Disclaimer: All music lyrics contained herein are the express property of Universal Music Group, the characters portrayed herein are the property of Warner Brothers and NBC Universal, this story was written under fair use laws.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Hold on to ya butts, because Desire is back! After a 140 day hiatus, I finally got off my ass and wrote another damn chapter, and boy is it a doozy (in a good way). Topping out at 7,107 words, this chapter will be the longest chapter so far. I've got to be upfront, I know I promised the reunion this chapter, but I've delayed the reunion until next chapter, I'm sorry. I know that's disappointing, but I want to tell this story right.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: So once again the amazing nevr beta'd this chapter for me and provided me with excellent opinions on some aspects of the chapter that I hadn't even considered. In light of that, I wanted to thank Nev for his help; okay enjoy chapter 5 everybody.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: Once again, if you're interested in listening to the song then go to you()tube /watch?v=-4pg6Jh94Lo

I Don't Want Your Desire

A Story by

CharmingCharles2896

Chapter Inspired by the Song

Never Surrender by Corey Hart

Chapter 5:

Never Surrender

Just a little more time is all we're asking for

The flight to Los Angelis was nerve-wracking to say the least; it wasn't the actual flight, but where the flight was heading that scared Sarah. She was going home, but at the same time, she wasn't. The fact that she considered LA her home was scary enough, but the fact that she knew her home was with one Charles Irving Bartowski scared her the most. She was going to be so close to him, so close she could taste it. She would be within twenty miles of Chuck almost the entire time she would be in the Los Angelis metropolitan area. She was so close to him and yet she knew she couldn't go see him, it would likely mean the end of Chuck's freedom if she violated his security and went to see him during the night. Part of her wanted to call Casey, if only to get a lowdown on how things had been, but part of her didn't want to know, what if he'd moved on? What if he had gotten over her and was in love with Agent Forest now?

Sarah forced that morbid thought from her mind; she had to stop thinking about Chuck, she had a mission to focus on and that had to be the priority. She had an undercover agent that was depending on her to extract him; these were the kind of missions that Sarah used to enjoy. This was high stakes, but with a low likelihood of her having to be the plaything for some disgusting warlord or arms dealer. That was then, now she simply looked forward to the mission being over so she could walk away from this cancerous lifestyle and make something out of the rest of her life. She knew Chuck would likely never be free of the Intersect, but he would want her to build a life for herself and live it to the fullest. He'd want her to try and have a happy life, with or without him.

'Cause just a little more time could open closing doors

Sarah had opted to take the red eye flight into LA so she could get a head start on preparing for the mission. She'd be working out of the LA field office so she'd have to take the time to gather the equipment she'd need and find a suitable dress, but the LA field office should have all of that equipment. On top of that she wanted a chance to enjoy the sunshine and the nice weather a little bit before she had to do her mission tomorrow evening. Sarah had never thought about the day when she'd go on her last mission, but as she came upon the day, she couldn't help but feel… empty. There was no denying that Langston Graham and the spy life had saved her from a dark path, but at the same time, she'd had to sacrifice her soul. Every year in this dark world, every life she'd taken, every lie she'd said in the name of the greater good, it had all taken a small piece of her humanity. Bit by bit she'd lost herself to this dark, lonely life. Then she'd met Chuck Bartowski and he'd helped her rediscover a truth she'd long since forgotten, that she was a human being who was worthy of love. He'd helped her see that she wasn't just the daughter of a conman, or Langston Graham's wildcard enforcer. For that she would love him forever, even if it was from afar.

Chuck had helped her regain herself and she liked to think that she'd helped him do the same. He was a shell of the person he could be when she came to Burbank. He was hiding in that Buy More, content to just exist, but she'd helped him shake off the hurt of his past and see who he could be. There was an amazing, heroic, brilliant man, buried deep inside of him that he'd gone to great lengths to bury away. He'd been hurt by the ones he loved and trusted, but in just the time she'd known him, she had seen the transformation. Chuck had blossomed into a brilliant guy, a man capable of anything he put his mind to. Sarah hoped that he hadn't lost all of that again now that they were no longer together, she hoped beyond hope that he hadn't retreated back into himself like he had for years after Stanford.

Just a little uncertainty can bring you down

Sarah looked at her watch and couldn't believe she was still awake at five-fifty in the morning eastern time, it was only one-fifty in the morning in LA so she'd have to find time to get a nap in before the mission. In a fit of boredom Sarah pulled out her small carry-on bag that she'd brought with her and fished out her picture of Chuck and herself. Sarah couldn't help the melancholy she felt as she laid eyes on the man she loved.

"Going to see him?" Came the quiet voice of the old man next to Sarah, he was doing his best to be quiet so as not to disturb the passengers, but with the engines being so loud he had to speak up. Sarah shook her head no at the old man and gave him a sad smile.

"No," Sarah said simply as she looked at just how happy the two of them looked together.

"Why not, you two look so in love?" He asked again with a small smile on his face; Sarah simply nodded.

"We were, but it just wouldn't work out between us." She said cryptically; he simply nodded in understanding.

"The job?" He asked, she simply nodded, "That's the hardest part of this life, we spend so much time alone that we miss out on all of life's little things." Sarah gave the old man a confused look, unsure what exactly he was talking about. The old man simply chuckled at her response to his words and spoke.

"I've been around long enough to spot a spy when I encounter one; my gut tells me you're with the CIA, but you've been out of the game for a little while." Sarah was stunned and a little nervous, how had she been made so easily? "Don't worry, I'm one of you; spent thirty-six years with the agency myself, before I was forcefully retired by Director Graham last March." Sarah simply nodded, she'd heard about some early retirements the previous March, but she hadn't known anyone who'd been retired.

"Sarah Walker," Sarah said as she extended her hand to her neighbor on the plane; he shook her hand and looked at her in shock.

"Marcus Lynch, I've got to tell you, you're a lot younger than I thought you'd be Agent Walker, the stories I've heard about you are impressive." Sarah simply nodded thankfully at him.

"Thanks, I get that a lot; so which do you prefer, Marcus or Lynch?" Sarah asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Call me Marcus, they called me Lynch while I was working." Sarah simply nodded, "So was he your partner?" Marcus said motioning with his eyes towards Sarah's picture.

"Obviously the details are classified, but he was my asset for almost two years." Marcus simply nodded.

"I'm sorry, must have been hard," Sarah simply nodded in agreement.

"I've been suspended for the last six weeks, but they needed me back, so here I am, flying to LA in the middle of the night for another damn mission." Sarah said, lamenting the job she still had, the job she hated. Marcus nodded knowingly, he looked at the photo and saw just how genuinely happy the legendary Agent Walker looked with this mystery man.

"I'm sensing that you're not exactly fond of the job," Sarah shook her head no.

"This is it for me, after this mission, Director Hawthorne is going to discharge me; gonna see what all this talk of the American Dream is all about." The sarcastic tone of Sarah's words said loud and clear that she wasn't exactly looking forward to the rest of her life, but was nonetheless looking ahead.

So if you're lost and on your own
You can never surrender

"The first few months after I retired were the hardest, just trying to get into a routine was the worst part, but trust me Agent Walker, it gets easier." Sarah simply nodded with a small smile on her face from Marcus' reassuring words.

"So, what're you doing in LA, Marcus?" Sarah asked, pivoting the conversation away from herself. Marcus got a big smile on his face as he no doubt thought about his plans.

"I've been invited to some party tomorrow; a guy I went to college with invited me. Then I'm visiting some family that I haven't seen in nearly twenty years. It's my mother's ninetieth birthday in two days and when I heard about the birthday party, I had to be there, she'll be so happy to see me." Sarah couldn't help the smile that graced her face.

"That sounds wonderful, I hope it's every bit as fun as it sounds." Sarah said with a hint of finality as she felt the plane touchdown on the runway with a thud and begin slowing down rapidly. The sound of the pilot's voice grabbed everyone's attention.

"Ladies & gentlemen, we've landed in Los Angelis, California; it is two-ten in the morning and it is currently a comfortable sixty-five degrees outside. We ask that you remain seated until we come to a complete stop at the gate, at which time you can begin to deplane. Once again we'd like to thank you all for flying with us today." Marcus and Sarah sat in silence for the rest of the taxi to the gate, neither said a word as they grabbed their things and deplaned. Sarah took great care to tuck her precious photo back into her bag and zip the pocket closed. Once Sarah and the rest of the passengers exited the cramped plane, Sarah turned to Marcus and extended her hand to him.

"It was nice talking to you Marcus," Sarah said as Marcus shook her hand and spoke in kind.

"You too, Agent Walker; I hope you get a chance with that guy; you never know what the future holds." Marcus said as he adjusted the strap of his bag and walked away to baggage claim.

And if your path won't lead you home
You can never surrender

Sarah simply rolled her carryon out of the terminal to the taxi lane, as she walked towards the door, she spotted a driver holding a sigh that simply said "Walker." Sarah signaled to the driver and he nodded and led her wordlessly to his car. Once in the car, the driver turned to his right and spoke to Sarah.

"Good evening Agent Walker, my name is Leon, I've been instructed to pick you up and drop you off wherever you need to go," Sarah simply nodded. "Where would you like me to take you?" Leon asked directly, Sarah paused to think about where exactly did she want to go.

"Take me to the Maison23 in Burbank," He simply nodded and off they went; Sarah knew there were nicer hotels closer to the LA field office, but she was going home damnit. As the streetlights passed by without a second thought, Sarah couldn't help the feeling of comfort she felt just being back in Los Angelis. This really was her home, a place where she'd built a life, even if it was founded on lies and deception. She'd had friends and family here, she'd been loved here, Sarah Walker had been a real person here. The ride from LAX to Burbank was some thirty-one miles, but at this time of night the ride wasn't long. Feeling unusually chatty Sarah turned to her driver and spoke.

"So Leon, how long you been with the company?" He simply eyed her for a moment before he turned his eyes back to the road and spoke.

"Eight months," Sarah simply nodded.

"So, you a field agent?" Sarah asked, she could see he was uncomfortable with the questions, but he answered nonetheless.

"I'm an aid to Station Chief Rodriguez, didn't test high enough to be an agent," Sarah simply nodded and spoke candidly.

"I am going to be completely honest with you for a moment Leon; you made the right decision. Being a field agent is awful, we don't have friends or family, we're always on the go, we have to lie all the time, and we can't trust anybody. To be honest, being a field agent is no way to live, I'm on my way out after this mission." As she finished, Leon looked at her in surprise.

And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light

"I would have thought all the glamour would have been nice," he said naively.

"Having my ass grabbed at by a hundred different lowlifes isn't very glamorous; neither is arms dealers constantly staring down my slinky dress and making crude passes at me for that matter. To be honest the glamour gets very old, very quickly; it's all superficial and while some agents are okay with that, I never was." Leon was really paying attention to her now and listening to what she had to say.

"I never would have thought of it that way, now I'm glad I didn't test well enough," he said with a hint of relief; he seemed to contemplate for a moment before he spoke again.

"So, why'd you want me to drive you all the way to Burbank, when the LA office is downtown?" Sarah seemed to think over her possible answer for a long moment.

"Good memories, I spent a lot of time at that hotel so it's familiar to me." He nodded completely understanding what she was saying.

"I get that, whenever my father and I would travel for my Baseball games as a kid, we'd always stay in the same four hotels." Sarah smiled at the thought of this tall black man as a tiny little ten-year-old playing baseball.

"Sounds like fun," Sarah said almost wistfully.

"It was, it was our thing; he was a baseball player himself growing up so we both loved the game to death." Sarah nodded once again and instantly knew why he wasn't an agent.

"That's why you tested poorly when you tried to become an agent," He gave her a confused look so she elaborated. "Us agents are fundamentally broken people; I won't get into too much detail, but let's just say I don't have a healthy relationship with either of my parents. My best friend was abused by her father for years before she joined the DEA; most of us are loners, we're able to turn our emotions off and not feel. They try to find the ones who don't have anyone who'll miss them, nobody to go home to." He seemed to nod in understanding, he was starting to see that the life of a spy was exceedingly lonely. _

Sarah had to dig on her own to find anything on Carina; the fiery red head wouldn't tell her anything about herself, which wasn't a surprise. Sarah only started digging after she developed some concerns about Carina on the CATS. With her concerns in mind, she'd done some digging and had uncovered some answers that made Carina's persona make more sense. Carina's oversexed persona was a defense mechanism in response to her father's sexual abuse of her as a child. She gave off the attitude that sex didn't mean anything, because if sex meant something, then what her father did to her was even more horrible than she'd ever admit out loud. Learning that tidbit of information had made working with Carina exponentially easier and their friendship had blossomed after that.

'Cause no one can take away your right
To fight and to never surrender

"Sounds lonely," he said with a hint of pity in his voice; Sarah snapped out of her thoughts about Carina.

"It is, but sometimes you meet people who make it all worth it." Sarah said as her mind went to Chuck once again.

"Gotta find the silver linings," he said as their conversation naturally petered out; Sarah simply nodded.

"Indeed."

XXX

As the car pulled up to the Maison23 at three-fifteen in the morning, Sarah had no doubt that there wouldn't be any vacancies, but something inside her had compelled her to go here of all places. As she grabbed her bag from Leon's car, she turned to him and gave him a warm smile.

"I really enjoyed our conversation, Leon; it's been a while since I enjoyed talking that much." Leon gave her an appreciative smile.

"Thank you, Agent Walker, it was an honor to meet a legend such as yourself." Sarah simply waved that off.

"Please call me Sarah, and don't say legend like that, makes me feel so old," Sarah said with a laugh that Leon matched in kind; Leon nodded to Sarah.

"Okay Sarah, good luck on your mission, catch some bad guys for me." Leon said with a wave as he pulled the door open to climb in; Sarah laughed happily and nodded to the tall black man.

"Absolutely, take care Leon." Leon nodded to her, gave her a smile, and then climbed into his car to drive away. As Sarah stood there and watched Leon drive away into the night, she felt surprisingly happy, happier than she'd been since she was last in Burbank. Maybe this was proof that she could lead a real life, maybe she could be a normal girl as Chuck had put it. She'd talked to two different strangers in the last two hours alone, more than she'd done in the last month and a half probably. Maybe she was capable of living that normal life, maybe she wasn't going to fail this new life she was looking forward too. As Sarah rolled her suitcase into the hotel, she spotted the night manager, Helio; he was an older Brazilian man who'd always been nice to her while she'd been staying at this hotel.

When Helio saw her walking in he got a beaming smile on his face; she was sort of pleased that he remembered her after six weeks away. Sarah gave Helio a big smile of her own as she got to the desk.

"Ms. Walker, it's so good to see you again, it's been so long since we've seen you." Helio said as he reached over the desk to give her hand a squeeze, that was just the kind of person he was.

"It's good to be back, I'm back in town on business and I couldn't imagine staying anywhere else but here. I know it's last minute, but is there anything available?" Sarah asked with a wince, she knew it was unlikely, but you never know. Helio gave her a confused look and began typing on his computer.

"Your room is still available; it's been available to you in your name for the last six weeks since you left." Helio said in confusion, Sarah's eyebrow quirked in confusion as well. How was the room still in her name if she'd been permanently reassigned six weeks ago? It was probably just stupid government bureaucracy being inefficient like normal; never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Sarah shrugged.

"Guess corporate never stopped paying for the room, I'll take the room if that's cool." Sarah said with a small smile, Helio nodded and grabbed a key card for her.

"It's great to have you back Ms. Walker, some on the staff were really starting to miss you around here." Helio commented as Sarah grabbed the card and finished the checking in process.

"Well, it's good to be back, good night Helio." Helio simply nodded happily to her and watched Sarah stride off towards the elevators. As Sarah rode the elevator up to floor eight, she couldn't help but wonder why this room was still in her name. Had the room been held in case something happened with Team Intersect and they needed her? Had they simply forgotten to stop paying for it? Sarah had a feeling she'd never find the answer to that question so she pushed it from her mind. She couldn't help but replay her conversation with Helio in her head; he'd missed her, apparently most of the staff had missed her. Sarah hadn't really thought she'd had that much of an impact on the staff, but apparently, she had. She'd always gone out of her way to be kind to all of them considering they kept the place running as smooth as it did, maybe she really was good at the whole making friends thing.

When the elevator door opened, Sarah quickly made her way off and walked the familiar walk to her hotel room, back to her home. How surreal was it that her real home was a freaking hotel room in Burbank? She'd lived all over the world, but Maison23 room 832 was the place she knew was home. As Sarah got to her room, she couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach, she was actually excited to be back. Sarah inserted her key and heard the door unlock, she turned the door knob and pushed the door open. As Sarah stuck her head inside, she smiled as she saw the room, it was exactly as she remembered it. Sarah walked in and found the lamp to illuminate the room in warm light; as she set her suitcase down on the bed, she couldn't help the mixed emotions she felt at that image. She'd been right here six weeks ago packing this bag, she'd cried the entire time, she'd agonized over whether or not to go see him, she'd torn herself apart over whether to go see him.

Now six weeks later she was back again, she was here once again and she was once again agonizing over seeing him. He was only a ten-minute drive away; he was so close. She knew she could call a taxi and be curled up in his bed where she belonged in half and hour tops, but she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't endanger his security and his life as a free man because of her wants and desires, no matter how much her heart ached for his touch, for his warmth and kindness. Sarah simply sighed in disappointment as her logic won out and she opened her suitcase to get out sleep wear. She needed to get some sleep before the morning really came; she wanted to get some time to see LA in before she had to go to the field office to prepare for her mission that evening. She had a rough idea of where she wanted to visit and she knew she'd have just enough time to do it before she had to get ready.

As Sarah slipped under the familiar covers, she couldn't help the sigh she felt, it felt like she was back in her bed, back under her sheets, in her home. It was scary how much her eighteen months or so in Burbank had completely changed her as a person; she'd discovered empathy, mercy, kindness, she'd rediscovered her humanity here. Sarah had become a real person in Burbank, something she hadn't been in nearly twenty years. Sarah simply sighed and relaxed into her sheets as thoughts of Chuck's bright toothy grin filled her dreams.

"It's good to be home."

XXX

Sarah awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed at nine AM sharp, she'd slept later than she'd intended, but she didn't really care to be honest. She wanted to enjoy sleeping in this bed again, she wanted to enjoy being here again. After her morning routine, Sarah left for breakfast and a short run to get the blood pumping; when Sarah returned to her room at ten forty-five, she knew she was ready to get the rest of the day started. When Sarah got downstairs to leave for the day, the day manager, Sharon, hollered for her. Sarah jogged to the front desk and gave Sharon a smile.

"Ms. Walker, it's so good to see you again; we've missed you around here, you know." Sharon said to Sarah who simply nodded. Sharon was a younger woman, maybe a little older than Sarah was. Sharon had medium length, wavy blonde hair and fair skin.

"It's good to be back Sharon, I'd love to catch up, but I've got a busy day ahead of me so I've got to get going." Sharon nodded, completely understanding.

"I totally get it Ms. Walker, just glad to see you again." Sharon said with a smile, Sarah nodded graciously.

"Didn't know I was so well liked around here to be honest, it's good for my ego." Sarah said jokingly, which got a laugh from Sharon.

"Don't get a big head now, it'll ruin your looks." Sharon fired back at Sarah getting a chuckle from the blonde CIA agent.

"Funny Sharon, real funny; I'll see you later." Sarah said before turning to leave; as Sarah left Sharon spoke again.

"Oh, before I forget, a man dropped this off for you this morning around eight o'clock." Sharon said before she tossed Sarah one of those mail envelopes, Sarah caught it and looked at it.

"Who delivered this?" Sarah asked as she looked for any name or address.

"He didn't leave his name, but he was a tall black man, little younger than you are, he was wearing a black suit." As Sharon described the man, Sarah instantly knew who it was.

"Oh, that's Leon, met him at the airport last night, nice guy." Sarah said as she opened the envelope and saw a pair of car keys and a note. First Sarah pulled out the note and read it to herself.

Realized you wouldn't have a car today, so take this, compliments of Station Chief Rodriguez. Just drop it at the LA field office before you leave town.

- Leon

Sarah had to smile as she pulled the set of Lincoln car keys out of the envelope; Sarah dropped the note into her purse and made her way out to the parking lot to find the car Leon had left her. When she pressed the lock button and heard the honk of the horn she had to laugh; Casey would be so proud. Sarah walked over to the black, 2007 Lincoln Town Car and had to laugh; this was such a government choice for a car. It was nicer than a Crown Vic, but it was still a Crown Vic at heart. Sarah deposited her things in the car and slid into the driver's seat of her temporary ride, she had to admit it had cushier seats than her Porsche. Sarah started the car and began her drive, she had one place to visit before she could prepare for her mission tonight.

Sarah knew that staying at the Maison23 was a risk, staying so close to Chuck wasn't smart, but she just didn't care. If her superiors complained about her choice of hotel, they could go eat dirt for all she cared. Sarah was doing them a favor; she was a federal employee who could quit at any time for no reason. Of course, she knew the CIA had ways to make it hard to quit, but at this point in Sarah's life she was beyond those things. So yes, Sarah was staying ten minutes from her old asset and yes, she carried the risk of running into him, but Sarah honestly didn't care. Sarah knew that she was going to be working across town and up in Beverly Hills so other than the hotel, she really didn't carry much risk of seeing Chuck.

With a little perseverance
You can get things done

Even right now, Sarah was driving across town, she was honestly a good hour away from her destination with traffic being what it was in Los Angelis, so she wasn't worried about seeing anyone she knew from Team Bartowski. The million-dollar question that Sarah had so far been ignoring was the question of where she was going to live after she was done with the agency. Part of Sarah wanted to just come back and start a life with Chuck as a civilian, but could she make that work with Beckman and Hawthorne? Would they be okay with a former CIA wet work specialist who they couldn't control, living with the Human Intersect? It was honestly a question that Sarah didn't have the answers for; if she didn't live in LA, where else would she like to live? Sarah had always liked Miami, she'd always enjoyed the sun and the nice weather, but it got so damn hot in the summers. She could go live in a small town in the middle of the country, just shed her old lifestyle completely. Find some small town to live in and work at a diner or something, that was an idea. She knew she wasn't a woman with overly exotic tastes, she'd spent most of her childhood living in small towns anyways so it wouldn't really be that much of a culture shock.

Without the blind adherence
That has conquered some

Sarah really loved LA, but if she couldn't be with Chuck due to his status as the Intersect, could she still live in LA? Could she manage to convince her old bosses that she'd stay away from him? Her mother still lived in the LA area with Molly, which was reason enough to stay close, but with Ryker still out there she couldn't have a life with her mother and adopted sister. By now, Molly had to be at least two years old, she was probably giving her mother all she could handle.

Maybe Sarah could change her name, she could pick something new that had nothing to do with Sarah Walker. She could forge an entire new life, she'd done it before, she could change everything and then she'd be able to have a life with her mother and Molly. The problem with that would be she couldn't use her Harvard degree; she'd worked hard on that degree and it could open many doors for her. Maybe she could leverage a favor from Director Hawthorne, maybe she could have him seal her name change so Ryker couldn't find it. If he couldn't do that, then maybe he could have Harvard seal her records and issue her a new degree with a different name on it.

And nobody wants to know you now
And nobody wants to show you how

Suddenly Sarah was realizing all of the things she still had to figure out about her life going forward; there was still so much she had to sort out before she could live her new life. What about Chuck and his family? What about her mother and Molly? What about Ryker? What about her name and her degree? What was she going to do with her life? Where was she going to live? There was still so much she had to figure out; it was times like this where she wished she had Chuck to talk to, he'd be able to help her, he'd have answers for her. It was times like this where she wished she could talk to her mother, but until the Ryker issue was resolved, that wasn't safe for either of them.

So if you're lost and on your own
You can never surrender

As Sarah pulled off of the PCH and pulled into the parking lot, she could see people at Malibu Beach enjoying the sun and the sand. There were all kinds of people out and about this particular Saturday afternoon, something Sarah could understand given the beautiful California weather. Sarah silently locked her car and made her way to the sandy beach; she figured that with it being noon, she had about two hours before she had to drive to the LA field office and start preparations for her mission tonight.

Sarah walked past the familiar line of trees and stopped on a patch of grass before the sprawling sandy beach. She removed her shoes and her ankle socks and made her way onto the sand; the sand felt hot under her feet as she walked out to a very familiar spot. Sarah walked right to where she'd found him so many months ago, he'd been so scared and so confused when she found him. His whole world had been turned on its head, people he'd hated for years were suddenly back in his life at least in spirit. He'd been on a date with a woman he'd thought was interested in him only for it all to turn out to be a lie. Of course now, a little more than eighteen months later, Chuck knew that she actually was interested in him the entire time. At the time though she knew he'd been afraid; that's why she'd walked out there and sat down next to him. She hadn't said a word, she was just there for him when he needed her, the first of many such occasions before they were torn apart.

And if your path won't lead you home
You can never surrender

She'd told him to trust her and he had trusted her; he'd given her his heart, not knowing if she would take advantage of that trust. Chuck had demons, he had been betrayed and abandoned by those he'd thought cared about him. In that moment though, sitting on this very beach in this very spot, he'd given her his heart and trusted a woman he didn't know from Adam. There had been numerous moments where he'd needed her guidance, needed her to just be there to listen. Without his sister to confide in, he had needed a rock and she'd been that rock for him. Now Sarah just hoped he had someone he could go to with his issues, someone who would listen and help him understand.

In this moment she needed that person, she needed someone to talk to. Sarah Walker had so many questions to answer, so many dilemmas to resolve, and yet she had no answers, no solutions. What was she going to do with her life? Tomorrow she'd be a free woman, free to make a life for herself, but what was she going to do with that freedom? Sarah Walker had never been free, she'd always served under someone else. Whether it was her father, or the late Langston Graham, or most recently General Beckman, Sarah had always done what someone else wanted her to do. The only thing she'd ever done in her entire life that she had wanted to do against the wishes of others was love Chuck Bartowski. Loving Chuck was the only thing she'd ever done against the will of her masters, and they'd made her pay a terrible price for that imagined slight.

"What's gotcha down little missy?" Came the thick southern accent of a woman behind her. Sarah turned her head and spotted the woman; she was an older woman, maybe in her early seventies. Joy was wearing worn out jean shorts, a baggy white tee shirt that said "Daytona 500" on the front in an elaborate design, and a straw cowboy hat of all things. Her skin was tan & freckled from spending many a day in the sun, and her long hair was grey with age.

"What was that?" Sarah asked.

"Name's Joy, I asked you what's got you down; it's a beautiful day out and you look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders." Sarah simply nodded and turned back to the ocean and the calming rhythm of the waves crashing into shore.

"That's how it feels," Sarah said cryptically as she heard Joy sit down next to her in the sand much like Sarah had.

"You can explain it to me if you'd like, I'm a hell of a good listener." Joy offered, Sarah simply sat there silently and tossed Joy's offer around in her head before nodding to herself.

And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light

"Many details are classified, but what I can say is that I work for the US government, have since I was sixteen." Joy nodded and listened as Sarah continued. "In a few days' time, I'll be leaving that job forever."

"I can see how that might be stressful," Joy added, Sarah simply nodded.

"That's not the worst part; I've never really lived what you'd call a normal life. All my life I've been doing what others wanted me to do, and now I'm faced with a life on my own for the first time ever. A normal person would simply ask their parents or their friends, but I don't really have that luxury. I can't really talk to my parents because my dad lives off the grid so to speak and my mother is well… it's classified. If I was to see her, I risk putting her in danger because of my past." Joy seemed to contemplate what she'd heard from Sarah before she spoke.

"What about your friends?" Joy asked with a small smile on her face; Sarah's face grew dark.

"Most of my friends are from the life I'm about to leave and they're much like I am; the only friend outside of that life that I've ever really had, is a man that I cannot see anymore. We met through my job and because of his status with the job, I don't know if I can see him anymore."

"Do you love him?" Sarah simply nodded and turned to look at the sandy beach, she missed the knowing smile on Joy's face.

"I love him very much," Sarah said emotionally, she looked back over towards Joy and saw nothing but warmth.

"Okay listen, the unknown is always scary…"

"Terrifying," Sarah cut in, Joy simply nodded and continued.

"Yes, it is; but that's the point of life. Louis and Clark, Hernán Cortés, they explored worlds beyond their understanding, because that was their calling. They knew they could only control what was within their grasp. That is to say, they didn't worry about things like the changing the weather, they only focused on making sure they were prepared for when the weather turned bad on them. For you, your worries are about those from your old life that you'd like to take with you into your new life. If circumstances are out of your control than let go of those worries and focus on what you can control. Your world has been very small for a very long time, they wanted your world to be small so they could get you to do what they wanted. Now your world is suddenly very big, and that is scary. So, if the world is too big, then make it smaller. Don't focus on everything, focus on one thing at a time and just keep moving forward until you've solved all your problems." This woman was incredibly wise and she had a way of speaking that really made sense to Sarah who nodded to her.

No one can take away your right
To fight and to never surrender

"You mean compartmentalize," Sarah said suddenly understanding what Joy was getting at; Joy gave Sarah a proud smile and nodded.

"Exactly, you have the rest of your life to figure out your family and friends; instead of tearing your hair out right now, break things down into goals that are easier to manage. Have you figured out where you're going to live or what you want to do for a job?" Joy asked to Sarah who shook her head no.

"Well, those might be good ones to focus on first," Joy said teasingly to Sarah who gave her a small smile and shook her head in amusement.

"Probably, but these are all issues I've only had to worry about in the last thirty-six hours. My boss just kind of dumped a new assignment in my lap yesterday in exchange for fast tracking my retirement for a lack of a better term." Joy seemed to nod her head in understanding.

"I'm assuming that's why you're in town?" Sarah gave her a confused look so with a small shrug Joy spoke. "You just look a little pale for a California girl." Sarah simply shrugged.

"That's fair I guess," Sarah said with a hint of humor in her voice. Sarah looked down at her watch and saw that it was two in the afternoon, which meant she needed to get going. "Well listen, I've got a job tonight, my last one ever hopefully, so I've got to run off to work." Sarah said as she hopped up off the sand and stuck out her hand to help Joy back to her feet.

The time is all you're asking for
Ooh, stand your ground, never surrender

"Okay then good luck at work, but I never did catch your name," Joy said as she brushed off her pants.

"Sarah."

"Well, it was great talking to you Sarah," Joy said with an amount of warmth that Sarah found comforting.

"It really was nice to meet you Joy, I can't begin to thank you enough for this talk; you've done me a huge favor." Sarah said as she extended her hand to Joy; the old woman standing before Sarah eyed the extended hand before brushing it aside and pulling Sarah into a tight hug.

"Forget that handshake, us southern ladies are huggers Sarah," Joy said as she gave Sarah a hug that Sarah simply reveled in for a moment. It was the most physical contact Sarah had, had in weeks and it was rejuvenating for the blonde CIA agent. As Sarah and Joy broke their embrace, Sarah grabbed her shoes and the socks tucked into them off of the sand.

"So long Joy,"

"Goodbye Sarah, and good luck," Joy said before walking past Sarah and onto her next adventure. Sarah stood there for a moment and watched Joy walk away with a skip in her step that Sarah could only hope to have at that age. After a final moment of peace and quiet, Sarah turned and walked back towards her car, she had a mission to prepare for.

You never surrender

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: Okay so that was chapter five, I hope you all enjoyed it. I can't tell you when chapter six will be published, but god as my witness, the reunion WILL happen in chapter six! All I'll tell you about when to possibly expecting the sixth chapter is that I have finals this week and next week and then I'm done for the semester. I'll have time to write then so I expect to finish this story before May is out.

CHARMING'S AUTHOR'S NOTE #5: If you wish to opine feel free to leave a review, I really appreciate them all good or bad as they help me gauge what the readers think of my work. For a lot of us writers it's a long and draining process to write something like this so your reviews really mean a lot.

UNTIL NEXT TIME :D