Suggested listening is 'Failure' by Breaking Benjamin. Beta love as usual to the lovely Misdemeanor1331x3

The first week of lessons passed quicker than Draco had anticipated. He found himself yearning for the weekend, distracted at moments during the days and lost within himself at night until he drifted into a fitful sleep. The nervousness that overwhelmed him every day lessened a bit, as most of his classmates didn't deem him worthy of attention except for a few scathing remarks he'd adamantly ignored. Shacklebolt had assured him if he stepped a toe out of line this year that he would pay dearly. Draco was doing his best to show up to classes early, overcompensate for his lack of attention in most lessons by studying every night, and sticking to his tried-and-true Slytherin friends.

He hadn't consumed a lick of Firewhisky since the night before his return to Hogwarts. There was plenty to keep him busy. However, he longed for the blurry edges and false warmth he knew waited patiently for him in liquid form. And he couldn't resist it for long.

Draco had already begun drinking as he made his way to the Black Lake that first Friday of term. A silver flask with a dragon engraved on the front was held in his grasp. He sipped on it absently, enjoying the burn and rush of warmth. Theo trailed behind him, complaining about the mass amount of homework they had to complete for Muggle Studies. Every so often, he stole a nip from Draco's flask.

Professor Weasley was positively jubilant in his position, his excitement almost infectious. The red-headed man flounced about, teaching them everything from Muggle medicine and technology to creations that didn't really seem to have a sensical purpose. Although, without magic Muggles surely had to find some way to make things happen. Draco supposed things that didn't make much sense for him could be vital to them.

The students had a few popular Muggle books as assigned reading that were to be completed by the end of first term. Thirty-inch reports were expected on each, explaining what they took from the literature and what their personal opinion on it was. Their first mandatory read was a play from a bloke named Arthur Miller titled The Crucible . It was about the Muggle witch trials in America in the late 1600s. Even the Wizarding World had some knowledge about those. Professor Weasley apparently thought it would get people in the mood for Muggle theatre, as he was hosting a new activity this year. He had announced at the end of their first class that there was to be a full production this winter. The show would be the last evening before the winter hols, and participation was voluntary.

Thank Merlin for small mercies. The class itself was required of every student from this year forward. The idea was that if wizards and witches felt more understanding and empathy towards Muggles, maybe that would prevent a Third Wizarding War.

Draco was pulled from his reverie, only half-listening to Theo when they arrived at the usual Slytherin spot by the Black Lake. It was quite some distance from the castle, but they had been caught before. The beginning of the year usually yielded mild patrolling of the grounds, but one could never be too careful. They both had shrunken brooms tucked safely in their pockets, a silent and clever getaway should anyone unexpected come across the evening's festivities. It was something the two of them always did. If a professor caught them, anyone on foot would be the easier target.

"Theo! Draco! Nice of you to finally join us!" Blaise strode over to the two men, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders.

"Excuse us for completing our bloody homework. Some of us have more things on our minds than chasing broads!" Theo smiled, ruffling Blaise's dark hair in jest. Laughing, the boys all detached from each other and made their way to the rest of the group.

Pansy and Daphne lounged on a blanket with goblets in their hands, chatting. They each spared a glance or a wave for the new arrivals, then turned back to each other.

Realizing he and Theo had drained his flask, Draco tucked it into his trouser pocket. "Anyone got any Firewhisky?"

Blaise smirked, going over to the giggling girls and snatching the neck of a bottle that sat between them. Draco and Theo trailed behind him, eagerly reaching for the alcohol. The boys seated themselves in the grass, passing the bottle around until everyone's goblet was full to their liking.

Draco filled his flask, taking a few mouthfuls of the fiery drink. Then he topped it back off and handed it back to Blaise.

After a little while, everyone had started to feel loose. The air was warm and breezy under a clear sky with a full moon. It could not have been better weather to kick off the first party of the year.

The blond wizard's internal circumstances had been mostly under control all week. Draco had resolutely kept the climate mild and snowy, and the waters calm. A few times he had lost control. A storm would rage or the wind would howl indignantly as if lashing out at him for tamping its intensity down.

Currently, there was no precipitation, and his mind mirrored the real night sky almost exactly. With the exception of some fluffy clouds and the reflection of the moon on the peaceful Occlumency sea rather than the Black Lake.

It felt nice to be surrounded by laughter and friends once more. Draco felt a little silly for avoiding them after he'd been released from prison. He should have known that their friendships weren't that superficial or so easily forgotten.

The whisky flooded his senses, pleasantly blurring the edges of his vision. The girls' tittering voices were louder than before, and the light conversation flowed between them all effortlessly.

Daphne rose gracefully to her feet, but stumbled on one of the blankets and fell directly into Blaise's lap. Neither seemed put out by that, the blonde's arms immediately going around the man's neck as he locked his around her waist.

Theo met Draco's gaze. The two grinned and rolled their eyes at the same time before bumping goblet and flask together. They'd just begun a conversation about the following weekend's Hogsmeade trip when a soft voice called out from beside them.

"Hi."

Every head whipped in the direction of the interruption, the ambient chatter quieting. Callum stood to the side of their gathering, gazing awkwardly at them with his hands shoved into his trouser pockets. His eyes shifted a bit, reflecting the nervousness he must have felt inside.

Blaise slid Daphne off his lap, pursing his lips in a mock kiss in her direction before rising to his feet with a clap of his hands. "Callum! What do you know, just the man I've been waiting to see!" Blaise bounded over to the younger boy, pulling a face. With a wave of his wand, an image of a clock with hands pointing to seven past ten appeared. "You're late, my friend. I thought I told you to be here at ten."

Callum's hazel eyes nearly bugged out of his skull, then dropped to gaze helplessly at the ground. He opened his mouth but seemed unable to form a verbal response to that. Blaise let him squirm for a moment before breaking the tension with a shrug that suggested more indifference than his tone.

"When I say be here at ten, you be here at ten, okay? Think you can remember that next time?" Blaise grinned wickedly when Callum only nodded sheepishly in return, taking a sudden step in the boys' direction to make him jump. After getting the reaction he wanted, Blaise chortled loudly and turned back towards his friends, heading to the lake with the girls following in his wake. Daphne hopped onto Blaise's back, snickering and locking her arms around his shoulders.

As Blaise passed Draco and Theo, he rolled his eyes and sniggered, "If there is a next time."

Draco and Theo looked at each other, then at Callum. He wore the contrite expression of a kicked puppy and asked, "Is he always like that?"

Theo grinned at him in reassurance, the friendliest of them all. "Always."

Draco lifted a corner of his mouth, which was about as close to reassuring as he was capable of being, and tipped his head in the direction Blaise had gone. Callum got the message, and soon they were all at the edge of the Black Lake.

The lake before them was pitch black and deep, the beach and shallow end of the water off in the distance. In front of them, levitated steadily about twenty-five yards in the air was a platform. It wasn't anything fancy, some wood charmed to stick together to make a flat surface. In the warm weather, students dove from the platform as it floated on the surface. Draco found it highly unlikely that Blaise would have gone through the effort to make such a thing to pull a prank on the underclassman.

"Okay, here's the deal. You have to jump from up there..." Blaise pointed to the top of the platform, before gesturing lower at the shining water. "Into there. And that's it. Then you're one of us! You ready?"

"How am I supposed to get up there?" Callum questioned.

With another boisterous laugh, Blaise flourished his wand. A rope ladder appeared before them, just off the lip of land they were currently standing on. He gave a whoop, readjusted Daphne on his back, and walked a few feet to the side to get a better view of the top.

Callum all but audibly gulped, his jaw dropping as he stared up at the platform with skeptical eyes. Draco took pity on the boy. He didn't really understand why Blaise was doing this, but it seemed innocuous enough. He'd told Draco earlier in the week to act like he was going to jump at the same time, but to fake the kid out and stay on the platform. Blaise had said he'd perform a Cushioning Charm so Callum wouldn't get hurt, and that would be the end of it. Callum, of course, didn't know about the Cushioning Charm. Clearly, Blaise got off on the idea of the kid bending to his will to be part of the inner circle.

Draco was just relieved to be a part of the group. He'd spent all summer fearing being a total outcast, so if he had to go along with some dumb prank Blaise dreamed up, then so be it. He couldn't help but feel bad for Callum, though. He stepped closer and pressed his flask into Callum's palm.

"Piece of cake, mate. Hell, I'm jumping with you."

The mousy-haired boy seemed genuinely surprised at this, his eyebrows shooting up as he reflexively took a sip of the burning liquid. With a small cough, Callum scanned the distance between the platform and the surface. "How far of a jump is that?"

Draco glanced in the same direction, taking the flask back and draining half of its contents. Feeling looser than he had in months but eager to get a move on and get this prank over with, Draco shrugged and smirked at Callum. "No clue. Let's go find out."

After a few seconds, Callum nodded determinedly. He handed Theo his wand and hoisted himself onto the ladder to begin the climb up the rungs. Draco did the same, following close behind.

As they got close to the top, the other Slytherins watching from the shore whooped and cheered as the anticipation built. Callum pulled himself onto the platform. Draco immediately joined him, and they stood side by side, gazing down at the shimmering water.

If he hadn't been flying for most of his life, Draco thought this height probably would have been terrifying. He couldn't recall ever seeing Callum fly, but that could have just been because of the wonderful Firewhisky buzz and his previous lack of attention to the boy.

"Um… You've done this before?" Callum asked, his voice quivering slightly. His eyes rose from the water to meet Draco's, filled with apprehension and a lot of fear.

"Yeah. We all have." The lie came easy enough. Draco felt a tiny twinge of guilt when the boy's face softened, seeming to believe him and find some relief in his untruthful words. It was all a harmless prank, so what did it matter? "On three, alright? One...Two...Three!"

Both wizards moved forward, but at the last moment Draco hung back and kept his feet planted.

Callum launched himself off the platform, plummeting down towards the water. Blaise and Theo cheered loudly as he jumped. Draco chuckled to himself a bit. He supposed he could see the humor in this, and when it was over they'd all have a good laugh and another drink.

In a matter of seconds, the boy belly-flopped onto the surface with giant ripples of water and a resounding crack.

It took Draco only an extra moment to realize that Blaise never cast the Cushioning Charm. Callum's limp body drifted back up, floating and motionless.

Everything was dead silent at first. Then, the girls started screaming. Theo shouted unintelligibly up to the platform where Draco still stood, frozen.

Cold dread cut through his whisky haze, whipping his mindscape into sharp sleet that pierced into the restless waves in his Occlumency sea. Draco struggled to fight through it and snap to attention, attempting to quickly think what to do. He reached for his wand to cast a Cushioning Charm on himself so he could dive down to get to Callum, only to realize he'd given it to Theo before he'd climbed the ladder.

The blond man didn't allow himself to think too hard before acting, lest he back out. He bellowed to Theo, directing his longest friend to cast the Charm and trusting that he'd do so. With a running start, Draco leapt off the platform and dove down into the lake.

The water was freezing despite the tepid autumn air, the cold immediately sinking into his bones. Draco allowed himself a single moment of selfishness as he swam towards the surface, lamenting the loss of that comforting hum of the whisky he'd been missing for what felt like ages. His head still felt a little fuzzy, but every speck of warmth he'd gained that night had vanished.

As soon as he broke through, Draco shook off that current of thought and sprang into action. He vaguely heard Pansy and Daphne screeching about how the boy was hurt and Blaise was an idiot, but he couldn't stop to focus on any of that.

Draco swam as fast as he could, shaking his wet hair from his eyes and gliding through the water until he came to Callum's side. Draco flipped the boy gently onto his back, surveying his front to assess the damage. His eyes were closed, but his chest was rising and falling. Thank Merlin, the boy was alive!

"Is he dead? Is he dead?!"

"What do we do?"

"Get him out of the water!"

Too busy to answer his friends' panicked questions, Draco wrapped an arm around Callum's chest and kicked as powerfully as he could to propel their bodies towards land. It was hard, holding up another person and keeping both of their heads above the water. He only had one arm to help with momentum, and it took longer than he would've liked to reach land.

When they were close enough, Theo reached down to grab the unconscious boy's shoulders. Blaise scrambled over to help, his movements not as gentle as they should have been in his panic.

"Watch his head!" Theo scolded, trying to support Callum's head and neck as much as he could. Between them, the older Slytherin boys managed to get Callum out of the water and onto the bank.

After laying Callum out on the ground, Theo turned to quickly hoist Draco out of the lake. The girls were in tears, while Blaise leaned over Callum and inspected the damage.

Chest heaving and head spinning, Draco lurched forward and fell to his knees next to Callum, Blaise, and Theo. Theo was attempting to Rennervate Callum, but it didn't seem to be working.

Draco caught his breath, preparing to suggest they head back to the castle to see what their options were.

As fate would have it, small lights appeared in the distance headed towards their location.

Pansy, Daphne, and Blaise were still panicking but ultimately were more worried about their own hides. The three of them saw the flickers, looked at the three boys on the ground, and turned in the opposite direction of the approaching lights.

"Come on, Draco! Theo! Let's go!" Blaise grabbed Daphne's wrist and tugged her away from the horrific scene. "Come on, forget about him!"

"Draco! You're mad!" Pansy cried, her hand pressed to her chest. Nevertheless, she walked backward to keep up with the other two.

No doubt those lights were attached to a professor. Not only were they outside past curfew, they'd all just participated in something that had endangered a student's life. The extent of the damage to Callum still wasn't clear, either. What if he was brain dead? What if his spine was broken? What if something else was damaged that magic couldn't heal?

And Draco was on thin ice as it was. One wrong step and he'd end up back in Azkaban.

That hadn't taken long, had it?

Silver eyes scanned the boy, searching for obvious wounds as fast as he could. Blood dripped from Callum's nose, and a big gash split his forehead, sheeting blood down his face and upper chest. Draco couldn't tell if the blood was all from his nose and head or other wounds. He looked up and met Theo's anxious gaze.

"Go! Get out of here!" Draco hissed, shoving Theo's shoulder for good measure.

Theo hadn't done anything wrong. He'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn't deserve to go down for this.

Draco hadn't planned to either, but he had been on that platform and encouraged Callum to jump. Guilty. Doomed. Damned, as usual.

Something akin to despair trickled through him, whipping his mind's winds and waves into a frenzy. He shoved Theo's shoulder again, grabbing his thestral wingspine wand from his friend's hand and turning back to the unconscious boy.

"Shite! Be careful, Draco!" Theo whispered in dismay. Then he turned and followed the others towards the sanctuary of the Forbidden Forest.

Tugging a shaking hand through his sodden platinum hair, Draco stared down at the mess before him. His heart thudded painfully in his chest, and his vision was a little blurry from the mix of alcohol and breathless, adrenaline-fueled fear. Dropping his hand, he reached forward and turned Callum's head as gently as he could so that he could get a better look at the boy's face.

Callum opened his eyes and started breathing heavily, confusion and pain radiating from him in waves. An agonized moan left his slightly blue lips.

Relief burst inside Draco. He cupped his fingers around the younger man's cheek, trying to reassure him that he was just fine while also fighting to get a grip on his own raging emotions.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. You're okay, you're alright."

Draco tried. He'd done the noble thing and saved the kid. He'd helped him as much as he could. He could stay here with him and wait for those lights that were getting bigger and bigger by the moment to arrive, and the professors with them. He could stay, and make sure the kid got help and was found.

Or, he could take off on the shrunken broom in his pocket and have a chance at getting out of this without getting expelled, imprisoned, or exiled for good.

The panic won.

He'd truly tried.

And now, he had to save himself.

Draco ignored the pulse of self-disgust he felt as he rose to his feet and took off. He was too busy frantically trying to salvage this unbelievably fucked up situation. If he got out of this without getting thrown back into prison, it would be a miracle.

He ripped the shrunken broom from his pocket and enlarged it to normal size, hopping on as quickly as possible and kicking off from the ground. He flew as fast as he could, hoping the night's darkness would disguise him and help him get away. His hands still shook as they gripped the broom's hardwood handle, his heart thudding away inside of him, raging alongside the storm in his mind. Angry, grey waters and sheets of freezing rain made him want to ice over and shatter on the spot.

Draco sped around the outline of the lake, resisting the urge to turn his head to make sure Callum had been found. If he gave in and diverted his attention, it would all be over. He had to push through that pathetic feeling inside him which insisted he care about something else more than himself.

He needed to persevere.

The Herbology greenhouses appeared a few yards away. He was coming upon them fast, and his brain started churning over ideas.

He could work with the greenhouses. There were a few of them, and if he was fast and silent, he could get into one and hide until all of this blew over.

He was so close to his only chance to salvage this, but was so distracted by his escape plan that he didn't hear the broom zooming behind him until it was too late. A blur of color that didn't belong to the scenery peeked into his peripheral, and Draco's heart jumped into his throat.

His head jerked, turning to catch sight of who was on his trail.

Maybe, if he'd been sober, his years of Seeker reflexes and muscle memory would have worked properly.

Maybe, if he'd been sober, he wouldn't have been going quite as fast as he was.

As it was, despite the night's harrowing events, which should have made it so that Draco couldn't feel a speck of the things he had tonight, he'd drank quite a bit of Firewhisky. Plenty to throw his usually sharp instincts off. And when Draco turned his head to assess the person giving chase, his hand steering the broom jerked with him.

Suddenly, he was tumbling through a greenhouse window. There was the incredibly loud ruckus of shattering glass, pain ripping and searing through his limbs, torso, and face, and the smack of the hard ground as it rose to meet him. Then everything went black.

The next thing Draco felt was the softness of blankets against his sensitive skin. His head throbbed something fierce, and every muscle in his body ached like he'd played a Quidditch marathon and gotten thrown off his broom.

His inner circumstances were mellow but ominous. The water rippled, sinister in its calmness. Foreboding cracks of thunder and lightning warned of the shit-storm to come.

Draco opened flinty eyes, blinking away the cloudiness of his sight to take in his surroundings.

Hospital Wing. Naturally.

He looked down, trying to figure out as much as possible and remember things clearly. Wiggling all of his fingers, toes, and limbs, he let out a hiss of pain when his left ankle screamed in protest and refused to move. Draco sat up a bit at the waist in alarm, eyes bulging and looking around frantically.

When his gaze landed on the bed next to him, everything came rushing back. He almost forgot to breathe.

There was Callum. Soft-spoken, innocent, validation-seeking Callum. Laid out on the bed, with his entire body wrapped to prevent movement. The moonlight shining through the large window above him seemed to make him appear somehow more fragile.

Draco's eyes widened, the feeling invoked by the sight before him akin to a Bludger in the sternum.

The only thing that stopped Draco from sinking into the sodden trenches of his mind was the fact that Callum was breathing and alive.

This was Draco's fault. He could have stopped this. He could have cast the Cushioning Charm himself. He could have told the kid not to do it. Now, not only was another innocent hurt by his actions, he'd also set his own undoing into motion.

A cyclone whirled, unforgiving and merciless. The trenches he'd buried everything under the last few weeks shuddered and shook the floor of his Occlumency ocean. All that was shoved beneath screamed to break free and drown him in the intensity of his emotions.

Gasping at the onslaught of his own inner turmoil and feeling unbelievably hopeless, Draco squeezed his eyes shut and sank back down into the bed. He was just starting to get his breathing under control when a terse, but not unkind, voice spoke by the foot of his bed.

"Mr. Malfoy. You're awake."

Silver eyes sprung open. "Y-yes, Madam Pomfrey."

Salazar, why did he have to sound so pathetic?

Madam Pomfrey's gaze was hard, but a sparkle of sympathy shone there. "I would ask how you are feeling, but I know you will be physically alright in just a few days. Besides, whatever your answer, it isn't as bad as this poor boy over here, so I won't bother. You are both very lucky to be alive."

Draco gulped and nodded, shame washing over him yet again. He found himself unable to meet her gaze. His eyes filled, chin trembling in determination not to allow them to well over. He could only imagine what pitiful expression must have been on his features.

"I have healed you to the best of my ability. You smashed your head through a glass window, sliced yourself up, and hit the ground at an incredibly fast pace on a broom. You are lucky you didn't snap your neck. Skelegrow can't fix that. It, however, can fix this." She gestured broadly to Callum's body. "I will not question you right this moment. I'll leave that to the Headmistress."

If Draco had thought the dread inside of him couldn't get any worse, he'd been laughably incorrect. The idea of what McGonagall would have to say to him after this made his insides run cold.

"Whatever happened to this boy, many bones in his body were shattered. He is lucky his neck was not broken. He will be here, in a full-body cast, regrowing his bones for the foreseeable future. You were caught running from the scene. I followed my oath as a Healer and patched you up. However, I'm leaving a sprain in that ankle of yours."

At this, Draco met the Healer's eyes. She sternly but compassionately stared right back. "It was broken clean through. But, for whatever your transgressions were tonight, maybe having to limp around on that for a fortnight or so will teach you a lesson. It will smart, but you'll be able to get around just fine."

Draco couldn't help it: a single, rebellious tear streaked down his face. He felt the hot, damp trail of humiliation it left on his cheek but met the woman's eyes regardless. What could he do but accept her correct judgment and thank her for her literal hospitality despite her obvious distaste? He refused to let his voice shake as it had before. He tried to face her with as much respect and dignity as possible.

"Yes, Madam. Thank you."

Madam Pomfrey sighed deeply. She came closer to pour some Circe awful tasting potion into his mouth—what was that, Dreamless Sleep mixed with something repugnant to help him heal?!—and patted his non-injured leg on her departure. "Get some rest, child. Deal with whatever is to come in the morning."

With a final, tense nod, the Healer bustled over to check on Callum. Satisfied, she drew the curtains around his bed and disappeared into the night.

Sleep did not come as easily as Draco had hoped. He lay, spiraling quickly into the depths of his despair. He deserved to feel like this. He had earned this drowning in the tempest within.

Draco had gone and fucked it all up. This second chance, that he hadn't even deserved. The wandmaker had given him hope. Had made him think, for one second, that the special wand choosing him meant he wasn't eternally doomed. That maybe one day he could amount to something. That he didn't have to destroy everything he touched.

But he'd just stood there and watched an innocent get hurt.

Again.

All Draco was, and all he'd ever be, was a failure.

Those naughty Slytherins.

The next few chapters are already written and under revision! Thank you so much to anyone who is reading, reviewing and leaving following it truly means the world to me x3. I may answer them in an untimely fashion but I will always get around to responding to comments and messages! I'm not on it very frequently but feel free to drop any questions or comments onto my tumblr as well, loveeonawiree

Tentative update date 5/17!