A little over a week since that first time we went to his room. It seems like the days are both flying by and slowing down at the same time. I don't understand why. One day Izuru just decided to give me some attention? He says he wants to understand feelings more, he's lonely, and I'm not as boring as everyone else. But why can't I accept it? Every night since then he offers the same cuddling treatment. Of course, I never refuse, but I know that any day now he'll get bored of me. I have no idea how it's lasted this long. Maybe his luck is protecting it? It all seems too good to be true.
So I decided I'll tear it apart with my own hands. Instead of anxiously waiting for Izuru to get annoyed, I'll confess. I'll tell him the truth about being in love with him. There's no way he doesn't already know. He's a genius, not that he needs to be in order to figure it out. My thought process is that he'll get weirded out and push me away. Yeah, it's going to hurt. Really. Especially after he's been trying so hard to express emotions around me. The sweet safety I feel when he cuddles me. All of it will come at a price. One bad nightmare isn't enough. Confessing directly isn't fool proof, but I know the reaction of something so confrontational won't end well. So, yeah, this is really going to hurt, but I'd rather rip off the band-aid now than wait.
Today is just like every other day. Waking up with Izuru gone. The warriors of hope asking childish requests of me. People panicking in the streets. Everything is normal. Yet, my body is telling me how sad I am. A pit in my stomach paired with my low sinking heart, it makes the day drag on, yet not enough. I'm not looking forward to confessing directly later. Maybe Izuru will express what little emotions he gets to tell me how pathetic I am. Haha... Or maybe he'll have that bored face and kick me out in silence. I don't know what will happen, but I know it'll be bad. Hopefully, the ending of this will appease whatever terrible god gave me this luck cycle.
One of those days that the kids wanted me to stay longer. That's fine, welcome even. Although it was mainly to make them sweets. Nothing really exciting. Every minute I can hold it off, it makes my body feel more hollow. Dreading every moment, although I also want to just get it over with. Now it's late. The kids are falling asleep after talking about their cutely evil plans. Of course, I make sure they actually get to bed instead of falling asleep in random parts of their headquarters. They all get there, eventually. They look like little angels.
Without really wanting to, I head back 'home.' Ugh, the feeling is getting worse. I shouldn't hold out any longer. Once I get to the lobby of that hotel, I take a breath. All for lady luck. Almost like he was expecting me, Izuru comes out of seemingly nowhere. His dark color palette blends in backgrounds often. "Komaeda, I have something interesting for you to see." He starts talking as soon as our eyes meet. Hm? He doesn't use the word 'interesting' lightly. "Really? What is it?" Without a moment to spare, he unbuttons a couple buttons from his shirt. Um... I don't think I understand.
Before I could say something, a tiny grey kitten pops it's head out of his shirt before climbing up to Izuru's shoulder. Sweetly supporting it, he adjusts. "Aww, it seems to like you. Or are you using a talent to get it to be so calm?" I ask while looking at Izuru's blank face. Even though it's only been over a week since we got close, I can tell when he's feeling less bored. Right now, he's at least a bit more relaxed. He motions for me to follow him to his room before answering. Something that I'll miss. "No. She started following me around this morning. I tried looking for her mother or owner, but no luck. Now I have a cat daughter." Still blank faced, but petting his new cat tells me enough.
"That was part of your ideal future, right? Being a cat dad. You're certainly a good one. Just look at her." The cat was calmly laying on his shoulder. Her grey fur contrasting yet matching her new dad. How cute. Maybe I'm imagining it but her little face looks like she's smiling a bit. Izuru opens the door to his room like any other night this past while. As soon as we get in, he sets himself and his cat on the comfy bed. "She matches your bed. Have you named her?" Part of me wants to distract myself from the main event, yet I also care about animals. Of course I want to know. "I was thinking clover." Ah. Cute. He motions for me to sit with him.
Nervously I get there. Sitting on the corner of the bed, just like that first night. God, how do I begin? I confessed before in overly dramatic riddles and metaphors, so why is it so hard? I need to get it together. I'm being stupid. My p- "You're awfully quiet." Izuru speaks while that expression stays. I look back at him, still not knowing what to say. God, he's too pretty. Those magical looking eyes fixating on mine hurt for some reason. "There's something I need to tell you." A cliche start. Now I only have to tell the truth, about how I feel. Izuru still stares with his cat jumping off, most likely to eat.
After another breath, I creep closer to him. "Kamukura, I know you already know all this, but these last 9 nights are making me so happy I think I could die. It's like everytime you try to show or understand emotions, I fall even more in love with you!" I get a bit closer. Holding his overly warm right hand in both of my freezing ones. His pretty face staying the same while focusing on our entangled hands. "I've been thinking about you ever since we first met. At first, it was just your hope and talent. Now, I can't deny that it's you. The way you do things, your voice, the way you say my name, your subtlety, how safe I feel around you. All of it makes me fall harder everyday." My heart is pumping fast like it can't keep up. "Will you go out with me, Master Kamukura?"
Throwing in the master wasn't expected. Old habits, I guess. I did it! I said everything as directly as possible. The pit is gone. Although I know his reaction will just make it reappear. Now, I know Izuru will do something. He glances over at his cat, who is bathing. I study his face. He's thinking. A moment of silence... Anything? Hm... Silent treatment? I slowly let go of his hand. Any second now, he'll kick me out or something. "This is embarrassing." He speaks finally. "Admittedly, Komaeda, I already thought we were dating."
WHAT?!
I can only stare at him. What?! Since when?! Why would he think that? Is that why he's been so nice? I don't understand... "My apologies. I suppose I was not clear enough." He roughles my hair sweetly. "Since w-when?" I ask only one of the questions on my mind. He would actually be, not only willing, but actively dating me? I just can't believe it. "9 nights ago, you asked if I really think you are that special and I said yes. I thought you understood what I meant." His warm hand cups my face. This is definitely unexpected. I can feel the emotions "Sorry. I'm really dumb." Emotions are tumbling. I was prepared for heartache, but this?
"No. I should have been more clear. I should have shown it more. You certainly are not dumb." Sweetly, he gently kisses my forehead. Like some cartoon, I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I'm probably bright red. My heart is finally relaxing after panicking all day. "Sorry. Was that too much? I really never know when to do things like that." He asks after a moment of my mind doing summersaults. "No! I'm just surprised." Surprised was putting it lightly. So, Izuru is my boyfriend now? I... I don't know what kind of punishment the world will give me for this. I can only hope his luck continues to help me. Why am I so lucky to be with hope itself?
I hug Izuru. Tightly. I'm so happy I think I'll die! I can't believe I was being so stupid. Even if Izuru's luck ends up losing, I think I can accept whatever bad comes from this. Because the intense safety and happiness right here in his arms is definitely worth dying for. "Do you know that I really am trying? I understand that my abilities of affection are extremely limited, but... I love you too. Even if I am absolutely terrible at showing it." His monotone voice speaks into my ear. I pull back from the hug to see his face. Slightly embarrassed? Maybe a teeny tiny bit. "I know. You're doing great! I just... let my self hatred get in the away of accepting it. You know, it's weird having someone care after so long. Sometimes it's hard to remember what even being loved by my family was like."
Instead of an uncomfortable silence, Izuru picks up Clover from the floor. Putting her on the bed, she slowly comes up to sniff my hand. Only a second in her tiny mind to consider me before she rubs up against me with a little purr. "See? Even our cat daughter loves you." With a dumb smile, I can't stop. My happiness is overwhelming. No! Don't cry again. "I love her too, even if dogs are my favorite." He covers her ears, probably in an attempt at humor. Since he's close enough, I risk it. Maybe it's due to the mix of highs and lows today that make me so confident. A small kiss. Nothing too serious. Of course, he surprises me by returning it.
Eventually, we end up cuddling up like the other nights. This time, Clover was laying on the pillow, right above our heads. I don't have words to describe this intense emotion. Hope? Yeah. Something like that. "Nagito? Before you sleep, I have a favor to ask." Izuru says while rubbing my back innocently. "Sure! What is it?" I look up at him. Eyes already closed. Black night clothes to match. Long lashes. Clover sleeping while curling up in a ball. An art piece. "Please, refer to me by my name instead of master from now on."