Chapter 5

It was all a blur to be honest with you a few days in haymitch came back to 4 to speak with his son and spend some time with him after we both got 6's on the test, on the last night haymitch came down in the middle of the night, he was in our room, I awoke to him just watching his son cuddle me, I looked up and he nodded to me and he came over stroked his hair kissed his forehead whispered stay alive, looked at me sadly and walked out, never really spoke to me, my last memory was of him taking a slip of drink before closing the door.

We were in a hovercraft and being injected with a tracker, my mind started to clear, as I dressed and was sharp by the time I was in the tube, I was fit and healthy I just needed to get the stuff and go to high ground with him. Know yourself and you can win a thousand battles, I was well read and could quote anything to make myself feel better, I was a practical woman I could be a bella and die in place of someone I loved, I was resolve to it, I was ready to fight for my son, the timer count down started in a minute my plan would come to fruit, it was rocky as I remember for the book we would go up. he would get the weapons and food rations, he was fast, and I would meet him, the buzzer went off and I shot of to the edge, he came five minutes later my heart was pounding. The area was rocky with a mountain and lots of sand and few trees for cover we climb the mountain. And only rest when we were halfway up, we set up traps along the way and set up camp.

The cannon went of the fear for my son was too much ben rarely spoke his fear to great, ben had done well three bags and a couple of knifes he got that before, anyone else, but no tempting fate, we had ration bars and beef jerky, and two bottles of water and a sleeping bag wire and two knifes.

The next day ben came into his own and was a great at survival in the rockier mountains, he started to speak and showing who's child he was mine, haymitch and shelly, the cannon went well and we never moved the others seemed to have forgotten about us, and we just had a laugh spoke of home and just laughed and joked. Then it was day 4 and then there were 8 and I thought I could get him home day five we ate me and ben and we laughing and joking and having a great time, me teasing him about any crushes and what he wanted to do when he got home, "mum I want to go and sit on the beach and watch the sunset and rise," hugging ben she said and "so you shall my darling I love you lots always and forever"

" I love you to mum always and forever" I kissed my son on his cheek ben getting all shy, so cute I thought, my smile left my face as and then I heard a noise turning around I saw water coming straight for us I looked at ben we only had our knifes as we started to ran we were fast and made it down to a an open piece of land the water was now to our feet I told ben to jump in and we did the cannon was going and then another wave hit the light went dim and the water was getting higher and higher, I was grabbing ben and trying move us to a tree in the distance, the noise was loud and the water started to get dangerous, I screamed to ben to relax and go with the current, he held on with all his might, in a whisper he told me he was scared, I told him we were in the final 4 now and soon he would win.

That night another tribute drowned and then it was 3 it was just before sunrise that a career from 1 daze or something it's all a little fuzzy the names of the other children, ben was the only one I cared about, he came out of nowhere I don't know what happened but I tried to protect him from daze he was trying to protect me, and then the knife in daze hand went into my son, my son's knife went into daze, and two cannons went off as a voice spoke the winner of the 70th hunger games is Sky Masters, I screamed as I heard that. i still had Ben in my arms as tears ran down my face, nonono please don't be dead ben please don't be dead, as I took in that a knife was in his chest, I took it out and felt for a pulse there was none, nonono don't be dead, the hovercraft came and got me in the craft I still had ben in my arms never letting go. I was shouting to save him and kill me instead I was like a wild animal telling them to stay away. I still had the knife in my hands as we landed and the door was opened the first thing I saw was finick and mags who saw me screaming to save my son and take me not letting go of ben, someone got behind me and I was out like a light still with the knife and ben in my arms.

I awoke in a white room hearing a machine beeping my arms were empty and I just cried, someone came in then mags I think she came over and just cuddle me, no words were spoken that day I just cried, I blacked out, the next time I opened my eyes I sat up and looked around I saw mags was dozing in a chair, I was deep in my grief, I made a pledge that day the capital fuckers will pay for ben's death, they will pay.

Fininck came in the room then I looked at him and he notice mags in the chair and then saw me he looked really upset as well, in my grief I knew one other person felt as I did, I spoke my voice sore from screaming,

" hey finick how's haymitch?" I said

He looked at me a little lost by my emotional response " he is upset like you he does not blame you though, you even made sure he was away from the blood shed and gore neither of you used any items and never killed anyone ben never saw death until before he…" fin did not continue that line, I just smiled " I'm his mum I protect him from that I was not meant to survival, ben was, " I burst into tears and finick came over and hugged me rubbing my back and let me cry hot salted tears all over his clothes, I never knew when mags came over and took over she laid down with me. I fell in a hellish nightmare where ben blamed me for living, I awoke crying, mags said I was going to be interviewed, and was able to leave, I felt empty I was nothing without ben my light in the darkest was gone and the world was harsh and cruel, I got in to some clothes and walked out with mags by my side.

I hated what the make over were doing to me fucking capital twats, there were talking but I did not hear, the words, the dress they put me in was okay, I met up with finick and mags and went to my interview where I would see nothing but ben, three hours of questions no smile, just empty words, I never knew what I said I never saw anything just my ben, I wanted to go home.

There was a victory party I had to go to, I was dressed in a lovely blue dress and finick looked at mags, the worry between them was not notice by me, I walked with them at the party the others were there and turned to me, I saw a bar and went straight for it and asked for a bottle of jack, a glass and a bottle was produced and I filled the glass up and drunk it down, the burn was great wonderful, a nother life time I was a heavy drinker, my soul knew this, the pain was getting a little numb I poured another shot, I was shanking so badly someone's hand was put over mine and help steady me, I put the bottle down and drank the drink at a great pace, I was on my third drink, the shanking really bad now someone took the bottle and poured me my drink I just drunk it all down, tears run down my face, when a capital man come and ask for a dance and talking about how great the games are finick just took him away as a hand had gone on my arm to keep me in place, anger showed on my face.i was going to glass the little bastard capital, I looked who was next to me it was haymitch who was helping me, he looked like I felt. I thought he would hate me, he was next to me, " do you hate me haymitch? I hate me?" he poured me another drink and whisper " no you protected him so well he never saw much, it was not your fault" I turned to him " I should have been quicker, I should have been able to do something," haymitch just poured me other drink, and side hugged me, in about an hour I had drunk a whole bottle of jack and was nearly passed out, I think haymitch, and finick got me back.

I awoke the next day still drunk feeling sick and wondering where I was, looking around the room I saw haymitch and finick, sleeping on the floor I got up and staged to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, I looked empty no light, I punched the mirror screaming you should of saved him, you should of saved him I continued until spotted blood and smirk and about to do more when finick and haymitch came in and stopped me. I struggled why! it was meant to be me, it was meant to be meeee I blacked out again, I awoke a few hours later on the bed the pain in my hands gone I lifted them up and saw all better, the capitol can really heal anything.

The blue woman came in and said to get up and get ready after lunch I was going home. hearing the word home, i got up wanted away from this ghastly place.