Chapter 3: La tristesse
WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT AND REFERENCES TO PEDOPHiLIA, GROOMING, AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Just over a moon had passed since Sparrowstar had last shared FireClan's news at the moonlight gathering. Since then, the old leader's cough had worsened to the point where she was no longer able to leave camp or even manage to leap onto the hollow oak where she had once addressed FireClan during countless seasons of meetings and naming ceremonies throughout her time as leader. Worse still, the clan's only remaining elder, Graygoose had also contracted her illness and was now completely confined to the elders' den. The Clan's medicine cat, Swiftfang had said that it was unlikely he would ever be able to walk through the forest or share tongues with his Clanmates ever again. As deputy, Icestorm had done his best. Every patrol, every training session, and, every Clan meeting had been organised by him, despite Sparrowstar still continuing to have the final say in regard to important decisions for the clan as a whole. All of FireClan seemed to sense that the time had finally come. Sparrowstar had been their leader for countless seasons, and yet FireClan now needed to be led by a younger, stronger cat with new ideas and who wasn't afraid of what the future might bring.
And so Icestorm will be our leader… Reedfeather thought as he watched his former apprentice organise the daily patrols for what seemed like the thousandth time that week. I know I'm not Icestorm's father. I'm not sure if I can take much credit for how noble he's become these past few seasons… He makes me proud every day.
Although Reedfeather had trained several fine apprentices in his time as a warrior, his bond with the young deputy had only grown since he had finished his training many moons ago. Though he hated to admit it, even to himself, Reedfeather couldn't deny the fact that he had felt even more satisfaction at seeing Icestorm become FireClan's deputy than when he learned of his own son, Reedwhisker becoming MarshClan's deputy. Icestorm has been more of a son to me than any other cat. He wants nothing more than peace will the other clans. He already has friends in ForestClan and I know that he's fully intent on finally making peace with MarshClan once and for all. FireClan will be in safe paws with him as its leader Reedfeather thought. When Icestorm had finally finished giving out orders for the day, Reedfeather quickly padded over to him, his paws crunching against the half-frozen grass that covered most of the clearing. "Is there anything I can do to help? I noticed you didn't put me on any of the patrols" the older warrior rasped, his voice dry from the cold air. Icestorm turned towards him, a mixture of exhaustion and pity clouding his pale amber eyes. "You've already done your morning patrol Reedfeather…" the large gray tom paused before adding quietly, "Shouldn't you be with Sparrowstar?" Reedfeather stared at his paws. "She's become so weak and helpless… Swiftfang has stopped trying to cure her sickness… There's nothing I can do for her." he groaned. Icestorm gently flicked a a piece of frosty grass from his old mentor's shoulder with his tail. "She's your mother Reedfeather. I already visited her this morning but I know she'd rather see you. She probably doesn't have much time left…" Icestorm trailed off, avoiding Reedfeather's gaze.
"How did your meeting with her go?" Reedfeather prompted, reluctant to revisit the topic of visiting Sparrowstar himself. "Oh about as well as can be expected… I never thought I'd hear the great Sparrowstar tell me that she trusted me to look after the Clan that she's led for over eleven years… I've only been deputy for a few moons! I've only ever mentored Thistlepaw! I'm not ready to take her place!" Icestorm sighed, his tiredness showing in the sudden sag of his powerful shoulders as his head drooped. Before Reedfeather could even respond, Icestorm quickly straightened up, raising both his chin and tail to look down at his mentor again. "Sorry. I know that things will probably settle down once I am leader and have my own deputy. It's just so much change to be dealing with all at once right now.."
After only a moment of silent hesitation, Reedfeather leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Icestorm's in an effort to provide some comfort to the younger tom. Warm air spilled out of Reedfeather's nostrils onto Icestorm's muzzle, warming his chin. For a moment, it felt as though they truly were father and son. "I know" he breathed finally. "But I also know that you'll make a fine leader Icestorm. Just take it day by day, paw step by paw step. You know where to find me if you ever need some cranky old warrior's advice…" Reedfeather finished before pulling away and meeting the deputy's gaze. "Thank you Reedfeather." Icestorm blinked at him affectionately. Reedfeather simply dipped his head respectfully before brushing past Icestorm on his way into Sparrowstar's den. Icestorm isn't the only one who's going to need all the courage he can get right now…
"Have you come to wish me well before I head off to StarClan?" Sparrowstar's mew sounded from the very back of the den as she slowly lifted her head. Her voice sounded strained and ragged but Reedfeather could still hear echoes of the young, authoritative leader that had once commanded so much respect from every warrior in the forest. Maybe Swiftfang is wrong. Maybe she'll recover… she can finally retire and join Graygoose in the elders' den and they can live out the rest of their days in peace… Reedfeather sat down at the edge of his leader's nest. "I've come to see you…" he murmured quietly. Sparrowstar let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes once more as Reedfeather began to notice the subtle changes to her frame. Her ribs were even more visible now than they had been a few days before and her brown tabby pelt looked worn and unkept. "I'm glad you're here. I need to ask you something" Sparrowstar rasped, forcing her bleary green eyes open. Reedfeather did not reply. "Tell me the truth… Have you… have you fathered those kits?", her gaze met his uneasily. Reedfeather's fur bristled at the realisation of what his leader meant, "Is that really what you think of me? You really think I'd make the same mistake twice?" his voice turned to a low growl. "No, Sparrowstar." Reedfeather continued, "Flamepaw and Thistlepaw are NOT my kits. I have only ever strayed from my duty to FireClan ONCE. Aside from that, have I not served you and my Clanmates for all the moons of my life? How can you still not trust me?" he spat through gritted teeth. "Sorry…" Sparrowstar breathed weakly, looking away from him solemnly. "It's just that… they remind me so much of you. And your father…" Despite their weariness, Sparrowstar's eyes glazed over and grew distant. Reedfeather let out a deeply held sigh. He had never had the chance to know his father. All throughout his kithood and warrior training, his father had only been mentioned a couple of times and Sparrowstar had always briskly ended the conversation before Reedfeather could ever find out anything. I learned to stop asking such questions many many moons ago… I've made my peace with that. Who knows what other secrets will die with Sparrowstar…
"His name was Grassfire…He-" Sparrowstar's frame broke into another spasm of coughing before finally settling down once more. "You don't have to tell me anything-", "He-he wasn't my first mate. Graygoose and I had been the best of friends ever since we were kits and I just thought we were on the way to becoming mates and starting a family, but then I became deputy and Graygoose was called to become a medicine cat…. He's been the best friend a cat could ever ask for. For a while though, we were both young and heartbroken… That's when I started spending more and more time with your father, Grassfire. He was a marvellous warrior. Tall, strong, fast and had such a calming voice.. He could jump farther than any warrior I've ever seen!… But he already had a mate. That poor thing… He spent every evening with me while she was growing a painful lump on her side… and then she died… After that, he was always beside me. We did everything together. Then… things changed as soon as I became leader… Looking back, I think he resented me for not naming him deputy. Or maybe he just hated the authority that I had power over him… He fought me at every decision with tooth and claw. We began to hate each other… but I couldn't bring myself to end things between us. I thought he was the love of my life. Of course, Graygoose tried to help me… he kept telling me that Grassfire was no good and that I would be able to focus more on being a good leader if I wasn't constantly being distracted by him but I brushed him aside. At the time I thought he must be jealous. I wish I'd believed him then, but even if I had, nothing could've prepared me for what came next…" Sparrowstar closed her eyes as she began to fidget uncomfortably in her nest. Reedfeather felt a surge of dread rise in his chest. While unexpected, he couldn't say that his mother's relationship with the clan's former medicine cat had come as a terrible shock to him. The two had seemingly been joint at the hip for the entirety of their lives. More often than not, Graygoose seemed like the closest thing to a mate that Sparrowstar had ever had. He had even helped Sparrowstar raise her son. Reedfeather could still remember the harsh scent of pine and herbs emanating from Graygoose's thick gray pelt as he'd entered the nursery to care for him as a kit. But Grassfire… Reedfeather almost felt as if he didn't want to hear any more about this cat who he had once been endlessly curious about. His father sounded nothing like what he'd always imagined him to be.
"Go on" Reedfeather prodded. Sparrowstar hesitated before looking up at her son once more. "You remember the little mud caves that used to exist down by the side of the lake? The ones at the edge of the MarshClan border?" Reedfeather gave a confused nod. "For some reason, your father started to take a particular interest in that particular area of the territory. He said that we should use it as a sort of trading space with the other clans where we could exchange prey and medicine since it wasn't too far away from ForrestClan and MarshClan. He would venture out every day and set up little storage dens with the help of some young MarshClan and ForrestClan apprentices. He made it into such a big task for himself and I thought it was strange but I kept letting him do it. I thought I was helping him by letting him carry on with his new project. Things had even started to improve between us and I thought he seemed a lot less volatile, but I was wrong." Sparrowstar's eyes darkened. "What I now know is that he was frequently seeking the company of one of the younger MarshClan apprentices that had been assigned to assist him with the den-building.. Her name was Hollowpaw. She-she couldn't have been more than a few seasons old…" Sparrowstar's voice began to quiver with emotion as she continued. "She was beautiful… with the loveliest red coat I've ever seen. I.. I knew he didn't love me the way he once did anymore but I never thought that he would betray me… I smelled a MarshClan scent all over him one night when he entered our den. Thats when I knew something was going on. He didn't even deny it when I confronted him about it. I suppose he was "in love" with her… if you can even call it that…" she muttered darkly as she shook her tabby head. "We were no longer mates after that of course but that wasn't the end of it. I still needed him as one of my warriors. I still needed to know that, even if he wouldn't be loyal to ME, his loyalty ultimately belonged to FireClan. That's why I followed him one night… down by the creek… he was in one of the mud dens with her and…" Sparrowstar's eyes filled with horror as if she was seeing what she had once witnessed so many moons ago once ago. "I saw him sat down next to Hollowpaw… She was dead. She was so small and yet… her entire belly was swollen with unborn kits… Grassfire's kits… I could smell the blood from a few fox-lengths away. At first, I thought he must've murdered her with his own claws until I saw her belly and her legs… The place where she was bleeding from… The kits must've come much too early and.. no medicine cat was there to help her. She-she died in that dark, watery storage cave, alone with a fully-grown tom at least four times her age.. StarClan knows how she was even able to become pregnant so young! StarClan knows why none of the other MarshClan cats were looking after her that night or hunting down whoever did that to her in the first place! I couldn't believe how MarshClan could accept such a young apprentice having kits… She was really only a kit herself…" Sparrowstar finished, her voice barely more than a whisper but Reedfeather had heard everything he needed to hear.
Instead of saying anything in reply, Reedfeather simply held his tongue for what seemed like a moon until he finally asked the question he had always wanted to know the answer to. "But.. that still doesn't explain what happened to Grassfire?" he mewed at last. Sparrowstar let out another deep sigh before looking directly into her son's eyes. She suddenly looked more distraught than Reedfeather had ever seen her before. "What could I do?" Sparrowstar half-wailed. "He hadn't heard me enter and when I saw… When I realised what he had done. It was so monstrous, so predatory and vile that I leapt straight for his throat. I thought that if I rid the forest of his terrible presence, then I would be protecting some other unfortunate apprentice from the same fate as Hollowpaw… but… I knew that I would lose the respect of my Clanmates for killing one of my own warriors, no matter what he'd done… so I covered my tracks by making it look like Hollowpaw and Grassfire had killed each other. Graygoose helped me and… I'm so sorry Reedfeather. I am the reason why you don't have a father." Sparrowstar let out a pain-filled sob.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. No cat could blame you for what you did…" Reedfeather muttered darkly. "That bastard deserved to die." He paused before adding, "Is that why you've always hated MarshClan cats? Because they didn't protect Hollowpaw?" Reedfeather already knew the answer. "Sometimes I blame myself too though" Sparrowstar murmured, "Maybe there was more I could've done, or maybe I could've handled things differently but all that seemed to disappear when I found out I was pregnant with you. When you were born, everything changed. The whole experience with Grassfire and then having my own kit made me so much more protective-no.. defensive. I cared so much more about borders and boundaries than ever before. I let those caves by the creek rot away until there was nothing left of them… nothing left to tie us to Hollowpaw or MarshClan. No wonder things went sour with us and them." Sparrowstar sighed heavily and Reedfeather could see a tiredness behind her eyes that almost no living warrior would ever be able to understand. Her reign had been long and mostly prosperous and yet, behind those eyes, Sparrowstar's mind still weighed heavily with turmoil and regret.
Sparrowstar has trusted me with one of her darkest secrets Reedfeather thought. Before she dies, she deserves to know the full truth…
Reedfeather sighed. "Flamepaw and Thistlepaw's birth mother is Needlefish. I took them in because she begged me to… The warrior, Petalfall had just lost her whole litter and I think Needlefish was afraid… I did what I had to do to help my daughter." "I see…" Sparrowstar began, "and so, Foxstar is their father?" she rasped. "Yes" Reedfeather answered. "I see. So they are our kin as well as his… Yes, I can see that now. And I can see that you-you couldn't trust me…" Sparrowstar finished, a flicker of pain and longing in her green eyes. With a grunt of effort, Sparrowstar slowly rolled onto her belly and attempted to rise to her paws.
"Don't get up." Reedfeather whispered as he gently lowered his weight onto Sparrowstar's shoulder, forcing her to give up and lower herself back into her nest. Despite his best efforts, the senior warrior couldn't surpress the twinge of sympathy he felt stir inside him as he watched the old she-cat let out a weak sigh of frustration before burying her head between her two front paws. "Swiftfang said you need to rest…" Reedfeather added, not quite knowing what to say. "Why rest?" Sparrowstar croaked before her body shook weakly with another coughing fit. "I'm dying anyway.." She moaned. Reedfeather moved closer to his clan leader to gently lick her forehead. Sparrowstar's once vibrant green eyes now looked dull and lifeless as their running fluid streamed onto her now fully gray muzzle. 'Don't get too close Reedfeather.." Sparrowstar wheezed. "Don't get… sick", "With all due respect Sparrowstar, I doubt it would be as bad for me. After all, I'm sure even the tiniest thorn scratch could kill a cat as old as you." The senior warrior teased in reply as he rested his head on top of Sparrowstar's and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.
"I love you, mother." Reedfeather breathed. "I know. Although, I'm not sure why…" Sparrowstar sighed, craning her neck to meet Reedfeather's amber gaze. "After… what I did…Not just to Grassfire, but… to you… your family", Reedfeather couldn't help but stare at his paws. "We both did things that we regret… and we weren't the only ones who suffered…" Reedfeather trailed off. All of a sudden, he was plunged back into the dreadful memory from many seasons ago. All of the anguish and shame stemming from his choices that he had tried and failed countless times to make peace with washed over him like a cold autumn rain.
*Beginning of flashback*
"Reedfeather! You came!" The beautiful charcoal-coloured tabby purred as she waded across the shallow stream covering the flattened summer grass that separated their two territories. There was an edge of surprise to her voice. She didn't expect me to come… I haven't been a good mate to her. I can't be. She'll be better off once this is over… Reedfeather thought regretfully. Over the past two seasons, the respected FireClan deputy had been spending every spare minute of his time meeting with the beautiful MarshClan warrior, Graymist. Although he couldn't quite remember exactly when it was that he first realised his attraction to the enemy cat or even the point when their relationship had started to progress, he knew he would never forget all of the times that they had gone for moonlight swims, discussed their dreams, taken long walks through the forest, and shared prey whilst gazing out at the setting sun. The moons they had spent together felt endless and yet, Reedfeather felt as though no amount of time spent with her would ever be enough. Graymist was beautiful, confident and, intelligent yet also, brave and fierce. Unfortunately, despite Reedfeather's affection for her, he had been acutely aware of the growing tension between their two clans after Dapplestar had ascended as leader of MarshClan. Both Sparrowstar and Dapplestar were strong and ambitious, but Dapplestar was easily the more threatening of the two. No warrior could deny the obvious extent of Dapplestar's thirst for blood. Throughout a series of battles and losses, the new leader had conquered half of SwiftClan's territory and killed several of their finest warriors with her own claws. Reedfeather knew that war would come if Dapplestar's greed and ambition continued to escalate and even possibly threaten his own home. As deputy of FireClan, he knew that it was his duty to give up Graymist as his mate, at least until the worst of the conflict was over. "Is everything ok? I haven't seen you in almost a moon and you look like you've got a bramble in your side." Graymist murmured anxiously before leaning towards him and rubbing her cheek against his. At first, Reedfeather said nothing; he simply closed his eyes and drank in her scent. He wanted to remember this moment. He wanted to remember her like this, while she still loved him. "I'm fine." he lied. "Shall we go for a walk or something?" Reedfeather managed. The late-summer night air released a relaxing breeze that somehow only made Reedfeather feel more wretched. What a lovely night… If only I didn't have to spoil it all for her.
"Actually" Graymist began. "There's something that I need to tell you…" she sighed. Oh StarClan! Tell me you're the one who's ending things with me! Tell me that you can't keep doing this either! "I'm expecting kits." she mewed softly, her holly-coloured eyes glistening in the moonlight. "What?!" Reedfeather choked out. No…No.. this can't be happening! His thoughts raced and his heartbeat quickened. The forest around him seemed to sway and his paws felt as if they were about to give way to the ground beneath him. Reedfeather pulled away from Graymist and sat back on his haunches, taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm himself. "I-I'm sorry Reedfeather. I know the situation's not ideal but… You're going to be a father! We're going to have kits! That's… a good thing… Right?" Graymist's hesitant mew roused Reedfeather out of his shock. "I can't believe this. What are we going to do?" he muttered, shaking his head. "Well, isn't it obvious? We don't want our kits to grow up without both of their parents so maybe.. if you talk to Sparrowstar about it, she'll let you visit them in MarshClan! Maybe these new lives are exactly what our Clans need right now to make peace-", "Don't be ridiculous!" Reedfeather snapped, his previous shock now turning to anger as his amber eyes flared. "Have you forgotten?! I am the deputy of FireClan! I am the son of Sparrowstar and the grandson of Noblestar; my bloodline has ruled over FireClan for generations! I can't be seen to have half-clan kits!" he growled. "I'm sorry." Graymist mewed, her voice uncharacteristically submissive, "I just thought that…" her voice trailed off as she turned her head away. Reedfeather let out an exasperated sigh, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snarled like that. I know that this isn't just your fault Graymist". In response to his apology, the gray tabby she-cat let out a slightly amused purr and Reedfeather finally noticed the slight swelling of her white belly. From the look of it, the kits were now no doubt already kicking and wiggling around inside her womb, causing her belly to stir ever so slightly.
Graymist sat down and stared at her paws in silence for what seemed like a moon. Finally, the tabby lifted her head and gazed at her mate tenderly. "Well.. then they won't be half-clan. Not if I leave MarshClan and join you. Then… we could be a pure FireClan family." she purred softly, her voice barely more than a quiet whisper. "You would really do that for me?" Reedfeather lifted his head only slightly, still too ashamed to meet the pregnant she-cat's determined gaze. "Yes" Graymist straightened up, a look of sudden determination on her face. "For you and for our kits, I'm willing to do anything. Anything if it means that we'll be able to be a real family…" Reedfeather lowered his head once more and dug his claws into the earth, his eyes closed in anguish. He knew that Graymist truly meant what she had said and that she was far nobler a cat than he had ever deserved to have as his mate. But, he also knew that the minute Graymist and any of their future kits stepped into camp, Sparrowstar would never be able to look him in the eye again. To her, these kits would always have mixed blood and their existence would always serve as a reminder of how Reedfeather had failed to keep his loins inside of FireClan. He could no longer be deputy. His family bloodline would be ruined forever and Sparrowstar, the only kin he had ever known would forever hate him for it.
I know she'll be better off without me… She won't have to leave her home and our… her kits will be fine in MarshClan. We can just go back to how things used to be and pretend that none of this ever happened…
Yet, Reedfeather could feel his heart filling with sadness as he imagined his future kits happily playing together in the FireClan camp. These kits would have a father, something that Reedfeather had only ever dreamed of. He could picture himself many seasons from now, curled up in the elders' den with Graymist still at his side as they shared tongues and reminisced about their long, happy life together. "I'm sorry.. I-I can't do that either…I'm so sorry Graymist." he breathed out eventually. "I just can't". "Can't or won't!?" Graymist cried out, her mew crackling. "I was willing to give up my whole life for you! My friends, my kin, my home and you… you toss me aside for what exactly?! Do you really fear your own mother that much?! Or do you just not want to risk losing your precious position as her deputy?! How can you DO this?! How can you betray your own KIN?!" she screeched. Her words ripped through Reedfeather like sharp talons but he remained firm. He stood up straight and forced himself to face Graymist directly, his amber eyes rising to finally meet her now scorching green gaze. "I've already betrayed my kin." he meowed softly. "I betrayed Sparrowstar and my responsibility as deputy by even meeting with you in the first place Graymist. As the only son of a great leader and as the future leader of FireClan myself, it'll be a scandal if I'm seen as the father of half-clan kits. Even though its not against the code, it would still be frowned upon… and… they'll have better lives with you in MarshClan if your clanmates think that you and another MarshClan cat are their parents-", "But YOU are their father!" Graymist interrupted, her ears flattening with despair.
"I can't be!" Reedfeather raised his voice to a yowl. "You can tell your clan that they're Pebbleheart's. I've seen the way he pads after you when you're on patrol and at gatherings. I'm sure he'd let you!" he deflected once more, desperate to stop the guilt that had begun clawing at his insides. "But-" Graymist broke off, a sob shaking her shoulders. "I love you!" she mewled helplessly as her eyes tightly shut and she lowered her head in defeat. "I love you too" Reedfeather breathed, taking a step towards her in an effort to give her ear a comforting lick but Graymist pulled away, making Reedfeather flinch. After a minute of silence, he reached forward once more and rested his head on top of hers. "I'm sorry" he whispered as softly as a mother comforting one of her kits. The two stood like that for a while with Graymist's head nuzzled weakly into Reedfeather's chest, her gray pelt mingling with his copper-coloured fur. Eventually, Reedfeather felt a chill pass through his mate and realised that his still frame could no longer protect her from the night's chill. He pulled away and faced her once more. Graymist's whiskers drooped and her eyes were round with longing.
"Go home Graymist…" Reedfeather managed before turning around and padding lightly through the tall pine forest.
The walls of the warriors' den felt hollow and stone-cold as an early morning wind blew dead leaves into the cave. Reedfeather watched from his mossy nest as Duskkit and Nightkit began playing with a swirling orange-brown leaf as it floated onto the frost-covered grass by the edge of the clearing. Their mother, Batsong and their father, Blizzardbelly were nowhere to be seen. Odd Reedfeather thought as he rested his head on his paws. Four moons had passed since his last encounter with Graymist and since then, neither one of them had made any further contact with one another. Dapplestar had announced the kits' birth at a gathering several moons ago and no cat had batted an eyelid when their names were announced. Needlekit, Oakkit, and Reedkit… At the time, Reedfeather's heart had been filled with shame but at least now, it had eased somewhat. He was still able to serve as deputy and FireClan and MarshClan had even managed to find some sort of peace between them in their united attempts to prepare for the upcoming leaf-bare. Earlier that day, FireClan's medicine cat, Graygoose had even gone over to MarshClan to assist with a pregnant queen's cough. Batsong and Blizzardbelly must have gone with him Reedfeather realised as he continued to watch his clanmates' unsupervised kits playing in the clearing, their black pelts scuffling in the nearby clumps of fallen leaves and patches of snowflakes. However, as soon as he spotted the young warriors, Coldstorm, Lioncatcher and Icepelt making their way back from a border patrol, Reedfeather curled his tail around his paws and allowed himself to drift into sleep.
"Hey. Wake up." A nervous voice woke Reedfeather. He blinked a few times before recognising his friend, Batsong. Her matted black and gray fur was raised slightly and her amber eyes were wide with a mixture of fear and dread. By now, the den had grown dark as the shadows of late evening spilled into the cave entrance. Reedfeather stood quickly, giving his pelt a brisk shake. "What's wrong?" He asked quickly. Batsong hesitated before speaking, "We-we went over to MarshClan early this afternoon with Graygoose and… there were some MarshClan kits playing outside of the nursery. The kits of some warriors called Graymist and Pebbleheart, or at least we all thought they were…" Batsong's uncharacteristically shaky voice began to trail off. "Did something happen?!" Reedfeather pressed, his hide shaking with fear. Please StarClan! Please let nothing terrible have happened to my kits! "Graygoose was just talking to their mother and then he went to check up on them… and then… It all happened so fast but… then Graygoose started swearing up and down that they couldn't possibly be pure Marshclan kits. They moved and smelled like MarshClan kits but… two of them had reddish-brown pelts and the other one was a sort of brownish gray. It caught us off guard because their.. father, Pebbleheart has bushy black fur and their mother was a gray tabby. Graygoose started screaming that they must be FireClan kits and that Pebbleheart wasn't their true father-" she broke off. "What?!" Reedfeather pretended to act surprised but he knew he couldn't hide his rising panic from his oldest friend. "Did any cat believe him?", "No. Not at first. That "Pebbleheart" tom attacked Graygoose! He swore that he was the only father that mattered and that no cat had any right to judge him or Graymist…" Batsong's voice shook. "But then.. some of the other MarshClan warriors started to come forward… They said that she'd been spending a lot of time outside of camp for moons… all her friends and clanmates started to turn on her all at once and… she broke down and said that… YOU were their father.. But that you had abandoned them. She must be insane… but it was like something out of a nightmare…" Batsong finally finished. Reedfeather was completely still. His jaws felt as though they were being flattened between a pair of heavy stones.
"Graygoose is with Sparrowstar now. You must speak to them! Before all of this gets out of hand!" Batsong snapped urgently. Reedfeather said nothing, he simply stared at her blankly. What was there to say? Batsong took a step backward, her orange eyes widening with a mixture of realisation and horror. "It's not true is it?! Reedfeather! Tell me it's not true!" Before he could reply, Batsong's mate, Blizzardbelly stuck his head through the entrance to the warriors' den, his eyes dark. "Sparrowstar wants to see you in her den. Alone." He muttered before turning around and padding over to where his kits were still playing and shooing them back into the nursery. Without another word, Batsong raked her shocked gaze away from Reedfeather and followed Blizzardbelly. Reedfeather's brown paws felt numb as they slowly carried him into his leader's den. Inside, he could see Sparrowstar's still frame sat hunched over at the back of her den. The FireClan medicine cat was nowhere to be seen.
"Sparrowstar?" Reedfeather called out into the darkness.
Sparrowstar did not reply and Reedfeather felt his ears flatten as he realised that Sparrowstar already knew the truth. She had been suspicious of his relationship with Graymist from the very beginning and Reedfeather had often felt his mother's eyes on him whenever he had made excuses to leave camp for long periods of time. Sparrowstar was no fool. There was no use in lying now. "Sparrowstar…" He began. "Please believe me when I say that I regret what I have done with all of my heart… Please forgive me.. I promise that I have always been loyal to my-"
"Promises! Promises! What good are they coming from you now Reedfeather?!" Sparrowstar snarled, her teeth bared as she whipped her head over her shoulder to glare at her once-trusted deputy. "Why should I believe anything that you say now! Now that I know you've betrayed me?! My own deputy! My own apprentice! My own son! Oh! If only StarClan had granted me with more kits! If only I'd had other children who could bring me anything else but shame!" she screeched. Sparrowstar's words slashed through Reedfeather like sharp claws and she looked as though she might leapt forward and attack him at any moment. "Do you have any idea what you have DONE!? Our lineage is ruined! You and your fish-blooded descendants will NEVER rule FireClan! If only I'd never given birth and my family's legacy had just DIED WITH me!" Sparrowstar rounded on Reedfeather again, her spit flying onto his face with every hiss. Her brown tabby fur bristled and her green eyes glowed with fury. "You will never be Reedstar, nor will you have the honour of ruling beside me ever again… From this day forward, you are NO longer the deputy of FireClan!"
Reedfeather lowered his head silently. He could feel his heart being torn to pieces. Eventually, Sparrowstar's hackles lowered and her glare eased into a frown as she seemed to regain some of her composure. "How could you have let me down like this…? I thought that we were in this together…", "Am I banished then?" Reedfeather rasped. He kept his head lowered as he raised his eyes to meet Sparrowstar's gaze, surprised to find it softening with… Regret? Pity? Disappointment? Even… affection? "No" Sparrowstar answered bluntly, trying to hide the thickness in her mew as she turned away from Reedfeather. "You may no longer be my deputy but you are still my son… I will decide your replacement after we get back tomorrow…" she muttered darkly. "Get back?" Reedfeather raised his head and his ears ears became alert once more. "Get back from where?" He questioned. "Back from MarshClan. FireClan needs more apprentices for the upcoming leaf-bare and with you as their father, we have a claim to those kits-", "No!" Reedfeather hissed, a newfound sense of protectiveness suddenly rising up inside of him at the mention of his half-clan children. "I made my choices Sparrowstar! I'm the one who should suffer for them! Those kits belong with their mother. Don't try to make MarshClan and my kits suffer just because you're angry with me!-" "Silence!" Sparrowstar roared, her fiery temper lost once more. In her anger, the FireClan leader shifted her weight onto her hind legs and raked her claws across Reedfeather's cheek in one swift movement. Reedfeather barely flinched. Instead, he continued to face Sparrowstar through cold, narrowed eyes as though she were an invading enemy. He could feel his hackles rising and his fur bristling. Reedfeather had never been so angry. Sparrowstar had once been a queen herself. She had raised Reedfeather all on her own and had trained him to be a great warrior. How had she become so heartless?! "This will mean war with MarshClan!" Reedfeather snarled tauntingly. Sparrowstar showed no sign of fear. Instead, she simply snorted in response. "You really think I'm stupid don't you…? Of course you do… We'll take a patrol over there tomorrow and I'll have a little talk with Dapplestar. That piece of fish shit doesn't scare me…" Sparrowstar paused before adding, "And you're coming with us. I think you've earned that privilege." Reedfeather did not reply. Instead, he simply whipped around and stormed out of the den back towards his nest, passing his gathered Clanmates as he went. Their hushed voices and mews of surprise filled his ears as Reedfeather slumped down into his nest and forced his eyes shut. He prayed that somehow, this was all just an awful dream…
The bright winter sun irritated Reedfeather's eyes as he trudged in the snow behind Sparrowstar, Coldstorm, Lioncatcher, and Amberclaw. How did we come to this? His thoughts spiralled despairingly as he pondered the possible outcomes of what would happen next. Either their FireClan patrol would have to viciously fight every cat in MarshClan camp or the she-cat that he had once loved so much would lose her kits forever. The thought made Reedfeather shudder. I hope Dapplestar slaughters us… he thought to himself as his paws crunched over now frozen stream that worked as the border between their two territories. When they finally made their way under the massive willow that covered MarshClan camp, the FireClan patrol noticed the large, stocky, white and ginger MarshClan leader sat perfectly still and upright at the entrance, as if she had been expecting them. Without saying a word, Sparrowstar headed straight into the main MarshClan den carved underneath the large willow tree and the other clan leader followed. Once both leaders were out of sight, Reedfeather's gaze quickly darted around the MarshClan camp. His vision was half-blurred in his panic as he heard the growing whispers of the MarshClan cats around him. He noticed the MarshClan deputy, Foxface glance over at a nearby thicket that he had just been guarding before slowly entering the den behind his leader. That must be the nursery! My kits will be in there! Where is Graymist?! Oh StarClan let her be alright! "Do you think they might have exiled Graymist?" he whispered to Amberclaw. His large, dark ginger tabby Clanmate simply glared at Reedfeather before letting out a stiff grunt, "Whatever happened to that she-cat isn't our problem right now." The heavy muscular tom grumbled. He's right. I need to focus but… How can I? Oh Graymist, If only I'd taken you back to FireClan with me! None of this would be happening now…
After what felt like moons, Foxface finally emerged from the hollow of the willow that was the Clan's main den. Following him were Sparrowstar and Dapplestar, their fur still fully intact and their claws sheathed. Every ear in the camp perked up as the young MarshClan deputy opened his jaws to address the cats around him, "Dapplestar and Sparrowstar have come to an agreement. Let every cat that is present here today respect their wishes. There will be no battle today." The dark ginger tom announced, a grim tone to his usually calm and authoritative voice. "Do what you must, then leave." Dapplestar growled. Sparrowstar nodded before heading back towards her patrol. The FireClan leader stopped at Reedfeather and leaned forward to press her muzzle close to his ear. "There are three of them. Go into the nursery and take one. Be quick Reedfeather" Sparrowstar whispered urgently. What?! "You can't be serious-", "I am perfectly serious! Go now, before Dapplestar changes her mind and we're torn to shreds!" Sparrowstar hissed before giving Reedfeather a shove towards the nursery. "Go on!" Reedfeather felt sick as he approached the MarshClan nursery. His paws felt heavy and numb. He could barely breathe. I'm taking this kit away from everything they've ever known… StarClan help me! As Reedfeather entered, he noticed the warrior, Redvixen curled protectively around three small frames.
Before him, in the embrace of the dark ginger she-cat sat the trembling kits who he had once imagined peacefully living out the rest of their lives alongside their loving mother in MarshClan. One was a lanky, sandy-grey she-kit with a shiny pelt and leaf green eyes like Graymist's. In the middle, sat a dark reddish-ginger tom with darker markings, large ears, a long bushy tail and dark amber eyes that glowed with fear. Beside him, sat his other sister, a petite ginger-brown tabby with a lighter underbelly and paws as well as a short tail and orange eyes that shone like her father's and brother's. "Forgive me" Reedfeather croaked before closing his eyes and leaning forward to close his jaws around the first kits' scruff that he could find. He forced his eyes to keep shut as he carried the shrieking kit out of the nursery and back into the daylight of the camp, still unable to see which kit he had taken.
"NO!" A frantic voice ripped through the camp, startling Reedfeather into opening his eyes as he whipped his head around to see where the voice had come from. "OAKKIT!" the voice screeched again. "MAMA! Help me!" The kit screeched, batting Reedfeather's jaw with tiny, weak paws. Suddenly, Graymist leapt out from between the two cats guarding the entrance to the elders' den. She began to sprint forward but was quickly blocked by the warrior, Pebbleheart. "Graymist don't" The large jet-black tom murmured softly as the two MarshClan guards raced over to help him hold Graymist back. Reedfeather wrenched his gaze away from the unfolding scene as the heartbroken queen continued to wail and struggle to break away from her Clanmates' grip. After a several desperate efforts to break free, Graymist let out a choked sob and her head slumped forward onto Pebbleheart's shoulder. They knew that all of this might happen… Reedfeather realised as he followed the FireClan patrol back out of the MarshClan camp, his wailing brown tabby daughter still held firmly in his jaws. Reedfeather stared ahead blankly as they crossed the frozen stream at the FireClan border and made their way back through the forest, Graymist's howls of grief still ripping through his ears and haunting his mind long after they had re-entered their snow-sprinkled territory.
They'll fight you tooth and claw Reedfeather thought, his eyes narrowing into dark amber slits as he followed behind his once-beloved clan leader. Dapplestar and her Clan will tear us apart for this Sparrowstar. And I hope that she kills you first. I hope that when the time comes, every cat in MarshClan will bathe in your precious FireClan blood until there's nothing left of you to join StarClan…
*end of flashback*
"I've never forgotten that day." Sparrowstar's weak mew stirred Reedfeather out of his memories. After Sparrowstar had stripped him of his position and ordered him to take Oakkit away from her family in MarshClan, Reedfeather had been convinced that he would never forgive her, no matter how many moons passed. As the snow had melted and season after season went by, Reedfeather had been able to watch his daughter grow up to be a true, loyal warrior of FireClan with a spirit and sense of compassion that in no way resembled the wailing, hostile kit that he had carried back to camp all those moons ago. He remembered how, even Sparrowstar had grown incredibly fond of the young she-cat throughout her training to the point where she was even considering giving her an entirely new warrior name once her training was finished. One that would've reflected her FireClan identity even more thoroughly. Reedfeather had loved raising his kit, but it was only when Sparrowstar had apprenticed a young Icestorm to him that he was finally able to start repairing his relationship with his mother. The pressures of being a sole parental-figure to both Oakheart and Icestorm had given him a newfound sense of empathy for his only surviving parent. He had forgiven her many moons ago, but the pain and regret of his decision to turn away his former mate and their family had never truly left him. "Your daughter… I remember wanting to call her Padfoot… because was always so light on her paws… But she insisted on keeping the name her mother chose for her… As soon as she became Oakheart, I knew that was the right decision… I only wish…" Sparrowstar mewed between a series of coughs. "I know" Reedfeather interrupted. "My mistake has haunted me for seasons…" he began. "I know I will regret choosing my pride over my mate and kits for the rest of my life, but I don't regret a thing I've done since then. It was an honour to be mentor to both Oakheart and Icestorm. It has been an honour to serve my Clanmates and… it's been an honour to serve you. Every cat in the clan except Graygoose has only ever known you as their leader; StarClan knows what we'll do without you…" Reedfeather finished before giving Sparrowstar's shoulder a respectful lick, just like the one he had given her when he had first received his warrior name. Sparrowstar slowly lifted her head. "Thank you… Serving my clan has been the greatest joy of my life and I'm so proud of the cat you've become. No mother could have asked for a better son. I love you so much Reedfeather… and Oakheart too…" Sparrowstar breathed, forcing herself up only slightly in order to gently rub her forehead against Reedfeather's, the two of them closer than they had been for seasons.
Soft paw steps were just barely audible at the entrance of the den and Reedfeather turned around to see a familiar small brown tabby she-cat carrying a piece of prey. Icestorm must've spread the word that Sparrowstar's getting worse. It won't be long before he's the one sleeping in here… "This is her favourite." Oakheart mewed softly, lowering the mouse into Sparrowstar's nest and nudging it towards her. Sparrowstar stretched towards the prey and gave it a sniff before gradually leaning back to lie on her side with a weak smile. "That smells so nice Oakheart. Please don't waste it on me… Why don't you two share it?" Sparrowstar purred weakly. "Oh Sparrowstar! Please don't leave us!" Oakheart's mew suddenly broke into a wail, her ears flattening with grief as she leaned over Sparrowstar's sickly frame. "Don't be so upset. I've had a tremendous life, but no cat lives forever." The old leader mewled hoarsely as she let out a long, unsteady breath. "Come on Oakheart. We should let Sparrowstar rest." Reedfeather meowed, resting his tail on his daughter's back comfortingly and ushering her out of the den.
"Wait Reedfeather. Come here…" Sparrowstar wheezed hoarsely.
"What is it?" Reedfeather mewed quickly as he made his back over to her. "Our blood will rule over FireClan once more and someday… it will run as far as the eye can see… and even farther…the lion shall not devour the bark of the pine trees, and the foxes will fill the rivers with their scent" Sparrowstar whispered. Reedfeather simply let out a sigh as he rested his tail on her shoulder. "Sleep now, Sparrowstar. You'll feel better when you wake."