Chapter 5

It mocked her with its design. That was the only thing Marinette thought as she stared at the miracle box from across the room. She had been foolish to bring it out of its safe in the first place, but the inner war inside her head had proved to be too much for her when she spent all day at home. She had Tikki and the earrings locked somewhere else somewhere less accessible just so she wouldn't be able to use both the earrings and ring even if she was tempted to. But there was one miraculous sitting in the box that would give her what she wanted without having to make a wish or destroy the fabric of the world. She just didn't have the courage to do it.

Master Fu had trusted her with the box. He had told her that she was ready to be the guardian and that he trusted her to do the right thing even after her mistake. She had vowed never to betray his trust…even when he didn't remember he had ever trusted her.

Groaning to herself, she fell backward onto the carpet of her living room. Or perhaps it was better to say that she fell onto the mounds of fabric that she had spread out throughout the living space in an attempt to inspire herself. It hadn't worked, but there was something comforting about laying in fabric. She was surrounded by potential, and that was thrilling. The only problem was, she lacked the energy to turn potential into something real.

She ran her hand across the chiffon beside her thinking of the different wraps and dresses she could make with it, but she didn't move from her spot on the floor. She knew if she tried to start anything it would only end with her undoing everything and ruining her fabric. Tikki was really good at getting her inspired, but she knew that Tikki was rather inaccessible at the moment.

After what seemed like hours of laying on the ground and moping, Marinette sat up to look at the box again. She couldn't keep living like this; she had to do something. Either she was going to open the box or she wasn't. She might as well decide which she would do now. Setting her jaw, she eased herself up off the floor and headed to the box. She had opened it countless times since she had gotten it as a fourteen-year-old girl, but now her hand shook as she pressed the top button, as if the box would explode.

Only one of the dots opened up, just as Marinette planned for it to. She let out a shaky breath as she stared down at the brooch which sparkled up at her temptingly. She knew she should close the box and book a flight to Tibet as soon as possible. However, she couldn't lose her memories. No matter how painful they were. Making her decision, she grabbed the brooch and pinned it to the bottom of her shirt. Gritting her teeth she looked at herself in the mirror she had put up to model designs.

In a flash of light, a kwami appeared. Marinette didn't turn to look at the creature, instead staring at their eyes through the mirror.

"You saved me!" the kwami squealed. "How did you do it? I'm forever grateful for you!"

Marinette swallowed at the excitement, knowing she hadn't done anything except collect the brooch from the broken holders from before.

"Master?" the kwami prodded when Marinette continued to stare at herself in the mirror. If she said the words, she knew there would be no going back. She would be using the miraculous to do something she shouldn't. However, the thought of not doing it hurt worse.

"Duusu," Marinette said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Spread my feathers."

Mandarine hadn't been easy to learn. Marinette had always wanted to learn the language, but without Adrien's help, it was nearly impossible to do so. Even now, at twenty-one, the thought of trying to have an actual conversation in the language made her want to run and hide behind her mother. There was something beautiful about the language even if she couldn't speak it well enough to give it justice. However, as she stared at herself in the mirror, her peacock costume styled after a traditional qipao dress, she felt that a name in Mandarine was fitting. And Zìsī seemed like the perfect fit because what she was about to do was ridiculously selfish.

And the worst part was that she found she didn't care.

ooo

The boy who stood in front of her wasn't part of her imagination. He was as real as he could be given the circumstance. And he was waiting for instructions.

"Adrien," Marinette managed to say before her voice choked. What had she done? She had created a sentimonster, not a person.

"Is that my name?"

Marinette almost broke the connection right there. She thought back to the time when Mayura had created a version of Ladybug with the miraculous. Despite being a sentimonter, she had had an identity and one that she wanted to act on. Of course, in the end, Mayura had taken the feather back rather than fight two Ladybugs and the memory of it still haunted Marinette.

"Yes," she blurted to the sentimonster across from her. "That's your name."

Looking down at the bracelet in her hand, she knew she couldn't take it back. She couldn't end this sentimonster the way Mayura had mercilessly ended Bugette. Swallowing, she extended the string of beads out to the boy in front of her.

"This is yours," she said. "You're free to do what you want."

Adrien looked down at the beads she handed him with a vacant expression. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Whatever you want to do," Marinette said with a sick feeling in her stomach. "I won't give you orders."

The sentimonster smiled the same way Adrien used to and Marinette's sick feeling grew. Why did she do this? How was this supposed to help?

"Well, then I guess the first thing I should do is introduce myself," the boy said, tucking the beads into his pocket. "Apparently, my name is Adrien. And other than that, I have no idea who I am. I'm assuming you do, though."

"I can help you," Marinette acknowledged. "If you want."

The sentimonster's smile only grew. "That's exactly what I want."

It only took a few hours for Marinette's sick feeling to fade. Despite her worries from before, there was something cathartic about going through her pictures of Adrien and sharing stories of him. Sentimonster Adrien watched and listened closely to each story. He started adopting traits that Marinette described of Adrien, though some things couldn't be taught, such as Mandarin.

"What's your name?"

Marinette looked down at herself. She was still transformed into her peacock form and she swallowed. "Like this, I call myself Zìsī."

"That's pretty," Adrien said, smiling politely. "What does it mean?"

That's when Marinette realized that no matter how many things she taught the sentimonster, it wouldn't change the fact that he wasn't Adrien. He wouldn't know how to play piano or how to speak Mandarin, nor would he be a natural at physics. Those things were traits of Adrien that she couldn't teach the sentimonster.

"It means 'selfish'," Marinette muttered, dropping her transformation. She knew that the sentimonster version of Adrien would continue because of Master Fu's mistake. His sentimonster, Feast, had wreaked havoc on the Tibetian temple even after he had dropped his transformation, so she did not doubt that her sentimonster would be fine if she dropped hers.

"That's...an interesting name to pick for yourself."

Marinette shrugged, picking at the miraculous currently pinned to her shirt. A tired Duusu floated nearby, though Adrien didn't seem fazed by the peacock's presence at all.

"What do you call yourself like this?" Adrien continued. "When you're not blue?"

"Marinette."

"Well, Marinette," Adrien said, folding his arms. "I think that you and I are going to be very good friends."

Marinette couldn't help but laugh. Adrien seemed pleased with himself for having made her laugh, but she couldn't help it. There were things that she couldn't teach Adrien about his old self, but it seemed not everything had to be taught. Some things he seemed to pick up on his own. Once she stopped laughing at the unfortunate choice of words, she smiled at the sentimonster across from her.

"I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

ooo

Things got difficult very quickly. Marinette hadn't thought about the fact that a sentimonster that looked just like a famous supermodel would draw attention. Luckily, no one had noticed her mistake in her apartment building, but as she caught sight of an old magazine with Adrien's face on it, she realized what the world would do if she brought Adrien out into public. Adrien had been very confused as to why Marinette had dragged him all the way back to her apartment when she had previously told him they were going shopping, but she had simply told him she decided she wanted to stay in.

Adrien watched her pace in the front room seeming content to relax on her couch. He didn't ask questions as to why she was pacing, but she also knew that he didn't know much about human tendencies yet. He probably didn't realize that pacing was a sign of stress.

"Duusu, what would you do?" she asked the kwami, coming to a stop.

"I don't know," the kwami admitted as they nibbled on some chocolate. Marinette wasn't sure what the kwami preferred, but at the moment the bitter bar of dark chocolate seemed to keep Duusu occupied.

"I could wear a disguise," Adrien offered, reaching over to put on one of Marinette's floppy hats she had made ages ago. Marinette studied him for a moment, wondering how he knew what she had been afraid of.

"You'd have to wear more than a hat," she sighed, coming to take the hat off his head.

"I could do that," Adrien said, smiling at her eagerly. "It'll be fun-like an undercover mission."

Marinette rolled her eyes. She knew she shouldn't have watched so many movies with Adrien, but she found that many movies, no matter how cliche or cheesy they really were, taught a lot about the world in ways she couldn't explain.

"Shopping isn't all that it's cracked up to be," she pointed out. "I could just go and you could stay here."

"On your couch?" Adrien asked. It was where he had spent the last few nights and where he seemed to enjoy being. "It's a nice couch, but I haven't gotten to see the world yet. Not really. Movies don't count."

"If you're going to make this work, then you should probably let him go outside," Duusu added, swirling over. "The sun can do wonders for someone! I say we all go!"

Marinette bit her lip. She had to admit she was going a little stir crazy inside her apartment all day as well, but she also knew that if they went out, she would have to stay out of the public's attention. As the last several weeks had proven, that was easier said than done for her. Even with her trying to keep a low profile, someone always seemed to recognize her as Ladybug and call her out.

"Fine," she said. "But we're going to have to get all dolled up before we go out."

"Perfect," Adrien said, getting to his feet. "I've always wanted to try modeling."