(Or "Fright said Fred")

"WELL WHEN WE LAST SAW OUR HEROES, THEY HAD VERY NEARLY BEEN BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS BY BORIS AND NATASHA...AND BORIS AND NATASHA WERE CURRENTLY DOING TIME IN THE HAWAII STATE PENN FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY..."

"But ve get out soon enough.." Boris replied, poking his head out from the bars of the jail house.

"MEANWHILE OUR HEROES ARE BACK AT THE HOTEL FOR DINNER. A TRADITIONAL HAWAIIAN LUAU IS TAKING PLACE, WITH FIRE DANCING, HULA DANCING, AND ESPECIALLY DELICIOUS FOOD!"

"DANG, ROCK!" Bullwinkle licked his lips. "Lookit' th' size o' this spread! Cant wait to dig in!"

"Yeah I'm starvin', too, buddy!" Rocky replied. "Let's get some food and go watch the hula dancing."

"YES, THE LUAU HAD ALL SORTS OF COOKED, SMOKED, AND FRUITY DELIGHTS—FISH, ROASTED PORK WITH AN APPLE IN ITS MOUTH, POI, COCONUT MILK, PINEAPPLES, THOSE REALLY NEAT FRUIT DRINKS THAT COME IN A PINEAPPLE OR A COCONUT WITH THE LITTLE PINK UMBRELLA IN IT, AND—-wait—holy smokes is that SUPER CHICKEN?!"

"Boy, some cameo this is." The chicken—actually millionaire fowl Henry Cabot Henhouse III spoke, untying himself from a spit he was tied to.

"I GOT TH' THUPER THAUCE, MITHTER HENHOUTH, THIR!" An anthropomorphic, lispy-voiced lion with a huge, pompadour/Afro-like mane, wearing a red sweater, along with a pink lei spoke, rushing over to Henry.

"Fred, I dunno, I've done so much acting but, I gotta say, this cameo absolutely sucks." Henry bluntly replied, spitting out the apple in his mouth. "I just wanted to be in this Rocky and Bullwinkle story, and I almost got eaten! Don't these Hawaiian guys know playin' with fire is dangerous?"

"Yea, but ya knew th' acting job wath dangeroth when ya took it!!" Fred laughed, a reversal of Henry's usual catchphrase directed at Fred.

"Har-dee-har. Let's go, Fred..." the chicken spoke, downing the wine glass of super sauce the lion handed to him, body contorting a little as the sauce went to work and he transformed into Super Chicken.

"Roger Wilcoxth." Fred replied.

"I hear the Maui Marauder's planning to rob the first national bank of Oahu...with the world's first exploding pineapple. Say, Fred?" Super Chicken inquired.

"Yeah?"

"Is something burning?"

"Oh, no, thir, it'th jutht my mane—MY MANE?!!!" Fred did a double take and looked up, noticing his enormous mane was on fire. "AAAAAAGH! THTOP DROP AND ROLL! THTOP DROP AND ROLLLLLLL!!" He began running and then rolling across the beach, trying to put the fire out.

"Oh, brother." Henry replied. "Just go to the next scene already!"

"...ah, that'th better." Fred sighed, having dunked his head into the ocean, a part of his mane blackened.

"MEANWHILE, BORIS AND NATASHA WERE STILL TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF JAIL, WHEN SUDDENLY..."

(*boat horn*)

"Vait, dollink, eesn't dat S.S. Andalusia?" Natasha asked, looking out the window of the Maui jail.

"Yeah, vhy?" Boris replied.

"Vhy?! CAUSE EES HEADED RIGHT FOR US, DAT'S VHY!!" Natasha screeched and grabbed Boris, trying to run out of the way of the oncoming cruise ship. "GAAAAANGVAYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

————-

"PEACHFUZZ WAS BARELY EVEN LISTENING TO THE SCREAMS OF THE VILLAINS, AS NOT ONLY DID HE MAKE INCORRECT TURNS ALL THE TIME, HE'D TAKEN UP SINGING (the incorrect lyrics) ALONG TO MIXTAPES OF JIMMY BUFFET SONGS HE MADE DECADES AGO—"

"Oh, I'm'

Wastin' the May again in frozen

Peas-ville,

Searchin' for my lost shaker for Paul,

Somebody's train,

Drove straight in-to, my, braaaain,

But I know,

(do-do-do-do-dooooo!)

It was the hippo all along!"

"WITH THE HEADSETS FROM THE CASSETTE PLAYER IN HIS EARS, HE SELDOM HAD ANY THOUGHT OF THE WORLD AROUND HIM AT THE MOMENT...not like that's surprising."

————-

(*BLAMMO!*)

"THE ANDALUSIA HAD CRASHED INTO THE MAUI JAIL, AND NOW BORIS AND NATASHA WERE FREE TO KEEL ONCE MORE."

"Ve're free to keel vonce more, dollink!" Natasha smiled. "C'mon, Les go!!"

"AND SO, OFF THE TWO NOGOODNIKS WENT, BACK TO THE HOTEL. THEY WERE ABLE TO SNEAK PAST THE GUARDS, (retrieve their original clothes) AND ARRIVED AT THE LUAU, WHERE A FIRE-DANCER HAD JUST BEGUN TWIRLING A BAMBOO STICK WITH TWO FLAMES AT THE ENDS. THEY SAW ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE, BUT THEY ALSO NOTICED THAT SUPER CHICKEN AND FRED WERE IN ATTENDANCE AS WELL."

"Boris, I get idea!" Natasha replied. "Ju steel have gravy?"

"Da." Boris replied. "But vat ve use eet for?"

"Ve gonna pour eet on sqvirrel, and make LION keel zem..." Natasha replied.

"BAHAHAHAAAAA!!" Both villains laughed evilly in unison.

"HAVING STOPPED THE MAUI MARAUDER WITH SUPER CHICKEN, FRED WAS ABOUT TO DIG INTO SOME FRUIT SALAD. BUT BORIS AND NATASHA SNUCK UP BEHIND HIM AND POURED THE REMNANTS OF THEIR "Pottsylvania Old Country -Style Gravy (now with extra-greasy Mammal Chunks)" ON ROCKY'S HEAD."

"HEY!" Rocky exclaimed. "What GIVES?!"

"Must be teenagers doin' a prank." Bullwinkle replied. "DARN YOU KIDS!!"

"FRED SNIFFED THE TANTALIZING AROMA, THEN HIS PUPILS WIDENED. AND YES, I KNOW FRED IS A VEGETARIAN, BUT FRED, OVERCOME BY HIS NATURAL LION INSTINCTS, HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO BECOME FERAL. HE GREW MORE MUSCULAR, HIS SWEATER GOT RIPPED TO SHREDS, AND HE HAD A SERIOUS APPETITE FOR SQUIRREL..."

"...YUMMY..." Fred growled, his voice sounding much deeper as he began to stalk Rocky.

(African drums and chanting instrumental...)

"FRED INCHED CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ROCKY, HEAVILY PANTING..."

"Excellent!" Boris replied. "Zey gonna fight Mono-e-mono, MOOSE-O E LION-O E SQVIRREL-O!"

"FRED PLACED HIS MOUTH OVER ROCKY'S HEAD, A SMALL DROPLET OF SALIVA CAME DOWN AND LANDED RIGHT ON ROCKY'S EAR."

"Heh, must be gonna rain." Rocky chuckled, feeling the drop.

"BUT BEFORE ROCKY COULD POSSIBLY LOOK UP, FRED'S MOUTH CLOSED IN ON HIS ENTIRE BODY, MUFFLING THE SQUIRREL'S FRIGHTENED SCREECH. BORIS AND NATASHA CHEERED FOR THEIR PLAN NEVER WORKED LIKE THIS BEFORE..."

"WOOOOOO!!" They both exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Been savink dees for a WERY long time!" Boris opened up a bottle of champagne.

"BUT JUST BEFORE THEY COULD REALLY CELEBRATE, BULLWINKLE HAPPENED TO NOTICE HIS FRIEND'S TAIL POKING OUT FROM FRED'S MAW."

"Jumpin' G. Horsefat, ROCKYYY!" Bullwinkle exclaimed. "Don't worry, I'll save ya!"

"BULLWINKLE PAWED THE GROUND, SNORTED, THEN RAN DIRECTLY AT FRED, ANTLERS BARRED, GIVING A WAR CRY..."

(*LOUD moose sounds*)

"AND WITH THAT, HE PROCEEDED TO TRAMPLE FRED WITH HIS MOOSE HOOVES AND PUNCH HIM IN THE STOMACH REPEATEDLY."

"YOU! BETTER! SPIT! MY FRIEND! OUT! NOW!" He punctuated every word with another punch.

"...Mmmphrhrhanmnmaph!" Rocky exclaimed from within Fred's mouth, his voice muffled.

"Uh, wazzat, Rock?" Bullwinkle asked.

"I said, "Mmmphrhrhanmnmaph"." Rocky replied, briefly pulling his head out and then putting it back inside.

"Oh, I getcha." Bullwinkle replied.

"SUDDENLY, SUPER CHICKEN SHOWED UP, KNOCKING FRED TO THE GROUND."

"Sorry about that you two..." He replied. "Fred's not typically this...feral."

"—HAY! I SHTILL IN HEH!" Rocky replied, his voice still muffled from inside Fred's lion maw.

"Oh, let me just get that—" Super Chicken opened Fred's mouth like a steel trap, releasing the gray flying squirrel from the lion. "There ya go Rocky!"

"THE LITTLE SQUIRREL WAS COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE IN LION SPIT. HIS EYES WERE WIDENED, AND TWITCHED SOMEWHAT."

"...I've seen things..." Rocky spoke, quivering. "HORRIBLE things..."

"FRED IMMEDIATELY LOST HIS MUSCULAR PHYSIQUE AND WENT BACK TO NORMAL, RUBBING HIS HEAD..."

"Oh...what happened?" He groaned, then started to smack his lips. "Ewww...did I jutht eat MEAT?!"

"Nothing's wrong, Fred." Super Chicken replied.

"Well, now that that's over we should probably head back to the hotel.." Bullwinkle replied. "I'm bushed, Rock."

"Yeah, me too." Rocky replied. "Gettin' nearly eaten was SO not on my itinerary plan..."

"WELL IT LOOKS LIKE BORIS AND NATASHA'S EVIL PLAN HAS MIRACULOUSLY FAILED ONCE MORE, BE SURE TO BE WITH US NEXT TIME AFTER THIS SHORT BREAK FOR "The Porpoise of it all" OR "Goin Coconuts!"