Two heads are better than one, they say, and they're right. Three heads, however, are better than two, something that Lincoln learned first hand in the week after drafting Lynn into his growing harem. Lynn brought a new dynamic to the fold that he didn't realize he needed. With Lucy and Lola, he was the stern master, but with Lynn, he was on more equal footing, and sometimes, he was beneath her. Lola and Lucy were his dogs and he was Lynn's. She didn't go in for BDSM or anything but she was confident, direct, and didn't treat him like he was her boss. Lincoln liked that, though he wished she'd be a little more forceful. He wanted to be dominated. He wanted a girl who would chain him to the bed and whip his naked ass with a bullwhip. He wanted a girl who would step on his penis and call him the trash he was. He wanted to be used, abused, bullied, and humiliated. He wanted to be a fucking bootlicking cuck for a change. He wanted that and so much more, but to his surprise, Lynn didn't want to give them to him. She was strong-willed and didn't bend to his demands like Lucy and Lola did. That frustrated him and made him feel ineffective...which he fucking loved.
He could always order Lola or Lucy to be his dom, but it wouldn't be the same. He wanted, needed, an older girl, one who held legit power over him, even if that power was as superficial as being a few calendar years older. Lynn wasn't that girl, and that was such a disappointment because of the remaining sisters who were eligible to join his harem, none struck him as a secret dominatrix. Lori, perhaps, but certainly none of the others. Leni was too sweet, Luna too chill, and Luan too light-humored. Lori did have some domineering tenancies, so she was likely his best bet. Once he got around to her, he'd attempt to shape and mold her into the woman he wanted her to be. It was only right that she reflect what he thought was right. She would be his and his only, after all, so why shouldn't he demand that she conform to his exacting standards?
That would come later, though. For now, he had Luan to worry about.
The resident clown of the Loud House, Luan was a slut for mean pranks, corny dad jokes, and puns. God, so many puns. She spat out puns the way SJWs spat out racism disguised as progressivism and rode the dick of Comedy Central stand-up comics like Republicans rode the dick of Big Business. Her side of hers and Luna's shared bedroom was plastered with posters of comedians, clowns, and memes that she printed off the computer like an old woman clipping lame comic strips from the newspaper. She walked around the house in Groucho Marx glasses and laughed at her own jokes because no one else would. Even dad, whose sense of humor was straight up garbage, rolled his eyes at how lame Luan was.
Somehow, she was able to build a respectable social media following and ran a popular website dedicated to her brand of off-beat observational humor. She also ran a small business going around to backyard birthday parties and bar mitzvahs. Her dumb jokes were a hit with the kids and she was beloved among the first grade set. A few times, she worked parties for older kids and adjusted her act accordingly, tell jokes about boobs, butts, and weiners. Lincoln helped her on a couple of occasions when she needed a second person for her act, and he knew for a fact that she was just as ticklish as all the others. Her go zone was her ribs. If you went after them, she'd scream insane laughter and likely wet herself. Since tickling worked on all the others, he'd employ it on Luan too; if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
On Monday morning, Lynn bounced into his room for a quickie; she got on top of him and rode his dick until she was red in the face, then hopped off before he came. He didn't have to worry about getting the younger sisters pregnant but with Lynn it was a very real and dreadful possibility. Lincoln was waaay too young to be a father, though the challenge of raising an incestious sin kid appealed to him. The whole town would look at him as a freak and a terrible person, they might even shun and revile him and his family.
Maybe he was a freakazoid, but that was so fucking hot. It was the humiliation and degradation that he craved but on a grand scale. He wanted it so badly that he almost wanted Mom and Dad to find out just so they would punish him. Yes, Mommy, scream at me, I've been a baaaaad boy. Papi, whip me with your belt, make my ass bleeeeed. The only reason he didn't was because he knew they would put an end to his fun. If they found out he was absolutely railing their little daughters, they'd pit an apocalyptic bitch fit. He sort of wanted to see how it would all play out and couldn't promise that he wouldn't one day "slip up" and "accidentally" get caught.
If that happened, he hoped they walked in on him while he was balls deep in one of their little girls. He wanted them to smell the dank musk of their children's wicked copulation; he wanted them to see his butt hole winking salaciously at them; he wanted them to watch as he splashed one of his sisters with warm, gooey boy milk. Yum yum, good for your bones.
Now he was thinking of being watched and his dick shot up like coke-addled defense lawyer: OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR! That was how he learned that he was totally into voyeurism. Being seen, watched, desired, and disgusted by dozens of people made him harder than feeding a family on minimum wage. If he had his way, they'd broadcast him having sex with his sisters on TNT every Wendesday night. That'd draw more viewers than AEW Dynamite for sure. The opening match would be him and Lola, then him and Lucy, then him and Lori in a tag match against Leni and Luan. Finally, the main event, him vs the rest in a steel cage. By the end of the show, his entire room would be covered in the sticky liquids of one boy and seven girls, and he would be crowned the world champion. Everyone at home would cheer for him and the next day he'd receive nothing but praise and adulation.
God, it would be simply divine.
Unfortunately, that was just a pipedream and would never come true. Maybe his and his sisters' little bastard abominations could one day fuck on live TV but he and his siblings were still bound by the constrains of an outdated morality largely stemming from an old book that some brown assholes made up in a desert 10,000 years ago. Judeo-Christian principles were pure garbage and had no place in a civilized 21st century society. Discipline? Self-restraint? Sacrifice? Fuck that shit. The Bible was just a tool of oppression and he loathed anything having to do with it. He was a free and enlightened man. He could make his own way in the world and didn't need anyone else to tell him what was right and wrong. He could use his own judgement, thank you very much, and his dick was what guided him. How's that for a rod and staff, Jesus? You want still waters to lie beside? MY CUM!
Every man was effectively his own god, and Lincoln thrilled at the thought that he was God now. He ruled with an iron fist over his own flock and routinely handed out communion in the form of his cock. Take eat, this is my body.
And his body dictated his course.
Now his body was telling him to put his dick in Luan and turn her into one of his holy disciples. He would baptize her in sperm and save her soul from wickedness.
There was one tiny hitch in his plan, however.
Though maybe "hitch" was too strong a word.
Unlike Lola, Lucy, and Lynn, Luan had something approaching a boyfriend. His name was Benny Stine and he was a bushy-haired reject who didn't deserve any girl, much less a Loud. They weren't officially "together" but they hung out a lot and Luan's face lit up when she talked about him, which told Lincoln that she was smitten. Awww, how cute. Lincoln didn't think that luring her away from Benny would be too hard. All he had to do was tickle-dick her and things would work themselves out as they had with the others. He couldn't account for it, but his penis was catnip to the ladies.
But only if they were Louds.
He found that out the hard way when he tried to put the moves on Jordan just to prove to himself that he could. He slid into her presence at recess a few days after eviscerating Lynn's pussy abd she swatted him down. "I just wanna be friends," she said.
It didn't occur to him until later that she had put him in the dreaded friend zone.
That she didn't find him worthy of dating hurt so badly that he could barely breathe for the rest of the day. W-What was wrong with him? Why didn't she like him?
Those questions and self-doubts plagued him and not even having three girls sucking his dick at the same time could make him feel better. \
Getting into Luan's panties, however, would.
By this point, Lincoln had his method down to a science. First, he started spending more time with her, but this time he decided to do things a bit differently to break up the monotony. On Tuesday afternoon, he sat on the couch and waited for her to get home from school. He dispatched Lola, Lucy, and Lynn to keep everyone else busy so that they wouldn't inadvertently interfere. When she came in after nearly half an hour, Lincoln lowered his head and put on the saddest expression he could muster. To make it more convincing, he thought back to Jordan's rejection and imagined her in the arms of another boy. Genuine tears flooded his eyes and his lips began to quiver. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. She was supposed to be with him.
Luan whistled a light tune as she came in but it died on her lips when Lincoln let out a big, watery sigh. He could feel her looking at him, and waited patiently for her to come over. When she did, he couldn't suppress a self-satisfied smile. She sat next to him and favored him with sisterly concern. "What's wrong, Linc?" she asked.
Uh...for all of his planning expertise, he didn't invent a reason for him to be depressed.
Dumb!
"It's nothing," he said, more to buy time than to string her along. "I just…"
"What?" Luan asked. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
Yeah, uh-uh, and have it wind up online in one of those compilation videos you do every couple of months. WACKY STUFF MY FAMILY SEZ. Not that he gave half a shit, but still.
Reaching into the ether, he plucked forth the first thing he laid his mental hand on. "I asked Jordan out the other day and she said no." He let out a deep breath that was not staged to garner sympathy. "She said no and...I dunno, I just feel bad about myself."
Luan grinned. "I know what'll make you feel better: Jokes."
Ding, ding, ding. The whole point of this little charade was to get Luan to make him feel better with jokes. He honestly didn't want to hear any of her dumb wisecracks, but hey, you gotta suffer for your art sometimes, and if seducing your sisters into an anime style harem isn't a fucking artform, Lincoln was the Queen of England.
"I don't know," he said uncertainly.
"I do," she said. "Laughter is the best medicine."
His eyes darted to her tits.
The breast medicine.
"What do you call a pig that does karate?" Luan asked.
Lincoln made a show of thinking. "I don't know, what?"
"A pork chop!"
Oh, God.
"Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired."
Lincoln faked a laugh. "You're so funny, Luan."
Her face lit up. Any artist, be they an actor, a comedian, a musician, or a writer, loves it when someone compliments them. Artists are attention starved babies who get off on being praised and dick ridden. If you butter them up enough, they'll love you forever. If you fail to kiss up to their needy asses, they'll hate your guts. How dare you not spend every breath in your body showering them with accolades? "I know," she said smugly. "I'm the best. Hold your applause."
And she's humble too!
Luan walked away from their encounter feeling good about herself, which is exactly what Lincoln wanted. A little while later, he poked his head into her room while she was practicing her act. She stood in the middle of the floor with a dead microphone and went through an unfunny monologue about suburban life because nothing's funnier than the bland white bread existence of a fourteen year old girl. Hahahahaha, homework is hard, hehehehehe, take my parents, please. Lincoln laughed out loud at a joke about juice boxes being harder to get into than Fort Knox and Luan took a heavy bow. "Thank you, my good man."
Slipping into the room, he pulled up a random chair and sat down. Emboldened by having a real live audience for once, Luan machine gunned him with every joke in her severely limited repertoire, and Lincoln acted like it was pure gold. He clutched his stomach, stomped his feet, and even contrived to literally fall out of his chair laughing at one point. He made such a ruckus that Lisa popped in looking dour. "God above, Lincoln, her material isn't that amusing."
"It is when you have good taste," he said and brushed away an imaginary tear.
Lisa rolled her eyes and made a phlegmy sound. She turned around and walked away.
"More!" Lincoln cried and clapped his hands. "More!"
"Well, if you insist."
That was the longest hour of Lincoln's life, and after he finally got away, he retreated to his room with a splitting headache. He sat in an egg-shaped chair and stroked a sleeping Charles. Lucy, clad in a revealing bikini and sporting a leash around her throat, knelt at one foot and Lola, nude but for pink knee high socks, knelt at the other. Lynn reclined on the bed and watched boxing on her phone, cheering and pumping her fist whenever her favorite fighter landed a blow. "I don't know how many more of Luan's fucking jokes I can take," Lincoln said and rubbed his temples. "I might have to expedite the process."
"It shouldn't be that hard," Lynn said. "Just kiss her butt for a few days and then do your thing. Easy."
"I can't just whip out my dick, Lynn," Lincoln said. "I have to ease her into it.'"
"You overthink too much," Lynn said. She laid her phone on her chest and looked at him. "Go do it right now."
"I can't," he said. "I need more time. This is a delicate matter."
"You're a delicate matter."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"Your mother."
This...this was what passed for a brainstorming session in his harem. You know what he needed? A slut with a brain, someone who could think and actually be of some use when it came to planning these sorts of things. Oh, just do it now, Lynn said. What did she know? She couldn't build a harem if it came from Ikea. He, on the other hand, had pulled off the incredible feat of converting three normal girls into his personal sex slaves. The fact that he was able to do this to any girl was impressive, but that he did it to his sisters, who were naturally disinclined to be sexually attracted to him, was the work of a pure genius. His actions and logic thus far had been flawless and unimpeachable. Did Lynn really think he would listen to her?
No. This required great care.
The next day, Lincoln started his efforts in earnest. First, he caught up with Luan on her way to school. "Hey," he said, "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. I feel much better."
"Don't mention it," Luan said. "I'm always happy to help a brother in need."
Oh yeah? Then do the splits on my face.
"You're a great big sister," he said aloud.
At school, he met up with Clyde in the cafeteria and they talked as they ate, but Lincoln's mind was far away. He called up a picture of Luan in his head and proceeded to undress it, starting with her panties: He reached underneath her skirt and pulled them down to her knees, freeing her heat. Her skirt covered her sweet thing and he could feel its excitement wafting from her in sickening waves. He unbuttoned her blouse and was pleased to find that she wore nothing beneath. Her nipples were the light brown he always imagined them to be and her tits were slightly pointed, urging him to suckle them. He wrapped his lips around one of them, snaked his hand up his skirt, and started to masturbate her. She clutched the front of his shirt, bent her back to get closer to his touch, and -
"...listening to me?"" Clyde was asking.
The vision blew away like a cloud of smoke on the wind and Lincoln's face settled into a hard glower. "No, I wasn't. I was thinking of sex."
"With who?"
"With your mom."
"I don't know my mom," Clyde said, "but I assume she's a piece of human garbage who couldn't take responsibility for her own actions. Sp you're welcome to her."
Lincoln wanted to make a joke about his mom swallowing him instead of taking him in her puss, but he couldn't come up with a good enough context so he let it go.
In class, he rubbed himself through his jeans thinking of Luan. He envisioned her bending over and pressing her center into his face; her riding him; shoving her up against the wall and fucking her into next Sunday. He didn't realize he was close until he was beginning to cum. Unable to stop it, he gripped the desk, threw his head back, and filled his underwear with hot, sticky cum. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, and the teacher narrowed her eyes. "Yes, Mr. Loud? Is there something you'd like to say?"
"No, ma'am," he said.
"May I continue?"
"Be my guest."
A titer ran through the class. Kids love it when you talk shit to the teacher. If Lincoln did it more often, he'd be the most popular kid in school, but he'd also make a ton of trouble for himself with the administration, which is why he didn't. It was easy to yukk it up when it's someone else getting dragged off to in school suspension, and no matter how popular a kid is, when shit hits the fan, all their little friends disappear.
At lunch, Lincoln picked at his food and drank his milk. Imagining he was sucking Luan's breast milk straight from the source. Clyde talked about the BJ he begged Chloe into giving him last night. Lincoln was too busy with his own affairs to care too much about Clyde's business, but he seemed to remember them breaking up. Either that was wishful thinking or they were back together. He sure wasn't lying because even as they spoke, Chloe came over, cuddled up to him, and kissed his neck. Lincoln's face flushed and a ball of rage knotted in his stomach. He was as unattracted to Chloe as he was to Penelope Figglehorn, Clyde's other paramour, but he wanted them both nevertheless...just so Clyde wouldn't have them.
When the final bell of the day tolled through the school like a mournful wail, Lincoln threw his shit into his backpack and went outside, where Lucy, Lola, and Lynn waited for him. He shoved his backpack into Lucy's hands and snatched the juice box Lola offered. "You gonna put the moves on Luan or what?" Lynn asked.
"Yes, dear," Lincoln said with an exasperated sigh.
Lynn responded by smacking him upside his head and making him stumble. Waves of pain washed over him and his poor skull felt like it was going to split open.
His dick got hard.
Do that again, mama.
"You get lippy sometimes," Lynn said. "You gotta stop dragging your feet and go after Luan. No more of this planning bullshit. Just do it."
Lincoln rubbed his head while Lucy, noticing his boner, rubbed the front of his pants like a girl stroking a magic lamp. "I can't just go off half cocked, Lynn. I have to be sure that she's ready."
"You're such a woman," Lynn said. "From now on, you're not allowed to be on top when we have sex because you don't deserve to be the dominant position."
Now Lincoln was getting mad.
"You're chicken," Lynn said.
"Cautious," Lincoln corrected.
"Bwok, bwok."
He took a deep breath. She was trying to bully him into acting now instead of waiting, and even though he knew that, it was working: He wanted to rub her face in a big slice of humble pie and make her eat her words with a fucking cherry on top. He took a deep, calming breath and reminded himself that he wasn't an impulsive fool who ran into situations completely unprepared. If Lynn wanted to dp dumb shit, she was more than welcome, but he planned to take his time and do it the right way.
And that's what he did. Over the next week, he insinuated himself more and more into Luan's daily life until they were whole pals. They talked, laughed, make dumb jokes, and even worked a birthday party together.
Finally, on a Saturday night, with Luna sleeping over at Sam's, Lincoln decided to make his move. He sent Lucy and Lola downstairs to keep Mom and Dad busy and tasked Lynn with making sure Leni and Luna were occupied; Lori was at work so Lincoln didn't have to worry about her, though he did like the thought of her walking in on him with his dick between Luan's pussy lips. Maybe she'd freak out...or maybe she'd be so turned on that she'd join in.
Once Lucy, Lynn, and Lola were in place, he spritzed his mouth with mint flavored spray, put on some deodorant, and checked himself in the mirror. God, he was sexy. Luan stood absolutely no chance.
In the hall, he listened, then, satisfied that everything was as it should be, he strutted over to Luan's open door. She was standing in the middle of the room and talking into her mic. Lincoln walked in, leaned against the wall, and crossed his arms. "Ladies and gentlemen," she said, "for my next act, I will need a white-haired volunteer from the audience."
That's my cue.
Lincoln walked over, and Luan swatted his chest with the back of her hand. "How the heck are ya, Linc?"
He tickled her stomach, focusing on the area where her belly button would be. "I'm doing good."
She laughed and cringed a little. Lincoln used both hands, and she shrieked laughter, Her face turned bright red and she looked like she was going to pop a blood vessel. Lincoln let up and started to speak, but all at once, Luan was pouncing him. They stumbled back and landed on the bed, Luan on top. Lincoln had barely registered what was happening when she locked her lips to his and parted his lips with her tongue.
Damn, ok, shawty.
Lincoln cupped her hips in his hands and kissed her back, their tongues grappling for dominance and Luan urgently grinding her hips along crotch and stomach. She broke from his lips, arched her back, and rubbed faster, the bed shaking and the headboard slapping the wall. Her eyes rolled back into her head and her mouth dropped open in a silent scream as, presumably, her orgasm approached. Wow, so soon? I didn't even put it in.
He thought only dudes suffered from premature ejaculation.
Apparently not, though, because Luan was blowing her top. She gave one final thrust and came so hard that she jumped. Lincoln stared transfixed at her O face, cherishing the fact that he was able to witness such a private and intense emotion.
As quickly as it happened, it was over, and Luan was lying next to him panting and trembling all over. He lay there for a moment, dick making a giant tent in his pants, and then pursed his lips. So...do I get to coom?
He rolled onto his side and blinked in surprise. Luan's shaky hands covered her face and her shoulders hitched like she was crying. Lincoln arched his brow and watched her for a moment, unsure of what he should do. He considered getting up and walking away, but he had a stiffy and the only thing that would cure it was Luan's bubbling girl-cum. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Sniffing, she spread her fingers and fixed one watery eye on him, then closed her fingers again to block him out. He rolled his eyes and suppressed an exasperated sigh. He propped himself up on one elbow, ran his fingers softly through Luan's hair, and injected as much worry into his voice as he could. "What's wrong, Luan?"
Luan didn't respond, didn't move. Finally, he moved her hands from her face. She resisted at first, but when she realized that he wouldn't be deterred, she gave up and let him do it. Fat tears rolled down her reddish cheeks, leaving slick trails in their wake, and her mouth was twisted in a misery so profound that even Lincoln - strong and stoic like a real man should be - was moved. He frowned deeply amd brushed his thumb along the ridge of her cheekbone. "What is it?" he urged.
Looking away, Luan drew a deep, watery sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't...mean to do that. Being tickled in my belly button just makes me super horny." She broke down crying. "I raped my little brother! Please forgive me, Linc!"
Oh, that was rich.
Moving her hands away from her face again, Lincoln smiled at her. "It's okay. Look." He nodded to his throbbing erection. "I liked it. In fact...I wanted it to happen."
Luan blinked. "Y-You did?"
By way of answering, Lincoln laid his hand on her bare leg and moved it up and down along her smooth skin. She watched him in shock, breathing heavy, and when his hand disappeared up her skirt, panic crept into her eyes. "Stop, no, this is wrong."
She made no move to stop him.
Lincoln hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties and yanked them down. "Does it feel wrong?" he asked and kissed her shoulder. He leaned over and kissed the curve of her throat. She swallowed hard and looked at him, uncertainty written across her face. He held her pulsating pussy in his hand and plucked her clit with his middle finger and her eyes narrowed, a breathless gasp escaping her throat. She arched her back eagerly into his touch and Lincoln kissed the corner of her mouth. She turned her head and they kissed, their tongues engaging in an epic swashbuckling sword fight. Lincoln mounted her, and she expertly undid the front of his jeans. "Have you done this before?" he asked worriedly. He simply couldn't tolerate the thought of her not being pure for him.
"No," she swore, "I'm a virgin."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
She pulled down his zipper, reached into his pants, and pulled out his dick. "Shut up and fuck me," she said.
Okay!
Shifting his hips, he pushed into her spitting core, and his thicc, meaty dong spread her walls apart. Her butt lifted off the bed and her pussy swallowed him to the hilt. She pressed her hands to his chest and flopped her head back, moaning and panting for air. Lincoln kissed her neck and started to pound. She ran her hands over his back and held her knees to his hips in a vain attempt to regulate his speed. Her eyes rolled back until only the whites were visible, like something from The Exorcist, and if Lincoln was more religious, he would have sworn that her grunting and groaning was really her talking in tongues.
Lincoln pinned her shoulders the the bed and paused to slip his hands into her blouse, his hands gliding over her breasts and nipples. She wrapped her legs around his waist and drew him in, panting, "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," in the most thirsty voice he had ever heard.
Not one to keep the ladies waiting, he happily obliged. He fucked Luan into the mattress, slamming her so hard that she cried out with every thrust. To keep her quiet, he raped her mouth with his tongue and swallowed her screams like an evil spirit sucking out her soul. They changed positions once, Luan on her hands and knees. He hiked the hem of her skirt over her butt, grabbed her hips, and absolutely fucking railed her,. She threw herself back into him and balled the sheet in her hands. "God, you're so fucking big," she hissed.
"I know," Lincoln said.
When the time came, he yanked out, gave his peener a tug, and shot his load all over Luan's butt cheeks and lower back. She lowered her head and sucked huge gulps of air and Lincoln sat back on his knees.
A shocked exclamation went up behind him, and his heart dropped.
"WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK?"
Luna stood in the doorway, a look of horror on her face.
"Uh-oh, Sphagettios," Luan said.