Hi everyone! My apologies for not being able to update you for the past week. Work caught me up and had to attend to a lot of things. In addition, I kind of had to change some details in the story outline of this fanfiction which took time for me to do as well. Anyway, I hope you're still enjoying this story. Please do leave your reviews, comments, and suggestions. I love reading them all and they inspire me to continue writing this story.

Standard disclaimer applies.

a. Hajime Isayama is the creator of Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan

b. The character, Arisa, is my creation.

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 4: Living For - Dying For

"We're going to do 3DMG and blades training today," Miche announced to the group of new recruits from the Cadet Corps. "As you all know, this will be your lifeline when we go outside the walls. Aside from speed, agility and presence of mind are very important, especially when you're surrounded by a swarm of titans."

"Watch this." He pulled out his blade and pressed the trigger on the handgrips as he aimed for the nearest wall. As he reeled, he did a backflip to avoid the makeshift titan and slashed the sack on its nape. All the soldiers were clapping at Miche's unbelievable performance.

Unbeknown to them, a woman hiding behind the pillars was watching them with eyes full of wonder.

"Wow! I haven't seen anything like this before. Amazing!" Arisa whispered to herself.

She tiptoed and craned her neck to see the training in full action.

Suddenly, a voice called and said,

"Oi, what are you doing?"

Arisa looked to her left and saw those grim and grey eyes observing her closely.

He was crossing his arms and was leaning towards her.

Captain.

Surprised, she jolted and stepped back immediately, however, she took a wrong step and lost her balance. Arisa was about to trip, when a pair of strong arms caught her. She held on Levi for support, which made her chest come in contact with the young captain's arms. Levi felt awkward and immediately released her body, which made her fall on the floor.

"Ow!" Arisa shouted as she massaged her behind. "What did you do that for?!"

"Spying on us, are you?" Levi said while fixing his sleeves and jacket. He caught sight of her bare feet.

"Tch." Levi grunted in disgust.

Perv. She thought, thinking that the captain at her lady parts.

"While you're at it, at least wear some boots. Even germs can die on those feet."

Arisa straightened herself. She looked at him straight in the eyes.

What is wrong with this man? I can't believe he was the one who saved me.

"I was just looking around." Arisa countered and moved closer to him trying to irritate him some more. Levi stepped back. He was obviously trying to avoid her and Arisa knew this so she stepped closer in her effort to intimidate him.

"Also, Section Commander Hange said I should feel at home." She added trying to use the higher-ranking officer card. However, Levi raised an eyebrow.

"So you think I'd be scared because Hange allowed you to stroll around like this is some kind of a park?" Levi smirked.

Arisa stared at him mockingly and smiled. "Yes."

"Then be something of use to your 'home'. Start helping out in cleaning." Levi crossed his arms and looked at her from head to toe. "But before anything else, start with yourself. You stink." He pinched his nose and walked away.

Arisa glared at Levi with disdain. She clenched her fist and wanted to pounce this midget.

Wow, for a small guy you sure have a lot of…mean things to say! I want to punch that…face.

Arisa was about to make a comeback statement when she heard footsteps rushing in.

"Arisa!"

Hange came in running, donned in her white lab coat. She was huffing and clutching her chest when she approached them. "I've been looking all over the castle for you! It's time for the tests."

She was fixated on her new experiment, that she noticed Levi shortly after. "Oh, Levi, you're here." Confused, she looked back and forth at the two. "Anything I missed?"

"Give that woman a bath before letting her wander around."

"Thanks for the suggestion, Levi!" Hange shouted while waving his hand. She then whispered to Arisa, "Don't mind that clean freak. To let you in on a secret, I am not much of a bath person myself, haha! Come!" Hange led her to the opposite hall.

As Hange was dragging her to the dungeon, Arisa had a feeling that she was being watched. She looked back and saw no one. She shrugged it off and followed Hange.

"Why is he like that?" Arisa asked as they walked down the cobbled stairs leading to the dungeon.

Hange who was lighting the lamp looked at her questioningly. "Who?"

"Captain Levi. He's prickly."

"That's his normal state. It's just how he is."

"Does he regret saving me? He's irking me so much."

"No, I highly doubt it. Levi's used to doing dangerous missions." Hange chuckled.

"Then why does he act like that?" Arisa tried to find the right words to describe him. "He's just so…cold."

"Just ignore him. He's okay sometimes. He just has his moments. He's been through a lot too you know."

"Oh. I didn't know. What happened to him?"

"Hmmm…in a nutshell, he was recruited from the Underground City. So he's lived a very hell-ish kind of life…and to top it all off, his friends died in a scout mission not too long ago. They were eaten by titans."

Arisa's jaw dropped. She surprised by the information Hange revealed. She imagined how Levi must have undergone when he lived in the underground and lost his loved ones on a mission on the surface, outside the walls. She too lived in the underground for years and lost her father as well. If anyone can understand him best, it should be her.

I guess each one of us has a story to tell as to how we lived in this cruel world.

"He might be vulgar and stern, but he's a really good person. Just give it time. He'll rub off you." Hange smiled as she opened the door leading to her research room.

Arisa shrugged.

It's either she's just good-natured or I am not seeing the true Levi. She thought.

Hange's experiment room was full of odd equipment. On the far end of the room adjacent to the door was a humongous table scattered with piles of books, stacks of papers, and scattered quills and jars of ink with open lids. At the middle of the table was what looked like a magnifying glass that can see the littlest of things. Arisa was intrigued by the size of the table though – it was too big that a human corpse could lie on it. Arisa smiled as remembered her time with her dad in his study room. Maybe that's why she was fond of Hange, coz she vaguely reminded her of her dad.

She proceeded to the right side of the room and saw a dusty bookshelf with different books and scrolls. While on the left side, there were bottles full of different specimens lined up on layers of shelves. She was fascinated with the jars and took a closer look. She tapped on one of the glass bottles and an eye swirled facing her. Arisa gasped. She noticed that inside these bottles were different preserved body parts and organs of titans…and probably, humans.

Arisa gulped, her smile leaving her face. She took a glimpse at Hange who was fixing the chains on the chair. She was sneering while blushing – as if her face illuminated by the lamp wasn't scary enough. Arisa felt goosebumps all over.

"Hange, what exactly do you do here?" Arisa croaked. She suddenly felt that the air turned mildly colder than it was minutes before.

"I've done numerous operations…and dissection of body parts," Hange said with delight.

"I assume titan parts?" Arisa said trying to hide the fear in her voice.

"Hange tapped her pointer finger on her chin and looked up, thinking, "Most of it, yes."

Arisa instinctively wanted to run and hide. She didn't want to become an experiment subject, however, Hange went to her and held both her hands as if reading her mind.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you." Hange smiled reassuringly. "We just want to know the truth." The glimmer in her eyes was unmistakable – oddly similar to her dad whenever he engages in experiments and research.

Well, she has been the kindest to me here, and she makes sure I'm taken care of. So, why not…right?

Arisa sighed with an unsure look on her face. "Okay. I trust you, Commander Hange. I also want to know the truth."

Hange nodded and guided Arisa to the chair. "Sit down here, please." She pointed at the chains, "You have to understand that I have put you in chains. Since the nature of your abilities is unknown, we must make sure that we're safe. You know, safety protocols."

Arisa slowly nodded. "I guess I have no other choice but to trust you with my life."

All of a sudden, Levi's empty and cold grey eyes and grim face appeared in her mind. Just thinking about him made her blood boil.

"And if I die, I just have one request. Kindly punch Captain Levi on the face." She added.

Hange laugh, "Sure will. I got you on that." She cuffed Arisa on both hands and feet. "How's that? Comfortable?"

The cuffs were firm on her skin, just right to keep her steady. "Should it be comfortable?"

Hange laughed. "Well, I'm just trying to keep the tension at bay."

Hange went to her cabinet of instruments, which Arisa missed earlier as she was preoccupied with the other oddities in the room. Shortly, Hange came back with a needle connected to a small glass container in her hand.

"Can I take a blood sample? I need to study the components of your blood which could probably help me identify the irregularities that made you, you."

"You mean what made my blood abnormal." Arisa clarified.

"Yes, so to speak. Ready?" Hange carefully positioned the needle on her arm and tapped her skin. She slowly inserted a needle into her skin. Arisa closed her eyes as she felt the subtle pain. After a while, Hange took the needle out and inserted another one.

"Great! I have two samples. I'll update you with whatever discovery I found." Hange said as she examined the blood inside the tubes. She sprightly went to her cupboard and kept the blood samples.

"Now, for the next part, I need to check your vital signs such as heartbeat, pulse rate and do some senses check and endurance tests…oh, and pain tolerance." She added and finished off with a clap.

"Are you sure I can make it alive at the end of the day?" Arisa joked.

"Of course! Or else, Commander Erwin would order Levi to chop my head off and end up in one of those glass bottles."

"Commander Erwin is the man with blonde hair and blue eyes, right?" Arisa asked.

"Yup! The best Survey Corps commander if you ask me."

"And why is that?"

"He allows me to do titan research, which not one of his predecessors ever did nor focused on. I mean, what's surveying and scouting for – just killing titans and looking for more bases to conquer? Boring! Pfft."

"What made you interested in them? In titans, I mean." Arisa asked as Hange got an apparatus and placed it on her chest.

"I used to believe that they're just monsters creating chaos – lifeless bastards, you know? But then, I realized, where did they come from? Why do they exist? I mean there's more to them than actually just eating humans…and they don't even have the means to defecate so why do they enjoy eating humans then?"

Hange continued, as if talking to herself, "…and so I want to contribute and write books about titans and prove that they're not really monsters like what we were made to believe. I'm pretty sure there's more to their existence...and that is my life's work."

Arisa was amazed by Hange's eagerness and resolve. Her thirst for knowledge and curiosity drives her to move forward in life.

She then thought about herself. Now that she's out and free, what will she do with her newfound freedom – lock herself up in the comfort of knowing that she is safe and protected or endanger her life out there, like Hange, and make sense of what it is to actually live?

Arisa suddenly heard her father's voice.

You're a gift.

"No.." Arisa murmured.

I'm so fed up with being a gift.

Hange paused, "Excuse me? You said something, Arisa?"

Arisa shook her head, "Oh no. I was just talking to myself." Hange eyed her suspiciously but then decided to let it go.

"So, what exactly do the scouts do aside from looking for bases and titan research? What's so special about this regiment?" Arisa asked.

"Well, I would like to say we're the best and the brightest. No bias, of course." Hange winked.

Arisa giggled.

"We're the most adept to the 3DMG," Hange explained. Seeing Arisa's puzzled look, she described it further, "Three-dimensional mobility gear. So we could 'fly' around by hanging on to trees."

"That's brilliant! Like you have wings!" Arisa exclaimed, reminding her of the Wings of Freedom insignia on their cloaks.

"More like swinging on strings." Hange corrected.

"Oh, and we're the most experienced when it comes to handling titans – be it in battle or research."

"…so it means, you guys are going around and exploring the world outside the walls?" Arisa asked, astonished with the new information she learned about the people who took her in.

"Yes, it has perks, but mostly perils." Hange looked down, "More often than not, there are casualties every expedition outside the walls."

Arisa noticed her eyes became glassy but she tried to smile. Hange was reminded about her countless experience as the scouts parade the town like the standard-bearer of humanity but come back with fewer members, every time.

Hange shook her head and smiled, "But this is what we do. We devote our hearts." She placed her right arm on the left side of her chest, with clenched fists.

Arisa observed Hange as she removed the cuffs on her hands and feet, and proceeded to the table where she was writing down the results of her tests.

This woman is doing her best for humanity's cause – the thirst for knowledge and truth. She's found her purpose and is willing to risk everything to achieve it - all these people are. They live selflessly and devote their hearts. They're truly free…not just because they're able to go outside the walls, but because they're ready to face death for humanity's sake – devoid of any material things and transcends life itself. Arisa thought.

The hope of mankind.

"I don't want to be a gift," Arisa said.

"Hmm?" Hange asked, half-listening as she was still focused on writing.

Arisa turned to Hange, "I want to be part of the Survey Corps."

For a moment, Hange paused. She shook her head in disbelief and placed her quill down. "What made you decide that you want to join us?"

"I don't want to be a gift anymore. I want to be part of a greater cause. I want to be the hope of mankind, like you. I want to have a purpose, to yearn and look forward to something. I want to prove that I'm not just a mere 'healer', that my life means more than what it is."

Hange laughed. "Do you know what you're talking about? You're joking, right?"

Arisa shook her head, "I want to devote my heart too."

Hange smile turned grim. Her face serious, "Well, let me tell you this. You don't know what you're talking about. Your life will be at stake every time you go outside the walls. Death is almost certain every time we leave."

"I know how cruel this world is. And I well know that I'm nowhere safe – not even inside the Walls."

Arisa's memories of being sold to people like some kind of livestock flashed before her eyes. For most of her life until a few days ago, she became a commodity.

Arisa clenched her fist, "Probably even more so."

"This is serious, Arisa. This is not something that you can turn your back from." Hange said, trying to make some sense.

"My whole life, I was made to believe that I was a gift. I thought that was my purpose…that my existence relied on my ability to heal. But does my existence entail being used by people for their own selfish desires? Tell me, Hange. Is that how pathetic my life has to become?" Tears were streaming down her eyes as she spoke of the truth she has been keeping for years on end.

Arisa stared at her bandaged hands and stared at it with loathing, "Is this all I could do? Do I even get to choose the life I want?"

Or is it predetermined like what my papa instilled in me?

Hange placed her hand on her head as if nursing a headache. "Our meeting tonight might take longer than expected."

Arisa gazed at her with tears in her eyes, as she didn't quite understand what she just said. "Huh?"

Hange sighed, "All right. I'll tell Erwin about this, but I cannot promise that he will agree to it. Personally, I'm torn. I don't want my test subject to die out there. But as a soldier, I'm glad you found your resolve."

Arisa jumped from the chair and hugged Hange who was shocked with the gesture, "Thank you!"

Hange blushed and placed her hands on Arisa's shoulders, "Let's try to work it out."

She scrunched up her nose, "And Levi has a point…you need to take a bath."

Arisa giggled, "Back at you."

"No." Erwin stood up and faced the window. "Whatever gives her an idea to be a soldier? She's in grave danger, as we speak. I got news that those noblemen have been looking for her. It would only take time for the government to cave in and warrant an arrest to claim her."

"But it's her life. Does she even get to…"

"Our mission is to protect her and unveil the truth about her abilities. I take that's what I assigned you to do, Hange."

"I know but…" Hange gulped, trying to swallow the reality. Just then, Arisa's words struck her.

Is this all I could do? Do I even get to choose the life I want?

She clenched her first and pounded the table.

"Why can't she decide for herself?" She looked at Erwin straight in the eyes, trying to prove her point. "Like you said, how sure are we that she is safe here? How can we unveil the truth if we just keep her locked up?"

Levi, who was silent all the while, spoke. "Venturing out there is terrible. Once you see and experience it, there's no turning back."

Hange sighed. With Erwin and Levi's words, there's no way she can reason out with them.

"However, it doesn't mean life here inside the walls is better." He gave a knowing look at Hange, which made the latter surprised and confused, at the same time.

"The least we could do is give everyone the choice how they want to live or die. For the people here, they chose to die the scouts' way, to devote their hearts or whatever. Why can't the woman do the same?"

"It's actually a smart move to bring her out there so people won't suspect we're hiding something," Levi added.

"Levi!" Hange said, wanting to hug him. For the first time in forever, he agreed with her.

"Tch." Levi looked away. "Don't think I'm doing it for her. It's just the most rational way to solve this problem."

Erwin sat back down and placed both hands on his head. "You both make sense. But I don't want her to be a liability."

"She will always be a liability," Levi replied. "Best to turn her into an asset."

Erwin looked at Levi, "But it takes years of training to be a full-fledged scout member. And I highly doubt she took any training prior."

Miche raised his hand and spoke, "I can train her. She has to work on it double – no – triple time though. She has to catch up if she wants to survive our expeditions."

Erwin closed his eyes, and rub his head as he was mulling over the decision. After a while, he opened his eyes with renewed vigor.

"We all have our assignments to ensure her safety. Proceed with our mission and make sure she can defend herself. Hange, you'll still do your regular experiments on her. I want regular updates on this."

Hange saluted. "Yes, sir!"

Erwin turned to Miche, "Miche, you are in charge of Arisa's training. Make sure she does all the necessary training on 3DMG, blade use, and self-defense."

Miche nodded.

"As for you, Captain," Erwin looked at Levi's direction, "I will assign you as her protector. You must ensure her safety at all costs, inside and outside the walls. And you are the only one I can trust when it comes to government matters. You know how they don't approve of you. I figured it's best to balance it out – you and the government not seeing each other eye to eye. We can use it as our advantage. Can you do it?"

That woman? I'd risk my life again for that woman? Levi thought, but his answer didn't quite reflect his thoughts about it.

"Why ask? You can just tell me what to do."

Erwin gave him a ghost of a smile. "Let's call this a day." Everybody stood up, took their paperwork, and proceeded to the door.

"Levi, can I talk to you for a second?" Erwin called.

"Hmm?" Levi turned back and leaned against the door.

It took time for Erwin to talk as he sat back down, eyes fixated at the table, deep in thoughts.

"Why are you still with us?" Erwin asked. His blue eyes met the captain's grey ones.

Levi was silent. It was one of those questions he didn't really bother thinking about.

Flashes of Isabel, Furlan, and countless comrades evaded his mind.

I chose to be here – to avenge their deaths.

Is it?

"Do I have to have a reason?" he finally said.

"People have reasons, they always do. Reasons that affect their choices and actions." Erwin gazed at Levi trying to read his actions.

Levi knew that even if he kills all the titans in the world, nothing could bring back his friends and comrades. And truth be told, even he doesn't know the direction he's going - more so, the point of everything.

Deep inside, he knew he was aimlessly doing what he got to do. What he's ordered to do.

Erwin stood up and went to Levi. "Find out what you live for and what's worth dying for. Do you think avenging deaths with another death is the answer?"

Levi just looked away trying to dodge the question.

Erwin continued, "Choose your death wisely. We only die once."

He tapped the captain's shoulder and left the room, leaving Levi lost in his thoughts.

So, what do you think? I decided to focus on the part wherein Levi still cannot get over the death of Isabel and Furlan, even if Erwin told him not to look back anymore. I mean, even if he's Humanity's Strongest, he still feels the loss of his friends, of his family. Plus, I don't think he grieved properly after their death. He kind of just pushed these thoughts back in his brain, but it resurfaces and affects his decisions often.

Let me know your thoughts :)