Date posted: 30th April 2021
Thanks to TC for betaing this while fighting off super headaches at the same time!
Chapter 5: Rogues in the Bastille
"That was too close! You were almost a Jill Sandwich!"
- Barry Burton, Resident Evil
The stone cell was bare save for the table and a couple of chairs. The only light source was the candle in front of him. The iron bracers on his wrists were cold as the rest of the dungeon. The time said one in the afternoon and it was messing with his internal clock.
He leaned back in his chair. It was a simple chair; nothing fancy, perfectly serviceable. But somehow, it was the most uncomfortable chair in the world.
The door opened and a man entered. He wore simple black and red robes, and had a gold chain around his neck. An older man, with graying hair and a false smile. In his hand was a ledger.
"Mister Agil," he began, taking a seat. "CEO of the Melee Cafe, a curious combination of selling arms and food. Employees totalled, fifteen. It seems you've run into … legal trouble."
Agil said nothing.
"I'm Prosecutor Goro of the Mankhlar Goverment. Do you know the charges against you?" He flicked through his ledger. "Conspiracy to commit violence, the unlawful selling of weapons to criminals, and ah, of course, not paying your taxes."
"Well I've already paid them but ah, let me guess. You've misplaced them?"
The prosecutor merely smiled. "Of course, considering that your personal wealth has been confiscated by the state and your employees are nowhere to be found. You sir, as the peasants say, are in shit river without a paddle."
Good thing, Agil sent them far away when he heard guardsmen marching to his inn. Yet he wasn't going to let some slimeball bureaucrat get in the way of his life. "The merchant's guild will hear of this!"
"They're trying their best, calling for lawyers and threatening boycotts. A real pain the merchant's guild is, but they're required if the city is to do business. Yes, I think you will be let out soon," Goro's grin turned wicked, "but not soon enough!"
On cue, another figure entered: a massive hulking creature clad in a red cloak with his face hidden under his hood. He held something in his giant hands. The creature placed the item on the table, merely a foot from Agil's reach. Fear's cold tendril gripped Agil's heart.
Goro clasped his hands. "Tell me where the merchant known as Kirito is and I will give the order to stop."
Resolve strengthened him. "To hell with you and your tyrant! I don't betray my friends."
Goro nodded. "Very well. Our enhanced interrogation methods will break him. It breaks everyone. Warden, do your duty."
Agil bit his lip. How long can he last? He had heard horror stories of states torturing their dissidents, but he never would suspect in all his life he would be subject to it.
It was grotesque, disgusting, and a violation of human rights. Such a method of torture was something that can only be dreamed up of the sickest minds. Absolute sociopathy.
Agil screamed but none could hear him.
A merchant, a hunter, a swordswoman, a gang lord, and three goblins were having dinner.
There's no joke or anything, they were in fact, having dinner. The main dish was roasted mackerel with rice and veggies.
Running away from the law gave everyone quite the appetite and all three honest citizens turned outlaws dug in with gusto. Meanwhile, Argo was discussing plans with her goblin lieutenants entirely in Goblinese. Sinon and Asuna both eyed her suspiciously while Kirito was doing his best to ignore her existence, talking to himself on how he was going to bounce back from this terrible misfortune and muttering "the insurance will cover this" over and over.
Sinon studied the goblins: the one closest to Argo had an eyepatch and numerous scars. The second one, a female, had a large club leaning by her chair and was the biggest of the tree. The last was a goblin who covered his face with hood and bandana, shoving fish from under his face cover. No doubt these three were all competent fighters themselves.
Her gaze turned to the Rat herself, a petite blonde girl with grey-green eyes and a trio of painted whiskers on each cheek. Sinon knew of her reputation. SAO's best info brokers who seemed to know everything and everyone. If you want the location to an obscure quest, where the best grinding spots are, you go to the Rat and exchange it with money, info or a favour. Did Kirito get the info from her all this time?
The main course finished, the lieutenants excused themselves and only the four were left.
"So!" Kirito clasped his hands and turned to Sinon. "Seeing as we're stuck in the sewers as fugitives, I require you to find bedding for all of us."
"You know Kii-bou, I have room for the three of you," said Argo.
"And Asuna, considering we're being hunted down, we need to find allies. I need you to sneak back to our inn and look under my bed, there's a chest with a few thousand Col we can use to buy our way out of there."
"We have extra money and a boat that leads to the lower floors too if you want that," she said helpfully.
"As for me," he said, "I'll have to change my entire identity. Know this, ladies. Kirito is now dead. You may call me Fumio the Fishmonger. I just need to find a way to change my avatar name now, I think there's a way to change that in-game …"
"He's not listening to anyone is he?" asked Sinon.
Argo massaged a temple. "Yeah, Kii-bou can be like that."
"Thank you for your assistance, Ms. Rat," he said diplomatically, refusing to look at her and stared at the wall. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have business to attend."
"You don't even know where the exit is!"
"Don't worry, Ms. Rat, Sinon is an expert dungeon diver. She can spot a secret room with but a sniff with her nose."
"No I can't."
"Shush, dear Sinon. Come on girls, let's go." Kirito made way for the door.
"You three aren't going anywhere." Argo folded her arms. "I've got a job for you."
"No thank you, but I must return to my business and find a way to free my fellow merchant, Agil. He's being held unjustly by the law, see." Again, Kirito was staring into the wall as hard as he could.
"Well that's the thing, we have a plan to bust him out! It's part of my plan to overthrow the Tyrant, see? Are you gonna say no?" She was grinning now.
"No thanks, Sinon and Asuna are more than a match for the guardsmen."
"No, we're not," both of them said simultaneously. Sinon was a slayer of beasts, not men, and as good as Asuna was at fighting, even Sinon doubted she could take on a phalanx by herself.
Asuna stamped her feet. "C'mon Kirito, let's just take her offer. Who knows what they're doing to Agil-san!"
Somewhere, deep underground, Agil faced a terrible horror.
Kirito finally turned to look at Argo, their eyes met. There was a feeling in the air, an electricity that wasn't there before. He was frowning, looking at the Rat with a stone face.
"Fine. It's a deal."
She extended a hand. "Let's shake on it."
Kirito grabbed it and was instantly pulled into a bear hug. "Argh, let me go!"
"Argo and Kirito, together again, the terrors of Aincrad!" Her arms were like steel and the five-foot-tall girl swung the taller merchant like a doll. Finally, she put him down.
"Right, we'll get on this first thing in the morning." She stood on her tippy toes and whispered into his ear, unheard by Asuna, but heard by Sinon, "I have a double bed we can share …"
Sinon grabbed her employer by the sleeve. "Thank you for your hospitality, Argo-san. Let's go, boss." She dragged Kirito out of the door and Asuna followed, slamming the door behind her.
"Wow, rude," Argo said to herself.
The three found themselves in a comfy room thanks to the goblins. The ceiling was a bit low and Kirito's head was an inch away from bumping into it. There were three beds, clean sheets all and curtains dividing them all. There was a storage chest for their stuff in the corner.
Kirito collapsed on the closest one. "Ah, time for a long sleep. Hmm, I sense two pairs of eyes drilling in my back."
Asuna placed her hands on her hips. "What was that?"
"What was what?" he said, but it sounded muffled with his face in the pillow.
"Her. Your girlfriend," said Sinon.
"My ex-girlfriend, yes."
"Pretending she doesn't exist doesn't make her go away, Kirito," said Asuna.
He turned around and looked at the ceiling instead. "Listen girls, whatever Argo and I had, that's over."
"She literally French-kissed you."
"Yeah, she's still got it," he said dreamily before turning serious again. "Anyway, I don't interfere in the personal lives of my employees, so I suggest you do the same. Good night!" Then he hid under his blanket.
"We're still here, you know," said Asuna.
"La la la, I can't hear you!" Then their employer started making obnoxious snoring noises.
Sinon began putting away her gear in the storage chest. She wasn't paid enough for this.
After breakfast, they reconvened in the dining room now turned war room. There were maps on the walls and on the table where the goblins were discussing the job in intense detail. There was even one of those boards with pictures with red circles with thumb tacks and different coloured strings in a spider web of madness.
"What's that for?" asked Asuna.
Argo opened her mouth to answer, then after a thought, said, "You know, I'm not entirely sure, but it looks neat, huh?"
Argo referred to the series of maps on the table showing an impressive building. "This is the Bastille, a super-prison containing all manner of political dissidents. The many influential city folk the Tyrant threw in: ex-councilmen, militia members, rich merchants, the works."
"How many guards are there?" asked Sinon, scanning the schedule on another board. "Twenty seems a bit low for a high security prison."
Argo nodded. "You're right but these are different levelled enemies. There are twelve patrolling the ramparts, eight in the prison itself. The dozen would be easy enough to take out but a single one of them is a match for a high level Clearer. The trick is actually taking them out one by one, and the best way to do it is overwhelming force."
Asuna studied the map further. "What's this huge skull symbol right here in the basement?"
"Ah well. That's the, how do you say it: the miniboss?"
"Miniboss?" asked Sinon.
"Oh, you haven't heard of the Beast?"
The Beast, as Argo explained it, was the true Warden of the Bastille. No one had seen the thing and lived to tell of it, so no one knew how it even looked like. Some say it was a wizard's experiment gone wrong and killed its master. Others say it was an exotic monster captured from the far jungles of Aincrad. The very few say it was a beast from the Outer Dark, a being from Beyond the Castle.
The fact she had the candles in the room put out (save the one in hand) really upped the Spook Factor by twenty percent as she explained it.
"Whatever it is, we need to neutralise it. If we can get through it, we can free Agil."
"And gain some allies," said Asuna. "Agil being captured was a coincidence, you're actually after the more powerful prisoners to be on your side."
Argo smiled. "No wonder Kii-bou hired you, Asu-chan. You're as smart as you're pretty. He did say he has a thing for long haired girls."
"I never said that!" said Kirito from a corner of the room. He was busy writing out insurance forms for the guild. "You guys do what you need to, I am staying out of it."
"Are you sure you don't want to come along? Come on, it'll be fun, Kii-bou!" said Argo. Kirito did not look up from his papers.
"It's no use, Argo. Kirito hides when a rabbit looks at him wrong. The man is a coward," said Asuna.
"Yup, that's me, Kirito the coward." He didn't at all take offense at being called one.
Argo looked angry at both of them but kept her mouth shut. "Anyway, we need to do some last-minute scouting. We need someone to go with my goblins, as backup. I have some few errands to do before we break in tonight."
Sinon sighed. "Yeah sure, why not? You coming, Asuna?"
"I'm not really all that stealthy, really."
"Oh c'mon, Asu-chan. Everyone can do it. All you gotta do is stand on a corner and keep an eye out."
A candle appeared above Kirito and he looked up from his papers. "Asuna, bring me my fake beard. I've got a plan."
"Can I please do something else?" whispered Asuna. "Please tell me to fight a monster or something."
"Please, Maki-chan. Give the woman the fish, and pack it well."
Asuna forced a smile at the customer. She handed her the wrapped fish and took the handful of coins from the woman.
The customer, a mother in her thirties with a child clinging to her skirt smiled. "You should bring your wife along more, Fumio. You might get more customers that way."
"You're right, Maki-chan is very pretty," he said with absolute sincerity. "I'm glad to have her with me."
You know, maybe this whole disguised merchant thing isn't all that bad.
For the rest of the day, Fumio the Fishmonger and Maki the Fishmonger's Wife, carted their fishy wares in the neighbourhood of the Bastille. It was one of the nicer neighbourhoods; as nice as a neighbourhood can be in Mankhlar anyway. The smoke from the city's many foundries made it seem as if it was almost dusk despite it being the afternoon.
The Bastille was merely a few kilometres away from the Triple Towers foundry. It was an imposing thing on the maps, moreso in the flesh. Asuna had spotted the building when she entered the city but didn't register the building for what it was.
Six large towers dominated the hazy sky and the rectangular building was connected with thick brick walls. One large gate dominated the landscape, its portcullis close and numerous figures could be seen shuffling on the tall walls. It was so out of place even compared to the brickwork of the rest of the city. Who knows how much taxpayer Col went into building this abomination?
Along the road that led up to the gates, goblins deftly climbed up lampposts and replaced candles and swept the street of garbage. How many of them actually worked for the Rat?
Meanwhile, somewhere, across the rooftops, Sinon was shimmying up drainpipes and clutching on clothes wire. With her were three other goblins: Club the Bruiser, Patch the Knife, and Doc Hood.
Club had her massive club (thus her nickname) on her back, the Doc had a variety of bottles hanging in a bandolier and Patch … she didn't see where his knife was and that worried her immensely. She was just glad they were on her side. She supposed, technically, she was on their side.
Her current job was triple-checking the number of guards on the walls and other oddities. She was on the south side of the bastille where the main gate was. All she had to do was lean on a chimney and keep eyes on it. It was surprisingly easy to be stealthy during the day thanks to the smoke. That being said, the smoke was assaulting her and there was an itch in her lungs even through her bandana.
It wasn't all that different from stalking a prey. Actually, it was much easier. It was just dreadfully boring. She jotted down the carts that went in and out of the gate with her sharp hunter eyes. So far, so good. On a street corner, Kirito and Asuna were selling fish and credit where credit was due, those were good disguises.
Then out of the corner of her eye, two guardsmen were zeroing in on them. She checked the crossbow under her cloak and confirmed it was cocked. Just in case.
The guardsmen were talking to Kirito. He was waving his hands around, trying to sell the fish. If Sinon knew better, she thought he cared more about selling fish than the mission.
She couldn't hear from the distance. She can only see the guardsman extending an open hand. Ugh, not again.
Suddenly, the cart tipped over, burying both guardsmen with fish. Kirito looks like he was apologising. The guardsmen yelled at him and left. Both started to put the fish back on the cart.
On the street, Kirito was keeping himself from laughing. "You did that?" asked Asuna.
"Well yeah. Just pulled a little wedge here," he said, producing his wedge in hand. "And boom, down the fish go."
"Whatever happened to don't make any trouble?" she said in an angry tone but even then, she had a smile on her face.
"Maybe I'm not as cowardly as you thought," he winked.
Night fell on the factory city of Mankhlar. Kirito was off somewhere running an errand, leaving the girls to dinner and finishing the plan. A pair of goblins came into the room, hauling a long crate. Argo clasped her hands in excitement. "It's here!"
Sinon reached for a prybar but there was no need for it. Argo slammed her fist through the board and ripped it open as easily as one would paper. When she was done, she blew the dust off her knuckles.
"Does she do that often?" asked Sinon.
The goblins shrugged.
"Sorry, force of habit," Argo said sheepishly.
The contents of the crate laid bare for all, the shiny new tools laid neatly upon a bed of hay. Asuna picked up a pair of … claws?
"That, swordswoman, is a pair of shuko: climbing claws. Nine out of ten ninjas recommend it! Perfect for us thieves, rogues and other ne-er-do-wells."
"Can't we use rope and a grappling hook instead?" asked Sinon.
Argo shook her head. "The walls are too tall. I know of one spot we can climb and a rope is too clumsy. We'll get spotted if we use it but we'll bring some just in case. And ah, the most important gear of all …"
Argo picked up three pairs of outfits from another crate. Sinon and Asuna took one look at the outfits and said, "No!"
"Oh, c'mon! It's for sneaking!"
Asuna pointed an accusing figure, "It's way too risqué!"
"But you have the body for it, Asu-chan. You've got womanly curves."
"That's not the issue here, Argo!"
Sinon rubbed her temples. "All black clothes show silhouettes, it makes more sense to wear grey."
"It actually gives a stat boost of +20 to Sneak and it muffles footsteps. As for Sinon, these special earphones will greatly increase your hearing! They look like -"
"I am well aware of what they look like," said the slayer.
The girls were unconvinced.
Argo, master spy and info broker, changed tactics. "Also, just imagine how Kirito would react."
She could see a switch flipped in their heads. She had them.
At eleven PM, Kirito climbed down the manhole and returned to the goblin HQ. It had been a busy evening trying to convince the merchant's guild representative to help him. He found Argo's lieutenants whetting their blades and oiling their armour outside the war room. Doc Hood said to him, "Gob gob."
"Gobbi," he returned. So the girls wanted him to see them off? Well, it's the least he could do, it wasn't like he was going with them.
Kirito entered the war room and his jaw hit the ground.
"Oh God, this was a bad idea, why did I convince her to make me wear this," said Asuna, her face red as her hair.
"I regret everything," said Sinon, as cool as ice.
Argo snappeda salute. "Ninja Captain Argo, reporting for duty! How do we look, sir?"
Wait. Calm down. Time to reassess the situation.
First: Ninja Captain Argo. She wore baggy pants and sandals accompanied by long gloves reaching her elbow. It did little to cover her muscular arms that came from a lifetime of martial arts. Her crop top was a tight fit and showed off her impressive six-pack stomach. Her painted whiskers gave her an almost primal, savage look to her.
Memories of fighting, the unstoppable duo on the battlefield. She has not changed a bit.
Second: Asuna wore an exquisite form fitting kimono with long sleeves. Her figure was normally difficult to tell considering she wore a layer of mail and gambeson, but without the armour it was clear. She had a great figure, a small waist and wide hips to go along with it. She had a natural beauty most girls would be envious of. Her long hair was tied up neatly in a bun and she had a flower ornament that matched her hazel eyes.
Her eyes flashed at him and it sent a chill down his spine.
Last: Sinon. She wore a tunic like the girls in the archery club, complete with floral pattern and breastplate with a pair black short shorts. Very short. Sinon always wore appropriate trousers thanks to her tendency to run off into the wilds. All that running around had given her an impressive pair of toned legs. They went on for miles.
And she had cat ears. My God. She had freaking cat ears on her head. They were blue and fluffy and matched her hair perfectly. He wanted to scratch them but he was sure she would kill him dead in a heartbeat.
In the amount of time Kirito took in processing the image before him, three seconds passed.
"Well? Aren't you gonna say something? This is, um, some high quality spec ops stuff. It would be ideal to sell all this when it's all over," said Asuna, trying her best to resume her bodyguard status.
"We … should probably go. We have a time limit on this mission," said Sinon. "And before you ask what's with the cat ears, it increases my hearing!" The fuzzy blue ears twitched at the mention.
They were trying to justify their choice of attire and failing miserably. Only Argo was comfortable in her outfit.
"Quick question, Kii-bou. Which of us looks best?" asked Argo.
Klaxons rang through his head: DANGER! WARNING! DANGER! WARNING! DANGER!
Cold sweat ran down his back.
Argo walked behind Asuna. "Maybe it's Asuna? Look at her with her pretty kimono and hourglass figure?" She ran her hands through her hips and Asuna squealed. "Isn't she just the model housewife?"
"I am no one's wife, you idiot!" Then she suddenly added, "Though I did enjoy our time together, Fumio-kun."
An invisible rapier rammed through his heart.
Argo teleported behind Sinon next. "Ah, maybe you're a leg man? Sinon, you look like you do track. Do those long legs make boys go crazy? Quick, say nya."
Miraculously, the slayer held up both hands in fists in imitation of paws and scratched the air. "N-nya."
A bodkin arrow came next.
Argo sauntered up to Kirito, still frozen in place. His eyes travelled all over her. Her player avatar in the Beta was inferior, an imitation to the real flesh and blood in front of him.
The info broker grabbed his hand and rubbed his knuckles across her face. It reminded Kirito of his cat.
"Or maybe it's little ol' me?" Then she kissed his hand like she did on their first date.
And with that, strong arms suplexed him through the table.
OhGodohGodohGodohGodohGodohGoodohGod
The girls looked at him, waiting for an answer. There was no way he was getting out of this alive. He always thought he was going to die to something much more mundane. The cold, the heat, bandits, wolves, the Dire Rabbit. Not answering a question about pretty girls.
If a dragon appeared right here, right now, and killed him, he would die without a grudge against Kayaba Akihiko.
Before death could come and give him its sweet embrace, the door opened. "Gobbo, gobbo!" said Patch, pointing to a non-existent watch on his wrist.
Argo rolled her eyes. "Fiiine. Come on girls, that prison isn't going to infiltrate itself!"
With a sigh, both bodyguards followed Argo out of the room. It was only then did Kirito let out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding.
Shower. He needed to take a long cold shower.
It was dark in the streets of Manklar. Around the city, the Tyrant's guard clashed with the members of the Thieves Guild, both sides' ranks swelling with foreign mercenaries.
At the eastern edge of the city, the Aincrad Liberation Force's Sixth Company soldiers launched a brutal raid on a butchery, a front for the Thieves' Guild. They arrested the NPCs and confiscated fifty kilos of Fairy Dust. Outside, the Tyrant's guardsmen kept a perimeter, spears in hand.
A few kilometres east of the Merchant's District, a group of the Thieves Guild best ambushed a caravan of weapons with the help of the Titan's Hand. The guild members went in with knives and clubs whereas Titan's Hand members loosed bolts from atop the roofs. After the skirmish, they opened the crates and found dozens of mail hauberk encased in sand.
Meanwhile, somewhere by the tanneries, members of the Thieves Guild were interrogating a guardsman in an abandoned warehouse. Outside, a squad of guardsmen and heavy troopers from the Gokkuen Gun surrounded it.
In the entertainment district where beer was cheap, a bar brawl broke out at the Grizzly Bear. Tempers flared, fists were flying and blood soaked into the spilled beer. A Centurion of the Sons of Mars smashed a wine bottle on the bar and held it like a sword against a guard sergeant.
At an inn south of the city, the Raiders' Colonel discussed plans with his superior. "The Rat does good work. These are excellent maps."
"That she does, Colonel," said the Captain General. "Are the men ready?"
"Ready as they'll ever be. When do we launch?"
"Soon, Colonel, soon. We just need to find those sets of plate armour then we'll do it."
"We've got some leads, we'll know sooner rather than later."
"Good. Report to me when you do."
The Three Towers decreased the smoke, just a little. There was always someone at the Foundry, always working, apprentices keeping guard over the furnaces. Unlike modern furnaces where everything was automated, there needed to be someone to keep watch over it, ensuring the heat was consistent. The Foundry was in no short supply of cheap labour.
At Sub-Furnace #14, a pink haired smith threw a fist full of coal into the furnace and pumped the bellows. She had been there for seven hours. The pay was miserable and her Smithing skills were barely increasing. She needed to find a better job.
At the Bastille, three goblin commandos climbed up the western wall, their shuko claws digging easily into the brickwork. On the eastern wall were the kunoichi, going up slow and steady. Argo was the first to reach the top, her back sweating from the effort. She signaled the all clear and vaulted over the wall.
A couple of guards stepped out of the tower. Even from this far, the ninja gear did its job and concealed them. Argo signaled Sinon and the slayer obliged with two blunt arrows to both of the guardsmen's heads. Asuna rushed forward to give them a couple extra knocks. On the other side, the goblins accomplished similar feats.
Both squads met above the gatehouse. Asuna looked down to see that the streetlamps weren't lit around the Bastille.
"Step One is complete," said Argo. "Step Two, we gotta bust the prisoners out. The goblins will be here to watch over, just in case. Commencing Operation: Bastille Bust!"
"Argo you already said that before we left," said Asuna.
"Then you muttered it under your breath multiple times on the way here," said Sinon.
"What, a girl can't practice being cool? Gobbos, I'm cool right?" The goblins did not answer.
"Whatever, not like I care." She absolutely 100% cared. "Let's go."
The Bastille, like its namesake, was an unnerving and unwelcoming place. Its very architecture was hostile, warning outsiders to keep out. The prison cells were empty as the Tyrant was a firm believer of not keeping his opponents alive save for the few kept in the basement. There was only one set of keys, and it belonged to the Beast. The mood, the tension, even the music, it reminded them of ...
"We're in a dungeon," said Asuna. "As in, the traditional usage of a dungeon: the kind where people keep prisoners."
"Heh, that's funny," said Argo.
A gust of wind blew from the barred windows, extinguishing the few torches that kept the halls lit.
"Okay, maybe it's not so funny."
There were guards on patrol, two on each floor and there were four floors in total plus a basement. Getting to the basement would be difficult but not impossible. They stalked through the halls quickly, their outfits nary making a sound as they ran at half speed. Sconces and torches were far and far between, lending them patches of shadows to hide themselves in.
"It's clearly a gameplay thing," said Argo. "It's why there's bundles of haystacks everywhere to cushion a fall."
Sinon's cat ears perked up. "Shh! Someone's coming!"
They hugged the wall and soon after guard came into view: he was far more armoured in the prison than those outside. The guard wore an immaculate set of half-plates and black half capes, mace and sword buckled on their belt and a lantern in their right hand. Their helmet was a polished morion with red plumes, a tabard with the Tabard's Mace on the chest. Their HUD indicated he was two levels above them.
"The Tyrant's Elite. We need to move in fast."
"I'll do it," said Argo. "Swords are noisy, Asuna. Let me try to beat him down first." Asuna nodded in agreement.
Sinon nocked an arrow. "On my mark."
Sinon stood and stepped out from behind the wall, the guard did not see her despite being fifty yards away.
Argo rushed in fists raised. She clenched a pair of stirrups turned into steel knuckles, a reward from a quest on one of the lower floors. She ran and delivered a sweep kick and caught the guard in a chokehold before he fell, squeezing his neck with both arms. After twenty seconds of struggling, he fell, unconscious. Asuna came to and helped tie him up and disarmed him.
They repeated the same procedure with the next guard and one floor below it. So far, so good. Asuna didn't even have to unsheathe her sword yet.
Sinon's cat ears twitched when they reached the second floor. "There's two of them, together." They scrambled behind cover to hide.
Sure enough, there were two guards, standing together, chatting and complaining about their current role. They were the same level, but two at the same time would be difficult. The doorway they guarded
"I've got a plan," said Argo. "Asuna, give me your sword."
"Okay, now what? Wait, what are you doing - AAH!"
The guards turned around to see a pretty girl sprawled on the floor before them. Asuna gathered herself and gave what she thought was a flirtatious smile.
"Ooh, deary me! It seems that I am lost, would you strong lads please assist me to the nearest exit?"
Sinon whispered to Argo, "Why is she talking in a British accent?"
"I don't know, you've been with her a lot longer," she whispered back.
The guards looked at each other. One of them pulled out a loop of rope from their belt and approached her. Sinon shot him in the face and Argo rushed out and delivered a punch right in his temple. Asuna leapt from her spot and tackled the other guard while Argo sent him to oblivion with an axe kick.
"Never. Do that. Again." Asuna ripped her sword from Argo's hand.
"What, it worked, didn't it?"
The first floor was similar and this time, they didn't try the poor damsel trick anymore, Asuna just rushed in and whacked both of the guards down by herself. The Rat reminded herself to not get on her bad side.
Finally, they were at the basement door. An unassuming thing that all of them could have missed had it not been for the iron bar and the sign that read: NO ENTRY WITHOUT THE PERMISSION FROM THE TYRANT AND/OR HIS COMMANDERS
"That sign won't stop me cause I can't read!" proclaimed Argo, and down they went.
Unlike the above floors, the halls were lit well despite the lack of people. After a few fleets of stairs, they were very much underground. Stealth here would be impossible without any shadows.
The objective was simple: track down the Warden and get the keys. Easier said than done, the goblins couldn't acquire maps in the underground like they did above. It was a matter of hunting down the Beast and taking them by force.
Eyes wide, sword, bow and fists out, the girls slowly and carefully snuck through the dungeon. They needed to focus one hundred percent on the job. The single slightest lapse in judgement and they could all very well di-
"So … how long have you and Kirito been dating?" asked Asuna. "He said you broke up."
Argo almost jumped out of her skin. She turned to her. "Really, Asuna-chan? You do realise we're in a dungeon with a miniboss right?"
The slayer said, "Argo's right, Asuna. We really should focus on the job."
"Thank you, Sinon."
"So have you two, like … you know." Sinon was raising an eyebrow repeatedly, as if that alone was some form of language.
Oh, she can't believe this. "What are you, his girlfriends?"
"Answer the question, Rat!"
It was only fair she supposed what with all the teasing she's done to all three of them. "Well, you see …"
Before she could answer, a set of iron bars fell from the ceiling, separating Argo from the two. "Oh well, gotta run!"
"You come back here, damn you!"
More and more iron bars came crashing down. Argo turned a corner and she was gone. Asuna sighed. "Well, the mission hasn't changed. Let's find this Warden and deal with it."
Half an hour passed as the two bodyguards travelled through the dungeon. They passed many doors and all of them were locked. At times, there would be bolts flying out of the wall or a bladed axe would swing down from above. They could hear crying from them all but Argo was adamant that neither of them spoke to the prisoners until they got the keys.
At some point, they entered an unassuming room and the roof came sliding down towards them. They had to scramble to solve a puzzle before finally being able to leave.
They passed one particular hallway and realised that the door was ajar.
Asuna walked in first, sword drawn, only to find herself confronting a familiar face. "Agil-san?"
Agil was lying on the floor with nothing but hay as bedding. A set of iron bars separated the prisoner and the rescuers. He looked up to them with bloodshot eyes. The merchant stood up. He looked no worse for wear except saved for his roughed up clothes. "Girls? What are you doing here?"
"To rescue you of course!" said Sinon. "You need to tell us where this Warden is so we can deal with him."
Agil's laugh was hollow. "Girls, you don't know the things I've seen. The pure horror, the blasphemy of it all. I've seen things that broke me."
Asuna's tone was sorrowful. "Agil-san, I'm so sorry …"
He punched the bars suddenly. "That bastard! He … he … put ketchup on steak!"
The girls were quiet before Sinon said, "Excuse me?"
"Girls, the thing made a steak. And he made it … well done. And if that wasn't enough he ate it with ketchup!"
"Agil-san, who …"
"The Warden of course. That … abomination." He hissed the last word like a curse. "He's doing it to everyone. Reading people's minds and giving them nightmares in real life. As a veteran cook, his sense of taste offends me to no end."
"Oh. Is that it?" asked Sinon. "I thought you were being tortured or something."
"Damn it, Sinon, of course he's being tortured, can't you see?!" said Asuna. "Putting ketchup on a steak is basically a war crime!"
Sinon forgot that Asuna was the cook for all three of them. "Riiiight. I'm sure you can find that in the Geneva Conventions."
Agil turned to Asuna with an understanding that only cooks shared. "And he didn't even salt it before cooking."
"My God. We must slay this creature immediately," vowed Asuna like a knight on a quest.
It seemed Kirito's eccentricities had rubbed off on her at some point. "Okay. Sure. Can you give us details?"
Then the door slammed closed behind them. Sinon shoulder-slammed into it to no avail. Holes appeared in the ceiling as gas poured into the room - knock out gas. Asuna came to help yet the only thing the girls were able to accomplish was hurting their own shoulders. Their bones rattled more than the thick oak door itself.
Their face covers were doing little to block out the gas. Agil was already out cold. "C'mon! Just one more!" said Asuna, coughing through her mask.
Then the door opened and the girls slammed into a wall. They coughed and took a lungful of air. "H-how did we escape?" asked Sinon, noticing the bar unhooked from the door.
Asuna was struggling to stand up. "I don't know, and I don't really care. We need to free Agil and find Argo. Let's get outta here."
They turned back and realised a wall that was suddenly there. "You know, maybe picking flowers wasn't a bad thing after all," said Sinon.
More time passed. Asuna almost fell through a trap door and plunged into the great abyss below. Sinon took a bolt to the shoulder but the ninja gear was far more durable than she had expected. Once, they saw a figure in the distance, just out of the corner of their eye: a black cloak flapping. They gave chase but found nothing.
It had been three hours since they initiated the operation. Then they stumbled upon a curious thing hanging from the ceiling of a particularly large hall.
"Don't you dare."
Asuna smirked. "So how's it hanging, Argo?"
The Rat was dangling over a pit of spikes and snakes, rope wrapped around her ankles. The hissing from the pit was somehow a welcome reprieve from the constant silence of the dungeon. "You wipe that smirk off your face and throw me a knife. I, uh, lost mine in the pit."
"We should probably find a way to close this pit first," said Sinon. The floor had some sort of sliding mechanism splitting the floor in two.
"Forget about it. All the controls must be in the Warden's office, and we still have no idea how to find it. So you gonna help me or what?"
"Wait, Sinon," said Asuna. "This is ample time to interrogate her."
There was a sharp inhale of air. "We're being hunted down in a city run by a dictator, we're stuck in a dungeon with a monster from another dimension, and you're spending our finite time playing twenty questions about my love life?"
"Yes," said both of them.
Absolute defeat. "Fine. Get it over with. Not like I'm going anywhere."
"How do you know Kirito anyway?" asked Asuna.
The Rat folded her arms. "I know Kazuto in real life. We're in the same school. My turn: why do you care?"
"As my employer," Asuna began professionally, "it's imperative that I know to best serve him. He's … eccentric, and runs into way more trouble than expected. Knowing him better would make it easier to protect him"
"Very corporate samurai, Asu-chan. What about you, cat girl?"
Sinon shrugged. "He's cute and I want to break that twink like a twig."
Silence and staring.
"What? A girl needs to get some too. The least he can do after all that flower picking."
"I can respect that," said Argo.
"When you met, you shot him in the face," said Asuna.
"It's a good thing we were in a safe zone, wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face of his."
"You should feel how soft his hair is," said Argo dreamily. "He really takes good care of it."
Asuna coughed awkwardly. "Anyway, he kept claiming you were his ex and you say you aren't. What's up with that?"
"Well, on the last day of the beta, we were running a dungeon. Tough fight, lots of players died, we were the only survivors. Dragons, you know? Then in the treasure room, he uh … well …"
Sinon's fuzzy ears perked up, intrigued. Asuna's face turned red. "I can't believe I'm in the company of perverts!"
Argo laughed. "Calm down, Asu-chan. Nothing like that happened."
Whew.
"He proposed and asked me to be his wife."
Both girls dropped their weapons. "What?!"
A long sigh. "Kazuto's a real sweet boy, he wears his heart on his sleeve. And we had been dating for a while. But it was way too fast. So instead of saying anything I just … well, I logged out on the spot."
"So you broke his heart," Sinon accused.
"We're both seventeen! We were just preparing to go to college much less have work experience! That's way too much responsibility! I like Kazuto, but well, I had college to focus on and well ..."
The Rat for once, looked embarrassed. "So we didn't speak to each other for uh … seven months? Yesterday was the first time I spoke to him since that. When my gobbos saw him entering the city, I just thought what better time to make amends?
"So the truth's out. Happy?"
Sinon lobbed her knife to the hanging girl. Argo deftly snatched the knife out of the air. In a feat of gymnastic prowess, she cut the rope binding her ankles and used the leftover rope to swing towards safety. The weight now gone, the sliding floors slid closed. She returned the knife to Sinon.
Sinon placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for telling, Argo. I didn't realise how close you were."
"It's okay. But hey, at least I know he's safe after all this time." She smiled sadly. "He's precious to me, you know?"
"Yeah." She leaned over and whispered into her ear, "I'm still doing him, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
The info broker flashed teeth. "Hah, you're on, catgirl."
Asuna picked up and sheathed her sword. "Idiots. I'm surrounded by horny idiots." The other girls laughed.
This must be it. After four hours in this godforsaken place, they may have found it. "Is this it?" asked Argo.
The set of double doors were much nicer than all the others and the name tag on it said: DEATH AND WOE TO THOSE WHO ENTER THE DEN OF THE BEAST
"Yeah it probably is," said Sinon.
On the count of three, the ninjas barged in, weapons drawn.
The room was vast with all sorts of levers and contraptions on the walls and hanging from the ceiling. The few sources of light were but a few torches hung high. In one corner were crates of unknown things, likely torture devices. In the middle of the room, there it was:
The Beast - Warden of the Bastille, lounging upon a red throne like some primeval lord, its exquisite crimson cloak a stark contrast to its wearer. From its rope belt were a ring of dozens of keys. It was a horrid and ugly thing - coarse black fur covered its figure, its long arms reaching the floor. The ape-man looked at the intruders with wide surprised eyes. It bared its fangs and roared a terrible roar.
The girls prepared for battle.
"You're dead meat, evildoer!" said Argo. "Prepare to meet your maker!"
The Beast put up a hand towards the intruders, "Woah, woah! Chill! What did I ever do to you?"
The ninjas lowered their weapons. "Excuse me?" asked Asuna.
"Wait, so did the boss man send you? I swear, I wasn't sleeping, really! Just resting my eyes."
It startled them to hear how … pedestrian its voice was. "Excuse me," said Sinon. "You're the Beast right?"
The ape-man said, "Yup, that's me! My official title is Warden, and the Beast is a nickname. My real name is Thok though. Can I help you with anything? Cool costumes by the way, big fan of the ninja stuff. Do you like my red cloak? My mum says I look quite dashing in it."
The merchant's bodyguards looked to the Rat. "Uh, Thok, was it? Can you explain what it is you're doing here?" asked Argo.
"Oh that's easy. All I have to do is listen to what the boss man tells me to do. He tells me to do these weird things to make people very upset. I don't like it myself, but hey, an ape-man needs to work for a living too, you know."
"So you're the one that put ketchup on a steak," said Asuna. Sinon groaned.
"Look, it's just food. I don't know why that fella was so angry about it."
Sinon held back Asuna as Argo asked more, "So all these levers and whatnot, that triggers the traps in the dungeon?"
"Oh yeah. But I've gotten so good at it I can do it in my sleep. Uh, don't tell Prosecutor Goro I slept on the job. He would be very upset."
"Question," said Sinon. "Was it you who opened the door to cell number 14?" That was Agil's cell.
Thok scratched his chin with one of his massive fingers. "Hmm, I could have done it. Like I said, I was kinda sleep-working. Maybe I actually pushed a button and unlocked the door. It happens."
"Excuse us, Thok," said Argo, and led the girls away.
The girls huddled and whispered to each other, debating on what to do. After five minutes of discussion, Argo said to Thok, "Uh, good news! This is a surprise inspection!"
"Well, I am most definitely surprised!"
"Considering your long service of … "
"Six months, and seven days."
"And as a representative of the Tyrant, we award you a two week vacation!"
The ape-man's eyes widened in childish glee. "Wow, really! I can't believe it! I'm gonna go home and tell mum!" He squinted. "What about the pay though."
"We'll wire it to you," said Asuna.
"I don't know what that means but okay! See you later, ninja ladies! Oh and here are the keys."
The Beast of Bastille left his office with a spring of his step. The girls stood in silence trying to comprehend what just happened.
"Well that was weird," said Sinon.
"Let's just pretend we had a huge epic battle," said Asuna.
"Agreed," said Argo.
The prisoners, blindfolded and tied, were herded into a carriage prepared by the goblins and to no one's notice, were quietly escorted out of the Bastille. It was an impressive feat of planning. When the cells were fully emptied, the lights around the Bastille were lit again.
Now the barracks of the goblin underground swelled with numerous free people: men, women, young and old. Being out of prison rejuvenated Agil and he was busy cooking for the whole group.
Argo gave a speech to her newfound allies and all of them promised support. Whatever her plans, it was being set in motion, until the time was right. By dawn, the prisoners were asleep and so were their rescuers.
By dawn, the jig was up. In the golden palace of the Tyrant, the ultimate ruler of Mankhlar raged against the breakout. Prosecutor Goro was detained until further notice and the now awake guards were interrogated.
Kirito entered the war room to see three kunoichi slumbering on the desk. Asuna lay sprawled on an armchair, Argo was face down on her writing desk and Sinon curled up into a ball in the corner, her ears twitching. He laid blankets on each of them and paused to look at Argo, her whiskers less ferocious and a lot cuter. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. The Rat mumbled in contentment.
Kirito exited the room and made his way outside of the base where numerous burning barrels provided light.
He chucked his black cloak into the fire and returned inside.
Argo: Forty-four reviews, that's a 40% increase in revenue. Not bad, Kii-bou.
Kirito: And it's all thanks to my Mercantile skill! That, and this chonky size chapter!
Asuna: Is it me, or is everyone but me a pervert in this one?
Sinon: We get it, Asuna. You don't -
Asuna: Shut up! Shut up! I hate all of you!
Kirito: Don't worry, she'll be back. And I couldn't have done it without YOUR help, loyal customers! Join us at the Kirito Corporation at discord . gg /z9Pz3Jzc7y (remove spaces) today!
Kirito, whispering: You're still gonna keep the cat ears right?
Sinon, nocking an arrow: Sigh.