The roads were eery going home at night, they weren't busy main roads on the way to their home, they were quiet side roads. Derek stayed fast asleep the entire journey home, Meredith just couldn't stop thinking about the worst. The sun didn't set until 8pm in summer so it was still bright outside. When she pulled up, she could see them having a barbecue and running around, laughing. How do you ask someone to look after your kids for 6 weeks? How are you supposed to do that?
"Derek, Der, we're home."
He groggily woke up, rubbing his eyes. Meredith reached out for his hand and held it tightly.
"It's going to be okay, you can beat this, you beat everything Mr Inoperable tumour guy."
"I know."
They both got out of the car but Derek couldn't move, the pain was that bad. Meredith ran around and grabbed hold of him, he immediately leant into her transferring some of his weight on her. Slowly, very slowly they walked towards the patio where the rest were sat.
"Daddy!" Kai said running over to him.
"No Kai!" Meredith shouted.
He looked like he was going to cry, Meredith helped Derek into the chair and then sat down next to him.
"Come here Kai." Derek said putting his hands out.
He ran over and with a lot of pain Derek lifted him up and sat him on his lap.
"How was the hospital?" Lizzie asked.
"We need to talk to you about that."
"Is something wrong?"
"Yes."
Derek was silent he just stared into the abyss, towards the city and the high towering buildings.
"I have...acute promyelocytic leukemia."
"Leukaemia?" Nancy blurted out.
Meredith stood up and went to get him a glass of water, not being able to watch him.
"Owwww damn it," Meredith shouted loudly.
"Mer..." Derek breathed, jumping up from his spot.
"Woah, Derek," Kathleen said as she leapt off the seat as Derek called out softly, his back and hip bone protesting the sudden movement as he sank to the floor, panting heavily.
"No..." Derek gasped.
"Meredith, get your ass out here!" Nancy called out quickly as she tried to pull Derek into a sitting position.
"Deep breaths, Derek." Kathleen coached.
"What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she hobbled out, her eyes growing wide. "What happened?"
"Dumbass decided to jump up and run," Nanch said as she shook her head.
"Mer..." Derek breathed.
"Derek," Meredith murmured, her hand going to his back as she bent down next to him. "Liz, there's a bottle of Demerol on the counter. Go get it. And a glass of water."
"Okay," Lizzie nodded, jumping off the floor.
"Derek," Meredith whispered, her hand moving to his back. "Der...breathe. Just...how bad? How bad does it hurt?"
"Bad..." he murmured, letting his body slump into her.
"It's okay," she whispered. "Your back? Your hip?"
"Both...both..." he breathed.
"It's okay, Derek. I'm here. I'm here." Meredith sighed, her fingers moving to play in Derek's curls.
"Yeah..." Derek nodded, still panting.
"Breathe," she pleaded softly. "I love you."
"Love...love you too."
Lizzie ran back with 2 Demerol capsules in her hand and a glass of apple juice. She passed them to Meredith trying not to spill any of the sticky juice.
"Thank you."
Meredith put the tablets in his mouth and then the glass against his lips. He gently took a sip and sighed.
"Sorry," he whispered, after swallowing the pill.
"No," she said softly, kissing him quickly. "Don't apologize. You can't...no." She wrapped her arms around him, letting him lean into her chest as she looked at his sisters.
"Can you help me get him to bed?"
"Yes."
After a big struggle getting him in bed, he fell straight to sleep. He looked peaceful but he was in a lot of pain. His sisters told Meredith to go to bed with him and they would put the kids to sleep.
He was still asleep at 10am, not like Derek. She had managed to slip out of bed, take a shower and get dressed and he was still asleep. Meredith had talked to the kids to try explain what was wrong with him but they didn't really understand. She wanted to think it was the pain meds, not the illness that was leaving him this exhausted. Because she still wasn't used to her husband sleeping through everything. She wasn't used to him not springing out of bed and running to make her breakfast or join her in the shower.
So she pretended it was the Demerol. She pretended it was the Demerol that she had woken up in the middle of the night to give him after he had woken her up with his low groans. Even if he had been sleeping through everything for nearly a month now, she could pretend it was the Demerol. She just wished it wasn't. She wished it wasn't the Demerol or the cancer. She walked into his room at 10:30am and he was still fast asleep.
"Der..." She whispered sitting down behind him.
"Hmmm..." He groaned turning onto his back to face her.
"How...is the pain...how are you feeling?" she finished lamely. It was a stupid question. A really stupid question. He had leukemia, he had cancer, he was feeling like crap.
"Crap," he sighed.
"Do you need some more Demerol?"
"No."
"Are you hungry?"
"A little bit."
"There's some leftovers if you want."
"Okay."
Derek sat up, wincing in pain. He put his feet down on the floor and stood up grabbing Meredith's shoulder out of instinct.
"Derek, you're...you can barely walk."
"Help." He whispered.
"I've got you, don't worry." She said as he fell into her.
"Thank you."
They walked out into the bright lounge and walked straight to the kitchen where Meredith helped him sit down on the chair next to the kitchen island. Nancy walked up to him and placed her hand on his back.
"Hey."
"Hi Nance."
"So Derek, we have got the funeral sorted for Sunday at 2pm so you don't have to worry about that."
"Thank you."
"How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm tired and my back and hip are in agony."
"I have a waffle Derek do you want that?"
"Sure." He sighed.
"Anything on it or plain?"
"Plain."
Meredith placed the waffle down in front of him, just the smell made him nauseated. He cut it up and slowly had a bite of it. He managed 2 pieces of it before he was full.
"Is that it Der?"
"It just makes me nauseous."
"Oh okay."
"Where are the kids?"
"In their bedrooms, I have told them Derek."
"How...how did they take it?"
"They're scared, but I said that you are strong and will get through this."
"So you lied then." He snapped. "Sorry."
"No, you are going to get through this, your Derek you can get through this."
Derek looked down at his plate and sighed until he saw a drop of red on the white plate. He wiped his nose with his hand to reveal blood all over it.
"Mer?"
"Yes?" She said with her head in the fridge.
"My nose." He stuttered.
She turned around and stopped for a second before grabbing some tissues. Derek grabbed them off her and placed them under his nose to try stop the breathing.
"This is normal Derek."
"I know."
After a few moments, the nose bleed finished and Meredith put the tissues in the bin.
"How are you feeling?"
"Dizzy." He said placing his head in his hands.
"Why don't you lay down on the couch?"
"Okay."
Meredith stood up and helped Derek up. Nancy, Liz and Kathleen had gone out grocery shopping, they had agreed to stay the first 6 weeks to look after the kids. Derek sat down on the couch and closed his eyes tightly shut. Meredith sat down next to him and placed her head on his chest, fierce heat radiated from his breath. She sat up again and placed her palm on his forehead. She bolted up to find a thermometer. When she ran back, she put the thermometer on his forehead and moved it down towards his ear.
"102.1." She sighed.
"Normal Mer."
"I know, do you want to watch a film with the kids?"
"Sure but I don't know if I can stay awake."
"Why don't we watch it in our bedroom then if you do fall asleep it won't hurt you even more."
"Okay."
Derek stood up and slowly walked into the bedroom. Meredith made sure he had sat down before going to get the kids from their bedrooms. She went into the girls room first and opened the door slowly.
"Hey girls, do you want to watch a film with daddy and me?"
"Yay!"
"Yes!"
"You go get Kai and go to me and daddy's room, I'm going to get some popcorn."
They ran out of the room excited and Meredith went to the kitchen. She grabbed 2 big bowls and filled them with popcorn. She got a bottle of water for Derek too. She walked into the room to see them all over Derek hugging him and talking to him. Where the kids looked happy and excited, Derek looked sad and in pain. Every time one of them touched him, he would wince in pain trying to be discreet from them but Meredith knew him too well. She walked in and placed the bowls down on her bedside table.
"What are we watching?"
"Princess film!" The girls shouted.
"Superhero!"
"How about Nemo." Derek whispered.
"Yes!"
"Yeah!"
Meredith rummaged around in the DVD box until she found it. She put it in the TV and went over to the bed. She pressed play and the music began to play. She sat down next to Derek and the kids sat at the foot of the bed watching the film in awe.
"Your exhausted, sleep."
"Okay." He said sleepily.
Meredith sat up against the head of the bed and Derek laid his head on her cold abdomen. He fell straight asleep as the film began. Meredith passed the kids one of the popcorn bowls and kept the other one for herself.
Derek slept through the entire film, snoring slightly which annoyed the kids slightly. He began to wake up just before it ended. His sisters were sorting out work things in the other room. He groaned quietly which started Meredith.
"You okay?" She whispered.
"No."
"What's up?" She said, her voice thick from worry.
"Pain Mer, really bad." He panted.
"What hurts?"
"Everything." He gasped.
"Kids, go get your Aunties for me."
"But the film..." Kai whined.
"Daddy is hurting, we can finish the film later."
"Okay."
They all hurried out of the room as Meredith laid him on his back. His face was contoured in pain. He gasped as the pain took over his tired body.
"It's okay, just...try to breathe." Reassured Meredith who tried to rub his back but she was too scared of hurting him more.
Kathleen walked into the room looking nervous, she did the same thing as Derek when he was nervous, rub his thumb on his pinky.
"Can you get the Demerol?"
"Yes of course."
Meredith saw him rubbing his stomach so did that for him, when she lifted up his shirt she saw a huge purple bruise covering half of his abdomen.
3 major leukaemia signs in a day.
"I'm here, don't worry."
Kathleen walked back in with 2 pills in her hands and passed them to Meredith.
"Do you need anything?"
"A flannel, could you get me a cold flannel please?"
"Yes." She said as she ran into their en-suite.
"Can you sit up?"
"Help?" He whispered.
"Help." Meredith sighed.
She helped him sit up and put the 2 pills in his mouth and placed the bottle of water on his parched lips. He weakly took a sip and swallowed the pills.
"It's...hot." He stammered.
"I know...I know."
Kathleen walked back in and passed Meredith the cold flannel. She left the room shutting the door behind her. Meredith dabbed the flannel over his forehead and his wet hair.
"It's the funeral tomorrow Derek."
"I know."
"If you sleep all morning then you've rested. We can get ready about 12 because we have to leave at 1."
"Okay, tired."
"You can sleep."
"You too."
"Okay,"
Meredith laid down and carefully hugged him trying not to hurt him too much.
"Love you."
"Love you."
They both fell asleep in each other's arms.
Derek woke up an hour later feeling much better physically. He just felt useless and weak. He decided to go for a run. Just a small amount of normality. He used to run everyday. He crept out of bed into the bathroom to change. He put a pair of shorts on and an old T-shirt. He walked back out and straight out of the door locking it.
As soon as Derek left the warm house he felt the cold summer breeze of Seattle on his skin.
He started off at quick pace, feeling his body's protests almost immediately, but he didn't stop. If anything, he picked up his pace just a little more, suddenly he got the urge to push himself slightly over his limits. It was getting harder and harder to breath. His muscles were tired from the lack of food and the illnesses compromising his weak immune system, his left side, right bellow the rib cage felt like it was on fire and he could feel his heart beating faster and faster. But he just pushed through the pain and continued on. After an hour he decided he should probably turn back in the direction of the house even though he was exhausted. He thought about calling someone to get him but he didn't. His pace had slowed down and another hour later he arrived back at the house.
An hour later when Derek decided to run back, Meredith woke up expecting Derek to be next to her but he wasn't. She stood up and walked out of the bedroom but there wasn't anyone there. There was a note on the kitchen island so she went and read it,
'Hey Mer, we have gone out to get some stuff for the funeral with the kids, didn't want to disturb you. Nancy.'
She knew where everyone else was but Derek.
Derek knew it was a bad idea to go out for a run. By the time he finally got back he couldn't catch his breath, his vision was beginning to grey at the edges and he felt so nauseated he was sure he was going to throw up any minute. He fumbled with his keys and he was quite shocked when he actually got the key in, in only one try, when he was shaking so badly. It made Meredith jump, the sudden noise from the key as she placed the note down on the table. As he stepped inside he was stricken with a sudden wave of dizziness and he half leant half fell back against the wall. He could feel bile rise at the back of his throat and he shut his eyes and swallowed hard. The last thing he wanted was to vomit all over the floor. The dizziness suddenly intensified, his knees buckled and he slid to the floor. Yeah, he knew it was a very bad idea.
He heard someone call his name but it sounded far away and he felt too weak to answer. He felt a light pressure at his right wrist. After a few seconds he heard the same voice calling for him again. Closer this time. Meredith.
"I don't feel s'good" He slurred.
"Hear, drink this."
And suddenly a glass was pressed against his pasty lips. He took a small sip and coughed a little.
"Drink some more."
The voice ordered him and he did so. The dizziness subsided as well as the nausea. He opened his eyes only to Meredith's concerned eyes looking straight at him.
"Derek." Meredith sighed. "Is that any better?"
"Yeah, I feel better" He answered.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he fainted and his head hit the floor with a bang.
"Derek!"