Note: Remember back at the beginning I said the chapters wouldn't necessarily be in order? Then I went ahead and did the first four about four days in order anyway? I'm jumping forward a bit for a chapter where they're camping on Historia's farm; farm chapters will have the same characters in the same dynamic as the cabin chapters, except now one of the rowdy teens Levi is looking after outranks him. And also, random orphans will eventually turn up and the kids can go into town more easily now that they aren't being hunted by MPs.
From here on out I'll be bouncing between locations however inspiration takes me, so there will be more chapters at the cabin in the woods. I may even add more locations in the future, maybe a beach episode, but I intend to limit this fic to taking place during season three.
Also sorry for the delay, my productivity has been shit lately. Plus I managed to get sidetracked when chapter 138 inspired me to write a one shot and a two shot. I have another idea for a one shot inspired by 139, but I'm going to try to sit on that one until after finishing a couple chapters for both of my ongoing fics first.
"I'm getting a real feeling of double noodles here," Connie remarked as he carefully scrubbed the undersides of the shelves in a kitchen cabinet.
"You're hungry already?" Sasha asked from her position under the table, where she was thoroughly cleaning the underside. "We just finished breakfast!"
"No, I mean this feels familiar. Remember back in the woods when the Captain first got there, and he yelled at us about all the dirt that was missed from just cleaning the tops of things, and how germs would kill us all before titans got a chance, then he made us do it his way?"
"That's called deja-vu," Armin called from the next room.
"And that just happened because nobody listened to me," Eren added loudly as he flipped over a couch to clean under it. "He won't find anything to yell about this time."
"Shorty's pretty picky," Mikasa pointed out while hunting for more dust, "he'll probably crawl all over this place until he finds something to be mad about."
"Won't have to look far if he hears you talking like that," Jean chuckled. "Even if you are his long-lost niece or cousin or whatever, he'll chew your ass out and set you to scrubbing out chamber pots with a toothbrush."
"Hasn't caught me yet," she retorted.
Jean smirked as he replied, "Keep pushing your luck, sooner or-" He turned to look as a knock at the door interrupted him. "We expecting someone?"
"Just the Queen and the Captain," Armin answered, "they wouldn't knock."
As he walked to the door, Jean hooked a thumb into his belt, allowing his hand to casually rest over the knife hidden in his waistband the way Levi had taught them. Armin and Mikasa followed him closely, backing him up in case the visitor was hostile. Eren approached from the other end of the room as Jean pulled the door open, revealing a young scout who appeared taken aback at the sight of four teens in civilian clothes who all wore a kerchief on their head, another over their face, and were standing as if they were ready to attack. "Uh, is this the special operations squad?" he asked, nervously.
"Yes, we are," Jean replied, pulling the kerchief down from his face, "what's this about?"
"I'm from the supply squad. If you'd all come out to my wagon, I have mail and pay for your squad."
"Guys! We're getting paid!" Eren excitedly called towards the kitchen.
"Holy shit, I'm not broke anymore!" Connie exclaimed while Sasha let out a joyous whoop.
"Been a while?" the visitor asked, smiling.
"Since the Trost cleanup," Armin answered, as they followed him to a wagon that was guarded by several other scouts.
"Ah, you'll be getting some nice back pay, then. I thought we had it rough, getting locked up by the MPs," he shook his head as he climbed into the back of the wagon and retrieved a thick ledger. "Being broke and on the run must've been horrible. Is Captain Levi here?" he asked as he flipped through the ledger.
"No," Armin replied, "he's up in Mitras with the Queen."
"Hope he collects his pay up there, or you kids'll have a grumpy officer on your hands."
"Can't you leave his pay with us?" Eren asked.
"I can only give a delivery to the soldier it's addressed to. Now, Ackerman, My Caasa?"
"It's pronounced Mikasa," she corrected him as she stepped forward.
"Sorry about that," he apologized as he handed over her pay and then made a mark in the ledger. "I also have a package for you."
"What's this?" she asked as he handed over a heavy footlocker.
"Personal effects of Captain Ackerman. Guess you're the only other Ackerman in the military, so you inherited whatever he left."
"The Captain died?" Connie asked, alarmed.
"Yes, weren't you there? I heard Captain Levi killed him personally, along with half the other MP elites."
"Huh?"
"Kenny Ackerman, remember?" Jean reminded Connie.
"Oh, right. Forgot that was his name." he replied.
"Next. Braus, Sasha."
"Man, I can't believe your mom sent so many letters," Connie remarked as they all made their way back into the farmhouse.
"Must've been worried when I didn't write back," Jean replied.
"You better write back to her, Jean-boy!" Eren interjected.
"Shut up, you suicidal blockhead! It's not my fault none of these got to me before!"
"Boys," Mikasa interrupted as she stepped between them, "if you two make a mess again fighting, after we spent the past day scrubbing everything, I'll kick both of your asses."
"So, what's in the box?" Eren asked, quickly changing the subject. Mikasa shrugged.
"Aren't you going to look?" Jean wondered.
"No. This should've been sent to the shorty. I never even knew Kenny."
"Aren't you at least curious?" Connie probed.
"Sure, but I don't go poking through other people's private stuff."
"Except when you help yourself to my clothes," Sasha interjected.
"That's different. And you're one to talk, that's my blouse you're wearing!"
"Of course this place's fit for a queen, we spent nearly a day and a half scrubbing, sir!" Eren protested.
"We used nearly three gallons of bleach, Captain," Armin added, unnecessarily, since even with all the windows open, the scents of soap and bleach were strong in every room of the farmhouse.
Their Captain didn't reply, instead silently beginning his inspection, followed by nervous subordinates and an amused Queen. After being pleasantly surprised by not finding dirt in the places he usually checked first, he began moving furniture around to check under it. Crossing the main room, he raised an eyebrow at the sight of a padded armchair positioned next to the hallway leading back to the bedrooms, flanked by a pair of side tables with a tea set on one and a neatly folded blanket on the other.
"We all agreed that's the most comfortable chair on the farm!" Sasha volunteered.
Connie added, "We can pull down one of the extra beds from the attic if you'd rather." Levi shook his head, amused, as he checked under the chair and tables.
"Don't waste your time," Historia spoke up, "I gave the Captain the best guest bedroom in the palace and he still spent almost every night sleeping at his desk."
"Almost?" Mikasa asked, raising the question that was on the entire squad's minds.
"Well, there was one night he went out drinking with Hange squad and they all passed out in the palace stables. I wish I'd had someone come down and sketch them before they woke up," she explained with a grin as the squad tried to keep straight faces, "Squad Leader Hange was sprawled across a hay pile and the Captain was curled up next to her, using her leg as a pillow!"
"Bony-ass pillow," Levi grumbled as he stood up from inspecting his sleeping arrangements. "You really gotta tell the other brats all that shit, Queen?"
"You'd rather they hear the exaggerated rumors flying around instead? I can at least say everyone had all their clothes on, you should hear some of the creative things I overheard the palace maids saying about you."
"Tch, I'd rather not hear it," he replied as he turned to inspect the bedrooms.
"Damn, Captain, how much did you guys drink?" Connie asked, sounding impressed.
He shrugged in reply as he began looking for dirt in the boys' bedroom, which was simply furnished with a pair of bunk beds, several footlockers, and pegs on the wall with ODM gear hanging from them. "It's another of those old unwritten Survey Corps traditions. When you die as a scout, often as not you get an empty grave, so funerals are mostly a formality," he continued as he crawled under a bunk to search for dust. "The real shit happens when your friends get together over drinks and tell stories about all the badass and funny shit you did in life. Or sometimes just skip straight to the part where they get shitfaced."
He then backed out from under the bunk and moved to inspect the other. "We've been so damn busy since you brats joined up, this was the first time we had enough time to give a proper Survey Corps farewell to my old squad, Mike and his squad, Nifa, Abel, and a few more friends we left outside the wall who I don't think any of you brats ever met. All that adds up to a hell of a bar tab. Shit, we even did a shot for Erwin's lost arm, at shitty glasses' insistence. Then two more for those fucking captured titans she lost." He then led the way back into the hallway and into the next room, where he cast a questioning look at a pile of mattresses in the corner.
"They told us it'd be a few more days until carpenters come out to build kid-sized bunks and a mess hall for them, sir," Jean explained. "There's a big pile of lumber in the barn and another pile of mattresses in the other kid room." Levi shrugged and moved on to the next room, which was larger and held a double bed, a dresser, and a small writing desk.
"Probably not as nice as what you slept in up in the capital," Sasha remarked as the inspection began.
"Still bigger and nicer than I'm used to," Historia replied. "Really, having a room to myself feels weird. I could hardly sleep at all the first couple nights up there."
"There's an extra bunk in our room if you want," Mikasa offered.
Historia nodded thoughtfully at this. "Yeah, I might take you up on that."
"Hey Captain?" Connie asked, suddenly remembering something.
"Yes, Connie?" Levi didn't look away from the drawer he was inspecting the underside of.
"Did you bring us any beer in that supply cart you drove down here?"
"Were you expecting some?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned back to look at Connie.
"Well, kinda? I mean, remember back at the cabin when we all split a bottle of beer with dinner? And then you and me were doing dishes later and you said it was funny to drink a little teacup of beer and that you'd teach us how to do it right when that was all over?"
"I meant taking you brats to a bar," Levi clarified as he led the way to the next room.
"You're taking us to a bar?" Connie asked, excited. "I've never been to a bar before!"
Looking at the excited faces of his squad, Levi shrugged. "Sure. As long as I don't find anything needing cleaned again that you brats can't finish before this evening."
They even dusted the attic thoroughly, Levi thought proudly as he climbed down the ladder. "It's adequate," he proclaimed after reaching the floor. "How about the outbuildings?"
"Sir," Eren spoke up, "the stable has fresh hay in every stall, we scrub the outhouse every day, the main barn is full of construction material and hay, and we didn't bother with the house the MPs are going to use."
Levi nodded. "Not bad. But you should've taken all the dirt you swept up and dumped it in the MP house. Might not be too late…"
"Captain!" Historia protested, "please don't torment my bodyguards!"
"Tch, they probably wouldn't notice extra filth."
"So does that mean you'll take us to a bar, Captain?" Sasha asked, with both hands clasped together in front of her chin. "Please?"
"Yeah. We'll leave about a half hour before dinner. Put clean uniforms on, you brats are still young enough most bartenders won't serve you if they think you're civilians. And take a bath if you plan to talk to anyone new, you all smell like dust, bleach, and sweat. But first, unload the supply wagon," he ordered, causing his squad to rush out of the farmhouse.
"I'm coming too," Historia announced.
"Not sure that's a good idea," Levi grumbled.
"I'll wear my old scout uniform and try to blend in." Seeing that Levi was still skeptical, she continued, "If I'm not safe sitting with you and Mikasa, where am I safe?"
Levi sighed. "Can't really argue with the Queen, can I? At least have a couple of your guards in plainclothes follow us at a discreet distance in case we need backup."
"They'd do that even if I didn't ask."
"I'll be assigning Mikasa to escort you to the bathroom."
"Guess I'll feel really safe when I'm peeing," Historia joked.
"This is serious. That's where you're most vulnerable and some of those snooty-ass nobles might still be pissed enough to try something stupid and catch you with your pants down. You still have that knife I gave you?"
Historia answered by drawing the knife in question with a flourish. "Always. And look, not a speck of rust! I haven't forgotten what you taught me, Captain. Anyone trying to drag me off will be too worried about bleeding out to take me anywhere." Levi nodded, feeling pride at how confidently she held the well-maintained weapon.
"Captain?" Levi looked up from the report he was writing at the kitchen table to see Mikasa standing in front of him, with a footlocker tucked under one arm. "This was delivered to me this morning, but I think it should have gone to you."
"Kenny's? Anything good in there?"
"I didn't look," she answered as she set the chest down on the table next to his pile of paperwork.
"How about you sit down and help me look through it, then?"
"Sir?"
He frowned. "This shit's new and weird for me too. Most of my life, family meant the people I let get close, not entirely sure how to do this whole blood kin thing. But I'll figure it out and do this shit better than Kenny ever did," he promised, looking determined.
"You really don't have to, sir," she replied, feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"Yeah. Still, that asshole didn't even come to your graduation. Should've been there to say he's fucking proud you're first in your class, or at least to let you know you're not alone." Fat fucking chance of that, he thought, asshole didn't even bother telling me any shit like that.
Is he saying he would've done that if he knew his last name back then? Mikasa wondered. "I wasn't alone, Eren and Armin were always there."
"Good. So, help me look through this dead asshole's shit. That's something kin do, right? And that's a fucking request, not an order." My shitty mouth's about to get me snubbed by my own blood, isn't it?
Mikasa considered walking away for a moment, then nodded and took a seat next to Levi. He wordlessly opened the locker and pulled out the first item, an old overcoat. "Are those bloodstains?"
"Yeah. He always wore this when he was doing business underground, it was a threat to add more stains from whoever he was dealing with. I always thought it was disgusting." He set the coat aside after checking the pockets, then pulled a bottle of wine from the locker. "Here, your first gift from uncle Kenny," Levi announced, handing it over.
"This looks expensive, are you sure?"
"Never really liked wine. If it's not to your taste, I'm sure one of the other brats'll drink that shit."
"I think he was saving it for something," she remarked, pointing out the words 'to celebrate my dream' scrawled on the label.
"Dream, huh? Old shithead never told me anything about that." The next item withdrawn was a wallet, which was well-stuffed. "Got any objection to this buying the squad dinner tonight?"
"It's your money, sir."
"It was delivered to you, brat."
"And I gave it to you."
"And I want to split it. After treating the squad to some nice shit."
"Spend it all on the squad if you want, I already have more than I know what to do with from my back pay."
"Most scouts waste it on whatever they can before the next expedition." Or send it to their families, but that's not an option for most of this squad. "Guess I can take you and any other brats who don't want to do that into town someday, show you how to use a bank."
"But if I don't have anything to use the money on today, what would I do with it later?"
"Dunno, maybe you'll find something nice to spend it on later."
"What are you saving yours for?"
"Someday, probably with Eren's help, the titans'll be gone. If I'm lucky enough to survive long enough to see a world where they don't need me to fight anymore, I want to run a tea shop."
"Not a cleaning service?" she joked.
"Tch, I don't clean because I like cleaning, I do it because I fucking hate filth."
"Oh. So, your dream is serving people tea?"
"Go ahead, tell me it's some weird shit. You won't be the first. What would you do if you got to see a world without titans?" he asked as he began pulling an assortment of knives from the box and setting them between them.
"If I didn't need to fight to protect the people I care about?" She looked thoughtful at the idea for a moment before she answered, "I'd like to live a normal life and start a family."
He nodded at this. "That ever happens, you and Eren need to bring your kids to my shop."
"Captain!" she protested, blushing.
"What?" Not like she won't have names picked out for future brats before ever telling Eren how she feels. Probably shouldn't say that out loud now. "Hey, take these knives, I only want the one," he offered, taking the knife Kenny had used in the cave and had long ago used to demonstrate techniques for Levi.
"What would I do with nearly a dozen knives?" Mikasa asked, gladly taking the opening to change the subject.
"Share them with the other brats, throw them down a well, fuck, whatever you want."
"You're just going to take one knife and some money for yourself?"
"And this," he added, pulling a half full bottle of whiskey from the locker and setting it next to the knife and wallet. "Looks like these notebooks are all that's left," he announced, pulling one from the locker and beginning to flip through it. "Training records for his squad. Probably useless."
"Can I?" she asked as she reached for the locker.
He shrugged. "Two sets of eyes will get through this shit faster than one."
"More training records, this one seems to be mostly about learning the new ODM gear," she stated as she began flipping through one. "Says the new gear uses gas almost twice as efficiently as what we use."
"Have to tell Erwin about that. Probably too late for this coming expedition, but we might get better gear for the one after." After a few minutes of quietly skimming through the notebooks, he set his down on the coat and said, "Stick the useless ones here, we'll dispose of them later," before reaching for another. Records of assassinations for the king. Sick fuck enjoyed it so much, looks like he wrote the details down to enjoy later. Still, list of victims might be useful to someone in the new government, he thought.
"Would information about the new ODM gear be useful?"
"Sure, start a stack between us for possibly useful shit."
After skimming a bit more, she did so and picked up another from the locker. Writing about the Ackerman clan? I wonder if he knew anything about my dad? She mused. She was about to speak up when Eren entered the room.
"Hey, Captain?" he asked.
"Yes?"
"Do you have, um, could I borrow some cologne?"
Levi raised an eyebrow at this. "Looking to impress someone?"
"Well, maybe?" he answered as he scratched the back of his neck. "I guess as long as I'm more impressive than Jean, you know…"
"Tch, predictable brat. Ever use cologne before?" he asked as he walked over to where his footlocker was sitting under the armchair and pulled it out.
"No sir," Eren replied as Levi retrieved a small glass bottle from his locker.
"Tilt your chin up," Levi ordered. "Spray a little bit on each side of your neck from about a hands length away, like this," he instructed while applying the cologne to Eren. "This shit'll last all day, but if you buy something cheaper, wait until right before whatever you're wearing it for to put it on. And don't put too much of it on. Lot of brats your age dump that shit on and it's like there's a stinky-ass cloud following them around. You want it so people have to be in conversation distance before they catch a whiff of whatever shit you're wearing."
"Thank you, sir. But why the neck?"
"Because that's a nice place to have a woman's face when she's getting cozy with you," came the reply while the bottle was put away.
"Oh." Eren blushed lightly as he imagined what that might lead to. "Uh, thanks again, Captain," he blurted out before exiting the farmhouse.
Turning back to the table, Levi was amused to note that Mikasa was also blushing and had her gaze fixed on the table next to the notebook she had been reading. Shaking his head, he sat back down and was picking his notebook back up when she spoke in a low voice, "Captain? I, um… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have read this…"
"Something personal in there?" he asked in an equally low tone. Guess she wasn't blushing about the brat for once. What, did the old jackass detail all the notches on his bed post? If he wrote that as detailed as he wrote about his kills, I'm surprised she didn't run out of the room.
"He started off writing about his grandfather and I thought there might be something about my dad…"
"And read about my mom instead," he flatly stated. Fucking Kenny, why would you write anything about that?
"I won't tell anyone else," she promised.
"Good. You're the second person on the surface to figure that shit out, I'd rather there not be a third."
"Sorry."
"Not your fault, brat. Fuck," he sighed. Probably thinks I'm a filthy bastard now. She'd probably put in for a transfer if Eren wasn't on my squad.
"That's the sort of place, if Eren hadn't saved me… Was, um…" Was she like me, but with nobody to save her? Mikasa wondered.
"Yeah, a real classy heap of filth. I never knew if she was in that shithole of her own will or not." By time I was grown enough to beat answers out of that damn pimp, he was already dead.
"Oh." That would've been my life. "When you described her back at the cabin, I thought she sounded like a wonderful mother." It's not their fault she didn't have an Eren. "I don't think less of either of you now." He nodded silently, not sure how to reply, and she continued, "Should I stop reading these?"
Levi shrugged. "Won't be anything more embarrassing to me than that, and there still might be something about your dad in there."
"Did you know the government persecuted the Ackermans before Kenny started working for the king?"
"Explains why my part of the clan was in a filthy pit underground and your part in bumfuck nowhere. He say why?"
"Nothing specific. It says before humanity died outside the walls, we were warriors for the king and were nobles. Around the time the walls were closed, two of the great clans opposed the king and were stripped of their titles and driven into hiding. He didn't name the other one, but said they were oriental." Levi raised an eyebrow at this and Mikasa answered the unasked question, "Mom told me her side of the family came from a land far away before the walls were closed, but never told me the surname or said anything about being nobles. Kenny might have been writing about a different family from the same place."
"Either way, sounds like if Historia hadn't made the decision she did, we'd be the only ones in the uprising who kept their memories. That would've been fucked."
She nodded at this. Eren would be dead and Armin might not remember me. "Yeah."
"Also explains why mom didn't use the name. If there's more like us out there, odds are they don't either. Find anything else interesting?"
"I'm only a few pages into it." They both resumed reading quietly, while curiosity ate at her. After a few minutes, she asked, "Was Ms. Hange the other person who figured it out?"
"Who else is that obnoxiously curious and persistent?" he replied, not looking up from the notebook he was reading.
"Can I ask how she figured that out? Sir?"
"Tch. Alcohol was involved," he stated as he picked up another notebook. "Lots of alcohol."
Mikasa frowned. "That was vague. And so was Kenny. He barely mentioned a branch of the clan in the mountains and didn't say how our abilities worked," she complained as she placed the notebook on the useful stack and retrieved another.
"You wanted to know why our ability didn't save your dad." She nodded at this blunt statement. "If the report I read was accurate, the conditions could have triggered it, and then he would have killed all three of them before bleeding out. But it doesn't always happen, took Kenny several tries to awaken mine."
"It was bad luck?" She asked, incredulous. He nodded and resumed reading. They continued for several minutes, each going through another notebook, before Jean and Connie entered the room to ask if they could also have some cologne.
"This is a garrison bar we're riding to. They're usually friendly to scouts, but they also see us as crazy and a little dangerous, which isn't always a bad thing."
"Sir, wouldn't that make them nervous about talking to us?" Sasha asked.
"Sometimes. But some in the garrison are more open to dating or fucking around with scouts exactly because of that reputation. They think since we're crazy enough to go outside the walls, we must be crazy in bed too, so they get all excited and shit."
"So all the eyes are going to be on us when we walk in," Jean remarked, sounding equal parts nervous and excited.
"Calm your ass down, brat. We're going early to get a good table, so there won't be many eyes at first. And when I left the capital, Erwin was still working on a plan and had just sent out smooth-talking veterans to go find enough new recruits from the garrison and MPs so we'll have enough troops to get any shit done down in Shiganshina. So don't go thinking some stupid shit like 'it's now or never if I'm not going to die a fucking virgin' and throwing yourself at the first asshole to look your way."
"So we shouldn't try to meet someone?" Jean asked.
"That's not what I mean. Shit. I don't want any of you doing anything you don't feel ready for, but that's your decision. If any of you brats hit it off with someone and want to go somewhere more fun, my only orders are to be safe and report back to the farm in the morning. Unless you get too damn drunk to make decisions, not going to let some shithead take advantage of any of you brats. And if you wandering off would be a security risk," Levi continued, looking at Historia, "then you should tell anyone you want to go off with to come visit you on the farm."
"Don't worry about me, Captain," Historia told him. "I've known since the cave that I'll never see Ymir again, but I'm not ready to even think about seeing other people yet."
"That's fine, like I said, none of you brats need to rush into anything you're not ready for yet."
"I'm ready!" Jean bragged. "Just wait, I'll show you all how it's done!"
"So, Jean, are you going to show us how it's done, yet?" Sasha teased. "What?" She asked when he muttered something unintelligible into his beer. "Come on, we had to listen to you and Eren all the way here bragging and shit talking each other about who'd be more popular with the garrison girls. It's been two hours now and you two haven't shown us anything!"
"Yeah," Connie agreed, "there's all kinds of girls our age here, are you two scared of them?"
"Shut up, Connie," Eren grumbled, "I don't see you talking with anyone."
"Didn't see me talking shit about how many girls I'd chat with either," Connie retorted with a grin.
"Hate to say it, but he's got a point. After saying all that, you should at least try," Armin agreed.
"You're really going to say that," Eren asked, "after spending four years in training and never telling-"
"Eren!" Armin interrupted. "You said you wouldn't tell anyone!"
"Don't worry," Mikasa assured him, "the rest of us figured out your crush without Eren saying anything."
"Yeah," Jean agreed, "Annie's the only one who didn't know you had a crush on her." Armin blushed deeply at this while Levi scowled at the mention of the traitor who killed his previous squad.
"And Armin's the only one who didn't know Annie had a crush on him!" Historia announced with a laugh.
"She did?" Armin asked, eyes widening. Is that why she passed up so many chances to kill me? He wondered, remembering the look her titan had given him after pulling back his hood and thinking back to the last words she said to him at the stairs.
"Wait, I thought she had a crush on me?" Eren asked.
"You dummy," Sasha chuckled, "that's not the girl who had a crush on you in training." She then winced when Mikasa kicked her under the table.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Armin asked.
"Sorry," Jean replied, "but we were sworn to secrecy."
"Yeah, it wouldn't have been fair if we told you," Sasha added.
"That just raises even more questions," Armin complained.
"I bet two weeks pay that you would confess first," Mikasa admitted. "Sorry. I couldn't just bet on you and then go tell you."
"That would've been cheating," Historia pointed out. "And sorry, Ymir and I both had our money on Annie."
"At least the rest of us here believed in you," Connie announced. "I had a week's pay riding on you."
"Same," Jean agreed. "And then you had Reiner with the outside bet, putting down three weeks pay for Berthold."
"And he got so embarrassed when I asked him when he was going to fess up to Historia!" Sasha laughed.
"Wait, Reiner? Really?" Historia asked.
"Why did you think Ymir hated him so much?" Connie asked. "She always griped so much about him when she was getting my help to prank him."
"Still, I can't believe you all gambled on us like that," Armin stated.
"And I can't believe nobody let me in on the bet," Eren complained. "I'd have put a whole month down on Armin!"
"It was just for people who figured it out themselves," Sasha told him. "So why didn't you make a move on her if you thought she had a crush on you?"
"Because I knew Armin liked her. And I liked being her friend."
"Going to tell them the rest?" Armin asked.
Eren shrugged. "Yeah, guess there's no point anymore keeping it secret that I had a crush on Mina."
"Dude, me too!" Connie exclaimed with a wide grin. "We had the best taste in the training corps, didn't we, Eren?"
"I guess so," Eren agreed. "You don't blame me for what happened when she was on my squad in Trost?"
"You didn't kick the gate open," Connie replied. "And none of us were ready for that, half my squad died too."
"Connie's right," Levi spoke up. "All the reports I read on Trost made it clear no one was ready for that shit. Even garrison vets were making rookie mistakes, because they'd never seen titans fight. That's why we try to keep new recruits towards the middle during expeditions."
"So we'll be up front next time?" Armin asked, getting a nod from Levi in reply.
"You know, Eren," Sasha spoke up, "for someone who's so horrible at figuring out other people's crushes, you're surprisingly good at hiding your own."
"Hey, why didn't you guys tell her?" Historia asked as Levi waved to the waitress for another round of beers.
"I was going to try," Eren replied, "at graduation."
"You never told me that," Armin said.
"I decided just a few hours before the gate was kicked open."
"Oh."
"And I wanted to, but had no idea how," Connie stated. "Up until the Captain taught us, all I knew how to do with girls was to goof around and be friends. Hey Captain, you ever think about taking a day to go out to the training camps and give those other kids a lesson on that stuff? You're really good at it."
"No, but now that you mention it, I'll probably start having nightmares about being ordered to," Levi replied dryly, horrified at the idea.
"Come on, sir, we can't have been that bad," Sasha insisted.
"Seven curious, hormonal brats asking awkward questions is the limit of my patience. A whole camp full is out of the fucking question," their Captain grumped.
"It was only awkward at first," Historia claimed. "You never made things weird or made fun of our questions, so we all figured out it was safe to talk to you about anything and that made it easy."
Easy to ask, maybe, Levi thought. "You're starting to slur your words, lightweight. Maybe you should drink slower."
"Why aren't you sounding drunk?" she asked. "I may be tiny, but you aren't that much bigger."
"Tch, you definitely need to slow down, talking shit like that. And I've always had a stupidly high tolerance."
"Is that an Ackerman thing?" Mikasa asked. "Because I'm not feeling anything from all these drinks."
"I suspect it is. How are the rest of you brats feeling?"
"I feel warm!" Connie happily announced.
"And relaxed," Sasha added. "Feels kinda nice." The others around the table nodded agreement.
"That confirms it. If you want to feel the same as your friends when you go drinking with them, you'll need to either drink a shitload faster to keep up with them and then spend half the night pissing, or do what I do and have the bartender add shots of vodka to your beers."
"Why vodka?" she asked.
"It doesn't have much flavor, since it's made from potatoes. Makes my beer strong enough I get to feel about the same as the people I'm drinking with and it still mostly tastes like beer."
"Hear that, Sasha?" Jean joked, "You can get a drink made from your little friends."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Jean," she denied. "But why don't you tell everyone who you have a crush on?" The grin promptly disappeared from his face as he began to blush and shake his head.
"We won't tell anyone," Mikasa promised, oblivious as to why he was blushing even harder. "Who is it?" Sasha and Connie unsuccessfully tried to stifle their laughter while Historia grinned broadly and Levi faintly smirked.
"Maybe we should talk about something else," Armin suggested with a knowing smile. Jean nodded firmly at this.
"We can go back to talking about why you guys haven't done anything tonight," Sasha suggested. "So far five garrison guys have had the balls to come up to this table and get shot down, but the brave scout men are just sitting on their asses."
"Are you trying to get us shot down for your amusement?" Armin asked suspiciously.
"Maybe... But I'm sure there's at least one guy at this table who can talk to at least one girl in this bar and get a good answer." Mikasa gave her a warning look at this.
"Is it the Captain?" Connie asked. "Our waitress is totally into him."
"Tch, no she isn't," the Captain denied.
"She keeps getting really close to you when she brings us stuff," Eren pointed out, "and she even rubbed her boobs on your arm when she gave you that beer."
"Pretty sure she wants you, sir," Jean added.
"She doesn't give a fuck about me, she just wants the legend, so she can brag to her friends about a night with humanity's strongest," Levi explained, with the last two words dripping with sarcasm. "I'm not in the mood to indulge that shit tonight."
"But she's really hot!" Historia pointed out, voice even more noticeably slurred.
"You sure you aren't saying that just because she's a freckled brunette?" Connie joked. "Maybe you should ask her to come visit the farm."
"I'm sure, it's not just girls who look a little like Ymir that I like looking at," she replied. She then pointed as she continued, "I mean, look at that blond at the bar. She's really hot too, and so is that guy she's with, and that guy who keeps sending Mikasa drinks is even hotter, and none of them have cute freckles like Ymir or beautiful brown eyes, or, or that cute little nose… Walls, I miss her…" she sniffed before draining the rest of her beer and waving for another. "Sorry, I don't mean to drag everyone down." Jean and Sasha, who were sitting on either side of her, each placed a hand on one of her shoulders.
"Don't apologize, brat," Levi instructed, "It's normal to get a little maudlin when you're out drinking after losing someone important."
"Is it weird that I miss that too? I think that's the first time you've called me 'brat' since when we were getting ready to blow up my dad."
"Tch, I probably shouldn't anymore. Might get my ass thrown in the brig."
"Not if it's just me and the squad around," Historia stated. "All the important people I have left are sitting at this table, I don't want any of you getting too formal with me."
"Want to give her a proper Survey Corps send-off?" Levi asked.
"We just tell stories about her, right?"
"First you wave the waitress over, order a round of shots, then toast her. Say a few words or not, your choice, then we drink and share stories. Shit's not complicated, but it helps."
"Sir, does the person toasted have to be a scout?" Eren asked.
"No. After wall Maria fell, a shitload of us were lifting drinks to lost friends from the Shiganshina garrison. You three can give your friend Hannes a toast if you want."
"What about people who weren't in the military?" Connie asked.
"That's also done. A couple years back, Gunther's brother died in a mining accident and we took him out for drinks to help deal with it. You should do one shot to toast your whole family, I don't think you brats would make it through individual shots for each person. Especially if you want to toast friends lost at Trost, you'll all be laid out on the fucking floor before making it halfway through the list."
"Is that how you and Hange squad did it?" Eren asked.
"No, we were all experienced drinkers, so we took a shot for each person and a few more. I still don't remember how I got them all back to the palace. You brats aren't ready to try shit like that yet."
"We need a round of shots!" Historia announced when the waitress approached the table.
"Shots of what?"
"Um… Captain, help! Shots of what?"
"Surprise them," he instructed, rolling his eyes.
"Is this going on your tab too?" the waitress asked.
"Yeah. Also, bring us some more bread and start making that gloomy brat's drinks the way you're making mine," Levi replied, pointing at Mikasa.
"Isn't she a little young to drink like that?"
"She's my blood, she's more than strong enough to handle it and still drink the rest of these brats under the table."
"Yeah, I can kinda see the resemblance. Wow," she said as she turned away from the table. "Never knew humanity's strongest had a daughter."
"Hear that?" Connie laughed. "You just got adopted and neither of you were even asked."
"And another damn rumor is born," Levi dryly remarked. Shit, good thing four eyes isn't here, I'd never hear the end of it.
"Another?" Connie asked. "When a bunch of us went to visit Ms. Hange in the infirmary, I overheard her saying something to someone else about you having three daughters. I asked her what she meant and she just laughed and refused to tell me."
"Hey, what's a tab, Captain?" Sasha asked.
"It means they're keeping a list of everything this table orders and I'll pay for it later."
"I didn't know you were paying for everything, Captain. Thanks!" Eren exclaimed.
"I'm not, Kenny's paying with the money he left."
"Then thank you Mikasa!" Jean announced.
"No, I gave the locker to the Captain."
"In any case, thank you Ackerman family!" Sasha declared.
"Captain, why are we getting more bread?" Armin asked.
"It's been a while since we finished dinner and you want something solid in your stomach before doing shots."
"Why's that, sir?" Armin wondered.
"Because if you don't, you'll get fucked up really hard, really fast, and everyone else will laugh at you and the stupid shit you end up doing. And you'll probably end up puking. So eat your bread first," he instructed as the waitress returned with a tray loaded with drinks and small bread loafs.
"This smells like disinfectant," Armin observed, looking dubiously at the small glass of clear liquid in front of him.
"Smells like what I mopped the floor with this morning," Connie added.
"Smells a bit like the forest," Sasha stated. "So how's your drink?" she asked Mikasa, who was taking an experimental sip of her enhanced beer.
"About the same. I don't taste any potatoes, if that's what you were hoping for."
"Why would I hope for that? So Captain, what is this stuff?"
"It's called gin. And you two weren't wrong, aside from tasting good, it can be used to clean out wounds or remove stubborn stains from fabric. Although it's better to use vodka for cleaning, it's less sticky."
"It's a cleaning chemical?" Armin asked after swallowing a mouthful of bread. "Is this really safe to drink?"
"More or less. Unless you drink too much too fast and end up puking your guts out with alcohol poisoning. Or get addicted and overdo it every day until your liver explodes."
"Livers can explode?" Eren asked, eyes wide.
Jean scoffed, "Yours would just grow back, why do you care?"
"Shut the fuck up, horseface!"
"Brats who get in a fight with each other will not be allowed any more drinks tonight," Levi calmly announced.
"Sorry, sir!" both proclaimed in unison.
"It takes a lot of effort to drink yourself to death and I won't allow any of you brats to do so. Saw enough of that shit in the underground," Levi explained as if he hadn't been interrupted by an attempt at a fight.
"So, how do we do this?" Historia asked after finishing her bread.
"You're toasting, so the rest of us follow your lead. Lift the shotglass, say a few words or not, then drink that shit in one gulp. It will burn, take a drink from your beer to chase the burn down your throat. Then all of you can tell whatever stories you want to remember her by. Take your time with the stories, you don't want to do toasts too close together or you brats will start dropping."
Historia nodded and lifted her shotglass. Levi immediately followed and the rest did a heartbeat later. "Ymir." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "You changed my life and taught me who I am. No, you taught me how to figure out who I am for myself, how to find the real girl hidden behind Krista. I just wish I could have thanked you and showed you what I found. And told you one more time how much I loved you. Even after I move on, however many years pass, you'll always have a place deep in my heart." She then downed the shot and, coughing and spluttering, hurriedly took a deep drink of her beer while the other 104th members had similar reactions and Levi tried not to laugh.
"Aghhhh, it tastes like a pine tree!" Sasha exclaimed. "Why does it taste like a pine tree?"
"It still burns," Historia complained before drinking more beer.
"Captain, I thought you said it tastes good," Armin remarked.
"It does, but not everyone agrees with me," Levi replied with a faint smile everyone else was too distracted to notice.
"We need to use something else for the next shot," Jean stated decisively with a grimace on his face.
"I hate to agree with you," Eren said, "but that was horrible."
"An then Hannes says…" Eren furrowed his brow, trying to remember the rest of his story. "Uh, Mikasa, wha did he say next?"
"I wasn't there, remember? I was chasing the bullies that beat up you and Armin."
"Armin… Maybe he remembers?" Eren turned and blinked owlishly at his blond friend, who was snoring gently, facedown on the table. "No, he's done drinking, I'll ask him tomorra…"
"You… you sound like you're almost done drinking," Jean observed. "Maybe we should go ahead and do that last toast, for our friends from Trost."
"That's not a bad idea," Levi stated, waving for the waitress again. "And this will be the last drink for you two, you're both at your limit."
"I'm still good, shir," Eren slurred insistently.
"Your last two failed attempts at telling stories were rambling, incoherent, word salads."
"Huh?"
Mikasa spoke up, "You're both way too drunk for your own good. Everyone else would be laughing at you if they weren't passed out."
"I'd have cut you off an hour ago," Levi added, "but giving dead friends a proper farewell is fucking important. One last round of surprise shots," he told the waitress. "and another beer for me and my cousin."
Eren spoke up, "I need another too!"
"No you don't. Get the boys water. Now, since all of you lost friends there, you should all lift your glasses together and take turns naming them, then take their shot. If you're still able, we have time for a few more stories."
"What's this one?" Mikasa asked, peering curiously into her shotglass.
"Rum."
The trio lifted their shots and Mikasa began, "To Tom." She still felt guilty that he had followed her to his death.
"And Marco," Jean continued.
"Mina," Eren added.
"Nac."
"Hannah."
"Franz."
"Mylius."
"Thomas."
"And Ruth," Eren concluded before the four drank their shots.
"That was a good call, Cap'n," Jean remarked. "I want to talk more about Marco, he told me… told me some really important stuff that I want to talk about, but I feel too tired I don't know if I can talk about what I want to talk about…"
"You're fine, brat, you held out long enough to toast his name. You can tell me about that other shit tomorrow."
Ok, Cap'n," Jean muttered as he laid his head down on the table. "Is been a good night."
"I win," Eren announced with a grin.
"You what?" Mikasa asked.
"I'm the last one standing who isn't one of you two."
"That's third place, Eren," she corrected him.
"But nobody can beat you two, so that means I win."
"Tch, drunk logic," Levi scoffed.
"I'm the lasht one standing," the drunk shifter insisted.
"I don't think you even can stand right now," Mikasa informed her wobbly crush.
"I can do looots of things. Lots of things."
Mikasa blushed and took a long pull from her mug, draining it. After a few silent minutes staring nervously at the table, she timidly said, "Hey Eren, um, did you ever, um... What do you…" She trailed off as she heard a thump from Eren's direction. She was about to try again when she heard the noise once more and Eren suddenly leaned up against her shoulder. Her eyes widened and she felt like her heart was about to beat its way out of her chest. Then he began to snore and she sighed.
She heard the thump again, louder this time, then Levi spoke up, "He's fucking done, can't even kick him awake."
"You were kicking him?" She asked, feeling outrage bubble up.
Levi shrugged. "Maybe if he gets kicked hard enough, he'll notice you," he said, causing her to forget her outrage in embarrassment. "Keep going, it'll be good practice for when he's awake," he continued as he stood and picked up his mug. "I'm going to go settle the tab and take longer than I need, you'll have a few minutes alone to practice saying whatever shit you want." He then walked to the bar, patting her shoulder in passing, and left her with a table full of unconscious teenagers.
After waiting silently for several long minutes, Mikasa turned to look at Eren and sighed when she saw he was drooling on her jacket. She quickly wiped his face and her shoulder with a handkerchief, then reached past him to claim Armin's nearly full mug.
"That's revolting," Levi remarked when he returned to the table and noticed Mikasa was drinking from Sasha's mug. "Do you know how many fucking germs you can pick up, drinking after someone?"
"You'd hate to have seen how the three of us ate when we were on our own after the wall fell," she remarked before taking another drink, amused at his faintly disgusted expression.
"Tch, you don't have to remind me what digging through trash for food's like. But none of us are street kids anymore. If you want another beer, I'll fucking buy you one, there's no call for doing shit like that."
"I suppose that's true," she admitted before draining the rest of Sasha's beer, "but I'm not thirsty anymore."
"Brat," he grumbled. "Time for you to learn how to wrangle drunks. You'll likely be doing this shit a lot in the future."
"Is that why you brought the supply wagon? You expected this?"
"It's easier than tying them to their saddles and you brats have always shown interest in Survey Corps traditions. Now, your first thought is probably to sling one drunk over each shoulder and go. That's fine in a hurry, but it's also a good fucking way to get puked on. You'll want to be more careful when you can, like this." He then demonstrated by pulling Eren back from where he was still leaning on her shoulder and gently lifting him with one arm behind his shoulders and the other behind his knees. "No pressure on the stomach this way, and I can still open doors and shit with the hand behind his knees. Now pick one up, slow and gentle."
"Need a hand?" one of Historia's bodyguards asked as a pair of them approached the table.
"Sure," Levi replied, "haul her out to the cart and stand guard, we'll get the rest." The pair of guards almost reverently lifted Historia, one taking her by the shoulders while the other took her by the legs. "I wasn't sure your boyfriend would even be able to get drunk," Levi remarked to Mikasa as she carefully lifted Armin. "Titans can't."
"They never taught us that."
"No, they only teach the useful shit four eyes' experiments discover. Not much point teaching cadets about the time she dumped a dozen barrels of wine down one of the fucker's throats."
"Captain," Mikasa spoke up as she tied the lead for the last horse to the back of the cart, "I'm sober enough to get everyone back by myself. If you want, you can go back and um…"
"Go seduce a waitress? Thanks, but I'll pass."
"Why?" She asked, confused.
"This shit's still all new and exciting to you brats, because you're all so fucking young. Been a while since I could say the same. And that hero worship bullshit kills my interest fucking fast."
"Oh."
"Besides," he continued as he climbed into the driver's seat, "I already have Magnolia hitched up to the cart and she'll get confused if I unhitch her without going anywhere." He then flicked the reigns, starting his black mare into motion, and Mikasa leapt into her saddle to follow.
"Sir?" she called out a few miles later. "You drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol back there, but I still don't see how you would have told Ms. Hange about your mom."
"I drank even more back then. And shitty glasses had some clues to go by, which she later helped me bury."
"What sort of clues?" She pressed after a few minutes passed silently.
"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" he asked, hiding his amusement behind a scowl.
"Should I ask her instead?"
"Tch. If you really must know, I came to the surface with the belief that sex was filthy and it hurt whoever was on the receiving end. And I had no damn intention of ever hurting anyone that way, I'd just use my fists or a knife when I wanted to hurt people. Shitty glasses is oblivious about a lot of shit, but when she notices something and doesn't understand it, it fucking eats at her until she figures it out. This was only a few months after I came to the surface, so four eyes tried to be subtle and tactful, about as much as she's capable of, which isn't much. Even set me up on a bunch of dates that went nowhere to try and figure if I had a type. Eventually she just got me really fucking drunk and straight up asked me why I was the only guy in the Survey Corps who never tried getting anyone else in bed."
"Then you told her?"
"Eventually. Didn't make it easy for her to drag out of me. Then she destroyed the evidence by convincing me to reconsider and after that she set out to figure out how I ended up holding such a stupid damn opinion." And convinced me to reconsider being ashamed of my past.
Mikasa was grateful for the darkness that hid her blush that resulted from thinking how Hange might have convinced him. "So she taught you the things you taught us?" she asked a few more miles later.
"Some of it. And you really don't want to know how many times and how badly I fucked up to learn the rest myself, the hard way. Now, since you keep pestering me about private shit for whatever fucking reason, did you manage to say anything interesting to him or were you just chugging abandoned beers while I was away?" he asked to preempt any more questions.
"Just drinking and thinking," she replied, head low. "You must think I'm being a coward, couldn't even say what I wanted to while I was drunk."
"More like you're acting your damn age for once. Just because you're a fucking badass who can slice through a dozen titans without breaking a sweat and then drink a squad of grown-ass men under the table doesn't mean you don't feel shit, brat. You're still just as human as the rest of us and that feeling shit's fucking hard to deal with. Want me to tell him for you?"
"No, sir. Armin and Sasha each made the same offer and I turned them both down."
"Stubborn brat, you're just making it harder for yourself."
"I know, sir. I don't feel drunk anymore, is that normal?"
"I've always sobered up fast like that. The rest will take most of the night to get there. Eren and Jean might still be drunk when they wake up, which will make hungover morning PT interesting."
"Do we get hangovers?"
"I still get them sometimes. You can usually avoid them if you drink a shit-ton of water, enough that you know you'll have to wake up and piss in a few hours, then drink even more water and keep repeating that process until morning. Also works on normal people if any of the other brats can be woken up enough to drink."
Jean was aware of movement first, before he blearily opened his eyes. He blinked several times, looking at a blurry, yet familiar black-haired head before he remembered he was drunk and realized he was being carried. A moment later, the significance of being carried in her strong arms dawned on him and he smiled. "Heey, Mikasa, thanks for the lift," he said, chuckling at his own joke and failing to notice that nobody else laughed. "You look reeeealy pretty tonight…"
"Get your fucking hand out of my hair before I break it," snarled a voice that was definitely not Mikasa.
"Oh shit! Oh fuck! I'm sorry, Captain!" Jean stammered, panicked. "You looked just like her!"
"You're drunk off your ass, brat. Just shut the fuck up and you'll forget it all in the morning. And you, stop smirking."
"Trying, sir," Mikasa replied. "Not laughing may be the best I can do right now."
"You heard that?" Jean asked.
"Yes, Jean, I heard that you think the Captain's reeeally pretty. So is he the one you have a crush on?" she teased.
"No!" Jean insisted.
"So I'm not pretty?" Levi joked dryly. "Well, isn't that heartbreaking? And that was sarcasm, brat," he added when Jean's eyes began to bulge with drunken panic. "Now drink this." Jean blinked and realized he was sitting up on something soft and holding so
mething leather. He realized it was a mattress when he felt it shift under him a saw Mikasa set an unconscious Connie next to him and begin gently removing his jacket.
"Why are you two undressing us?" Jean asked, confused as to why Levi was pulling his jacket off.
"You don't sleep in your jacket or boots, brat," Levi roughly informed him. "Now drink your damn water."
"You not planning on sleeping tonight, brat?" Levi asked as he poured the kettle he'd started heating earlier into a teapot.
Mikasa stifled a yawn before she answered. She couldn't deny that she was tired after helping to get everyone else into bed, then stable and brush down all of the horses. "Eventually. But I'm the only one sober enough to do Captain duty."
"You brats are really going to keep doing that shit?"
"It's an important duty," she insisted with a straight face. "The Queen would be upset if we let her favorite Captain catch cold."
"Stubborn brats."
"You didn't teach us to give up easily, sir."
"So, it's my fault?" Neither mentioned the fact that he could have ordered his subordinates to stop the tradition they had created at any time. "Long as you're being stubborn, tea?" She nodded and he pulled a second teacup and saucer down from a cupboard.
"This smells a little different from the chamomile you made at the cabin," she observed, enjoying the aroma.
"It's blended with lavender. Shit changes the flavor a bit."
"Is that how you're going to talk to your future customers?" she joked.
"Tch, suppose I'll have to hire someone who's good at talking polite and all that shit to help around the shop," he admitted wryly.
"Captain, when you were with Hange squad the other night, did you toast Kenny?"
"Would have been damn awkward, he fucking shot Nifa right in front of me."
"And they were both important to you?"
"Yeah. Shit's complicated," he stated as he began to pour the tea.
"Would you like to toast him?"
He nodded, then retrieved another pair of teacups and poured a measure of whiskey into them from the bottle Kenny had left behind. He then frowned thoughtfully for a minute before he raised his cup. "Here's to the psycho who taught me how to survive, who I used to suspect of being my father." They then drained the whiskey, chased it with a sip of tea, and then walked over to the counter to rinse their cups.
"You should try your chair, sir. Sasha wasn't exaggerating about how comfortable it is. And we took it from the MP house."
"You got my attention," he remarked, picking up the teapot and his teacup before making his way to the front room. "You brats really all tried it out?"
"We tried several and debated which was best."
"Not bad," he admitted after sitting down. He then topped off his teacup and said, "Would have been a waste to let the MPs have it. So, how long did the debate last before Eren and Jean started fighting?"
"Almost five minutes," she answered while refilling her tea cup. She then took a seat on a nearby couch and asked, "Do you have any funny stories about Kenny?"
"He wasn't exactly a funny guy. Laughed a lot, but only because he was a sadist."
"Oh." They then sat in silence as they finished their tea. As soon as he set his cup down, she was on her feet and picked up the blanket.
"What, you aren't going to wait till I fall asleep and try to sneak up on me?"
"Strange, I didn't know the Captain talked in his sleep," she remarked as she draped the blanket over him.
"Tch, get your ass in bed."
"Goodnight, Captain," she replied.
Note: It always bugged me that we never got an Ackertalk after they realized they were related, just that one 'have you ever felt a power awaken' line. So, here's my take on the idea.
And this one kinda got away from me; I didn't intend for it to be even half this long, but I started writing and it just kept coming. There's entire scenes in here that I didn't plan, but I don't argue with inspiration, I just go with it.
Obligatory disclaimer that I'm not condoning underage drinking. But seeing as they all choose an exciting career in the field of child soldier cannon fodder, it's basically inevitable they'll drink. If it's going to happen anyway, then Papa Levi may as well make sure their first night out's supervised and reasonably safe. Also, yes, vodka is surprisingly good at removing stubborn stains.