Historia was staring at him. Once again the feelings he tried to bottle up threatened to burst.
It wasn't her. It wasn't her.
He told himself that over and over again.
Yet her radiant blue eyes pierced his soul and he remembered moments they shared in his past life.
The times they played together with their child in the ocean.
The days they celebrated their daughter's birthday.
The nights they made love as the moonlight shined through the windows of their palace.
And those days... where they both mourned for the people he slaughtered and she let be slaughtered.
They shared the pain of being the most selfish humans.
A devil and the worst girl.
Except only the devil exists now.
The person looking at him was a fake angel.
He didn't want to infect her with his sins.
So he looked away, not breaking his calm facade, and pushing away the heartache.
"Listen up maggots! Today marks the start of hand to hand combat. Your partners will be chosen for today." Shadis barked.
Eren took a deep breath. Remembering who he had to fight with on the first day.
"Armin Arlert will paired up with Mikasa Ackerman." Shadis started. Eren watched as the blonde boy release a sigh of relief and the oriental smiled, moving to stand next to each other. The brunette knew that Mikasa was a gentle person, especially with Armin. Eren lost count how many more times the Ackerman mothered Armin more than himself. At times when he got into a heated argument with Armin about whatever topic, Mikasa would at times punch him in the face to snap him out of his anger. At times he'd wonder if his jaw is a few centimeters out of place.
He knew he deserved it though. After all, he grew up and realized how much of a hot-headed kid he was. Some of the shit he spewed out was hurtful and he genuinely regretted it, especially considering his position now. If he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulder, he'd work on reconciling with them right now. But he didn't want to involve them with whatever he will plan to do. He kept Historia and their child out of the conflict and it ended in the death of his friends and everyone outside Paradis, but it guaranteed their safety. If it ever comes to the worst possible scenario, he'll make sure his friends live now. They can live the lives they choose without him holding them back or the fear of extermination. He won't be deciding their future by succumbing to his memories... his desires. He would now put duty above all else, it was the least he can do.
"Jean Kirstein will be paired up with Marco Bott." Eren felt longing as he watched Jean move to be next to Marco. What he would give to bond with Horseface again. What he would give to talk, yell, argue, and laugh about random shit with the boy who became close to him, almost as close as his childhood friends and the woman he loved. After retaking Shiganshina, their relationship improved. He didn't know how or exactly when it started, but the more they talked, the easier it became for them to understand each other. Other than Historia, he knew Jean understood him the most, more than Armin and Mikasa.
That's why... it broke his heart when he heard Jean rationalized his actions in front of Hange, as he can hear their conversation within the realm of the Paths. Eren in his mind had begged for a miracle, a miracle that Jean would embrace his selfish side and stayed on Paradis, a miracle that Jean could've convinced his friends to stay behind on Paradis, where they would be safe and didn't have to fight.
But it wasn't enough.
Eren looked at Marco now and frowned. Marco was the person who inspired Jean to be a better man. He was the main reason why Jean wasn't the selfish jerk he is now. Marco's death was a catalyst for Jean defecting from Paradis for the people of the outside world. He remembered Jean talking about the freckled boy's ashes not forgiving him.
No...
It didn't matter now, since he'll keep both them safe. He swore on his mother's grave!
"Connie Springer will be paired up with Sasha Braus." Eren smiled in nostalgia as he looked at the two people who he deemed to himself "The Twins of Terror", walking to find their spot. Their pranks had wrecked havoc in the 104th and always had Shadis pulling at his nonexistent hair. Now he'll get to see them and their antics again. Their relationship was one of the strongest ones he had ever seen. They were so close, he assumed they shared the same brain cell. Tears nearly escaped his eyes as he remembered Sasha's death. It was the day he had lost some of his humanity, the day a piece of his heart was ripped apart. It was the first step to paradise and while he wouldn't have changed it because it guaranteed the security of his home, family and freedom, he would make sure that now, Sasha and all his friends would be safe as well.
Eren knew how much anger Connie had felt at him for Sasha's death and he wished Connie would've stayed angry at him. He hated himself even more when Connie tried to put himself in the shoes of a man who would genocide the world for his family, friends and freedom. There was no need to do that. Connie was a hero, so were all his friends. Fallen heroes, but heroes nonetheless.
It was time he played the hero.
"Reiner Braun will be paired up with Bertolt Hoover." The brunette frowned as he watched Reiner walk away with his fellow warrior to find a spot. While he understood their position, he harbored a slight grudge for the deception the two warriors caused even if he wasn't one to talk. That was why if anything bad happened to them, it would be business. Though he'd rather avoid that to prevent further complications. It did suck that he'll have to watch Reiner play soldier and deceive his friends, but he'll deal with the Marleyan when he gets to it.
Right now...
"Eren Yeager will be paired up with Annie Leonhart."
He and Annie walked to find a spot. When they had found it they waited for Shadis to continue through his list until he finished.
"Alright you sacks of meat! We will begin today's lesson. You will be fighting with your assigned partner. Since it's the first day of hand to hand combat, the other instructors and I will be watching to see what we will be working with. The objective is to knock out the other person, you have one hour to do so. If you finish early, then you can head back to the barracks to prepare for dinner. Throw punches, kicks, slaps, or whatever the hell you can to knock out your opponent." Shadis commanded.
Eren remembered how Annie had knocked him out on the first day with only one punch to the jaw. It was embarrassing for both him and Mikasa, who had went into a blood-lusted warpath towards Annie, leading to the Ackerman being pinned down by 3 men and led off to be scolded and disciplined. That was when the rivalry between those two had started. It was exhausting watching them go at it sometimes.
That all changes today.
He'll make sure he takes down Annie quick to avoid attention and of course...
He cracked his knuckles...
It was payback time.
"Now begin!"