"Follow the sunlight down, cry clear and loud. Heaven won't help us now, but it's better this way. Warm light wash me away." ~ BREAKING BENJAMIN
I might have cried while writing this chapter, so I suppose that says a lot... sorry. There's lots of Angst and some serious feels.
Hope you enjoy :)
River felt the Doctor crumple, her body becoming limp in her arms as she finally fell into the grips of unconsciousness. She choked back a sob as she gently lay her down on the sofa, bringing her ear close to her face, just to check she was still breathing. For a moment, there was nothing, then a faint rush of air brushed against her cheek. The Doctor's chest rose and fell erratically with each shaking breath.
"We need to do something!" Yaz cried. "Somehow we have to help. We can't leave her like this."
"Of course we're not going to leave her!" River snapped. She was struggling to remain calm. There was no escaping from the fact that she was the most scared she'd ever been, seeing the Doctor in this state hurt in ways she couldn't explain. No words could express how she was feeling. Wrecked by the tangle of emotions raging through her, almost too much to bear. Felt in every fibre of her being. Her thoughts spiralled and the panic grew stronger.
The Doctor needed her with a clear head, now more so than ever. She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes for a moment so she could focus. Silence fell upon the office. River had to clear her mind, chase away the fear and all the other feelings that raged within her so she could focus only on the Doctor, that was all that mattered right now.
There had to be a way to help her and there wasn't much time. River could sense her desperation building, the urgent need for answers weighed heavy on her mind.
It was the Doctor's life hanging in the balance. The person she loved more than anything else in the Universe was on the teetering brink of Oblivion. And all because she'd tried to find something hidden from her. Because she'd been the Doctor, she'd kept the Promise she'd made so long ago. A promise of hope; never cruel or cowardly, never give up, never give in. And in hope, in the refusal to never give up the Doctor now found herself fighting for her life, for the very essence of who she was.
"That's it"! River exclaimed, jolting out of her thoughts. "Oh, I'm sorry my love," she flustered gently in the Doctor' ear.
"What is it?" Yaz responded. "Do you know a way to help her?"
"Whatever is happening to the Doctor right now is because she's tried to access memories she shouldn't have. Memories that were buried by the Timelords long ago. At least that's what I can determine from the scanner." River explained.
"Right..." Yaz said quietly, she was following River for the moment.
"She has tried to access these memories and I think that triggered something. That's what is hurting her. Causing all this." River gazed tenderly at the Doctor, gently sweeping her now tangled blonde hair out of her face. Tears of pain stained her cheeks and skin had turned a deathly pale.
"Oh Sweetie, just hang on, I think I have a plan. Just stay with me, okay," she whispered, softly wiping the tears from the Doctor's cheeks.
"So we stop it," Yaz demanded. "But how?"
"We need to give her new memories, and there's only one way we can do that. Make her not a Time Lord. Maybe, just maybe that will stop this."
She gestured to the whimpering form of the Doctor who remained curled up tightly on the sofa, unmoving aside from the occasional shudder shaking through her body.
"What do you mean not a time lord?" Yaz cried, suddenly very afraid of what River had planned and what she was going to do to the Doctor.
"The Chameleon Arch." River stated. "It's Time Lord technology that re-writes a person's entire cellular biology. Essentially changing the species. It gives you a new personality and new memories. The outside stays the same, but everything inside changes."
"What the hell!" Yaz shouted. "We can't do that! Then she won't be the Doctor anymore."
"Right now, that's exactly the point!" River snapped, all the hurt and concern she'd been feeling, coming out in fury and rage.
"I don't know how much longer she can hold on like this. If we use the Chameleon Circuit to make her human, then maybe this will stop. Whatever it is that's attacking her won't find any Time Lord DNA. It's the only way we can save her. It has to work, it's the only thing that might work. Please let it work…"
"It has got to work."
Yaz didn't even know how to reply, all she could do was choke back the tears. She watched through bleary eyes as River disappeared inside the Tardis, returning moments later holding a strange looking headset. Circular symbols and patterns mapped across the headset, similar to those on the Tardis console.
River gently placed the strange contraption of the Doctor's head. Tracing the Galifreyan engravings gently with her finger. They gave warnings of the power of this device, of what it would do to the wearer when activated. Tears prickled her eyes as she set the final pieces in place. Stretching the cable out from the Tardis data bank.
"I'm sorry my love," she flustered. "This is going to hurt, but then it will make it better. I promise..."
The Doctor was so weak she barely acknowledged her presence. Only the wavering rise and fall of her chest gave indication that she was still hanging on, still alive. "Just hang on sweetie," River whispered. Tears stung at her eyes as she took hold of the Doctor's hand, fingers intertwined, it was all she could do to help her wife through what was coming next. "I'm here with you, I'm not going to let go, okay."
She made the final connection, placing the Biodata Module on the Doctor's forehead. The fob watch that would capture the Time Lord essence and hold onto everything that was the Doctor. It would be the only way of bringing the Doctor back.
Silence fell for a few short seconds, River scarcely dared to breathe. Then the Chameleon Arch burst into life.
The silence shattered.
The Doctor screamed.
A scream filled with such agony and pain. Seconds felt like hours, filled only with the Doctor's chilling cries. Both her friends were helpless, they couldn't stop her pain. They could only watch.
It was taking all of Yaz's strength not to fall to the floor, covering her ears. Anything to get away from the Doctor's harrowing cries. She stood frozen and unmoving in the centre of the office, willing with every fibre of her being that it would soon be over. That the screams would stop. She could feel each scream, drumming into her brain, screams of suffering and unbearable agony. Silent tears flowed, as the harrowing screams continued.
After what felt like an eternity to the two women, the Doctor's despairing cries slowly quietened to gentle sobs, then faded into nothing at all. Leaving only the soft sounds of steady breathing that filled the room. The Chameleon circuit slipped from the Doctor's head and fell to the floor with a faint clang. The Biodata module came to rest by River's feet. She picked it up, clasping it tightly in her fist, hanging on to what remained of the Doctor, just for a moment. She brought it to her lips with a tear-stained kiss before placing it safely in her pocket.
River gave a weary sigh, as looked at the sleeping figure on the sofa. She stroked the Doctors face gently, "it's over now my love," she flustered. Just rest."
She let out a few shaking sobs she didn't know she'd been holding in. She hurt in ways she was unable to explain, there were no words or actions that could express how she was feeling. Fury, guilt and despair raged within her and all she could do was hope, wish with every fibre of her being that she had made the right decision. That the Doctor, or whoever she was now would be okay. That they'd be safe.
Eyes glossy and cheeks stained with tears River looked over to the Doctor's young companion. She wrapped her arm round a quivering Yaz, pulling her into a tight hug. The Doctor's harrowing screams still echoed in their ears. For a while neither woman moved, strangled sobs mixed with gentle breathing. Only when the tears dried up and there was nothing left to cry, did they part.
They turned to their sleeping friend. Colour was beginning to return to her cheeks and her skin was gradually losing the worrying grey tinge. Her chest rose and fell with a steady rhythm, all traces of pain had faded away. Her crumpled clothes and tear stained face, the only indication of the agony she'd endured.
"Now what?" Yaz whispered.
"We let her sleep", River replied softly.
"And we prepare ourselves. When she wakes up, she won't be the Doctor anymore. Her mind will be full of different memories. Human memories. She'll need our help. We'll have to keep her safe. We can't let her remember who she really is. Not just yet. It's too dangerous." River slowly stepped back from Yaz. "There's something I need to do, the Tardis, I need to take her somewhere safe. I won't be long. Promise me you won't leave her." Her eyes met with Yaz's. "Please," she whispered. "I need to know you're going to look after her".
Cheeks streaked with dried tears, Yaz took hold of the Doctor's hand, firmly locking their fingers together in a promise of hope. She locked into River's gaze, determined and resolute. "Never," Yaz declared.