Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. That genius comes from Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko's brains.
AN: just to add, I'm trying to portray Anji as both weary and wise mature adult and young, extremely burdened and grieving girl with SEVERE survivor's guilt who's utterly overwhelmed with her responsibility and isn't sure what to do but feels she should hide that behind a facade of a confident leader as much as possible. This Avatar has known who she was since she was a child, and she feels that, as the saviour of the world, she must be strong, knowledgeable and wise in all circumstances, that she should hide her fears and worries to portray an image of strength, as that's what people expect from the Avatar. Plus, although her mind is young, her spirit is ancient and fused with an even older and VERY powerful spirit, so that does affect her and mature her beyond her (physical) years. It means she comes off a bit odd as the two sides kind of war for dominance.
Poor Avatars. They have really shit times, no matter what happens, all because Wan was kind and that kindness got taken advantage of by Vaatu.
BTW, quick reminder: Avatar: general title for Raava's host used by all nations
Lamane: Fire Nation term meaning Avatar
Dalai Lama: Air Nomad term meaning Avatar
Satguru: Earth Kingdom term meaning Avatar
And finally, Tulku: Water Tribes' term meaning Avatar
Also,
Fire Nation: Sage (pl. Sages)
Coalition Sages: Angakkuq (pl. Angakkuit)
Earth Sages: Guru (pl. Gurus)
Read, enjoy and review!
Chapter Five
The Western Air Temple Part 1
Above the Western Sea:
"So," Azula's voice was carefully nonchalant when she spoke up. Anji could guess her question, and her suspicion was quickly proven right when the other girl continued. "Why didn't you say you were the Avatar, when we asked if you knew what happened?"
Anji sighed, staring straight ahead as she mulled over her answer. "It is not something I ever wished for," she replied finally, feeling her past-selves' tired agreement in her mind. They had never intended or desired to take up the heavy burden of holding the world together, yet if they did not, none would.
As Anji's century of absence had proven from what little she had heard so far, the world, humanity, needed the Avatar to protect it, to shield the innocents of the earth from those who succumbed to the corrupting influence of the darkness in everyone's hearts, tilting the balance of power away from light and peace and towards anarchy and pain, the negative emotions on which dark spirits feasted. Even now, Anji felt the dull pounding in the back of her head, the itchy feeling crawling over her body, as if her skin was pulled taught across her skeleton, the signs she knew instinctively were her physical interpretation of the imbalance in the world the Avatar Spirit detected.
There was no choice in the matter of her destiny and had not been since the day Kuruk died and she was born, silent, watchful and apparently haloed by sunlight if you believed the midwives who delivered her. Yet despite all the power and reverence they received for their status, Anji suspected that if she or any of her former incarnations were given the chance to give up being the Avatar without the world paying the price, they would accept it in a heartbeat.
"But why not?" Azula demanded incredulously. "You're the Avatar! You have more power than anybody else in the world! You can probably stop this whole war single-handedly! If I had that kind of power-"
"Zula," Zuko muttered making her fall silent though Anji could tell she still couldn't believe that anyone wouldn't want to have power.
'Poor, naive child,' Yangchen sighed in Anji's mind. 'She thinks power is the path to safety, for herself and those she loves, yet even we cannot fix all the problems of the world, however hard we try.'
Painful as it was for them to acknowledge, not even the Avatar had the power to stop death or reverse it. Would that they could, their hearts would not be so heavy.
"You've mastered air, right?" Zuko asked, changing the subject much to the young Avatar's relief. "And fire, too?"
"I'm almost a firebending master," Anji corrected. "My sifu thought I would be ready to defeat her within a few weeks more of tutelage. She said there were a few techniques I needed to polish off, and that she wanted to show me some techniques for masters before we fought." She refused to acknowledge the grief that threatened to bubble up when she thought of Master Hei-Ran. Even if she'd miraculously escaped the battle, and Hei-Ran of Clan Sei'naka was never one to retreat from a fight, a century had passed. Hei-Ran was long dead now. Probably Kuzon, too.
Anji pushed those thoughts away and continued. She needed to concentrate. There was no time for grief. The world was at war, and she was an unrealized Avatar. She needed to prioritize.
"If we find a firebending master who would agree to preform my test, we can go to the Earth Kingdom and find an earthbending teacher for me. Earth is my opposing element and will likely be the one I struggle with the most. The sooner I begin, the better. And so long as I bend earth first, I can learn it at relatively the same time as waterbending, though how to find me a waterbending instructor, I'm not sure. You too are more up to date with the world than I am of course. I would welcome any suggestions, should you have any."
"Aren't you supposed to learn it in the cycle?" Zuko furrowed a brow. "For an Air Avatar it goes air, fire, earth, water, right? Are you sure you can learn earth and water together?"
Anji grimaced. "It's a bit of a subversion of the cycle," she acknowledged. "But some of my former selves have done so before when circumstances demand it. So long as I begin to bend earth before bending water it should be alright. Though this is all theoretical without instructors."
"I don't know where we'd find anyone," Azula acknowledged grimly. "The Coalition have made a sport out of hunting benders of other elements down to gain prestige for themselves. The only firebending master that I know of is my uncle, Iroh, and he's with the Fire Navy, and any others are probably there too. I don't know where he is though, and it's probably not a good idea for us to be on the frontlines before you've mastered the elements. We can't afford for you to die."
"No," Anji murmured. "I must end the war in this incarnation. It's been too long already. It would take far too long for my successor to be identified, grow up, master the elements and defeat the Coalition."
"I hate to say it," Azula huffed. "But I doubt the war would go on that long. We're on our last legs already."
"Which is why I must become fully realized as quickly as possible and end it while there is still a world left to save," Anji declared firmly. She hid her worry about that fact.
What her companions did not seem to realize was that mastering all the elements typically took an Avatar years at best. Kuruk had taken just short of eleven years to do it, and that had been considered quite quick. The shortest since her first incarnation (according to legend) was Kyoshi managing to grasp the basics of the four elements within a year, but that was only the basics, all learned in tandem with each other while on the run from Roku's traitorous varlet, Sozin. It had taken another seven years before she had fully mastered them. Yangchen spent six years mastering the elements, and that was nearly unheard of, even for an Avatar. Anji did not have the luxury of that time. She needed to learn them now. She should have learned them a century ago.
"I wouldn't even have a guess where to start finding a good waterbender to teach you," Zuko chewed his bottom lip. Azula let out a snort and mumbled quietly about the impossibility of a good waterbender existing in the first place.
Anji's eyes narrowed in thought, ignoring Azula's prejudice. It was not a fair assessment, and Anji would have to work on it, but she understood enough to know where the other girl was coming from. This war would not end just with her ending the fighting. It was unlikely that there was anybody left alive save her who remembered life before the war. Anji had already caught a glimpse of the deep prejudice and hatred on both sides. She expected to spend the rest of this incarnation, and probably at least some of her next, healing the divides created by the Coalition's actions.
"What about the Sun Warriors?" She inquired, setting aside those thoughts. No point worrying over what would happen after the war until she had ended it. "That would at least solve the problem of my firebending mastery, and they have secretive techniques that could be really valuable to us. They could help you too, Azula." The firebender's eyes lit up eagerly. She leaned in.
"Can you help me too?" She asked hopefully.
"I'll try," Anji agreed easily. After all, part of being in the Avatar Retinue was the responsibility to teach each other their skills and cultures, creating bonds between the different nations. "But a master would be best, which brings us back to the Sun Warriors."
"Nobody knows where to find them," Zuko admitted. "They disappeared at the start of the war. Most think they were wiped out."
Anji shook her head at that. 'Impossible' Roku murmured in disagreement, and she echoed him, his accent flavouring her own. The siblings gave her a curious look at that, but Anji ignored it. Varlets always got used to the strangeness of an Avatar. It was obvious Azula and Zuko were clever and caught on quick. They would learn about her strangeness, and she was confident she could rely on them not to draw away from it. From the glint in Azula's eyes, Anji rather suspected it would merely draw her closer, and it was clear that Zuko went where his sister did.
"The Sun Warriors were never ones to die silently," she stated, repeating Roku's whisper. "But they have always been secretive. I can find them; I just need to check my predecessors' journals to make sure I remember the way. The last Fire Avatar, Roku spent some time with them, learning their ways, and drew a map in his journal to show his successors the way to their hidden city."
"Where are the journals?" Azula wondered curiously.
"Some are at the Western Air Temple," Anji replied. "Possessions not willed by Avatars to their friends and family are either sent to the leaders of the next nation in the cycle or stored in Temples, to be given to the new Avatar. When I was shown to be the Avatar, they were sent to the Western Temple where I was moved to let me study them. Not all the journals are there, but there are enough."
"Moved?" Azula repeated curiously.
"Tradition," Anji explained. "I was born in the Eastern Temple, but Air Avatars are always trained at the two oldest temples, the West for girls, the South for boys. So, after being identified I was moved west. It hardly mattered really, seeing as I was always travelling between them all with Kelsang. The Air Nation has always been very communal. All together there was only about six hundred of us split between the temples and travelling. We were taught that blood didn't matter, that we are all each other's brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, so on. All the children had a primary mentor to teach them airbending and of the spirits and such, but everyone helped raise each other. Usually, girls would have one of the sisters as their mentors and the monks would raise the boys once they were weaned, but Kelsang was Kuruk's varlet, and was tasked with raising me as per tradition."
"Oh, I understand." She nodded, though Anji expected she was still confused. The familial traditions of the Nomads had puzzled even Avatars from other nations, and they had the advantage of memories of Air Avatar memories. The golden-eyed girl shot a look at her brother, who failed to notice, distracted by something else Anji had mentioned.
"Why do you need their journals? Do you not remember your past lives?" Zuko furrowed a brow. "I thought you could communicate with them."
Anji grimaced and shrugged a shoulder. "It's complicated," she said. "I can-hear them, sense their emotions in my mind. I always have, even before I fully understood what they were. But I can't talk to them that way and not at all until I have spoken to my most recent predecessor, Kuruk, and I need to go to one of his shrines or temples to connect with him for the first time. Once I've done that, I'll be able to speak to him, Kyoshi, Roku and Yangchen, the last Air Avatar, relatively easily and without needing to seek out a statue or shrine to them to do so, though I'd still need to meditate to talk to them properly. But for Avatars older than that, it's harder. The further back they are, the harder it is to connect.
As for memories, typically when I learn each element, I dream of the lives of the Avatars from that part of the cycle. So, I typically dreamed of my Air predecessors when I was growing up, and currently it's my Fire selves whom I dream most of, and so on, so forth." The journals were specifically written with the intent of helping successive Avatars, and Anji had read all the ones she had available from front to back for guidance.
"That sounds like it should drive you mad," Zuko's eyes were wide. Azula also looked startled, though she tried to hide it behind her nonchalant facade.
Anji shrugged. "It's not-" she hesitated. Explaining this had never been simple, not for any Avatar. "It's all subconscious unless I focus," she explained. It was as simple as she could manage, though not quite accurate. "And there is a distance to the memories and the emotions linked to them. A defence to prevent exactly that."
"Wow," Azula muttered, cheeks pinking slightly as she realized she'd lost her act. Anji gave a faint smile that didn't reach her eyes. They flew for a bit in silence, everyone lost in thought. Eventually, the sky began darkening. Not enough for Anji to want to land and waste any time when so much had been lost already (besides, she couldn't see anywhere to land), but enough that she could see the siblings' eyes drooping as Agni left the sky, allowing their tiredness from the hectic day to catch up with them. Even she was fatigued, though Tui's light also helped to reinvigorate her at the same time.
That was always a problem for Avatars, and, by default when children, their parents/guardians also. Avatars drew power from both Agni and Tui, making it difficult to rest, and visions and dreams of the past tormented them when they did manage to get to sleep.
"You ought to rest," Anji suggested to her companions. "It will take several hours to reach the Temple. Rest when you can. We will need our strength and energy."
The siblings exchanged glances, then Zuko said hesitantly. "Anji, I- remember, you've been, asleep, for a hundred years. Things, they won't be like you recall."
The Air Avatar swallowed harshly, her grip on Appa's reins tightening. "I don't know how I ended up in the volcano," she said flatly. "But I know of the attack on my people. The last thing I remember before waking up with the two of you was of defending the Temple. They struck at night, and two moons hung in the sky, amplifying their power to the point that my firebending sifu, Hei-Ran, said it was as if they were all half-realized Avatars utilizing the Avatar State. I, my teachers and some of the nuns fought them, but it was obvious that we were going to be overwhelmed. I know what I will find there, Zuko, but there are I things that I need like the journals, and I must see it with my own eyes."
"Alright," he agreed softly. Azula stayed respectfully quiet.
"You're sure it's safe to sleep while we're flying?" She asked after a moment to change the subject. Anji shot her a wan smile, nodding in reassurance.
"I promise," she assured her. "Trust me."
Although they'd only known each other a few hours, Azula looked at Anji, her ancient eyes set in a young face, slim shoulders weighed down with a burden nobody else would ever comprehend and the power and compassion that both rolled off her in waves and nodded.
"I do," she said.
Western Air Temple:
"We're here."
Azula was confused, at first, when she woke up to Anji's voice and gentle touch to her shoulder, curled on Appa's back underneath the rising sun instead of her bed at home. Then everything came rushing back and she jolted upright. Thank Agni, Anji's hand snapped out and grabbed her before she toppled off Appa's back.
"Thanks," Azula muttered, embarrassed. The Avatar gave a tired smile and nodded before returning her gaze to the mountain before them.
"There it is," she announced softly, pointing ahead. "The Western Air Temple, where all female Avatars come to master airbending and learn the ways of the spirit world. The oldest of all the temples, built by the first Earth Avatar, Aziz, to give the early Nomads a place to safely raise their children according to their spiritual beliefs."
"I don't see anything," Zuko said doubtfully. Anji gave a genuine smile this time.
"Well, the Western Temple is different to the other three," she told them. "Where they shoot up into the sky, this one, as befits the Avatar who built it, plunges into the earth." She flew Appa downwards, into a large canyon, and they let out gasps of amazement. Azula couldn't even bring herself to be embarrassed by the display of emotion she showed.
When she considered it, it made sense. The Air Nomads had been peaceful but that (clearly) did not stop others attacking them, especially if it was as old as Anji said, built in a time of anarchy and warfare where the Avatar had not yet established any sort of peace. Positioning it on top of the mountain would have been too obvious a target, and so instead the temple was built into the mountain, in the most awe-inspiring example of architecture imaginable.
Dozens of upside-down spires, plateaus and towers were scattered throughout, connecting the different sections of the temple to each other with stalagmites shielding them from view. Towering arches made of beautiful stone curved above them, far higher than Azula could ever dream of reaching, unless Anji flew them up with her glider or on Appa. In the centre of the courtyard where Anji brought them in to land was a large fountain, and Azula could see faded mosaics scattered around, all showing different scenes of airbenders preforming various feats, or else peaceful scenes from old stories that she vaguely recalled from her childhood. It was a windy place, and lots of broken statues of nuns lined the sides of the courtyard. One statue that had been placed in the centre was destroyed beyond recognition, and Anji gave it a hollow look.
"That was a statue of Yangchen," she murmured. "She was considered one of the greatest Avatars." Neither sibling knew what to say, Zuko awkwardly resting a hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her.
The temple was hauntingly beautiful, a relic of an entire race lost for no reason other than they'd had the sole person among them with the ability to stop the Coalition's ruthless conquest. As if Azula had needed further proof of their evil.
Anji had a hollow expression when she looked around, though Azula could tell she was trying to cover it. Azula probably wouldn't have seen the pain glinting in the Air Nomad's eyes were it not for her own practice in covering pain.
"I've never seen a temple so quiet and empty," she murmured sadly before straightening her shoulders and raising her chin determinedly. "This way," she urged, jerking her shaved head towards an archway.
In an adjoining courtyard, they found the first bodies. Bodies dressed in the shredded remnants of ancient Water Coalition clothing were scattered around the place, most so badly damaged that they were more shards than proper skeletons. They had clearly died from earthbending, given the destroyed earth around them and the scattered and crushed bones. In the centre of the wreckage lay a mummified body in green robes trimmed with what had probably once been white or cream and gold, traces of a beard clinging to the remains.
Anji let out a choked off breath that might've been a cry, reaching out a trembling hand towards the earthbender. "Master Jianzhu," she identified him in a hollow, grief-stricken voice. "He was the Earth Kingdom representative to Kuruk's retinue, and my tutor in politics, the Earth Kingdom and was meant to be my earthbending sifu too."
"It looks like he fought hard," Azula remarked, studying the pile of bodies surrounding the fallen earthbender.
"He would," Anji responded hollowly. "Master Jianzhu-he was strict, and had a ruthless streak, but he was one of the greatest benders of his time, of any element. He invented several new techniques and whenever Kuruk could not personally attend to a political matter, he always sent Master Jianzhu as his legate. He was fiercely devoted to his position as Varlet of the Avatar.
Without his and Hei-Ran's influence, I would have been far more reluctant to fight, and an Avatar-an Avatar should not make violence their first resort, but they must be willing to stand their ground and fight for the greater good when needed. Kelsang was the dearest to me of them all, my father in all save for blood in this life, but Sifu Jianzhu and Sifu Hei-Ran, they-" she shook her head, eyes glinting brightly from unshed tears as she went on, not quite able to cover the way her voice broke with grief. "He fought for them and but most of all for me."
"This wasn't your fault, Anji," Zuko murmured, guessing what the distraught Avatar was thinking. Anji gave him a pained look.
"Isn't it? Isn't all of it? I am the Avatar. I am meant to protect people from this," she waved around at the ruins of her people. "Yet, when the world needed me most, I failed it. I failed everyone."
"You're not invincible," Azula said. "The stories, they make it seem as if the Avatar can do anything. But you're just one person, Anji. Younger than me, and unrealized. You said they were all enhanced by that second moon. How could you have done more?"
Azula knew even as they spoke that their words wouldn't get through to Anji. Logic rarely beat emotions, especially when it came to grief. Didn't Azula still blame herself and her firebending for the raid six years ago? Didn't Zuko still think that him obeying their parents when they told him to hide was the reason they were gone? For all she couldn't recall the amount of times their uncle had gone through the logic of that terrible day with them to show them that there was nothing they could have done, that their geographical position meant the Coalition would have come one way or another, firebender or not, that Zuko was too young to help, and for all they understood in their minds that he was right, in their hearts they both still each felt as if they were to blame.
Anji clearly felt the same way about the Air Nomad Genocide.
It was strange, to realize that the Avatar of legend was just as human as anyone else, but Azula saw it then.
Perhaps if they had known Anji was the Avatar from the very beginning they would have been blinded by the stories they'd been told of the Lamane, but they had spent almost two hours on the way back to the village the previous day thinking she was a (relatively, excepting being the last of her people) normal girl. They'd chatted casually about normal things, heard her talking with a child's innocent and unlimited adoring love of her guardian, and telling stories of her friends Kuzon and Bumi, and their pranks. They'd seen her shattered expression when they broke the news that she had been gone for a century to her. They saw an even more agonized mien on her now in the ruins of her former home. Despite how easily she had defeated the waterbenders on the ship, it was impossible not to see her as a real person with human emotions instead of the flawless living god the stories and legends spoke of.
The Avatar needed care just as much as any other, felt uncertainty and doubt and love and all other things they all did. Perhaps, in some ways, Anji's power and responsibility made her more vulnerable than the rest of the world, not less.
Azula felt a surge of protectiveness and exchanged a glance with her brother as he reached out to rest a comforting hand on Anji's shoulder as the airbender stared bleakly at her dead teacher's body. He read her thoughts in the way of siblings who had no one else but one another to rely on and nodded in firm agreement with her.
Anji would protect the world, and they would protect Anji.
"We should," Anji stood from where she had been crouched by her late teacher's side. "We should keep going. I want-I want to see the rest."
"Are you sure?" Azula asked. Anji nodded, eyes pained.
"Would you like us to come with you?" Zuko asked. "I know that outsiders weren't usually allowed in the temples."
"That was more for their safety than anything else," Anji admitted. "It can be dangerous, without airbending. But if you don't mind..." She took a deep breath. "I would appreciate it."
"Then we will," Azula stated simply.
The quirk of Anji's lips as she nodded couldn't really be called a smile, but it was something at least. The expression disappeared as Anji turned to the door, shoulders slumping for a moment before she squared them determinedly.
"Follow me," she urged softly.