So I've Got a Story About RWBY - Chapter 5 - Redhead Rampage
Salem basks in her own intellectual brilliance as she reveals a new Grimm variant of her own creation. A knight clad in black, occasional white skeleton parts, cool red veiny pin striping, and armed with the weapon that is all weapons: Umbra Bumbra. He raises his head, shooting a piercing red gaze that would boil milk. This was to be Salem's greatest weapon against the meddling heroes, for he was the Ginger Killer (GK for short, or GKG if you put "Grimm" at the end). Too long has Ozpin weaponized gingers against Salem's onslaught, but no longer! The prodigious Pyrrha Nikos, the thunderous Nora Valkyrie, the memetic Neon, the realest girl Penny, and worst-of-them-all deadly newly Vice President of the White Fang: Deery, would all meet their match today.
With a snap of her fingers, Salem resurrects Roman Torchwick with her witchy powers. Roman appears, patting himself now realizing he was alive, feeling better than ever. Perhaps it's easy to feel anything better than dead, but very regretful or traumatized edgy anime characters might disagree. Roman looks at those in the room, exclaiming "Whoa! Thanks I guess?! Maybe Salem wasn't all that bad after all!"
Ginger Killer readies Umbra Bumbra, hurling it like a javelin-shuriken towards Roman. The deadly weapon ceremoniously ricochets off of Roman's ween, deleting him from RWBY canon instantly. Neo, who was totally in the scene but you didn't know until just now, begins to glitch out and buzz until she freezes in full bodily stillness. She teleports next to Emerald, arms now locked in a not-platonic way. She was Emerald's girlfriend now. Emerald shrugs and approves of this change.
Salem points her open hand at GK. "I don't know who you killed, but you killed them real good. Have a snack, and carry out my will to murder children!" Ginger Killer cartoonishly stumbles over to her and meekly reaches his hands out for the snack. Salem drops a single piece of Grimm kibble onto her minion's hand, but it is intercepted before it even met his palms. The treat is pinned to a nearby rock by an arrow, and then the rock spontaneously explodes before the shot is abruptly cut. Standing above everyone, somehow, was Cinder armed with her bow.
The femme fatale jumps down to the floor before shattering the heels of her shoes upon impact, causing her to stumble and fall backwards. She grabs the floor and rotates the entire room until she is the one standing upwards. Everyone else falls over like an unsorted pile of dominos poured straight out of the box. Cinder points at the floor people. "No one's gonna, uh…occasionally kill the protagonists except me!" She picks up Ginger Killer by his armor and shakes him violently. "ARE YOU READY TO MEET GOD?!" she screams at him.
"He already has." retorted Salem. This joke does not need to be explained.
Cinder ignores her and chucks Ginger Killer into the RWBY Chronology. He smashes through a couple Volumes before crashing beyond Volume 1's beginning and into the age of myth and magic. There he lands at full speed on some dude eating potatoes and kills the poor guy. Salem's father, traumatized after witnessing this event, decided to forever shelter his daughter in a tower guarded by magic knights or something so that she would never meet an untimely death like this. This decision definitely won't backfire in any way for the world at large. In all fairness, Salem hasn't died yet so take from that what you will. Ginger Killer then explodes 15 years later, killing more huntsmen than Cinder's protagonist kills (it killed two).
Now that the new Grimm was removed from the picture, she claimed Ginger Killer's all-weapon, Umbra Bumbra, as her trophy. She fired it into the air with her bow because it can do that. Umbra Bumbra proves that it is not only all weapons, but that it can transform into great convention hall. A crowd of Grimm with hats applauds Cinder for her villainy. She bowed like the freaking showgirl she is. Cinder often dreamed that, in far off place, a villain's welcome would be waiting for her. The crowds cheered when they saw her face, and a voice (that's probably Ozpin) kept saying that this is where she's meant to be. Now she was on her way, and there was no doubt that she could go the distance. She starts her new career as best villain by securing exclusive rights to have Jeff Williams songs with lyrics in the show. No protagonist will ever get a cool theme in RWBY now.
All of the villains congregate in the main chamber of Salem's castle to officiate the occasion. Cinder can't help but notice Blake Pyrodonna, clad in a similar outfit to her own and wearing a cape stolen from the villain's wardrobe. "You!" she says pointing at Blake. "Is that my cape?"
Blake thought hard about what Cinder might say in this situation. She had to improvise. "Uh…I'm too hot to have to answer that question." Nailed it.
"Hmm…touché." replied Cinder. "Well if you're going to be like me you gotta learn from the best." She places her hands on Blake's face and rubs her cheeks in an obnoxiously immature manner. "You shall be my new protégé."
"But what about meeeeeeee?" the thirsty Emerald obligatorily stated.
Cinder takes a deep breath, ready to say something profound. "Emerald you've got a murder-happy, cutie-patootie, ice-cream-girlfriend now." She places her hand on Emerald's shoulder and looks her in the eye with a warm smile. "You no longer need my negligent mentorship anymore."
Emerald gasped with this epiphany as she felt the character development surging through her body. She hugs Cinder in thanks and then fuses with Neo to become Nemerald again because the sum of two hot girls is always a win. Cinder evaluates the fusion's figure and decides that her butt checks out. It's on par with Blake's and her own, so Nemerald will be a fitting third member of her new villain team. "Wait…" Nemerald stops. "If I'm not your apprentice anymore, how is me working on your team any different?" Cinder simply hands Nemerald a paycheck, which fills the fusion with wonder. This was a big-time first for her, and objectively better than her last position under Cinder. Now the mentor has become manager, and the weakling a wage-slave. Perfection.
Cinder freely left Evil Town to embark on a new villainous adventure. Salem merely sat in the corner holding her head. She mentally whirls in an existential crisis now knowing full well that Cinder totally caused her origin story, or perhaps her own actions spurred this and created a time loop. There was too much to think about and not enough time to do villainy. It seems Ms. Fall will just have to do all the heavy lifting this time around.
Penny Polendina meticulously sets up a small table and sits down to enjoy some tea in a clean white Atlas room. The day was sunny and quiet, perfect for some alone time to just relax and take everything in. She sips the boiling hot tea with no negative reaction because she's just that hard (absolutely nothing to do with being a robot. She wouldn't be drinking tea if she was one dummy…unless she's also just that hard). She breathes a calming "ah" and places her cup back on the table.
"This is good." she says to herself. "I'm glad nothing bad of any sort is happening today." she exclaims as a large dark object soars menacingly through the sky outside the window behind her.
Queen Weiss, Liege of Lethality, lies back on her bed as she turns her head to face Yang "Hey Yang…shouldn't we do something about this?"
Yang turns the page of her comic, only half-listening to Weiss. "About what?"
"The letter in our room." Weiss clarified.
Yang turns her attention from the comic and towards the center of the room. "Oh, C." she says. A small cloud of dust and crumbling rubble fall from where the giant letter C crashed through their dorm room ceiling. Amazing that she didn't notice the thing given the noise and rumbling could be felt by this entire wing of the academy. Yang shrugs. "Guess I'll just punch it out."
"Silly Yang." the Ruler of Ruthlessness chirps. "You sing your ABCs, not punch them."
"Singing is for Caseys." Yang quips as she pulls her fist back ready to punch the C.
"What about me?" the Despot of Destruction asks.
"You? Nah, I wouldn't do that to ya. Punching girls is for Adams and Rubys." Yang answers. "If Ruby was a character that is."
"Shame." uttered Weiss. She wasn't asking about getting punched but whatever. Addressing Ruby's status as a character took higher priority in this conversation. Too bad she isn't here to defend her place.
Indistinct noises under the C sternly complain. Yang looks down at the source and then gets ready to punch the C again. "We better get rid of this letter. I can't take this noise it makes when it scrapes against our rug."
Before any letter destruction could happen however, the C splits in half and releases steam. Standing where the C once was, posing gracefully, were: Illusion Fusion Nemerald, Blake Pyrodonna, and the premiere girl Cinder Fall in the flesh.
"Holy crap Cinder is in this one!" exclaimed Yang, eyes wide in surprise.
Weiss sprang onto all fours, bracing for whatever comes next. "What do we even do?! We had no reason to think this would actually happen!" Weiss could totally take them, but she was simply too shocked by the fact that this is actually happening (and not in the fun Nora way).
"Maybe we should go fight the White Fang!" Yang suggested. "If we make Adam the main villain for this arc then Cinder won't be allowed screen time." It was a solid plan. Weiss pounces out the window like a cat while Yang books it through their doorway like a human.
Cinder's team eases up from their dashing poses after the protagonists all leave. Blake whined. "Ugh, it's like they didn't even notice I'm here." She groaned while putting her hands to her hips in a pouty manner.
Cinder tilts her head slightly. "Trust me. With all the haters in the FNDM you're going to get just for joining me, you'll want less people who dislike your life decisions. That's why we party with the like-minded." She digs her heels especially hard into the rug below them, causing a muffled grunting noise to utter from it. Cinder didn't know why she had to do that, but it just felt right. Almost like the rug wronged her in some way at some point in her life, and it really deserved that heel digging. "C'mon. Let's go bully that blonde kid down the hallway." The three divas leave the room and bust into the JNPR dorm while sick Jeff Williams music plays. After some screaming and humiliation, Jaune was found later that day wedgied from a Beacon flag pole with all the bananas shaved from his head.
On the journey to try to make Adam the main villain, the Crusader of Cruelty stakes out alone in front of a deli that Adam might be at. Despite advocating for the same plan, Yang somehow got completely separated from Weiss during their escape. Perhaps they should have messaged each other a meeting spot, or maybe Yang just got distracted seeing a hot girl.
"Hello, friend Weiss." spoke a voice enthusiastically. Weiss, surprised by the noise, spun around to see who it was because the narration didn't inform her properly. Maybe it would be apt to finally explain who it is in the next paragraph.
"Oh, it's you." the Razer of Retribution said. That answer was just as vague, but she's probably referring to Penny. The robo-girl was standing next to her while munching a sub sandwich. "Wait, you eat food now? I thought you were a robot."
Penny places her finger on her face in an inquisitive manner. "Well you see, right before Ironwood turned evil I asked him very nicely to make me a real girl. The lyrics of his Hero theme song suggested he could do the impossible, so I just assumed he could grant wishes. He just so happened to be holding the Staff of Creation at that moment and was half-paying attention. He said yes which was great! Since then I've become a sort of Cyborg girl. Now I have the benefits of being organic and a robot without the drawbacks of either!"
"That's pretty convenient." the Culler of Crustaceans remarked. "But I guess it's cool."
Penny folds her arms behind her back and smiled. "Yeah, General Ironwood didn't seem to think so. I think he was too busy freaking out about Atlas falling on Mantle at the time."
"Yeah well he's evil so who cares what he thinks." replied Weiss with her mouth half-full of succulent crab leg. "Here, wanna help me stop Cinder by making Adam the main villain of this chapter?"
Penny scans the deli she just got the sub sandwhich from. Not like robot-scanning, but like normal eye scanning that people do. It's one of Penny's new powers. "Hmm…okay but it looks like Adam isn't here. His vice president seems to be here though." Sitting in the deli having a meeting was that conniving horned redhead Deery.
Weiss rubbed her chin, confused. "But the intelligence I gathered from Ilia said that their leader was here." She was deep in thought. Deep enough that she would get surprised by the next character who suddenly shows up next to her.
"Hey, who we talkin' about?" asked an excited Deery. The Murderer of Meals gasped. Deery shook her arms all giddy-like. "I saw you guys staking out here and I just had to join!"
"Oh, hey…" Weiss awkwardly greeted. "We were just staking out the leader of the White Fang."
Deery gestures to herself. "Oh, that's me!" she said in a matter-of-fact way. What kind of intelligence were you hoping to get?" Deery obviously doesn't understand how covert intelligence gathering works...
It was a long shot, but the Emperor of Explosions decided that she might as well ask. "Umm…so is it possible, since you're a villain and I'm a protagonist at all, if you could become the main villain of this chapter so Cinder can't be?"
Deery thought about it for a moment. "That's pretty evil, stealing Cinder's position away and all. Hmm…make it a whole arc and you got yourself a deal."
"Deal." Weiss agreed. She extends her hand and the two shake on it. White Fang President Deery and the Overlord of Obliteration would be rivals from this point onward. Penny simply claps approvingly like the cinnamon roll she is.
The chapter quickly cuts to Yang who was standing outside Adam's house. She made it here in record time to enact the plan she shared with Weiss earlier, but unfortunately she had made no progress since arriving here. Yang throws her arms up, shouting "Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-!" in a whiny manner.
Adam, distantly, just shouts "Noooooooooo-!" from the comfort of his couch with just as much whininess in his tone. He was just having one of those lazy days and didn't want t get up. This exchange between the two would go on for several hours.
Cinder sat upon a small chair like the ones that film actors and directors sit on, only it read "Main Villain" on the back. She posed like she was royalty because she's Cinder, content to sit in the middle of the Beacon Courtyard as the school burned all around her. Flanking her on both sides were just Blake and Nemerald idly chatting.
"So how does it work with you being 50% sadist and all that?" Blake asked.
Nemerald was happy to explain. "Well one half is dom and the other is a sub, so things just kinda worked out between us. Emerald normally doesn't' like admitting that but now that we're two boos merged into one person it's safe to be open about that now."
"You guys have a nice dynamic going on. I like it." Blake remarked.
Nemerald nodded. "Thanks!"
The three villains took notice of the parallel three figures approaching their position. Standing amongst them were Realest Girl Penny, Newly Elected White Fang President Deery, and the Warden of War: Weiss. Deery steps forward, asserting herself as main villain by demanding: "Get out of my seat."
Cinder scoffed, and then stood up. "It's too late. I've already eaten the chair." She was right. The "Main Villain" chair no longer was. Deery would not have the satisfaction of sitting in that glorious seat of seductive sinister-ness. Cinder Fall truly was defiantly evil to the end, and quite satisfied with her meal. The Faunus had no options left. The two groups would have to fight now cause this is RWBY.
The villains actually held out well during their bout with the heroes and one villain. Much of their competence was due in part to the Jeff Williams ballad that was playing to their epic conflict. Everyone knows it's a rule that no character loses when their theme is playing in this show. Unfortunately, Cinder is Cinder, and she will always lose when she begins to think she is too cool (Which is at all times).
Cinder falls hilariously on her butt. Her plentiful posterior cushions the fall a little bit, but it still kinda hurt. "Aww man." she complained, knowing her tailbone was going to be hurting for the next three minutes. The villain got desperate and summoned the All-Weapon: Umbra Bumbra. She whips it into the RWBY chronology and pulls Ginger Killer out of the past. Cinder casts him forward, shouting "FULFILL YOUR PURPOSE!" as she flings the knight at Penny and Deery. The Grimm clothes-lines the two redheads and starts excitedly celebrating as a crowd cheers him on, chanting: "GK! GK! GK! GK!"
The attack really hurt Penny's nose, and Deery forgot who she was for a second thanks to the blunt force trauma. This transgression could not stand, not if the Tyrant of…Tyranny, had anything to say about it! Weiss hurls herself at the Ginger Killer Grimm, knowing full well her lack of red hair made her immune to all of his deadly attacks. She sank her teeth into his helmet-like head, which struck fear in the Grimm and made him feel slightly uncomfortable knowing her girl-germs would get on him. He shook her off into the courtyard fountain and then fled the scene. The Royal Radness emerges from the water with a basket full of freshly-caught fish, a bounty that Blake could not partake in because eating fish is not something Cinder would do. Beacon really needs to sort out their weird plumbing issue with the fish being in the water system and all. It's been like this for the past three months.
Knowing they were routed, Cinder decides to retreat for now and gestures to her apprentice and henchman to leave. She points at her foes with evil conviction "This isn't over King of Chaos and…um…Deer girl! That's right! I'm naming you based on your Faunus trait because I'm evil." That insult may have landed with any other Faunus, but unfortunately for Cinder: Her name was literally Deery. Oh well, better luck next time. The evil team leaps into the fountain and escape through the water ways, instantly landing them in Salem's evil castle thanks to a direct route there (yet another reason why Beacon needs to sort out its plumbing issue).
Weiss and Deery high-five each other in light of their victory. Deery spoke optimistically "Well, looking forward to our professional relationship as protagonist and antagonist." A bit too formal of a way to put it, but it'll suffice for now. Everyone waves good bye and the horned president departs. Weiss looks to Penny and then double-takes, realizing the cyborg was now holding a rug.
"Did you take the rug from our dorm room and then roll it up?" Weiss queried.
Penny shrugs. "Yeah, I was using it as a weapon during our fight with the bad guys. I don't know why, but I just really like it for some reason. Like the feeling you get when seeing an old friend again."
The Executive of Execution rolls her eyes. "Whatever floats your boat." she quips. Penny just turned half-human, so the Pioneer of Lamentation decides to allow the girl whatever small victories she can get for now. No need to ruin her happy day. If she wanted to be friends with a rug, then that was her business.
Yang gradually walks into the scene, dragging an unconscious Adam on the floor. She drops his leg and gets upset realizing what had happened. "Aww man, you guys resolved the conflict without me! Now the chapter is gonna end!"
A/N:
So for the first time ever, I wrote part of a chapter while high. Everything from the start all the way up to Cinder stealing the Jeff Williams music. The rest was all sober. Overall, I had fun with this chapter.