Chapter 4

Slowly, Satine felt like her life was coming back together. As much as she missed Tyra, who'd she'd begun to write daily letters to, letters she would never send, the Duchess' duties took up much of her time. Then, there was Korkie. He was the light of her life, always giggling and happy, his first word was "dabb" which is Mandalorian for up. Satine had laughed when he raised his arms and bounced on his toes. She loved her son, even if she couldn't claim him as hers. The nanny they'd hired was very kind to Korkie, and Satine was grateful, as much as she was to Khaami and Fesma who'd helped her through so much. Soon, the Duchess was thin enough that she didn't need to wear corsets or girdles to hide her weight, and she felt much freer than before.

However, this strange bliss didn't last forever, because one day, while Satine was dressing, her comm went off.

"Satine." his voice was hurt and shocked, it was almost blasphemous to hear him this way.

"Obi?"

"Master Qui-Gon's dead."

Satine gaped, it had been a year since the man came to bring Tyra to the temple. God, she was grateful to him.

"H-how?" she stuttered.

"A sith lord," she could hear Obi-Wan's voice quiver, "and now I have to train his new padawan."

"What-"

"I'll explain when I get there," Obi-Wan stated, determined, "the council gave me a week off to recuperate."

Satine wasn't sure what to feel, "I can't wait to see you, Ben."

As soon as their call was over, Satine rang for Fesma and Khaami.

"Satine?"

"Tell the guards I'm having a visitor today," Satine swallowed, "here is his ship number."

Fesma raised an eyebrow, "His?"

"Please, Fesma," tears pricked at Satine's eyes, "just go."

When Khaami arrived, breakfast tray in hand, the Duchess full-blown sobbing.

"Satine," the lady set down the tray, "what's wrong?"

"He's coming," the Duchess gasped, "just like he left me!"

"Satine-"

"I thought I was okay, Khaami," Satine sniffled, "I thought I was better."

Khaami knelt down, "Who?"

"Their father." Satine answered, shivering at the word.

The lady was silent for a moment, "When is he arriving?"

"He didn't say."

"Satine," Khaami breathed, "look at me."

The Duchess raised her head.

"You can do this, okay."

"I can do this," Satine repeated, breathing heavily, "I can do this."

The Duchess hadn't heard Fesma return until she asked, "What would you like to wear, Your Grace?"

Satine steeled herself, she would face this battle head on.

"A casual day dress with my house colors, no headdress."

Fesma curtsied, "Yes, Your Grace."

Khaami urged Satine to eat a little something, but the Duchess only managed a piece of butter-less toast.

"Satine-"

"I still love him, Khaami," Satine confessed, ashamed of herself, "even after everything we've been through."

"Then tell him that." Khaami urged.

"I can't," Satine stood, "he could never be my consort, Mandalore's peace is too fragile, there would be an uproar."

Khaami looked as crestfallen as Satine felt, buut Fesma returned silently and helped her lady dress.

"I don't want him to see Korkie," the Duchess added, "he looks so much like him, he'd know immediately."

"I'll make sure Korkie takes his walk in the south garden today, Satine." Fesma stated.

"Thank you."

Satine spent twenty minutes pacing the landing platform before a ship arrived. It was clean cut and gleaned in the sunlight, Obi-Wan did not. His ginger hair was plastered to his head at strange angles, his skin was sullen and bruised, but his eyes hurt her the most. Those crystal orbs that could see into her soul were sunken and red-rimmed.

"Oh, Obi-"

Shaking slightly, Obi-Wan returned Satine's embrace. It was a friendly hug, with Obi-Wan only lightly touching her after a hesitant moment.

"Please come inside," the Duchess gestured when they separated, "we'll have some tea."

Satine remembered how Obi-Wan loved green tea, so when she guided him to her personal parlor, only after listening hard for Korkie's wails and finding none, she told Fesma to fetch some green tea.

"Or whatever you have is fine," Obi-Wan's voice quivered, "I wouldn't want to impose."

Fesma's eyebrows almost flew off her head.

"Green tea." Satine repeated.

The lady curtsied, "Yes, Your Grace."

"Khaami," Satine turned, "please bring some tea snacks."

"Yes, Your Grace."

As Khaami left, Satine took Obi-Wan's hands in hers, surprised at first that he tried to pull away.

"Obi, it's just me," Satine said soothingly, "you know I could never hurt you."

"That's not it." Obi-Wan frowned.

Satine tried to read him, but found she couldn't. Curse her Jedi and his skill at hiding his emotions!

"Then what is." she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"I lost someone I loved," Obi-Wan paused, "I mean, someone who I cared for deeply, and I can't let that happen again."

"It won't," Satine promised earnestly, "it won't."

"But how do you know that?" Obi-Wan begged.

"Because," Satine swallowed, "if you still care for me, no one knows about that."

"Not even your ladies?" asked the Jedi.

"Not the whole story, no," Satine shook her head and smiled sadly, "there are some memories of you I just want for myself."

The corners of Obi-Wan's mouth twitched. The door creaked open.

"Tea and cakes, Your Grace."

"Thank you," Satine nodded at both her ladies, "I'll ring for you later."

Curtsying, Fesma and Khaami left.

"Satine, I-"

The Duchess turned.

"I don't know what to say."
Satine's features clouded with worry, "What do you mean?"

"Master Qui-Gon's gone."

"You need time to mourn," Satine tenderly caressed Obi-Wan's cheek like she had when he took a shot for her on Draboon, "I'll have a room set up for you in the guest hall, you can stay as long as you like."

"I have a week, Satine," Obi-Wan sighed, "one week."

The first three days of his visit, Obi-Wan kept mostly to himself. He ate in his room, he meditated in his room, and Satine hoped he slept in there, but she wasn't so sure. The fourth evening, after Satine had a full day of ruling Mandalore, Khaami and Fesma were helping Satine into her nightdress.

"He seems so moody."

"He's grieving," Satine answered, leveling Fesma a look, "this is very hard for him."

Nodding, Fesma threw Satine's clothes down the laundry chute.

"Hey, you!"

Satine turned.

"What is your purpose?"

Running to the door and yanking it open, Satine startled the two guards at her door, but she looked past them, to Obi-Wan.

"Ah, there you are," Satine smiled, "I was expecting you."

The guards were more than surprised.

"Fesma," Satine ordered without turning around, "fetch some tea for Obi-Wan and myself."

Khaami followed obediently after Fesma, who squeezed around Satine and through the guards.

Satine forced a smile, "Come to my parlor, Obi-Wan, we have much to discuss."

Obi-Wan practically ran through the door, and Satine slammed the door behind him shut so hard she swore one of the guards cursed. Still, the Duchess took Obi-Wan by the hand and led him into her parlor. She sat on the couch, he sat next to her.

"I want to say-"

"Before I start-"

Satine closed her mouth and blushed, they hadn't been this awkward since the beginning of their physical attraction.

Obi-Wan sighed, "I despised leaving you."

"Despised it?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan met Satine's eyes for the first time in a long time, "and I really want to spend time with you again, but-"

"But?" Satine asked tentatively.

Obi-Wan's cheeks burned, he was ashamed, "I don't want to get hurt again."

Satine sighed, "Oh, Ben-"

"It's okay if you want to protect yourself too," the Jedi lowered his eyes, "I can leave tonight and never come back."

Satine scoffed, tears welled in her eyes, "Do you really think our love was that fickle?"

"No, Satine, I-"

"Obi," Satine crossed her arms, "this will hurt just as bad as last time, but I'll be damned if I throw away a chance to be with you."

"Satine-"

Quickly, before she regretted it, Satine threw herself onto Obi-Wan, caching his head just before it hit the arm rest.

"Don't back away from me, Ben," she said, lowering herself onto his chest, "that would hurt me more."

Satine felt Obi-Wan wrap his arms firmly around her waist, "Then I won't."

They stayed like that for a while, until a knock gently rapped against the door. The couple looked at each other, and begrudgingly separated.

"Come in." Satine called, trying to keep her voice even.

"Tea and oranges, Your Grace."

Fesma and Khaami placed down their trays and curtsied.

"Thank you," Satine gave her maids a look, "you may turn in for the night."

Once the door was closed, Satine felt Obi-Wan's lips graze her collarbone. Turning, Satine wrapped her arms around her Jedi's neck and let his kisses trail along her jaw.

"Just kiss me, Ben." Satine breathed.

Obi-Wan did, a sweet and soft one like they used to share when Master Qui-Gon wasn't looking. Though this time, he wasn't as shy.

"Ben," Satine smiled, pressing her hips against Obi-Wan's, "Ben."

Satine felt Obi-Wan's hand linger on the buttons that undid her ivory nightdress, and to show him that it was okay to undo them, Satine dragged her hand down from Obi-Wan's neck, across his chest, and to his trouser strings.

"We should move." he mumbled into her neck.

"You can always erase the guards' memories," Satine asked, "right?"

Obi-Wan grinned cheekily, "If that's what Her Grace wishes."

It wasn't funny, but Satine giggled anyway.

"You know what else the Duchess would like?"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, "What?"

Satine's eyes glimmered, "To be reminded of that cold night on Draboon."

"Not the venemites?" Obi-Wan teased.

"Ben." Satine whined.

"Come on," Obi-Wan sat up, yanking Satine with him, "the bed will be more comfortable."

Satine felt a rush at his words and her cheeks turned pink, though her stomach fluttered with anticipation.

"Anything in particular you'd like?" Obi-Wan asked, pulling Satine towards him.

The Duchess grinned and traced the Jedi's jaw, "Surprise me."

After a full night of groaning and giggling, Satine felt Obi-Wan sneak out at the crack of dawn.

"Ben-"

"I'll see you later, love," he said, kissing her head, "I'll come back to you."

Satine went back to sleep, but when Fesma shook her awake, she couldn't stop smiling.

She heard Khaami wrinkle her nose. "Ew."

Covering herself, Satine sat up to face her ladies, grinning like a fool.

"You look like how a child feels on Giving-Day morning." Fesma remarked.

Satine leaned back against her pillows, "Mm, happy."

Fesma snorted, Khaami pretended to throw up.

"Shall we get you dressed, Your Grace?" said Fesma, changing the subject.

"Yes, please." Satine smiled.

Khaami raised her eyebrows.

"If she's gonna be like this all day, I really will barf."

Fesma's laugh echoed from the closet.

"I mean really though," Khaami continued, "you literally have a knight in shining armor."

Satine giggled, covering her mouth slightly.

"Come on, Your Grace," Fesma tossed Satine her underwear, "let's get you dressed."

Once she was clothed, Satine's ladies began the difficult task of combing her hair.

"My God." Fesma sighed.

"Headdress?" Khaami asked.

"Headdress." Satine agreed.

The Duchess had meetings all morning, and wasn't able to see Obi-Wan until lunch, which they took in her parlor.

"You must be very busy." Obi-Wan commented, smiling like an idiot.

Satine tilted her head, "And what would you know of what I do, Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan clicked his tongue, eyes glowing, "A thing or two."

Satine laughed and tossed a leftover orange slice into her mouth.

"Seriously though," Obi-Wan continued, "what do you do all day?"

"Boring meetings and planning public appearances," Satine answered, "your adventures all over the galaxy must be more fun."

Obi-Wan's smile flattered.

"Oh, Ben," Satine gasped, "forgive me!"
"No, no," Obi-Wan shook his head, "it's alright."

The Duchess was silent for a minute.

"Tell me how it happened." she said finally, meeting Obi-Wan's eyes.

So Obi-Wan recounted the tale of the phantom menace who'd eluded them on Tatooine and Naboo, only to kill his master and leave him dying in Obi-Wan's arms.

"Oh, Ben." Satine reached her hand out.

"I'm going to train the boy he wanted to," Obi-Wan admitted, "he's called Anakin."

"Anakin?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan nodded, "he's a little older than when most start their training, but-"

"Your Grace?"

The couple froze as the door opened. The Prime Minister, Jaru Djarin, entered and bowed.

"I am sorry to interrupt, Your Grace," the Prime Minister kept her eyes on the Duchess, "but a few urgent documents have come in that require your signature."

"Of course," Satine stood and turned to Obi-Wan, "please excuse me."

They were new tariffs that Parliament had passed, all they required was her signature.

"Naboo won't like this," Satine frowned, "and Cerea won't be pleased."

"I agree with you, Your Grace," Prime Minister Djarin nodded, "but unfortunately, I was out voted."

So Satine signed the trade tariffs and went back to Obi-Wan.

"You look troubled." he observed.

"Interesting new tariffs," Satine frowned, "but I'd really rather not talk about that when I have time with you."
Obi-Wan grinned and leaned back on the couch, "Then what do we do?"

Satine tried not to smile, "I have no idea."

Suddenly, Obi-Wan became serious, "Remind me why most Mandalorians still still don't like the Jedi?"

"Well," Satine hesitated, the New Mandalorians believe they are too violent, and the Old Mandalorians are still angry about the whole historical enemies thing."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms, "So, you have political rivals?"

"Unfortunately," Satine confessed, "they're not so much rivals as dissidents who spy and try to bring me down."

"What do you mean?"

Satine's throat closed at the concern in Obi-Wan's voice.

"It's nothing really," Satine shifted, uncomfortable, "they want to make an example out of me, that I'm weak and stupid."

"You're none of those things," Obi-Wan reached out gently, "you're strong, and beautiful, and the smartest person I know."

Satine looked up, "Really?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan smiled, "remember the time you outwitted Master Qui-Gon and saved all our lives?"

"That was," Satine hesitated, "a plan that was laid as everything happened."

"It still worked." Obi-Wan countered.

Satine looked up at her shining Jedi knight, his gleaming crystal blue eyes, his bright orange hair, maybe one day Korkie would look like him.

Obi-Wan tilted his head, "What are you thinking about?"

"You."

Satine was surprised at how easily the lie came.

Grinning like a schoolboy, Obi-Wan wrapped Satine in his arms, "I think of you a lot too, way too much for my own good, in fact."

"So do I." Satine agreed.

They stayed like that for a while, after which Satine had to go to more official duties, so she didn't see Obi-Wan until dinner time, which was also taken in her parlor.

"Satine," Fesma whispered, "the servants are starting to talk."

"Let them," Satine gestured, "it's just gossip."

"But if it gets out of the palace," Fesma continued, "people will ask questions."

Satine frowned, "What are they saying?"

Fesma hesitated, "They think you're having an affair with the Jedi."

"What?"

Fesma raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you?"

"He's the father, Fesma," Satine lowered her voice, "what am I going to do, not love him?"

Fesma sighed.

"Obi-Wan," Satine turned, "let's have dinner on the balcony."

Obi-Wan looked like he was warring with himself, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Satine looked at Fesma, "Yes, just for tonight."

As they sat overlooking the gardens, Satine pointed out her favorite spots.

"Those are lilies from the Old World," she said, gesturing with her fork, "they used to come in a multitude of colors, but now we only have white ones."

"Really?" Obi-Wan smiled.

Satine sighed, "Well if you don't want to hear about the secret passageways in the maze-"

"Oh, no, no," Obi-Wan gestured with a wink, "I would love to hear about the maze's secret passageways."

Satine pointed at the mass of green hedges, "It leads to the center where there's an Ancient Mandalorian pavilion with a statue of the goddess of war."

"Goddess of war?" Obi-Wan asked.

Satine shrugged, "Mandalorians, what can you do?"

Obi-Wan laughed, a sound that made Satine smile.

"I wish you would never have to leave." she confessed.

Obi-Wan looked down, "So do I."

At this point, Satine was hovering dangerously close to telling him about the children.

"How about we go for a walk?" Satine stood.

Obi-Wan did the same and held out his arm, "Why don't we?"

Five minutes later, the Duchess and her Jedi were running through the maze, trying to lose the guards that were loosely trailing them.

"Through here." Satine whispered.

Obi-Wan smiled as Satine closed the hedge door behind them.

"Is this the-"

"Sh!"

Footsteps approached and the guards began speaking in low voices.

"You really think she's kriffing the Jedi?" one asked.

"Do you remember anything about that night guarding her room?"

"No."

"It's because he erased our memories," the second guard was likely wiggling his eyebrows, "whatever they're doing, they don't want us to know."

Satine went red, Obi-Wan was trying not to laugh.

"Come, they're probably around the corner."

As the footsteps grew quieter, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Satine's waist.

"They're onto us, my love."

Satine sighed, "What are we ever going to do?"

Obi-Wan snorted, "Get better at sneaking around."

Unfortunately for Satine, that meant that she and Obi-Wan had to have their remaining breakfasts in the dining room with her ladies in attendance, but worst of all, Obi-Wan had been sneaking out earlier and earlier each night.

"Ben-"

"Don't worry, love," Obi-Wan whispered, "I'll be back tomorrow."

"But tomorrow's your last night." Satine mumbled into the pillow.

Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, "Then I guess we'll have to make it count."

At breakfast that morning, Satine noticed her Jedi felt unusually reserved, but she didn't get a chance to ask him about it until lunch.

"Something's troubling you.' she stated.

It was a fact, not a question.

"This whole week has been a dream," Obi-Wan recounted, "I hate that it has to end."

Satine frowned, "I wish you could stay as well."

Obi-Wan looked up, "Why can't I?"

Satine gaped for a second.

"Well," she hesitated, "your code forbids-"

"Kriff the code!"

Satine was shocked, they were dining in her room, but she was sure the entire palace had heard.

"Ben-"

"If you can give me a good reason," Obi-Wan crossed his arms, "then I'll be satisfied!"

"Well, a former Jedi then, the system would have reason to revolt again, and the civil war just ended-"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, "So you think I would cause civil war?"

Satine was shocked, she hated this Obi-Wan Kenobi, the argumentative juror of reason. The Kenobi that always won arguments, like this, he wasn't her Ben.

Tears welled in Satine's eyes, "You don't know how much I want to be with you, Ben."

The Jedi stood up, "Well it's clearly not enough!"

"Ben-"

Obi-Wan bowed, "Good day, Duchess."

Satine cried her eyes out for hours, screaming into her pillow with legs flailing through the air. Then she threw her headdress against the wall and punched the wall, which hurt.

"Your Grace?" asked a tentative voice outside her door.

"Send for my ladies!" Satine yelled.

Fesma and Khaami came quickly, too quickly.

"They say you've had a fight." Fesma's features drooped.

"I don't care what they say," Satine huffed, crossing arms, "but yes, we had a fight."

"Oh, Satine." Khaami embraced her lady.

"I love him, Fesma," Satine swallowed, "I love him!"

Fesma sat on Satine's other side, "I know, Satine, I know."

The Duchess straightened.

"I have to see Korkie."

The ladies looked at each other, "Satine-"

"I need to see my son." the Duchess repeated.

The nurse wasn't surprised when Satine burst in, she only looked up from the rocking chair where she was coddling Korkie.

The nurse gave Satine a quizzical look, "I was worried the argument might disturb him, but your nephew sleeps well, Duchess."

Some tension seeped from Satine's shoulders as she stared at her sleeping son, and she stepped closer. The nurse, understanding completely, stood up and gently handed Satine the baby, or perhaps he was even a toddler now.

"I may be old, Your Grace," the nurse whispered, "but I am not blind, that man is your son's father."

Satine swallowed, hard.

"I shall not tell," the nurse continued, "it would be cruel of me to do so."

Obi-Wan did not come to dinner, and for an hour afterwards Satine wore her carpet thin from pacing. Then, after a stroke of bravery, she threw on her robe and opened the door.

"I shall return soon." she told her guards.

Obi-Wan was in the guest wing, a floor below Satine's. She knew which room he was in because outside sat an empty tray. She knocked on the door. No one answered. Then she knocked again, and again. Finally, when the door flew open, and Obi-Wan stood bedraggled in front of her, the words came.

"It can't end like this, Ben," Satine's heart was in her words, "and if I can't be with you my whole life, one last time will have to suit me."

Obi-Wan stared at her.

"Ben, please-"

"I love you, Satine," Obi-Wan growled low, "more than I ever thought it possible to love someone."

"Please, Ben." Satine begged.

It was glorious, the feel of his skin on hers again, and this time, Satine felt she could feel Obi-Wan's adoration and love for her when he touched her. She would feel terrible in the morning when this was all over.