Chapter 5: A History of Victory
"What? I'm not buried yet, and you know I'm not gonna sit here all day."
"Commander..."
Dr. T'Soni was cracking. Finally. But just when Lucy thought she'd gotten through the scientist's resilient defenses, she was proven wrong.
"And you know you should be sitting there all day," came the calm retort as Dr. T'Soni left to fill the cup with more water. "I assure you that everything is being handled."
That assurance came with proof itself, with much badgering until the scientist cracked and conceded to at least read reports for Lucy. It would take a bit more nudging until the datapads were actually allowed to be in her hands, but if fishing ever taught her anything, it was the virtue of patience.
When Dr. T'Soni walked back towards Lucy, the marine swore it had to be the medication messing with her head and making her feel hot - especially when her gaze fell to the subtle sway in the scientist's hips. She forced her eyes up to the cup and was ever grateful for an excuse to busy herself, and her enthusiasm to move gave her an extra painful distraction buzzing along her torso. She disregarded the worried look in her peripheral vision and suppressed the hiss as best as she could, then smiled guiltily as she offered the empty cup back for another round - then viciously decided against it as the cup slammed on her night stand.
She didn't need to see that sway again.
"Commander, are you okay?"
"Never been better," Lucy nearly wheezed, coughing when water was still working it's way down. She needed another distraction and quickly. "Music? I focus best with it."
That seemed to pique the scientist's curiosity. "Do all humans share auditory learning preferences?"
"Hm... I can't say for sure." Lucy welcomed the music, but she was hoping for something that was a little closer to home. "I remember learning that everybody has different ways of learning; I can't remember all of the methods - maybe 6 of them? - but I do know that mine is primarily kinetic and auditory." A devilish smile tempted her. "I like to move to learn. Just saying."
Dr. T'Soni actually rolled her eyes. "Goddess, Dr. Chakwas was not joking when she said you are stubborn. Nothing is going to change my mind, Commander. Bed rest."
"Dr. Chakwas should give you a bloody medal for holding out against me for so long," Lucy huffed. "Especially for someone without training."
"And please keep it that way," the scientist blurted. She seemed to stun herself at that, and she had that deer caught in headlights look. Her throat colored slightly and she smiled apologetically. "My apologies, that was out of line."
"You're not a soldier." The words left Lucy before she had the chance to consciously think and reflect on them, and they didn't stop. "I'm not offended. You can let your hair down around me - er, in a manner of speaking." She gestured for Dr. T'Soni's forearm. "Activate your omni-tool for a minute, I want to change the music."
Maybe if she offered this little slice of herself, she wouldn't be so intimidating. All her cursing - during the ambush and being medicated - probably frightened some.
Fingers gingerly wrapped around her wrist, and she looked up with confusion. The scientist had that apologetic smile again; it didn't fit her, and yet she wore it so much that it fit her too well - even if she had nothing to apologize for. Why the hell was she so hard on herself? Perhaps a question Lucy could relate to all too well.
"I would need to download from the extranet. If you provide me a list of songs, it will be easier for me to search for them on my terminal."
"Oh, right, you don't have access or an account. Here. C'mon. Gimme." The marine gestured again for Dr. T'Soni's forearm, taking secret delight in the bewildered expression. "I'll create an account for you right now. You should have the same level of access as the others - sorry I hadn't done this sooner. Escaped my mind."
"It is... fine?"
Glorious. This needed to happen more often.
Lucy typed in Dr. T'Soni's full credentials, something she made a habit of researching with every crew member she brought on board to serve on her ship - with respect to their privacy if certain articles of information seemed personal. There was one thing she was stuck on, though, and she glanced at the scientist for her opinion.
"I remember you had your doctorate credentials on your own suit: X-05. Would you like that or SR1? I'd understand if you'd want your cred-"
"SR1," Dr. T'Soni didn't hesitate in a heartbeat. Her gaze was glued to the screen, and excitement was evident on her features. "May I choose my password?"
Bravery - and an almost playful enthusiasm of her own - took control of the marine's better judgment. "As long as it's 'Lucy Rocks'."
Yeah. Yeah, this was totally the medication.
That was the story she was going to go with, anyways.
Dr. T'Soni stared incredulously at her. And then she smirked. "What a wonderful choice." The scientist tenderly pushed her hand in and typed that exact password.
"I was... kidding... y-you don't have to-"
"I want to."
Lucy didn't know what to make of this. Was she dreaming? It was very rare to see this kind of smile from the scientist, especially when she was sooner shy or anxious or apologetic. There were many more facets to this being beside her, and upon Dr. T'Soni logging into the system with her new account, something else bloomed in her eyes. It was almost as if she was elated - not to have this access, but...
"Thank you for your trust in me, Commander."
"No problem..." Lucy was still in la-la land, staring as her foggy brain tried to demystify whatever was actually happening in the air between them. She gave up quickly and decided to go with the flow, gesturing for the omni-tool again. Every time she cradled Liara's wrist, something happened, and Lucy didn't know how to give it words or a voice. She liked it - she knew why it was happening, but it was still frustrating not to really know what was happening.
Did that why extend to Dr. T'Soni at all?
A question that surprisingly bore some pain - both in it's asking and it's potential answer.
"Here, all you have to do now is find my account and request a direct link to my music folder in the messaging system. A lot of the requests have been automated so if you're ever unsure as to what command to send or receive, all you have to do is type - for example - 'music', and the system will first display a list of commands for you to pick and choose from; then it will format it for you. If you want it to confirm one last time what you want to send, you can change that in your account settings, otherwise as soon as you choose the keywords then it will send that command automatically."
"Interesting..." Dr. T'Soni worked alongside the marine's hand and experimented along the tour of the messaging system, a stunned look hitting her briefly upon seeing the list of Alliance members serving on the Normandy pop up. "It is so strange to see all the names I do not know, and they are all on this ship..."
"It's a big ship," Lucy chuckled. "Don't sweat it, doc. You can't expect to know everybody when you've kinda confined yourself to the med-bay."
"I wonder why, with you here so often," Dr. T'Soni shot. It seemed it wasn't at all what she intended to say when that sheepish oh shit look crossed her eyes again.
Lucy knew what was coming.
"M-my-"
"Apology not accepted, Dr. T'Soni." Oh, this was pure evil. The marine reeled in her temptation to tease when she saw the panic. "Because there's nothing to apologize for."
Relief visibly melted the scientist's body. It kind of bummed Lucy out - not the relief, but the fact relief was needed.
"At ease," Lucy murmured. "It's a command I usually give to soldiers, but... I don't want to command here. I hope you can feel that way around me, someday. I understand that I have been intimidating and can still come across that way, and I'm working on that, doc; but I have a really hard time shutting off. I'm always working. I have to be. But I'll work on relaxing."
"You will not achieve it if you have to work at it," Dr. T'Soni blurted. "You will if you remember it, though."
There was an almost unspoken transaction when the scientist sucked in a sharp breath, realizing what she'd said. There was an apology screaming in the boiling air. Lucy looked away, uncomfortable over the topic being brought up again - at least, what she assumed the scientist was implying. After a long excruciating period of silence - or what felt like a long time, anyways - the marine melted on her bed and closed her eyes.
"Remembering it isn't the same as doing it, though."
"I... I could..." Dr. T'Soni seemed to decide against whatever she was going to offer. She sighed and derailed from the topic none-too-subtly. "Where are you on this list?"
"Should be somewhere at the top. Ranks are abbreviated, so look for CDR, or ST&R. It will show two of me, separately - I check both so either one works."
"ST&R?" Dr. T'Soni's voice seemed faraway, contemplative. "Spectre..."
"Special tactics and reconnaissance."
"Ah." A beat. "Here we are, I found one. CDR Lucy Fair Shepard?"
There was amusement to be had in the scientist's innocence. Lucy opened her eyes and observed, wondering if someday Dr. T'Soni would find out through her peculiarly-timed research on humans, or if Lucy would have to explain it. It didn't have the same punch if she explained it. Maybe she could hint it and send the scientist off on an expedition on the extranet. For now, it would have to wait.
"The one and only."
Seconds ticked by so slow they felt like years, but Lucy hadn't minded. It was an opportunity to observe again, to watch all the variances of concentration and discovery cross the scientist's face as Dr. T'Soni elected to tackle the messaging system on her own, experimenting to learn. She had a look of pride when she finished and held out her forearm to thrust the screen in the marine's face.
"Look, I think I did it. Did I?"
"Mm-hm," Lucy nodded, scanning the string of commands. "You want more than music, huh?"
"Is this something that you have on your omni-tool?"
"Hm? Oh no, I have to go to my quarters to message you back any of these - even the music."
"What? Why?"
There was almost a sense of urgency, and Lucy's inner devil flared. She punched right back down. For now.
"I don't have an omni-tool," she chuckled, "I've never been good with tech. I'm still all about OSDs. Guess I'm just old-fashioned that way; I'm as Earthborn as they come."
"So I have to wait until you are better to get these?"
That inner devil resurfaced and it refused to be tamed this time. Lucy smirked villainously. "Well... You wouldn't have to wait if you would just let me go to my quarters..."
Oh, now this was pure evil. Dr. T'Soni appeared very visibly distraught, her mouth slightly ajar, her eyebrows pinched and lifted as she struck the most heart-wrenching puppy eyes that tugged at heartstrings Lucy didn't possess. She made her peace long ago that she was secretly an asshole - something only Dr. Chakwas intimately knew. Too bad the good doctor didn't warn the good scientist.
"Bribery, Commander? How could you?"
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. So?" Her smirk grew - it almost felt alien to have it plastered all over her face, so carefree. "What's it gonna be, doc?"
Dr. T'Soni looked at the exit to med-bay, chewing her lip. She wanted those pictures and videos more than music. Then something appeared to click, and it didn't bode well.
"You are 'all about OSDs'..." It was Dr. T'Soni's turn to have a sinful smile. She rose and strode for the door. "All I have to do is find them, and I am good at finding artifacts."
Well, this backfired beautifully. Lucy's stomach plummeted with disappointment. She'd been outsmarted, and continued to be.
"Breaking and entering, Dr. T'Soni? How could you?"
"Desperate times call for desperate measures."
It had been a long time since Liara had actually felt pride that was actually borderline smugness. Yesterday, she would have felt positively horrible for being the cause of Shepard's sulky mood, but today, she almost reveled in it. An entirely new genre of music played in the med-bay, and it caught her off guard; she would have never expected such forceful energy in this 'rock' that the commander enjoyed listening to.
Perhaps, with her feeling the need to cage such things in order to maintain an appearance of a professional soldier, it was the only way Lucy could express herself - even if it was to herself, by herself. It was exciting to be allowed to be a part of that; what was more exciting, however, was having access to the marine's personal pictures and videos of Earth.
"Amazing!" Liara breathed breathlessly, studying the sunset that turned the sky into a kaleidoscope of amber, amethyst, rose pink and deep garnet red. "What is this one?"
"The Cliffs of Moher..."
Something about the commander's tone threatened to break out in enthusiasm, but she fought well to repressed it in order to maintain her pout. Each picture was chipping away at that resolve, though. Liara was determined. It was wonderful to learn that she wasn't the only one who appreciated geography and history, even if their appreciations were for different reasons.
"The cliffs rise up to 214 meters, and you can see the Aran islands and the hills of Connemara from there. It's got a lot of walking trails, but it's best to see it by boat. They've got a high-tech visitor center there, but I think you'd be more excited to see the 19th century lookout tower." Human measurement of time was something Liara would have to research in order to gauge how old something actually was. "It's one of the sights you've got to see when you visit Ireland."
"Ireland," Liara tested on her tongue. "Is that where you are from, Commander?"
"You mean you didn't trespass and look at my closet?"
Goddess, what a vindictive tone. Glorious. Liara struggled very hard not to smile as she confessed plainly. "I did, and there was nothing in there indicative of your origin."
"Maybe you didn't look hard enough," Shepard huffed; a tempting challenge almost accepted. Thankfully it didn't need to be. "Yeah, it's where I'm from. Next pic."
Several were cycled through with brief explanations as to where they were and their history; though the locations all went over Liara's head, she stayed silent and absorbed as much of the information as she could, trying to envision herself walking along the paths that the commander detailed in her own experiences. A spark of excitement shot through her at the next suggestion.
"You should open up the folder that says 'castles'. I think there's 11 different ones in there, but I don't remember too much history since it wasn't particularly interesting to me."
"What? How could it not?" Liara deftly navigated the folders and opened with all due haste, her eyes lighting up. "The architecture is-"
"Really old," Shepard smiled with a hint of playfulness. "I only remember the first one: the Kilkenny castle, only because it's the most visited and sought after tourist sight. I believe it's history dates all the way back to the 12th century. The first structure was actually a wooden tower built sometime in the 11th century by the Anglo-Norman conquerer Strongbow. Later, his son-in-law erected this castle with four towers, but only three of it have survived today. The castle was bought by a powerful family - the Butler family - in the 13th century, but it was a huge financial strain to maintain it's upkeep, and was later surrendered to the city for a measly sum of 50 Irish punts."
"What would that currency be in credits?"
"I'm not too well-versed on my conversion rates and it would've been different back then, but today that would amount to roughly 80 to 90 credits."
Astonished, Liara's eyes widened. "That cheap? Would they not want to make more if it was hard to maintain it? It would have brought them financial ruin, would it not?"
"Well, the castle was already abandoned and deteriorating by then. It had been under siege in the 19th century during the Irish Civil War, so it was damaged. Lord Osmonde, the last owner before it went to the city, sold it to the castle restoration committee for that amount as a... Sentimentality, of sorts. I'm not good at explaining these things so don't take my word as the wholesome accuracy of events. The only thing I'm confident in remembering true was the statement I read - it just stuck with me. 'The people of Kilkenny, as well as myself and my family, feel a great pride in the Castle, and we have not liked to see this deterioration. We determined that it should not be allowed to fall into ruins. There are already too many ruins in Ireland.' And thus marked the foundation of The Butler Society. The castle has since seen a lot of restoration efforts and is open to visitors."
"That statement, why did it 'stick' with you?" Liara flicked through the many pictures taken of Kilkenny castle, smiling at ones where Shepard had taken selfies of herself.
And some sort of furry creature was with her.
It brought images back to mind - the fishing images, and now the shadowed partner was painted in with this furry creature. The scientist was brought out of her reverie when Shepard leaned over and hit the button to go to the next image, before looking away at the wall. Her jaw was taut, subtly grinding. Her eyes held a subdued glisten to them. Liara didn't need to ask anything to figure that one out.
"It helped me understand what I wanted in life - wanted to do with my life. So I joined the Alliance as soon as I was of age."
That... Was a rather obscure reasoning for the path a historical castle led her on. Would it not have encouraged her to take up archaeology, like Liara?
"What did you do before the Alliance?" Please, for the love of the Goddess, offer up something that wasn't already researched on the extranet.
Another picture of Shepard with the furry creature. As soon as the commander saw, she reached over and closed the entire folder, then hastily looked away to hide her eyes again.
"I was in a gang - had to be, to survive. I was an orphan."
Well, there was the extranet tidbit. Liara already knew about the Tenth Street Reds, and what they did. It was unusual to picture the commander as one of them.
Yesterday, anyways. Not really today. Sort of.
"But you already knew that," Shepard quietly noted.
Liara thought of denying it, but her honest guilt was already written on her face before that thought occurred to her. The commander smiled, but it was small and strained.
"Thought about lying there for a sec too, didn't you? Had to get good at reading people if I wanted to survive. Only had humans to work off of, though." A beat. And finally a smirk. "You're making it easy for me to learn asari expressions, doc."
There was no defense that could be brought up against any of that, none that would not sound weak and pathetic, anyways. Liara reciprocated with an apologetic smile.
"It's fine if you looked me up, doc. I make a habit myself to get to know the people that I work with, but I leave the personal stuff up to them to tell me."
Personal. Liara winced a little at that. "I am sorry if what I did intruded upon those boundaries."
"Nah, no worries. If all you had was the extranet, then you were working with very limited information. The stuff that's on there is really just so that it can be aired out to the public and people can get over their opinions quickly, so that I won't be questioned in the future when they see that I'm over my old ties. Politics." Shepard shrugged. "I don't really care how it's exposed, because I don't hide my past - if asked, anyways. I don't exactly make it a habit to go around, yelling I used to be in a gang that put down roots in armed robbery, kidnapping, extortion and the occasional drug trade. Yeah." She snorted a chuckle, smirking. "Saying that out loud? Not a good first impression to make with new relationships."
"It is difficult to imagine you partook in any of that," Liara mumbled. "How did you... How did that..." She didn't know how to ask her question, or which to ask first.
"How did I not get corrupted?"
That was a start. From some of the things shared about what Shepard survived as a gang member, it was... Remarkable, and curious. Liara nodded.
"You already saw him." The commander reached over, hand hovering above the omni-tool. She visibly hesitated. One blink, her eyes glistened, another blink, and they hardened - hollowed, bright emerald turning dull jade. She reluctantly opened up a random folder named 'bucket list' and almost all the thumbnails were of the furry creature. She opened one that had her kissing the creature's snout. "He nudged me to get on with my life - the timing of me joining the Alliance, I mean."
"What is his species? And what do you mean by the timing?"
"Species?" Lucy blinked incredulously, then it seemed to dawn. "Right, I suppose dogs aren't everywhere in the galaxy. They're animals, like... Varren - but not vicious. Well, sometimes they can be, depending on their upbringing. I don't agree that some breeds are inherently vicious." She chuckled a little to herself. "Except chihuahuas. Feisty little buggers."
Right. Liara was lost. There was definitely a lot to research with her newfound access, but later in privacy, where she could no longer make a fool of herself.
"He was a husky mix I rescued; dunno what he was mixed with because the only thing husky about him was how damn vocal and whiny he could be. Such a weirdo. Loved him for it. He'd grunt and sound like a gremlin - or Chewbacca - every time we wrestled. Looks like a blonde German Shepard, and his eyes... Well, you can see for yourself. I got suckered in by those baby blues."
German Shepard. Commander Shepard. Was there a correlation there? A gut feeling warned Liara to not ask that question, if only to save herself potential embarrassment.
"He was the most hyper dog I've ever had - grew up with dogs all my life, but all of them combined didn't have more life and energy than him. But he could be so damn lazy when he wanted to be. Ask you for belly rubs, but drag his legs crawling to you if you asked him to come to you instead."
There was a wistful reminiscence as Shepard got lost in her memories, closing her eyes with smiles that fluctuated between mourning and happiness. She talked more about this individual than Liara had ever heard the commander even say otherwise, and stayed silent as she flicked through the endless vault of pictures she'd been granted access to. There were silly pictures and videos of the dog, and in the audio, she heard the true nature of the commander's accent - enraptured with pure bliss and laughter rather than vicious curses.
Something tugged inside of Liara, and she yearned to meet the dog. It was clear she never would get to, though, and she could understand why the commander hid.
"God, I'd give anything to have even one more minute with him, even if he were to drive me up the wall with his howling. I miss him so much."
"What was his name?" Liara inquired gently, stealing little observations as the human came out of the commander more and more.
For whatever reason, there was great pride in the name, evidenced by the way Shepard grinned wickedly. "Karma. 'Cause y'don't want karma to bite you in the arse." She leaned over and selected another video, where it popped up the pair on a bobbing boat, and Karma was curled up in a ball overlooking the vast ocean.
"He fell ill and I found out he had cancer. I spent his last month traveling with him - found out there was more to the world than dark alleys and dead bodies. After he passed, I had enough of that. I wanted to protect the wonders we saw and the people we met along the way. He showed me there was good in this world, something worth living and fighting for. He suffered the worst of humanity and yet he had the biggest heart; still trusted me even though I looked like the humans that beat him. He saved me from myself, from corruption - and taught me one of the most important lessons of my life."
Shepard held out her arm, tapping the tattoo that Liara had read during her pupillary light reflex exam, and it seemed the quote had more to it that wasn't inked.
"I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I'm still here. I have a history of victory."