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The whole night, Olivia couldn't get the image of Amanda and Nick leaving arm in arm out of her head. Every time she closed her eyes and tried to slip into dreamland, the image managed to pop back. She cared about Amanda and she cared about her partner. That was all it was. She didn't want to see them make the same mistake she and Elliot did. Nick had a family, just like Elliot. It wouldn't end well for any of them. It was the only reason behind her worry.
Which was bullshit, plain and simple. No matter how hard Liv tried to convince herself, something at the back of her head nudged her, forcing her to listen but she did what she was best at; completely ignore her feelings and create false reasons to support it.
The truth was that ever since their conversation in the car and that little undercover act at New York Cryogenics, Elliot had been pushed aside by the Southern Detective almost effortlessly. The more Olivia saw her every day, the more she haunted her mind at night. She had even tried dating, completely disregarding her own feelings. Suffice to say, each date was a disaster and there was never a follow up. That is until she grew tired of making an effort and stopped it all together, focusing on her work instead.
As she managed to get some sleep, after finally silencing her inner turmoil, the shrill sound of her phone startled her awake. She patted her nightstand trying to locate the devil's box which was getting on her last nerve.
"Benson." She growled sleepily.
Fin's voice shook her awake. "Liv, we have a situation in Central Park." Fin informed her, the apology laced in the tone of his voice.
"I'm on my way." She stated with a really heavy sigh before hanging up. One glance at the time and a loud groan slipped from her lips. It was 4am. New York was indeed the city that never sleeps. Olivia pushed herself out of bed and got dressed as quickly as she could. The brunette detective grabbed her keys, her purse and her phone after putting her hair in a messy ponytail and left her apartment. The time it took for Olivia to reach the crime scene was enough to push back to work mode. That at least was an ability she had perfected over the years and could control successfully.
"What do we have?" she asked as soon as she reached Fin.
Fin shook his head. "It's ugly, Liv." The detective looked as tired as Olivia felt and she couldn't blame him. Their job was taking quite a toll on them almost constantly but none of them were ready to give it up yet. "Five bodies scattered through Central Park. There seems to be traces of sexual assault on all five victims and their throats were slit. There wasn't a lot of blood which makes me think that someone dumped them here after they were killed."
"And nobody saw anything?" At Fin's negative shake, Olivia sighed. "Why am I not surprised? Did you call CSU?" She asked just as Nick and Amanda arrived at the scene, both with cups of coffee in hand. But what she didn't fail to notice was Nick's attire; he seemed to be wearing the same clothes as the day before. She blamed it all on her observation skills as a detective and not at the curious jealousy that was eating her alive.
Fin raised his voice trying to get her attention. "Yeah?" She turned back towards Fin with a raised eyebrow.
"I said that CSU are on their way. The first two bodies were found by those two joggers." Fin explained, pointing at the people giving testaments to the officers. "The rest were found by the officers after they combed through the park."
Olivia ran a hand over her face and nodded sadly. What monster could do such a thing? "I'll go check if they saw anything while you bring them up to speed." She suggested, nodding towards the two detectives that approached them and turned to walk away after a halfhearted greeting.
Amanda found Olivia's behavior quite odd and kept watching her retreating back while keeping an ear open for Fin's explanation.
When Olivia returned to the precinct later, she found a cup of fresh warm coffee waiting on her desk. "Whose coffee is that?" she questioned aloud.
Nick looked up with a smirk. "That would be yours." He explained, mischief written all over his face. If Olivia was in a better mood, she would investigate that look further but since she felt like punching him in the face, a sentiment she didn't know where it derived from, she decided to let it go.
"Thank you, Amaro." She nodded curtly, wrapping her fingers around the warm cup. She took a tentative sip almost choking on it at his next words.
"Oh that wasn't me. It was Rollins." He explained truthfully and continued while Olivia tried to clear her pipe. "She noticed that you seemed a bit off this morning so she dropped it off before she left with Fin. Thought it would cheer you up or something." He shrugged innocently as if he didn't know about Amanda's little crush already.
"Oh, okay. I guess I'll have to thank her when I see her." She cleared her throat, avoiding all eye contact. It wasn't until five hours later that Fin walked in with Amanda looking worse for wear. Olivia perked up at the arrival but she frowned when she noticed Amanda's expression. "What's wrong?" she asked when Amanda fell on her desk chair with a heavy sigh.
It was Fin that answered her. "We had to notify the parents of all five victims." He pinned the photos of the victims on the case board a bit too forcefully. Apparently this case was getting to all of them. "Melinda is working on the perp's DNA and a possible location for the actual crime scene. Apparently he had them trapped for months. Maybe something happened or he snapped or something and he ended up slitting their throats and dumping them in Central Park. What kind of animal would do that?" he shook his head sadly.
Amanda punched her fist on her desk so loudly that half the Squad room turned to look at her. "I want to lock him up for the rest of his life." She growled. There wasn't one person in the room that disagreed with that motion.
"Any suspects or any links?" Nick asked but Fin shook his head. "Nothing yet, but I am hoping that Melinda will have something for us soon."
Amanda pushed her desk and got up without a word. She crossed the room with quick and long strides and disappeared through the stairs too impatient to wait for the elevator. Nick got up to go after her but Olivia stopped him before he got the chance. "Let me." She muttered a bit snippily and followed after the blonde.
When she got outside, she found the blonde leaning against a wall, smoking heavily. She approached carefully and leaned her right shoulder against the wall, unable to take her eyes away from the blonde. "You know that's a really bad habit, right?" Olivia pointed out with a teasing smile adorning her lips.
"Don't bust my balls now, Olivia. I am not in the mood."
"Fair enough." Olivia raised her hands in defense. "I am just trying to lighten the mood." She sighed.
"After this case? I don't know how it would be possible for my mood to get better." Amanda admitted taking a large drag from her cigarette and leaned her head back, exhaling the smoke through her lips, feeling her lungs burn in protest and staring at the gray sky.
Olivia reached out and took the cigarette from her, earning herself a glare which melted into shock when she wrapped her lips around it and inhaled the smoke. "Maybe I should buy you a coffee. It seemed to work for me. Thank you for that by the way." She smiled passing the cigarette back.
That actually brought a small smile on Amanda's face which in return caused the butterflies in Olivia's stomach. "Amanda, you can't let the job affect you so much. I know it's hard but if you let it, it will destroy you." The brunette advised her fellow detective and dared she say friend.
"I know, I know. It's just that-" Amanda paused to take another drag and blow it out. "- how could someone do something so horrible?"
Olivia, not knowing if it was a rhetorical question, decided to answer despite her doubts. "I've been doing this job for years and I still haven't managed to answer this question." She reached out placing a hand on her shoulder turning her towards her. "Bottom line is that you need someone to talk to about these things."
"Nick is helping me with that." Amanda assured her, smiling. If anything, Olivia was more worried than assured by the statement. "I don't think Nick is the right person to help with that. A psychologist might be a better idea."
"Why? He helped me last night." Amanda's head tilted to the side in question.
She was either doing it on purpose to rile the brunette up or she was that naïve. At least that's what Olivia thought. She knew that the situation and their fragile relationship were going to blow up in her face but her mind and mouth weren't cooperating. "Last night? Amanda, I know Nick and Maria are separated but they are still trying to make it work and-"
"Oh wow, Liv! You are great at jumping to conclusions. What the hell are you accusing me of?" Amanda scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest and forcing herself to calm down even if it felt quite impossible at the moment. "I am a fucking lesbian, detective. I do not have feelings for Amaro or any other guy for that matter. And even if I was, I wouldn't get between a married couple." She shook her head. Amanda thought it was impossible for her mood to worsen but here they were. "And not that it's any of your business, but after our last case and the memories that came with it, all I wanted was to break my gambling sobriety, so he stayed with me to make sure I didn't fall back to bad habits, as you call them. Whatever you think that happened between Amaro and me, it's because you are projecting your own emotions and experiences." Amanda fumed. Her face turned red but she tried to keep her voice lowered. Last thing both of them wanted was to attract an audience.
Her statement was a low blow and Amanda realized that, but it wasn't something Olivia didn't deserve. She had no right sticking her nose in her business. She had been punishing Amanda for her own past with Elliot for months. He was the one that betrayed Olivia, he was the one abandoning her without a word and he was the reason that she was afraid to pursue her feelings for Amanda even if she denied them all together. She wasn't planning on pressuring Olivia about that and she was willing to ignore her own feelings but Olivia's accusations made her lose control; and frankly they hurt.
"That's not fair." Olivia muttered, lowering her head. Tears of frustration filled her chocolate brown eyes.
"You know what's not fair? Punishing me for what happened with Elliot."
"Nothing happened between Elliot and me. We were, are friends." None of them could ignore how fake that sounded.
"Some friend." Amanda muttered but no matter how hard Olivia wanted to argue that he was a good guy, she couldn't disagree that he wasn't a good friend. "Don't forget that I was the one you talked to about him. I was there to offer you comfort because you needed it and I wanted to give that to you. And I was practically a stranger. Where was your great friend then?"
"You can't help who you develop feelings for." Olivia muttered, rubbing a hand against her forehead. She could feel a headache forming behind her eyes.
"Yeah, Liv. I fucking know better than anyone. I've been in this situation ever since I met you." Amanda confessed with a shake of her head and a small scoff. Olivia's eyes snapped at hers but she didn't say anything. What could she even say? Was she going to lie again about her feelings concerning the blonde? Or was she going to admit feeling something for the blonde but being unable to act on it because she was a coward? She hated both of her options but Amanda saved her from choosing. "So save me the relationship advice, detective, and keep the baseless accusations to yourself. If that's the opinion you have of me, I probably made a poor job showing you who I am." Amanda flicked the cigarette bud from her hand and pushed past Olivia.
Olivia grabbed her wrist and pulled Amanda back before she had the chance to escape. The abrupt pull in addition to Amanda's hurry, caused the younger detective to miss a step and collide against Olivia's chest, her hands coming to rest on the other detective's shoulder blades for leverage while Olivia's hands caught Amanda's upper arms to keep her from falling.
"Amanda, I am truly sorry." Olivia whispered, her eyes roaming the blonde's face. Their faces were barely a few inches apart which rendered Amanda speechless for quite a few seconds. An image of a lips colliding in a heated kiss entered both of their minds because of the proximity but despite Olivia's staring at the other woman's lips, she was unable to make a decision. Amanda, on the other hand, found herself leaning closer and closer but when she finally glanced in Olivia's eyes everything came back and she was snapped out of the trance.
"Next time, make sure you don't do anything to be sorry for." She snapped, forcing herself away and leaving Olivia behind, staring at her retreating back and missing the brief warmth of Amanda's body. Would she ever stop fucking up her relationships?