter Four - "Cut and Run"
10 December, HG 75
Dear Mamie,
I name this book after you because you always listened to me when others wouldn't. So it's only fair that this diary be mainly dedicated to you. I miss you...where ever you are.
This is the first entry I'm actually writing down. It feels very weird to use pen for a long time. I like using my voice to record but I feel that writing down my feelings is a lot better because I'm not all over the place in what I'm saying.
Despite the kind words Father gave me before he left, things are NOT becoming better. Our supply of fresh food, the stuff that stays in the fridge, is running out. Though our basement pantry has been full ever since Katniss destroyed the arena, Mother prefers that we have fresh food over canned stuff and I do too.
Peony is like a big sister, sorta. I'm trying to be nice to her like we were nice to you but she seems so dreamy half of the time, always sulking. She'll come around, eventually.
I'll never get over how to feed you guys. Whatever they did to Peony, it still hurts, so swallowing the mush usually ends up in her almost throwing up. I just hope that our kindness rubs off on her faster so that she understands that things will be okay. Mother wanted to put her out in the shed because she 'wasn't sure' of her but I insisted she sleep in your bed.
Fresh food is almost gone, even the local convenience stores are running out of things. Between my birthday and today, there were so many black outs. Peacekeepers are everywhere now. Mother doesn't allow us to go outside anymore, in fear of us being swept up in whatever operations they do.
At least I can see Dawn through my window and occasionally in a chat room - although those go down all the time.
I miss school...and my friends so very much. Electronic means of communication mean very little to me.
...
15 December, HG 75
Dear Mamie,
The PKs raided Daybreak Diner...I can't believe that. The Gayle family were rebels.
The holovision showed the place burning to the ground. Two Peacekeepers died alongside them. Mother couldn't believe they had rebel sympathies and Clancy said that it reminded him of the night Finnick Odair said those horrible things about President Snow and others. A lot of people died after he said those things.
...You wanna know the funny thing about the diner?
Annora is missing and wanted. She never died along with her parents and the other rebels.
...
17 December, HG 75
We've finished our last carton of milk today. Thank the gods we have tons and tons of powdered milk.
We're not allowed to snack anymore. We have a small breakfast, lunch and dinner each day - all premade to avoid a random black out. Peony gets her mush, of course. At least she doesn't have to worry about actual food.
I would probably be having winter assembly in person right now, before the Christmas and New Year Break. Mrs. Humphrey would put on pre-Panem movies for us to enjoy, like last year. They would even allow pajamas to be worn! I have a photo of Dawn and me on my vanity this time last year. I want things to return to normal so badly, but I know that we've only just begun.
Just like Father's maps in his office, the green areas were just small circles now. Small circles in a sea of red.
Marceline is saying that the District 2 mountain base that people are calling "The Nut" is one of our last hopes of holding back the rebels. Well...I hope that nut doesn't crack.
...
19 December, HG 75
More like 18 December. It's barely past midnight. Besides reruns of shows, and 'propos' talking about all the hard times our ancestors went through and for people to not give up and fight harder for normalcy, the news would occasionally flash with important updates. Like just now!
Apparently, President Snow struck a deal with District 3. They even showed footage of Peacekeepers marching through plains to greet loyal townspeople on the border of District 2. A line of green blocks off District 3 from District 7 and rejoins District 1 as sort-of loyal to the Capitol.
And get this Mamie. The Loyalists are pushing the Rebels out of Two's capital city! A general by the name of Romulus Thread said to the news that they hope to reach a place called Pueblo by the end of the week. A general in District 1 is fighting towards District 7 as well, burning down all the forests in his path.
Sleep is for the weary and I am not weary!
...
It's the evening the next day when Peony's leg starts acting up again, so I use a soothing oil and gauze to wrap up her hamstring nice and tight. The Avox grits her teeth but it's the sigh of relief that makes me smile. "Does that feel better?" I ask.
Peony grunts, nodding while flexing her toes. I couldn't help but notice how scarred the area was around the place that was causing her discomfort.
"What happened to your leg?"
She eyes me in a way that would get her slapped or berated like Mrs. Fong does to her Avox. The glare melts as she begins typing into the gauntlet on her wrist.
"I was shot." Peony responds in a robotic tone. We gave her Mamie's old communicuff. It makes communicating with Avoxes a lot easier.
"If you need any more help, just ask," I say, nodding off towards the case on my bedroom wall which displays a sash adorned with buttons. "I didn't earn my merit badges for nothing you know. I know my onions."
The holovision in my room flickers on with an all-too-familiar chime that means something special was about to be broadcast. Mother calls my name, causing me to take Peony by the hand as I guide her down the stairs and into the living room. PBC's Chad Blakely shares his studio with Peacekeeper Officer in full armor. "ATTENTION CAPITOL CITIZENS: IMMINENT DANGER!" is displayed on the headline at the bottom of the screen.
"Good evening, tonight I have concerning news regarding the war against the rebellion." the Anchorman says as the camera stretches out to reveal a Peacekeeper in full armor. "Here to aid me in delivering that news is Lieutenant-General Albus Meade. General?"
"Thank you, Mr. Blakely." The General replies, his head snapping from the anchorman to us - the viewers. "Due to the constantly developing nature of the battlefield, it appears that the Capitol itself is now threatened by a Rebel contingent. I'll say it again, the Capitol is likely to experience direct attacks from Rebel forces."
"Oh my...Could you tell us where this contingent is coming from?"
"The north east portions of the Capitol City Region are at risk," the General replies. "As you may have heard here and on other news stations, we have the Armored Hand anti-air defense systems ready to deter threats, but there's only so much we can do. You have to help us in ensuring that re-securing the Capitol-"
The holovision turns to static, cutting to images of Peacekeepers attacking normal people and children and mothers stumbling away from gassed cities. District cities. Clancy mutters a cuss word and fidgets with the projector. I could care less about the enemy propo. Neither could Mother who cries, "But Melvin is over there!"
My belly begins to warm up with anxiousness. Father is stationed in the northeast. Where is he while all this is going on? When the interference is over, I make sure to listen closely to the words being said on the holovision.
"General, are you saying that the War is coming to the Capitol?" Mr. Blakely asks.
"Yes. This is quite serious in a way that significant harm could come to you or your loved ones if you don't heed the warnings Mr. Blakely will give to you."
My eyes shift over to the left hand side of the screen, where a box pops up and lists things such as 'BOIL SNOW', 'EAT ALL PERISHABLES FIRST', 'BARRICADE ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS' and 'PRESERVE BATTERIES' slowly scroll by.
"As you can see right now on screen, there is a list of things that you and your family can do to ensure that this period of time is as pleasant as can be..." Chad coughs into his fist while one hand feels for his earpiece. "Well...I have word that President Snow has prepared some...ahem, remarks in regards to this time we find ourselves in. We are now going live to the State Office where the President will give his address."
I lean towards the holovision so much that Mother straightens my back and chides me about my posture. Chad's face is replaced by a black screen and the seal of Panem before the old face of President Snow appears. He looks even worse now than when I saw him last, with sunken eyes and slightly unkempt hair.
"Citizens of the Capitol, it seems that we find ourselves at the crossroads of history once again. Some of you might vividly remember enduring an occasion like this some seventy-five years ago, or heard about it second hand. Either way, we all know that through the long stormy night, emerges a brighter, victorious day. This iteration of war, I vow will conclude similarly to the last. The running riot of thugs - also known as 'rebels' - on their way to plunder our city will come to find that things have changed-"
The President has a coughing fit as he stifles the noise by placing a handkerchief to his puffy lips.
"Our Armored Hand stands ready to shoot their bombs and hovercrafts out of the sky and our Capitol Guard of Peacekeepers - Panem's finest warriors- stand ready to repel the frenzied masses pounding at our gates. When we stave off this hoard, let it be known I have plans to eradicate these terrorists from the face of Panem. But until then, we ought to think presently. Take care of your families while also being mindful of your fellow neighbors. In the coming days, you will be witness to the scenes of war, terrible war. But rest assured that the assailants will atone for the destruction they have and will wreak. Good night to you. Panem today. Panem tomorrow. Panem forever."
The screen returns to the newsroom where Chad Blakely nods to someone off camera. "That was erm, President Snow, delivering sage words as he does so well." he says, his eyes flickering from the datapad in his hands to the cameras. "As you know, due to the Capitol City Region being at Level 1 alert, all services are hereby halted until further notice. Important updates will be brought to you via our network and the others as they come. Have a good evening."
The HV showcases the seal of Panem once again, alongside the playing of "Gem of Panem" and "Horn of Plenty" before the holovision and everything else shuts off, leaving us in darkness not counting the night sky offering some light. While Mother, Peony and I stir in confusion, Clancy remains calm.
"They cut the services," he explains. "It gives the Rebels a hard time communicating."
Mother looks like the dictionary definition of 'distraught' as she shakes her head and caresses her hands. "But what about...what about your father?"
I lean in on Mother's shoulder, happy when she pulls me in closer and caresses the side of my arm. The supermarket conversation with the two ladies plays on loop in my head. I've seen the photos, I've watched the documentaries. We're right in the Rebels' path. And what happened to Father?
...
The sirens finally die out, prompting all of us to emerge from the basement cautiously. Nothing is amiss, although a lot of commotion from the neighbors could be heard outside - that and the sound of car alarms blaring loudly. I ask Peony if she's okay, only to earn a grunt in reply. She's probably been through similar things before being brought to the Capitol. I'm just glad that everyone is okay.
"I...I think it's over." I announce as Clancy makes his way over to the living room window and peers through the blinds with me.
"The dust is getting awfully thick..." He mutters, whipping his head back toward the basement. "Mother, the dust is heavy! Kind of like fog or mist!"
Mother returns with gas masks. "Here, wear them until morning, just in case."
I do what mother instructs, although it takes a moment to properly fasten the thing around my face due to my abundance of curly hair. I already have the urge to rip this thing off, but if I want to wake up later today, I have to wear it. Just as I make my way to my room, Mother calls out to me.
"Are you sure you want to sleep upstairs?" she asks, her voice seeping with concern.
I pause at the landing. "I'll be fine...I think."
I can hear Mother's sharp sigh from here. "Emery..."
"I'm fine, promise!" I reply back, hearing Mother mention Peony before making my way into my room. Making my way toward the window that faces the street and opposite houses I see Dawn, her face lit up by a flashlight. I take my flashlight from off of my vanity and shine it her way, squealing when she waves my way. I wave back. They too must have gotten roused by the bombs. Fighting back the tiredness, I sit myself down at my desk, gesturing for Peony to sit down as well.
21 December, HG 75
They bombed us.
It wasn't too bad, thanks to Father's Armored Hand system protecting us. It was like fireworks going off overhead. Right now, I can barely see the streaks of our rockets as they flew up to the sky to knock out the Rebel bombs. I really hope it's just normal smoke and nothing too crazy.
Speaking of smoke, I write this while wearing a gas mask of all things...I'm surprised my writing is still okay. I'm glad Dawn is doing okay, though. I would raise her on my communicuff, but there's no reception. We don't want the Rebels to communicate freely, like Clancy said.
On HV, they constantly tell us to open our doors to our neighbors...I wonder if somewhere down the line, Mother would be open to letting Dawn and her parents stay with us? I guess I can only dream.
...
24 December, HG 75
I can't help but cry at the fact that this time last year, Mother would be parading us in Christmas-themed pajamas and our cousins would be over for a night of snacking and being together. We'd watch old movies, Mother and her sister would make biscuits and I would help. Instead, the Rebels are trying to tear this country apart. How could Katniss and Peeta do such a thing, after everything we did for them?
I wonder how Auntie Maure is doing? They say the Rebels are gunning for the City Center where most of the important things are. Auntie Maure is smart, she probably left for somewhere safe.
We're out of fresh food. They shut off the hydro, which meant we had to eat the stuff out of our fridge and freezer as fast as we could. We live on canned stuff from here on out. I'm glad I got mom to splurge on canned beef stew. I could live off of it for days.
The things that we couldn't eat, we secure outside since its cold enough. Here's hoping animals don't pick at it.
As I write right now, the Rebels are starting up another bombing run. Mother wants me in the basement this instant.
...
25 December, HG 75
The stupid Rebels don't let up their bombing. Holidays don't matter to them, I guess.
We have turkey and canned veggies for dinner. I'm happy with that. Mother sits me down and apologizes for not having a proper Christmas. I tell her not to worry. As long as She and Clancy are okay, I'm okay.
The explosions in the sky are becoming louder and louder. At one point, the ground shuddered as something crashed nearby. I went to go look out of the backyard window where Clancy and I have a study and found that a portion of the valley was smoldering.
I wonder what I would've gotten if things were normal. What would I be doing now?
All I know is that this Christmas S-U-C-K-S!
...
31 December , HG 75
No buts about it, Mother wants us sleeping in the basement now because last night, someone was trying to break into our garage. Clancy beat them back with his hockey stick. I dislike the basement because it's far too cramped and as much as I love my family, I enjoy having my own space.
In regards to the desperate man, Clancy says that he must've squandered all his food already. I asked him how, but he doesn't know. If we could downsize our meals, then that desperate man could as well. It's quite sad that people are resorting to robbery.
The fighting drags on. Gunfire now joins the sires and bombs exploding in the sky. Where is father while all this is going on, I haven't got a clue.
New Year's are almost here. With all this stuff going on, I wonder what it has in stored for us.
...
5 January, 2139 (HG 76?)
Mother and I were having a conversation. What if there were no more Hunger Games? Because the Games were so important, and how the First Rebellion was so catastrophic, President Ravinstill thought it would be appropriate to make it so that the year surrounds the Games. Mother says that the year would be 2139. She says we still use it, but because of the Games it only makes sense to make the year surround it. I think that's interesting.
I found out the hard way that the water was shut off. I'm glad it was just pee. Now we have to go outside or boil snow to use as water to flush. Thank Panem it still snows regularly so we have water to boil to bathe. I still find this new way of living to be very gross.
I feel scared for Peony. She seems so distant despite my attempts to play cards with her or talk about her home or how she's feeling. She constantly stares out the window as if she were waiting for someone. I'm not sure what to do.
...
15 January, 2139 (HG 76)
A hovercraft crashed into the Emhoff's house in the middle of the cul-de-sac this morning around 5. It was a District 13 hovercraft, judging by one of the wings that broke apart and stuck itself into the grass island in the middle of the circle. It was burning badly. With the water pressure turned off, all we could do was watch it burn. There was absolutely nothing anyone could do to try and go inside and see if someone was hurt. There was no screaming from what I remember. All we could do was watch in awe as the house went up. We can't call the fire department or the Peacekeepers because the lines are dead.
The Emhoff's were pretty rich. Mr. Emhoff works for the city, so maybe he had a house in the City Circle? I don't recall seeing their car in the driveway. At least I saw Dawn and got to hold her hand, which made the Emhoff's house situation feel somewhat better. Also, she's doing okay! And that makes me very happy.
Tonight though, the power came on recently if only for a few minutes. The holovision displayed a map showcasing the Capitol City Region and the surrounding districts, which are 1, 9 and 2. The entire area is green with some red inside the city and parts of District 1 and most of District 9.
Clancy says that the Rebels in the Capitol can be trapped if we 'encircle' them, whatever that means. I hope they do that.
...
I awake from my sleep, lurching upward from my sleeping bag. A quick glance to my left and right allows me to see Clancy and Mother fast asleep. Kat stretches out at my feet.
I rub my eyes and allow them to adjust, looking out to the blue night sky through our basement's egress window. I decide I'm thirsty, slipping on my glasses as I ease from out of my sleeping bag and patter across the hardwood floor up the stars to the ground floor. Even though I'm inside my own home, coming up here at night felt like going outside. I can't help but fasten my robe against my body, stand still and just listen for anything amiss. I hear the rumble of anti-air cannon fire, but nothing immediate like a burglar. Satisfied that everything is okay, I scamper across the floor, unlatch the screen door and step out into the cool air.
I watch in awe as the sky is alight like the fifteenth of August. Faintly, I can see lights erupting from the mountains as they circle the sky above. You could see the streaks of yellow bursting from the anti-air cannons before you hear them and when you do hear them, they crackle terribly. I can't help but wonder if Father is commanding one of those cannons, too busy to tell us he's alright.
My thoughts are suddenly halted when I hear a loud noise from our shed. Gasping, I watch as the double doors swing open to reveal Peony wearing one of our winter coats.
In one of her hands, she holds a knife. In the other hand is a full knapsack.
When she sees me watching her, Peony gasps as well, eyeing me with surprise. That look quickly changes into that same, grumpy expression that she often has ever since we got her from the store. For what feels like eons, we stare at each other until Peony slips the bag over her back and begins to leave.
"Peony, wait!" I cry, just before she disappears to the side of the house towards the backyard gate.
Peony blinks.
"Why?" I ask as tears sting at my eyes. Why would someone leave the safety of their home to go wander the Capitol - a battlefield?
She fixes me a look, a look that I would give Adrian Coulter from time to time. I must be a dullard in her eyes. She points angrily towards the mountains where the battle continues to rage on. She is a Rebel after all. And who knows, they might end up winning this War after all. Why not join the winning side while they're here?
"Stay here." I reply, my voice firm as I make my way closer to her with a hand outstretched. "...Please?"
My heart burns when she shrugs past me, making her way towards the gate as she unlatches it and closes it back without even looking at me for the last time. It was as if the weeks of trying to make her comfortable - like part of the family - meant nothing to her at all. I stand there for what feels like hours before returning inside.
In the morning, when Mother wonders angrily where Peony went, I say nothing.