The chapter you've all known was coming soon.

Ally: "Lose the One"

Telling Austin that my dad had left us was a thing I did not think hard about in the moment, but thought about constantly for the next week. Other than Trish, nobody even knew he was gone. I just said he was on business trips or busy working when people asked why he wasn't around for performances. But it had been over a year since that man, that coward, cheated on my mom and then left with his twenty-year-old assistant.

We weren't close exactly. It wasn't like I had this gaping hole in my life that he used to fill with bonding time. But he had always been my dad, and he had always expressed a tolerable amount of interest in my life. So it felt like a betrayal less of our relationship and more of my expectations. I don't handle change particularly well, and my family had always been the solid, stable thing in my life, even as everything else would change around me. When he left, he broke that safety net, and never tried to fix it. He didn't even call on my birthday. It's like he knew how much he had hurt me and couldn't bear to look at the wreck he'd left behind him.

So, Austin taking that information in stride was important and a big step. I pondered what it meant that I had let it slip out so easily, that I had trusted him so instinctively. Clearly it meant that subconsciously this had become something incredibly serious for me. I thought that meant maybe it was time for me to have the conversation with Austin and see if he was feeling the same way that I was.

But Austin had been behaving kind of weirdly since that party. I knew it wasn't about my dad because when he asked if I was doing okay he was his usual self: invested in what I had to say and listening with his whole mind. But when we talked about other things, like our friend circle and parties with people and almost everything, he would get surprisingly quiet and make less eye contact. It was subtle, not some big change, so I thought maybe I was imagining it because I was stressed about asking him if we were officially together like it seemed.

I resolved that after the next party I was going to ask him. He was supposed to give me a ride both there and back since my mom needed the car.

He pulled up right on time, smiling warmly at me, and I ran to the car full of nerves and happiness. His presence almost always had that effect on me. We sat in a neutral silence on the way to the party, but he did reach over and hold my hand at every stop light. And when we pulled up, he waited for me and held my hand as we walked up to the door.

He saw somebody walking up through the glass on the door and dropped my hand, but smiled at me reassuringly. Cassidy was hosting this one and she let us in after giving us both big hugs.

"What do you want to do?" Austin asked when we made it out into the backyard. Several people were already in the pool, but Cassidy had set up ping pong and corn hole, which sounded less… exposed to me.

We laughed our way through me being inept at both games, which kept us occupied for a while. Then we chatted with some friends. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brooke and that girl she always brought to parties, Kira, walk in. Austin noticed, too, and I saw him freeze for just a nanosecond before he looked normal again. I wasn't sure what to make of that but then he started chasing me around the back yard, threatening to dump the punch on me to make me get in the pool. I knew he didn't mean it, he knew I felt insecure in bathing suits, so I let myself have fun.

I had to duck inside and go to the bathroom, so I went in Cassidy's big sliding glass doors and was just about to round the corner to the bathroom when I heard voices. I recognized Brooke's and knew the other one must be Kira's.

"Don't tell me you're not looking for another opportunity," Brooke said in a teasing voice.

"Ugh, Brooke, I don't want to talk about this. Yeah of course, I like him, and I want to hook up with him again, but he seems a little preoccupied today."

"Do you think he felt awkward after last time?"

"I don't know? I mean he seemed a little weird but he hooks up with girls all the time right? Why would I be any different?" Kira asked, her voice laced with insecurity. I felt bad for her, I knew what that felt like.

"I mean, it's Austin Moon, so yeah I can't imagine he's exactly awkward about hook ups," Brooke answered.

As soon as Austin's name slipped from her lips I gasped. Brooke and Kira's heads whipped around the corner in surprise.

"Ally?" Kira called uncertainly, but I was already running away.

Unfortunately, I had left my bag in the back yard so I tried to move as quickly as possible, feeling trapped and like I needed a way out to avoid a public panic attack. But I wasn't fast enough.

"Ally? Ally what's wrong?" Austin asked, jogging up to me, but I just bolted. He followed me into the house where we ran straight into Kira and Brooke. "Ally are you okay?" he asked frantically, as I pushed by them.

"No, Austin, I'm not okay. But you know what? I guess you can go hook up with Kira because it's not like you ever wanted me anyway. I was just some joke to you. Obviously I wasn't cool enough or pretty enough to be with the infamous Austin Moon. So screw you."

A panic-stricken look filled Austin's face as he looked at me and then his face clouded with anger as he looked at Kira. "How could you?" he hissed at her.

"Oh don't blame her. You chose to do this to me. You're just. Like. Him," I yelled, and then ran out the door. Austin had driven me but I didn't care, my house wasn't that far away and I needed to blow off steam.

I ran and I ran. I don't know if I'd ever run for that long before, but the burning in my lungs and throat felt like a relief from the pain that was filling my mind. I couldn't believe it. Austin, this too-good-to-be-true guy really was too good to be true. Just like my dad, he had built up my expectations, taught me to think I might be valued and loved, and then ripped that hope from me. Abandoned me. Humiliated me. And here I was, thinking I was going to ask him if we were boyfriend and girlfriend tonight. Clearly nothing like that had ever been on his mind. But I could show him. Chase two girls, lose the one. He could go back to Kira and stay with her forever for all I cared.

By the time I got home my sadness and shock had turned to anger. Thankfully my mom wasn't home and I could have a melt down by myself. I glanced at my phone once, saw that it was full of messages from Austin and Trish, and shut it off.

I stripped out of my sweat-soaked clothing and turned the shower on. The steam relaxed the tension in my muscles and I couldn't bring myself to leave. I just crumpled to the floor of the tub and let the water crash down over me, mingling with my tears.

For the next few weeks I just hid. I didn't go to any parties, I didn't talk to anyone besides Trish, and I blocked Austin's number. He tried showing up at my house once and only once, but I just laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling as he knocked on the door for thirty minutes. There was no explanation he could give me that would ever make up for the fact that he had cheated. On me. Just like my dad had cheated on my mom. Thank god I only had a year left of high school and then I could get the hell away from the drama and Austin Moon once and for all.