Sirius awoke the next morning still in James' bed. His friend had crawled into bed next to him at some point, and Sirius quickly got up. He felt weird having James cuddled up next to him after crying to him the night before.

"You okay, Siri?" James groggily asked, stretching.

He didn't turn around, but he nodded and headed toward the bathroom to get ready. He wasn't hungry.

Breakfast was incredibly awkward. His friends didn't know how to console him or convince him to eat. He seemed even more miserable than usual. Even the other Gryffindors were confused by the silence on their side of the table this morning.

"I'm going to the tower," Sirius finally said, standing up from the table.

"I'm going with you," James said, following suit.

"No, you're not."

"Sirius. . ." Remus began, but was interrupted.

"I don't need a fucking babysitter!" Sirius erupted, quieting the Gryffindor table as they stared at him.

"We know, we just want to help-"

"Help me by leaving me alone!" Sirius retorted, hurrying out of the hall. Even more people began to stare and he felt many eyes on his back as he left.

He spent that morning wallowing in pity in the dormitory. He hated being this way, he couldn't stop. But maybe, he thought, he didn't even really want to change. Maybe he could do something to make his friends get off his back.

Sirius was attending more meals, still not all of them and he still didn't eat a lot, but his friends were glad to see him eating more than usual. But something about him still seemed off. They couldn't put their finger on it, or even voice their concerns without angering Sirius, so they kept quiet and observed.

Every lunchtime, Sirius would stay behind to do "homework". They all knew this was a lie, but they didn't know the truth. That Sirius was cutting up his arm like a slab of meat.

He was in control again, but under the radar. Until quidditch season started that fall.

"You excited? We have our first practice tomorrow, McGonagall is letting us get out of transfiguration early!" James said excitedly, cheering after ending his sentence. "Fuel up!"

James added a few servings of eggs to Sirius' plate, and he faked a smile.

"Moony, you joining this year?" Sirius teased, taking a bite of the eggs. He laughed and dramatically shook his head.

"What about you, Wormtail? No? That's okay, probably better off," Sirius chuckled at his own jab.

"The first practice of the year is always the hardest," Sirius panted as the team rushed to the quidditch showers.

"You don't say," James sarcastically replied as they arrived and began stripping off their gear.

"Sirius, you're all skin and bones!" John Bell commented.

"Been laying off the pastries lately, can ya tell?" Sirius quipped, but Bell wasn't kidding. He seriously did look sick.

Sirius decided to skip a shower and head back to the tower. He didn't need James to see anything and get worried again.

"Sirius, you stink!" Remus told him as soon as he walked into the common room.

"That's what hard work smells like," He joked, making his friend scrunch up his nose.

He had gone upstairs to take a shower when Peter told Remus how the practice went.

"I heard James and Bell talking about switching Sirius' position. Apparently they haven't seen a sixth year do that bad. Ever." Peter whispered to Remus, which was way more obvious than just normal talking. Remus lightly pushed his friend away and was deep in thought.