Laying on the double bed with Lena reminded her of her childhood. She always wanted a room of her own, but now that she has one in the Survey Corps, it seems rather lonely. So, she enjoys sleeping together with someone else for a change.
She hasn't seen Lena properly in a while, at least four years, when she was her age. Lena marrying off early and Petra's enlistment in the army caused them to drift apart rather early.
But lying next to her tonight makes her feel as if not even a day has passed.
Being the only female in her squad, Petra kinda missed the girly gossip she and her roommates shared in the training corps before they fell asleep. Where all the girls would suggest she had a crush on captain L—
Better not to think of that. Not that they were wrong, but…
Fortunately, Lena picks up a hot topic of discussion and Petra feels like a teenage girl again, although she gets a little embarrassed.
"So... tell me about your news", Lena's smirk can be noticed in the dim light of the candle. She's afraid of the dark and always sleeps with some source of light beside her.
"What do you mean, Lena? I talked all day about my news".
"Not that boring stuff, silly! I mean the kind of news you can't share with Papa and Mama".
"What do you mean?" Petra rubs her head awkwardly and turns to gaze at the ceiling.
"You know what I mean! You are in a squad full of men! In a perfect physical condition, may I add" Lena giggled. Petra hopes the light of the candle doesn't reveal her blush. "Did little Pet become a woman already?" Lena elbowed her teasingly.
"Lena!" she protests.
"Oh, come on! There's nothing to be ashamed of. You are talking with a married woman. You can tell me everything".
"There's nothing to tell you, honestly" Petra admits with a lowered voice.
"You can't be serious! You have plenty of men around! What's keeping you a virgin?"
"They are my comrades, Lena! We fight together!"
"One does not exclude the other" she raises an eyebrow.
"God, no! You are disgusting!"
"Why? They don't impress you enough?"
"First of all, Eld is engaged. Oluo is annoying. I could never see him that way. And Gunther... not really my type".
Petra is sure this will be the end of the discussion, but her sister's next question startles her.
"What about your dearest captain then? You seem to be very fond of him".
"Lena!"
Petra anxiously covers her sister's mouth with her hands, terrified at the thought that someone might hear her.
"Why not?", Lena giggles escape Petra's hands. "How was it again? Oh, right! Captain Levi is so good! He takes such good care of us! I will follow him everywhere. I will devote my life to him!" she repeats Petra's words from her letters with a horny voice.
"I didn't mean it like that!"
"Really? So, does he take good care of you, Petra?"
"Stop it! You are ridiculous!"
"And when my horse was killed on an expedition" Lena continues with her horny voice, "captain Levi let me ride his. His poor horse had to carry two persons, but thankfully we made it back safe! But he doesn't let me ride just his horse. Oh no! He lets me ride him!"
"I never said that! Never!" Petra protests. "He is my commanding officer and I am his subordinate! I serve under him!"
"Oh, so he has you under him indeed" Lena laughs.
"Shame on you, Lena! He is my captain. Even if I wanted a relationship like that, which I absolutely don't, he would never sleep with a soldier of his squad!"
"For the sake of God, he's a guy, Petra! The only thing on their minds is to put their cock inside of something and touch some breasts!"
Petra hides her face in her arms, too uncomfortable with this conversation.
"Besides, you are a real treat, ginger head!" Lena adds and cups her sister's breasts firmly. "Aw!" she lets an exclamation of surprise and amusement. "For the love of Sina, these girls got bigger than I remembered!" she says while massaging and squeezing through the thin fabric of her shirt.
For a moment, Petra likes to pretend that these hands toying with her exceptionally hard nipples belong to her captain, but she quickly snaps out of it and pushes Lena away.
"Cut it off, Lena" she laughs.
"But look at the effect just the mention of his name has in these two little rosy—"
"Shut up! It's just from the night breeze. I'm a little cold" she tries to sound convincing.
"Sure, whatever" Lena smiles.
"Being away from your husband for a month really broke you, right? That's why you take it out on my…" Petra points at her chest.
Her nipples still stand out from under her shirt. Lena laughs and Petra pulls up her sheet and covers herself up to her neck.
"Come on, don't be angry, Petra! Since these ladies felt neglected, I decided to take it upon myself to make them feel a little bit less lonely".
"Thanks for the kindness " the two sisters giggle uncontrollably, "but I prefer to leave them at peace".
"That's a real shame! And here Papa thinks that this stupid tea will make your captain happy. One can only imagine how much more pleased that shortie would be if you offered him a couple of other things as a present! Maybe he prefers juices".
"Lena! H-how... how dare you!" Petra stutters in utter shock.
"Come on, Pet, don't be scandalized. I'm only kidding".
"That kind of humor is beyond the line! Captain Levi is a very respectable man and he would never think of me in that way!"
"Well, do you think of him in that way?"
"I... I... Of course not!"
"You are a terrible liar, sweetie" Lena pinches her sister's red cheeks. "It's not that big of a deal. It's natural for a girl your age" she shrugs nonchalantly.
"Goodnight, Lena" Petra turns side.
"Fine" she laughs and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight, Petra".
The funny thing is Petra is not sleepy at all. She stays awake, trying to keep her mind clear of dangerous thoughts.
Is there a chance her sister is right? Would it be that big of deal if she spent one night with Lev- "with the captain!" she corrects herself. Would he be opposed to it? She's leaving the squad after all, so there wouldn't be any awkwardness afterwards.
God, what is she even thinking! Lena messed her up completely! How can she be even considering asking him? She couldn't even tell him the real reason she wants to leave the squad, let alone dare to make a move on him! That would be a guaranteed way to make a total fool out of herself.
Petra changes sides and turns to face her sound-asleep sister. They were always so different. Petra was the adventurous type, while Lena preferred focusing on stuff that were traditionally seen as more feminine.
The idea of boys and marriage never really resonated with Petra that much. However, tonight she begins to have second thoughts. Would it be so bad if she never joined the army? If she found a nice guy and settled down, like her sister?
No, she's not jealous! Well... maybe just a little bit.
Crap! It's almost dawn and she hasn't slept at all!
A fragile ray of light comes through the window and lands on Lena's chest. As she breathes steadily, her soft breasts move up and down. Petra can't help but stare. Her sister has always been more privileged in that area. Elias sure has a great time with her.
She missed seeing female bodies, except her own. She thinks she hasn't looked at a woman so closely since her training days, when she shared a room with the girls.
This sight in front of her right now takes Petra back to those days, in a nostalgic way. However, Lena's assets are bigger and more beautifully shaped than any of the roommates' she can remember.
Maybe after all, Petra is indeed jealous.
Would it be easier to approach Levi if she looked more like her sister? Would she have any chance at all?
Lena always had the guys she wanted. Petra remembers her showing off hickeys under her night gown, once they retired to bed. Elias proposed far too early. She really had bewitched him.
Why Petra has to be in love with someone so unapproachable, so forbidden? Perhaps she should have stayed home. She would never be as famous with guys as Lena was, but she may have found someone decent. Someone to give her all the love she yearns for right now.
Maybe—
No.
No, Petra is not jealous of her sister. She may be beautiful and married, enjoying things Petra never had, but Petra has something else.
She knows Levi. She may never be as close to him as she dreams, but the mere fact that he exists in her life makes her sure: she would never regret leaving an ordinary life behind and joining the army. Even if she dies on the very next expedition.
She could never choose a life where she doesn't meet him.
No husband could ever compare to her captain. She is really devoted to him in every way. And even though they won't be in the same squad anymore, she will always find a way to admire him from afar. She will always be behind his back, ready to protect him, breaking formation and disobeying orders if need be.
Domestic life is beautiful. Petra is glad she sees her family happy with the simple lives they lead. But she could never be content with that. Not now that she knows Levi.
She will tell him everything when she returns. She won't be able to live with herself if she keeps all these feelings in her chest.
She expects nothing. Not even a single night as Lena suggested. But she won't mind. Her love for Levi fills her heart and makes her truly happy, even if she has to be away from him.
Yes. She loves him. She will tell him.